Having Children Too Soon Will Make You Poor

[maat55]

I will concede, that the optimal time to have children would be from 25 to 30, and after being married for three or more years. But I still would not change a thing in my past.

[pearlieq]

Some people (and I think it's really to their and society's detriment) find it abbhorent to think or talk about kids in terms of money.

My opinion is the children are luxury purchases and should be treated as such. I don't believe they are a "right". They are a responsibility and should be undertaken only when one is confident they can be supported in an acceptable manor WITHOUT government aid.

Government aid is there to protect for the unexpected and I'm all for it, but I think it would be wrong to plan a pregnancy knowing you would need aid to support the child.

"Acceptable manor" is a vague term. My definition is that they have a decent, stable residence (doesn't need to be big or fancy, just warm and habitable.), healthy food in their bellies, and appropriate clothes (again, not fancy, just warm and functional). Everything else is gravy.

If someone is confident they can provide a decent home, food, and clothes, I don't see anything wrong with having children, whatever age they might be.

I do believe, in general, that it's best to delay having kids until at least the mid-late 20's. Older parents are often more financially secure, in more reliable relationships, and generally more mature. However, this is not always the case, and millons of folks have kids young and things turn out just fine.

[simpleyme]

I had children early and bough my first home at 18 I would say that had I not had so much responsibility so young my finances would not be where they are today

it was someone on another forum that said something I thought was funny and true
"if there is a silver lining to teen pregnancy it is that you are still young when your kids leave the nest "

we always supported our kids and they are cheaper to raise when you have less money, when you are older you have the money to buy them everything ,watching my friends this seems to ring true the more money you have the more you will needlessly spend on your kids ;-)

with all that said I agree that mid twenties or so married for a few years and set in your career would be the ideal time to plan for children

[Scanner]

Cicy,

You make us feel so old - you are 40 and having your first grandchild. I turn 40 later this year and our 3rd child will be born in June (we will still be 39).

Truthfully, my wife is a bit jealous of Jamie Lynn Spears. She doesn't feel like she should be having a baby at 39 y.o.

A lot of this depends on the religious beleifs too. The Catholic Church for instance, beleives the sole reason for marriage to exist is to pro-create, finaances be damned (no pun intended).

So marriage at 21, followed by 8 kids is a life devoted to God.

[PrincessPerky]

Originally Posted by pearlieq

Some people (and I think it's really to their and society's detriment) find it abhorrent to think or talk about kids in terms of money.

My opinion is the children are luxury purchases and should be treated as such. I don't believe they are a "right". They are a responsibility and should be undertaken only when one is confident they can be supported in an acceptable manor WITHOUT government aid.

Government aid is there to protect for the unexpected and I'm all for it, but I think it would be wrong to plan a pregnancy knowing you would need aid to support the child.

"Acceptable manor" is a vague term. My definition is that they have a decent, stable residence (doesn't need to be big or fancy, just warm and habitable.), healthy food in their bellies, and appropriate clothes (again, not fancy, just warm and functional). Everything else is gravy.

If someone is confident they can provide a decent home, food, and clothes, I don't see anything wrong with having children, whatever age they might be.

I do believe, in general, that it's best to delay having kids until at least the mid-late 20's. Older parents are often more financially secure, in more reliable relationships, and generally more mature. However, this is not always the case, and millions of folks have kids young and things turn out just fine.

I agree wtih everything up till the age bit...age is just a number..it is a lousy choice to determine when a person should read, lousy to determine when a person should be able to balance a checkbook, or support themselves, and a lousy factor to determine the age of procreation.

Now there can be some general statements...for example statistically healthy children walk around 1...so if you have a 3 year old who can't walk, you prolly have a problem (therapy can do wonders). Statistically the womans body is not able to support a fetus safely before about 18...so having a kid much earlier is usually trouble for the baby's health. same goes for much older women (not sure the top statistical healthy age though)

And statistically if you cannot support yourself before you get pregnant, you prolly wont be able to support the kid either! As to what age that happens..no clue. We all know folk in their 30s or 40s who cannot make ends meet. Age is nothing but a number.

