Kid Question

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Okay, I want to know how many people planned their kids? And why are so many kids considered "unplanned" when the people aren't using birth control yet are surprised they have are pregnant?

I have 2 friends who weren't expecting kids but didn't do anything to prevent it. Isn't that the definition of trying?

And did you tell people you were trying?

[noppenbd]

I completely agree with you. I am mystified when I hear that an "unplanned" pregnancy occurred when the couple wasn't using birth control (and I mean real birth control, not the rhythm method).

We planned my wife's pregnancy and told people we were trying.

[SnoopyCool]

We planned all 4 of ours. We didn't tell anyone we were trying.

[disneysteve]

We planned ours and, ultimately needed some medical assistance to have her.

I totally agree with you on the "unplanned" issue. I constantly say that to my patients. I ask if they are on birth control. When they say no, I ask if they are trying to get pregnant. They say no, and I say, "yes you are". If you are having sex and not using birth control you are trying to get pregnant, whether that is your true intent or not.

[geojen]

I am pregnant now with my first and we were definitely trying. We told people, because we had to have medical intervention and it screwed with my work schedule, so I let the people in my office know (there are only 3 of us).

I, too, am mystified by unplanned pregnancies. I am equally as mystified when the same people do it over and over again. Come on people! You know where babies come from.

[jIM_Ohio]

We planned ours. Twins was a bonus- we also needed some medical assistance to have kids.

[FrugalFish]

I don't understand the unplanned PG thing either. As far as I can figure, a great many people (who probably would never frequent a board like this) just fumble blindly through life. Whether it's kids, finances, or whatever, planning isn't fun so many people don't bother to do it, they just let the chips fall where they may.

Our DD was planned. We didn't bother telling anyone until I was about 4 months PG. We have several siblings who enthusiastically announced that they were trying to conceive, only to have significant fertility problems. The constant questions from friends and family were tiring and they wished they hadn't. I don't think our families are the best when it comes to being supportive, they mean well, but just miss the mark.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by geojen

I am equally as mystified when the same people do it over and over again. Come on people! You know where babies come from.

You would think so, but there are a lot of uneducated folks out there believe it or not, particularly among the poor (who ironically can least afford those unplanned pregnancies). I once had a patient get pregnant when she was 43. She told me that a friend of hers the same age had to have in vitro to get pregnant so she figured it wasn't possible for someone her age to get pregnant the usual way.

[MonkeyMama]

I have not come across that so much.

We planned our children, to the month, yes. Well, we tried, and we REALLY lucked out. No we did not tell anyone. Like we needed the extra pressure? Felt that was very private.

I feel extremely blessed because most everyone I know either had an oops (a real and true accident) or could not get pregnant. I just know way too many people in both boats and realized for all our best laid plans there was more than our own plans at play. So I have always felt lucky we were able to have our kids so close together, at the time we wanted them. People have said some REALLY stupid things to my mom over the years since my sister and I were 6 years apart. It never occurs to a lot of people that maybe there was a few years of trying (& many miscarriages) in between. Likewise, I think there are worse things than having children far apart - could have been planned for all they know - who cares???

I will give you this as far as the pet peeve on the "accident" side. I had a number of friends who had accidents on the pill (mostly because their doctors did not tell them that antibiotics counteract the pill). BUT I know quite a few people who had 2-3 "Accidents" on the pill. Give me a break. At which point do you consider an alternate method? Also know a few too many accidents with sterilization. The times that we did not want kids (now being a very strong time I do not want another child) we double up on the birth control. So the planner in me gets annoyed at people sometimes, but I also understand "mistakes" happen and for the most part they end up being happy mistakes. But yeah, believe me, if I got pregnant on the pill once, I'd consider a backup/second method if I didn't want it to happen twice. I am too much of a control freak to just leave that to chance. & the third time? You couldn't have been that opposed to it.

BUT yeah no one has ever told me they weren't trying but not using birth control. Oh my! Doh.

What about when one partner wants a child and the other one doesn't? Oh boy, I have heard some stories there. I am afraid that is where a lot of the pill "accidents" come in as well. (No accident).

[LivingAlmostLarge]

A few have mentioned the pill, but they admitted to not taking it properly. Mostly drinking and throwing up the pill. Or taking it way off time.

But these two friends I didn't get it at all. They both weren't "trying" to get pregnant, are married, but use nothing. And they were "surprised". It was like really weird, that once your married you use nothing and you don't have kids till you suddenly want one.

[PrincessPerky]

We did not plan our children..neither planned not to have them, nor planned to have them.

At no point in our marriage have we seriously used BC of any kind.

now 8 years later we have 4 kids....not planned, never counted days or anything. just happened that way. Though at no point would I call them accidents.

So yeah, we are not trying, but also not using Birth control. (well ok so newest is not yet 3 weeks, that counts as some kind of birth control, but it wont last) Oh and nursing is sorta birth control, but a really lousy one. I don't think it counts.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

Oh and nursing is sorta birth control, but a really lousy one. I don't think it counts.

Thanks for mentioning that. Breast feeding is NOT birth control. I know many women who have babies to prove that. They thought it was true and found out that it is not. One of those old-time myths that persists despite better knowledge today.

[zetta]

There is a big difference mentally between just going along unprotected and really "trying" by tracking cycles and making sure to have sex on specific days, as all veterans of infertility know. After 2.5 years of tracking ovulation and failed treatments, I was surprised the one time it actually worked!

I can imagine how some people would know it was a possibility, but feel that the pregnancy was a suprise because they weren't planning for it to happen at that particular moment.

[FrugalFish]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

now 8 years later we have 4 kids....not planned, never counted days or anything. just happened that way. Though at no point would I call them accidents.

You make an interesting point. There's a difference between unplanned-but-wanted, and unplanned-and-unexpected. I say our DD was planned, but I never charted, counted days, etc. We just stopped trying to prevent PG, so in that I considered her fully planned.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Yep, I guess PP, that's my question. Why don't you just consider your kids planned because you stopped using BC? And sure you didn't track days, but not using BC is like knowing you could get pregnant at any time right?

[Gruntina]

Originally Posted by MonkeyMama

I had a number of friends who had accidents on the pill (mostly because their doctors did not tell them that antibiotics counteract the pill).
(No accident).

umm... I didn't know that!

[aida2003]

Yes, we planned ours.....

My ex-colleague didn't plan and didn't want to have kids right now, but according to him it was an accident. They always used birth control, but he said it just protects 99%. So, the guy fell into the unlucky 1%... but now he's excited except the money part.......

[aevans1206]

Planned for, tried for, conquered.

We have made efforts not to become pregnant again, but I think both of us would be perfectly fine with having another one if it became a reality.

[M-squared]

There is a big difference mentally between just going along unprotected and really "trying" by tracking cycles and making sure to have sex on specific days, as all veterans of infertility know.

Exactly! DS was the result of over a year and a half of charting, counting, and having sex on specific days. DD was a "surprise" in that we were not trying. A happy surprise, but we did not intend to get pregnant that cycle. In fact we thought it would never happen with out all the rigamarole we went through the first two times. (the first one ending in a miscarriage and the second being DS.) After DD, we got fixed as not to be surprised again.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

But M-sqaured if you weren't using BC isn't that trying?