Kid Question

[PrincessPerky]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

Yep, I guess PP, that's my question. Why don't you just consider your kids planned because you stopped using BC? And sure you didn't track days, but not using BC is like knowing you could get pregnant at any time right?

Never started using BC..so it wasn't like we 'stopped' and said now it is ok to be pregnant.... Also planning involves work. Planning tends to mean preparation and such. In fact if you ask me, June is a lousy time to deliver a baby in NC! (I just had one, can't swim yet, and sooo hot)

And I would never call what we did/do trying to get pregnant, that is an insult to those who track cycles and such.

So we kinda need a third name...there are those who have accidents, those who plan, and those who take em as they come.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Hmm...I guess people who want kids but don't admit it?

[PrincessPerky]

No I admit I want kids....just not that I think I could plan them properly.

[moneybags]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

No I admit I want kids....just not that I think I could plan them properly.

It certainly isn't my belief, but there are those that let God plan for them.

[cschin4]

All 3 of our children were planned. Up until that point we had used BC. But, I didn't tell people we were '"trying". It isn't something I would choose to discuss with others. But I didn't have fertility issues either so I can understand those who do wish to discuss it because it can be very distressing to them.
As for "unplanned". I really don't know what that means. If you are having sex, then you are possibly going to get pregnant. ANd, I think the so-called "failed birth control" is mostly a failure of the user and not the method itself. I said mostly not all so no flames please.

[fruitbowlk]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

We planned ours and, ultimately needed some medical assistance to have her.

I totally agree with you on the "unplanned" issue. I constantly say that to my patients. I ask if they are on birth control. When they say no, I ask if they are trying to get pregnant. They say no, and I say, "yes you are". If you are having sex and not using birth control you are trying to get pregnant, whether that is your true intent or not.

LOL Steve you sound like my Dr. That is great that you are telling you patients that.

[maat55]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

We planned ours and, ultimately needed some medical assistance to have her.

I totally agree with you on the "unplanned" issue. I constantly say that to my patients. I ask if they are on birth control. When they say no, I ask if they are trying to get pregnant. They say no, and I say, "yes you are". If you are having sex and not using birth control you are trying to get pregnant, whether that is your true intent or not.

I'm not so sure, since Adam & Eve people have been trying to have sex without having kids. Due to todays technology, not using birth controll only seems irresponsible. In some ways, we are just animals.

[myrdale]

A co-worker of mine was going on the other day what a burden it was for his mother growing up and raising 7 kids. I told him to his face that I had no sympathy what so ever for anyone who chose to have 7 children.

Similarly an ex-girlfriend of mine has had 3 children by a now deceased 60 year old man. The odd thing is they were trying and her only regret is they didn't have more before he passed away. I am glad they were in love, but what would you expect to happen?

I think having children is probably the most serious choice one can make in life. Yes, yes, anyone can have a child but it takes a man to raise one. My point is people don't take all of the risk into account before just going at it.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I guess the thing is most people say unplanned but haven't prevented it. So maybe unexpected but not unplanned because planned would mean you were trying to NOT have kids (using BC).

[M-squared]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

But M-sqaured if you weren't using BC isn't that trying?

Not trying but not avoiding either. She was an unexpected (but very welcome) surprise. We were very happy to have her, and had taken a sort of "come what may" attitude.

[PrincessPerky]

Saying having sex without BC is trying is like saying walking outside is trying to get skin cancer.......

Sure we know we aught to prevent it if we really don't want the consequences, but the statistics say we prolly wont have a problem (now Murpheys law on the other hand....)

I think I read somewhere the stats are something like 20% of unprotected results in a baby? I am not sure the stats on skin cancer, but I think it is less than 20%..so not entirely the same, but you get my point.

There is a big difference between trying and just being willing to accept the possibility. (this is not meant as an insult to those who do try or those who plan, nor to those who do wear/don't wear sunscreen)

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

There is a big difference between trying and just being willing to accept the possibility.

I see your point. The people that I don't understand are the ones who don't want to get pregnant and aren't willing to accept an unplanned pregnancy but aren't using protection. That's just playing Russian roulette basically. That's who tends to turn up in my office. The woman crying about being pregnant who wasn't using birth control. Well what did you think would happen?

[cschin4]

I think I read somewhere the stats are something like 20% of unprotected results in a baby? I am not sure the stats on skin cancer, but I think it is less than 20%..so not entirely the same, but you get my point.

No, I don't get your point.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I thought without BC the statistics was 50% will get pregnant within 1 year. And if you don't go see a doctor.

[musicalbabe85]

My husband and I found out we were pregnant after 6 months of dating. I was on the pill and using it correctly. We weren't using any other method though. I won't ever say our daughter was a mistake, but she was definitely an early surprise! She'll be 3 this September, and she's definitely the light of my life.

On the other hand, we are currently not using any BC, but we also aren't telling people we're trying. I don't want to say those words for fear it'll like curse us, lol. But we do want to have another one and are hoping that it happens soon.

I do agree that if you absolutely don't want to get pregnant, you need to be using something to prevent it. There is absolutely no excuse for not using BC whether it be condoms, the pill, whatever.

[PrincessPerky]

Living large I googled some odds.

t's difficult to say exactly how long it will take any one individual or couple to get pregnant. Factors such as your age, general and reproductive health, and when you have intercourse all impact your chances of conceiving a child.

However, these general statistics may give you an idea of how long it will take. Normally fertile couples have a 25 percent chance of getting pregnant each cycle, and a cumulative pregnancy rate of 75 to 85 percent over the course of one year. Still, some healthy couples can take even longer to get pregnant. more inof

So 25% each cycle, but yeah more over a year. So for a one time fling I wasn't far off.

That is the odds for a woman in her 20s BTW, they go down as mom ages.

II could not find stats on skin cancer..but skin cancer is a bit more complicated.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Holy cow. Okay if there is a 75 to 85% chance of getting pregnant, why the heck would you not use BC if you don't want kids?

I thought okay maybe it's not necessary if you only have a 20% chance a year, but it's like a guarantee if you use nothing.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by LivingAlmostLarge

Holy cow. Okay if there is a 75 to 85% chance of getting pregnant, why the heck would you not use BC if you don't want kids?

And how can you claim to not be trying when you are being active without BC?

[PrincessPerky]

remember that is for women in their 20s....someone in their late 40s is actually down to about a yearly chance of 20% chart

and as to why not to call it trying..because we:

A don't care if it takes all year (or never happens)
B don't want questions (feeling bloated? have to grab those fat pants? Try adding everyone asking if you are pregnant yet on top of it....what a way to bring on PMS!)
C don't check cycles, don't count days, don't plan dates for peak production/ovulation, don't care if he wears boxers or briefs, or drinks a beer, etc
D. don't want to insult those who are actually dealing with all of the above.

Trying is work, some folk need medical help to conceive..those folk tried...my family was dropped in my lap, I am greatfull for the easy way it happened. (though please know 'easy' is relative.)

Now as to the stupidity of risking it when you hope you wont get pregnant..that is different. more like playing Russian roulette with 5 out of 6 chambers loaded. (removing one round every decade I suppose)

Oh yeah, and I still seem to have 2 years between kids..that yearly percentage doesn't take into effect the multitude of interrupted 'dates' due to older siblings

[disneysteve]

"Trying" certainly implies intent. Folks who are just having sex without birth control aren't technically "trying" if their intent isn't to conceive, but the end result can certainly be the same.

Maybe we can call it unintentional trying.