Can I find love and money? - Page 2

PrincessPerky · #21 (**permalink**) 04-07-2008, 09:11 AM

I think it is fairly easy to live in love with little money...but not with little money sense...love can conquer many things, but not addictions. (not that no addictions can be dealt with, just that love alone is not enough for them)

I agree with whoever said a money problem is just as bad as a drug addiction (though there is a difference between one who wastes a bit more than me, and one who spends themselves into bankruptcy...just like there is a difference between one who drinks occasionally and an alcoholic.)

As to how to find love IMO, stop looking, start enjoying your own life as is, work on your own todo list (the one that doesn't include marriage or family) and relax..most of my married happily friends (including self) found love after giving up. Not giving up in despair, but giving up the 'hunt' and starting living.

DebbieL · #22 (**permalink**) 04-07-2008, 12:35 PM

I agree with Princess on this one. I found my husband when I was OKAY just being alone, single and doing my own thing. I wasn't looking for anybody at the time (but was open to something if it came along). Our relationship is like nothing I've ever had before. I was to the point that I was no longer going to settle in life, and if that meant being single (and happy) as opposed to being hooked up and miserable - so be it. I would rather live 100 years (wishful thinking there, lol) single than ever be stuck in a horrible relationship again.

PS - If sharing the same values about money, spending, saving, etc. is important to you, then you will need to discuss these things pretty early on. I think you'll be able to tell a lot about the person from other cues too (is he or she driving a ridiculously expensive car based on his income, wearing designer clothes, etc.).

SnoopyCool · #23 (**permalink**) 04-07-2008, 06:23 PM

Let me... um... third (?) what Debbie and Princess said. After I was okay with being alone, there he was. Whatever you do, don't settle.

Seeker · #24 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marla

Is it possible to find both love and money? All my relationships seem to be with people that are financially challenged. Is there something wrong with me or do money and love just not go together?

Marla, I wish you luck in your journey.

You must realize though that life is always full of ups and downs. If you look solely for that perfect "man" then you may miss him because it is entirely possible that in his current stage of life, he may be in a "down" time.

It's also entirely possible that at some point your roles would be reversed and you might be dependant on him for a time.

If you should fine "love" than you shouldn't discount it because there's no money in it. You and he need to talk about money before marriage and determine whether your goals and needs are compatible with his. You two need to figure out which is the better money manager and who will do what. Your goals and ideas and characteristics need to be compatible.

And also, IF you do find both "love" and "money," then you need to think about what would happen to the "us" (the two of you) if that SO were to lose his job or ability to keep on making money. Would you then leave him?

To me looking for both, means discounting a great majority of the people out there who may be a good match for you.

LivingAlmostLarge · #25 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seeker

Marla, I wish you luck in your journey.

And also, IF you do find both "love" and "money," then you need to think about what would happen to the "us" (the two of you) if that SO were to lose his job or ability to keep on making money. Would you then leave him?

To me looking for both, means discounting a great majority of the people out there who may be a good match for you.

This is dead on. I love DH because of who he is. I thought nice smile, cute butt, and sweet guy. Money never weighed in till later. But we had similar ideals, values, and future goals.

So yes when he lost his job I sure as heck didn't lose him. He's a keeper either way money or no money.

But having compatibility is most important. If you want financial compatibility so be it. But realize that people do change and who you are and meet at 20, 30, or 40, could be very different in 10 years.

marjorie · #26 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 07:57 PM

I'm amazed at the number of guys out there who are in their 50s, 60s with nothing. After a short time you sometimes get the feeling that either they want you to support them or to take control of their money. I'd like a partner in life, my kids are mostly grown already!
As an example there is a fellow who's very nice. He's living with his daughter and her family while his divorce goes through. But he isn't contributing although he works full time and has a little trouble figuring out why that might be an issue for me. UGH!!!!!!

CreditExpert · #27 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 11:14 AM

Checkout dating websites, and look at guys profiles for "high income" guys.

Mind you, people lie on their profiles

jIM_Ohio · #28 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 12:23 PM

I love money, does that count?

Are you looking for someone to provide for you?
Are you looking for someone to contribute equally?
Are you looking for someone with same values as you?

I think the important thing is to find the right person. If the person is true to themselves, they will learn about money and to share the things their mate values.

My wife is terrible with long term money issues. She is real good at balancing a checkbook. If you needed to ask her what she is invested in, she will tell you to ask me. If you needed her to tell you what long term plan is, she would look at you like she would kick your butt (none of your business), then tell you she didn't know the details either.

Over time our goals have combined. I save a little less so she can spend a little more. She sees value of money in the bank and living on less than we earn.

Half our fights are over money issues to some degree. We don't fight often, but sometimes our views clash. But our commitment to each other always overcomes the differences- it's called compromise.

We make financial compromises all the time. Learning what is truly important is something I would say comes from experience.

I have been married 5 years (6 in August) and it is amazing how little we have fought over last 2 years. The first 2-3 years of marriage is the toughest. Even if you were going out for 4 years prior to marriage (or longer) the first 2-3 years of marriage will be tough. Finances are just part of that challenge.

ceejay74 · #29 (**permalink**) 04-15-2008, 01:03 PM

There are different levels of compatibility, financial and otherwise. When I realized my family needed a financial overhaul, I basically went to them and expressed how this was really really important for my comfort and happiness. And they got right on board. They don't understand everything about my planning, but they know I have a big plan for our future so they happily turn over their paychecks, spend within their allowances, and support me in whatever ways they can.

One family member is really clean and orderly and our house was...not so much when he moved in. When I realized how important it was for him, I started learning the domestic arts and working harder than I ever have at housekeeping. He'll probably always do a great deal of the work and planning, but I support in whatever way I, as a not naturally neat person, am able.

The only true compatibility I've found necessary is the kind where, if something is super important to your partner, you will do whatever you can to help them achieve that, even if it means working against the grain of your own strengths, and really stretching as a person.