Gift Giving

[2moretrees]

Am I the only one that believes that gift giving has gone from something that someone did from their heart to an obligation? And do people see that others are getting more outspoken with the gifts that they expect to get?

I went to a bridal shower the other day and the person had actually told each person exactly what they should get her with the invitation. I couldn't believe it. I was supposed to buy a $60 gift so I made up an excuse as to why I couldn't attend. It was shocking.

[disneysteve]

It certainly has gotten out of hand, and manners and gratitude have gone out the window. People asking for specific gifts or specific amounts is unacceptable. You should give a gift that fits your budget, not that of the recipient. I always felt that was the point of bridal registries. When we got engaged, we registered for a wide range of items and made sure the list included numerous inexpensive items as well as some pricier things. We got gifts from the registry. We got gifts that weren't from the registry. And we were thankful for all of them.

We have never gotten an invitation that specified what the gift should be. I am quite certain we would ignore that and give what we felt comfortable giving, if we went at all.

[MonkeyMama]

Ugh. I have come to hate gift giving.

I just hate the whole obligation thing of gifting.

I really enjoy seeing something I know a friend will love and picking it up for no reason.

I hate being expected to spend $20 on an item or choosing from a registry. I understand them to some extent, but yeah, they have gotten really out of hand.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by MonkeyMama

I hate being expected to spend $20 on an item or choosing from a registry.

I think registries are very useful. They let us know what the couple would like, what their tastes are, what their color scheme is, etc. Sometimes we buy from the registry. Very often we buy an item that appears on the registry but we buy it elsewhere cheaper - usually an outlet store. And other times we buy something that isn't on the registry but we use the registry as a guide to the types of things the couple likes.

[stressedmama]

I think registries are very helpful, as I want to give something a new couple or someone expecting a baby wants and needs verses something I like that they hate. That being said I appreciate it when the people registering for gifts selects a variety items of different prices as DisneySteve mentioned.

2moretrees - I can't believe someone had the nerve to tell you what to buy. I would not have gone either. I've never actually heard anyone ever doing that.

[simpleyme]

for wedding s I love registries , for birthdays and other occasions not so much
I received a invitation for a first birthday for my niece that had a registry at target ,on one hand I do not mind giving something that they want , but goodness registering for specific toys? my kids got random toys and it was fun

[FrugalFish]

You should have gone to the shower and your gift should have been a book on manners and etiquette.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by simpleyme

I received a invitation for a first birthday for my niece that had a registry at target ,on one hand I do not mind giving something that they want , but goodness registering for specific toys? my kids got random toys and it was fun

I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, it is kind of presumptuous. But on the other hand, when we get a birthday invitation, what do we do? We call the mom and ask what the kid would like. So the registry avoids that problem, so there is a convenience factor.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Christmas is the biggest gift-giving hyper-explosion! I think a lot of people feel how out of control and frenzied it has become. In the last two Christmases, though I have seen A LOT of internet buzz about scaling down Christmas giving to something much more modest. Thank goodness.

Do you still have the shower invitation? I'd love to know how they worded your "assignment."

[Snave]

Just give a gift card from one of the stores on the registry and let the person buy the item they want. This works well when the only things left on the registry are big ticket items. That way, they can use a few gift cards to bet that $200 item that I certainly am not paying for.

[PrincessPerky]

I am very specific about what I want my mother to buy me..because I know I will get it, she knows I wont buy it for myself, and it avoids the whole disappointment from her as I am apparently hard to buy for (I would be happier with nothing many times)

I also tend to make lists for my kids, of at least topics if not exact requests of theirs...for family, for outside I request they not give period..I have a house swamped with stuff the last thing I need is 115 kids bringing 15 more toys! I fI thought I could convince family to quit buying stuff I would!

However for weddings and the like, yeah some folk are getting rather rude. the who9le list/request thing should be limited to family or folk who ask. Make that family that asked.