My biggest issue with folks having kids early is that whole idea that marriage is only for having kid, humph. I do love my kids, but I know not all folks need nor want kids. I also love my chocolate, not everyone wants that either.

[atomicrc11]

I'm at a stage where I've been married for just over a year, and we are not planning on having kids for another couple years. We want to get settled into our marriage, find a good place to live and to get settled into careers. Even with all that planning and taking proper precautions, we could end up with a child earlier and I accept that. But definitely being married for a period is good idea, otherwise it may be too much to handle at once.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

PP, I agree about not everyone wanting kids. For some reason we're very unusual in our circle of friends for wanting kids. I am 28, DH is 30. And we're happy to be having kids sometime in the 2-3 years.

MOST of our friends think we're too young! But they reason? They aren't even married at 30. So problem? Not having a working relationship.

I think a bad idea to rush and get pregnant after getting married. It's a bad idea all around, or getting married because you got pregnant is an even worse idea.

Sigh. I've come to the conclusion a lot of people who I work with and are older, are getting divorced because they rushed into marriage to have kids, but then turns out they didn't really like the person they married, but really wanted children.

Yikes. What's the point? To end up divorced after 2 kids?

[sweeps]

Not sure if anyone else touched on this point, but there is a hidden disadvantage of having kids later. Young children take a lot of your time, attention and energy (or at least they should). Either explicitly or implicitly this takes a hit to your career. It would be better theoretically to have that hit happen early in the low-earning phase of your career than at the peak-earning phase of your career, no?

[tripods68]

I think in general we all would all agree that having kids is not like "walk to the park" type parenting. I would suggest parents that plan to have kids should be prepared financially and emotionally ready. Kids are expensive, when you think about the cost of diapers, food, clothing, birthdays, family vacations, gas, summer camp, back to school shopping, college savings, health care, dental, etc no one would claim financially secure or "I'm ready to have kids". You approach it head on like any other life-chaning events. I don't know anyone in my family or friends that have the "start up cost" (at least $100K per child) for a child without incurring any type of debt, except wealthy couple. But I do agree for us to be financially secure, we need at least $100K per child. Think about it. This is how people are ask about retirement all the time. Can you afford to retire? How is your asset allocation? We need to have at least 1.8 Million. Nowhere do you ask your wife or husband first before deciding to have a child, "honey how much it cost to have a child? We ask this question appropriately when we are ready to retire. But it seems silly to suggest that a couple in their late 20s or 30s would be financially ready to have a child when it takes a lifetime of marriage, maybe few divorces, after mortgage is paid and kids leaves the house, when people start responding like, "yes honey, we reached our financial goals, let's retire".

The reality is couple decide to have kids when they feel they are ready, even without considering their finances. We certainly didn't plan a baby right-a-way. But we adjusted our lives to raise our baby. We bought our house first, a wedding followed, and having a baby in the order. It wasn't easy but doable nonetheless because we other family support. Now we have 2 kids and we are doing ok financially. Part of being married is the possibility of having a child sooner than you think you might be ready. We were prepared for the unknown and so having a stable jobs for both of us is so important. Its easy to suggest or to make strong opinions about couples not attaining "financially security" status before having a child after the fact. But in reality, couples almost always fall short of their expectation in this arena. It works in theory but not enough in reality.

Just my .02 cents.

[Dixiechick]

Originally Posted by trex

I have nothing against having children, but I think that you are doing a disservice to your finances when you have children young and you don't have your finances in order. Having children cost a lot of money. A huge amount and if you don't have your finances in order before you have children, you are going to have huge problems later in life because you will always be poor.

Think of it this way. Look at the people that say having kids when you're young is good. They are almost always poor. Kids cost a ton and when you have a child, you are committing yourself to live at the current lifestyle and even below. Any extra money will go to diapers and other kid costs. If you have debt, you're going to keep debt and probably increase it.