[cschin4]

I think registries are kind of funny. Young couples getting married nowadays who think they need fine china with a place setting for 12! Yes, there are probably some couples who actually will use something like that but times have changed and most people live more casually. My mom used to want to buy me stuff like that and finally I told her if I can't put it in the dishwasher, I don't want it.
And, when did it become expected that guests were now obligated to furnish one's entire household? Seems absurb. Same with baby showers.
The biggest problem I find often isn't the gift recipient but your coworkers, friends, family, etc who take it upon themselves and decide some big, luxury gift is what WILL be given and then you are TOLD how much you must contribute. Very, very annoying. I try to avoid any type of group gifts for exactly that reason because there is always someone who wants to go overboard.
I simply stopped a lot of obligatory gift giving. I don't buy Christmas gifts anymore for anyone except my immediate family (spouse and kids). Ok, we do get a gift for grandma. But, I don't exchange gifts anymore with my sister, we mutually agreed not too and I don't buy gifts for my SIL, etc.
If I go to a wedding, I bring a cash gift. If I am invited by some barely known acquaintance to go to a wedding for a couple I have never even met, I just decline and I don't send a gift.

[simpleyme]

Originally Posted by nkthen

With registries, you won't be giving away gifts that you have receive last Christmas.

true ,or the things that people on budgets have carefully bought on clearance or on sale

[rob62521]

[quote=cschin4;179814]
And, when did it become expected that guests were now obligated to furnish one's entire household? Seems absurb. QUOTE]


I agree! And as you also said, all those 12 piece settings of fine china. A few years ago the gal who cut my hair was getting married. She signed up for crystal ice tea glasses at $15 each. Fine china. Linen tableclothes. Not that there's anything wrong with cutting hair and her hubby was a blue collar worker, but I wondered how they planned on using all these very expensive items when she said she worked all the time. Everything on her registry was very expensive and I couldn't see buying one ice tea glass -- we weren't friends, basically acquaintenances. Anyway, I looked at the colors of items and bought her some basic placemats and napkins in her colors. After the wedding she said thanks for the stuff, but added she didn't feel like she had to write a thank you since I didn't buy from her registry.

Last summer my husband's cousin's daugher had a wedding and we were invited. We had never met the gal and my husband does like weddings to begin with so we didn't go. We did buy a couple of items off the registry. We have never received a thank you for these items.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by rob62521

After the wedding she said thanks for the stuff, but added she didn't feel like she had to write a thank you since I didn't buy from her registry.

We did buy a couple of items off the registry. We have never received a thank you for these items.

Wow. The rudeness of people never fails to amaze me.

[ClearClouds]

My grandmother always told me growing up that it is the thought that counts. I don't believe in a monetary value someone with lots of money can buy you something lavish but it doesn't mean they care more. Just something even if its small and inexpensive is fine its the thought behind it that counts.

[rob62521]

Some of the items I treasure the most weren't really expensive -- just that someone thought enough to either get it for me or make it for me. And I'm one of those weird people who writes thank you notes for just about everything...besides being good manners, I think people like receiving cards.

[meatloafkend]

Woa, a $60 gift huh? Wow, that's kind of outrageous. I think it's fine to do gift registries because that way people who don't like to think of gifts for themselves have something to fall back on. However, I don't think ANYONE should be obligated or pressured to buy something off of the gift registry.

[Coleroo]

LOL! ive noticed!!

Ive also noticed that the old rule of "its not polite to leave the price sticker on" has flown out the window too. More and more gifts I receive have the price sticker still on it....i dunno, it always makes the gift seem more like a "i'm-doing-you-a-favor" than a true gift from the heart!

One gift I received before giving birth, the person had torn the price stickers off of the clothes - but then left them in the bag. SHEESH!

All in all, our whole society seems to be a huge "meMEme" and "MORE ME!" society nowadays with everything

EDIT - Oh, and I second rob62521....my favorite gifts are usually those that aren't expensive...I especially treasure handmade unique gifts.