There is nothing wrong with having kids. Just don't have them until you have your finances in order and save yourself a lot of stress and fights. Will your survive when you have kids when you're young? Sure, but you will survive without any money.

Not so in my case. I was young when I started with my kids - a sophomore in college. It just made me buckle down and study/work harder. I had student loans, Pell Grants and scholarships to get me through it all - of course, hubby worked minimum wage job. But, once I graduated and got a job, it's been up hill since. Hubby went back to school and then got a better paying job. I'm in the upper middle class, my daughter is in college and my son's future college tuition is paid for as well as funding a 529. We're not hurting nor have we been in debt because we had kids at 20 instead of 30.

Maybe that's not the norm, but that's what I have seen many people around me do as well.

[Gruntina]

There just seems to be two categories of people when it comes to having babies. They either are planners and goal orientated or they just do things as they come.

[Hot dog]

I was a single teenage mom. I had my first four days before my senior year and still graduated at the top of my class. Then had the second and skipped the first semester of college to stay home. I lost like $1200 in a scholarship but still went on paying for college myself. Actually I had other scholarships and grants. Then went on to a four year college. One of the most expensive in the country and came out with $10,000 of debt and graduated with honors getting my own house senior year. It was hard but it pushed me to know that I had to do it to take care of them and to show those that thought I couldn't do it . Anyway we are doing just fine now

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Originally Posted by Hot dog

I was a single teenage mom. I had my first four days before my senior year and still graduated at the top of my class. Then had the second and skipped the first semester of college to stay home. I lost like $1200 in a scholarship but still went on paying for college myself. Actually I had other scholarships and grants. Then went on to a four year college. One of the most expensive in the country and came out with $10,000 of debt and graduated with honors getting my own house senior year. It was hard but it pushed me to know that I had to do it to take care of them and to show those that thought I couldn't do it . Anyway we are doing just fine now

Who watched your kids while you were going to school?

[Hot dog]

My mom watched them when the 1st was an infant. She worked evenings so mostly he slept. Then an older sister moved home and I paid her to watch them. Then I got assistance while going to college and that paid for it. Then got a job and it slowly lowered to them paying less and me paying more as my pay increased.

[cicy33]

Originally Posted by Scanner

Cicy,

You make us feel so old - you are 40 and having your first grandchild. I turn 40 later this year and our 3rd child will be born in June (we will still be 39).

Truthfully, my wife is a bit jealous of Jamie Lynn Spears. She doesn't feel like she should be having a baby at 39 y.o.

A lot of this depends on the religious beleifs too. The Catholic Church for instance, beleives the sole reason for marriage to exist is to pro-create, finaances be damned (no pun intended).

So marriage at 21, followed by 8 kids is a life devoted to God.

Sorry! didn't mean to make anyone feel old! lol I love being a grandmother. it is too cool. Can I still say that? anyways, I don't feel 40. I still feel young which is a great benefit when you become a grandma young. When I got married at 16 I was not pregnant. We planned to wait two years before we had children. Ooops . Two months later I was pregnant. (for the young posters, pull out method does not work). I was okay with it he was not. We stayed together until she was 6 weeks old. So there I am 17, no license, no high school diploma, nothing. But I survived and am doing great now and she is fabulous. My daughter was 21 when she got pregnant so at least she waited longer than me. Having children as said above should not be about money it should be about love and the desire to create life. Children are as expensive as you make them. And exactly when did the rules say I had to pay for her college? If I can help great, if not then she has to use her head and figure it out like I did. I think it makes a better person when you have to pull yourself up. My daughter did not have a great first car. But she saved until she could buy a better car. She knew I was not going to hand her an expensive car. First of all she was 16, most kids wreck their first car. She didn't but lots of kids do. So I bought an older sturdier car.

[cicy33]

This is a picture of my granddaughter and daughter. Hope it works! But proof positive poor people can have babies and succeed!!!

[M-squared]

Not sure if anyone else touched on this point, but there is a hidden disadvantage of having kids later. Young children take a lot of your time, attention and energy (or at least they should). Either explicitly or implicitly this takes a hit to your career. It would be better theoretically to have that hit happen early in the low-earning phase of your career than at the peak-earning phase of your career, no?

Not necessarily. We waited until I was in my mid-30's to have kids. (who are now 2 and 4) Had we gotten pregnant sooner, I am sure that we would have played the cards were dealt, but for us, later was better. We are in a position to afford quality day care. We are also in a place in our careers where it is ok for us to take time off for kid related emergencies. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to have to try to balance work and babies 10 years ago.

[boefixepa]

Very interesting thread. To me it falls into the Orange Juice Category.... Let me explain.

When I left home to go to college there were 5 girls living in this basement apartment. Quite the adjustment, let me tell you. Well I learned that we each had a different way of making OJ from those concentrate tubes. I nuked mine (no it doesn't catch on fire), another one kept a container in the fridge, another soaked it hot water etc..etc.. you get the idea. No matter the method, in the end we all ended up with OJ. At first, I tried to tell them they were doing it 'wrong.' I finally came to the realization that none of us were 'wrong.' We were different, and that was just fine.

Each person is different, each person looks at things differently, each person has a different life, different priorities, different beliefs.

You can't make a blanket statement and think it will work for all people ... it won't. Though a face value it makes sense, it simply does not and will not work for all people. Or even most people for that matter.

As a general rule, I think OP has a point. However, most people do not see children in terms of money, they are so much more then that. So many 'intangable things. Wether they should or not, it just as debateable a point.

Take me, I would have happily gotten married and had kids earlier in life, but I didn't find my hubby until I was 31. I knew on our second date, that this would be the man I would marry. He was 30.

Fast forward a year. I am six weeks away from giving birth to our first child a week or so short of our first weeding anniversary. The baby was completely planned. As my hubby teases when I say it was his fault 'there was a computer program involved!' (I used a program to help track my cycle so I'd never need pills, and knew when I could concieve, best $20 I ever spent!) Some people would say that we should have waited longer to have kids, but we felt this was right ... FOR US. There are some couples that even I would say ... wait a few years.

I will be quiting on April 25th. We will be losing 1/2 our income because of this. Running rough numbers we figure it will cost me over one million dollars in lost income to stay home and raise our babies (hope to have 3 or 4) in the next 20 years ... probably more. I plan to a SAHM, a homeschooler, and make raising babies my job. Because that is what is important TO US. TO US you can't put a dollar value on that. Yes, I make enough to afford day care, good day care, and still take home decent money. But I WANT to raise my babies. I WANT to be there for all their milestones. etc.

Life happens, I may not get everything, or anything I want, for that matter. But this is plan, and this is what I am working for. I have seen all different kinds of approaches work and not work. Different strokes for different folks.

You can't make a blanket statement!

[cicy33]

I think the benefit to having children early is having the energy to deal with them. I have found out already that being a grandma is not nearly as easy as it was when I was a mother. I am exhausted so much quicker now. I was so much more energetic at 20 than now at 40. Fortunately I only get my granddaughter periodically so I have time to recoup between visits!

[Exile]

I read all these posts about people wanting to have "babies". Don't these young, financially ill-prepared wannabee parents realize that their infants will not stay that way and will require more expensive basics and amenities as they get older?

And as their children start developing their own personalities and try to become their own persons, how will their emotionally immature parents who weren't ready to have them in the first place deal with that? I think we all know the answer. Just look around at all the dysfunctional families in our society.

We all know--and perhaps you are one yourself--of people who wished they had waited before having children or not had them at all but just didn't think about it at the time, or had kids because they were pressured by family or because all their friends were doing it.

Don't children deserve a decent start in life and parents who are fully aware and committed to their responsibilities before hand?