Women and Spending

[nospendthrift]

I'm a woman. 45 years old. Single. Never married, but wouldn't mind sharing the expenses. My beef, which has been for quite some time, is those women who are married, not making a whole lot of money if they do work (say under $45,000) and spend, spend, spend. So my advice is, since I have had to make it on a lot less, pay tuition expenses for grad school, borrow student loans to do this, buy my car with my own investments, pay the insurance, rent all these years (wouldn't mind having a mortgage), pay the utilities, pay the insurance on the home, buy the groceries - you get it - pay for everything to maintain my existence and home, I suggest that all those married women making under approximately $45,000/year try to live for one year as if they had to pay for everything - car, home, food, utilities, insurances, maintenance bills, - everything. And, see if you could actually do it. I know too many women who do make around this income, even less, they may work full time, yet they buy hair products in the hundreds of dollars, they have exercise club memberships, they hire a personal trainer for $200 - they spend, spend, spend. Some don't have any ideas what the household bills are - electric, gas, anything. Would those women be able to actually support themselves if they had to live alone? I think not. So, many of these women in this situation, and there are many, should have to live as if they did need to support themselves. I bet they would spend far, far less, and think about their purchases before just running out and buying stuff, stuff, stuff, that they throw away within the year.

If you make say $70,000 or around there, hey, spend all you want, because you probably can afford to support yourself, too. But, I've worked in the financial business for 7 years, and have seen several men walk away from the marriages for this very reason alone, and they had children under 18. They looked at it this way - hey, I love my kids, and I'll support them with all I want and have to do. However, at least this way, I know exactly what I have to pay each month - child support fixed payments, insurance fixed payments, and there is a time limit on that, too. And, the left over women - well, they have to learn to make it on their own. I have seen those women, too. Several years later, they are still bouncing checks, borrowing cash from their employers, not making it - because they now have to pay for their own living expenses and also continue to spend the way they did. Tough, isn't it? I don't feel sorry for them at all.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

If there were a situation of a a couple breaking up because the woman spends too much money, I would hope the man would make effort to have custody of the children rather than just try to get his expenses for them locked into a predictable set amount via court ordered child support payments. If he is able to be more prudent with money, he could perhaps raise them to also be more prudent with their money. If the mother has such a flaw that it would break up the marriage, it might be best to try to not have her ways as their daily example. Dad can take the responsibility.

Actually when it comes to paying the bills and knowing how much they all are, I think there are more women than men who do that within couples. But there are also couples who alternate the responsibility, or work on it together.

You see the women whose husbands also work spending a lot. Do you also see what their husbands spend? I think many men have been plenty good at ruining their families' finances, too.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Maybe they spend because the men are too busy working to spend? I have no idea.

[Caoineag]

I have met a couple of guys who have divorced their wives for spending so much that they couldn't keep the family above the water but I have also met people whose father or husband was responsible for destroying the family finances.

I think the main difference between these two scenarios that I have seen is that women won't divorce their husbands when he's bad with money but men will divorce their wives. That said, even that's an oversimplification since I have known men who stick by their wives but it does seem to be more prevalent.

As to your challenge to women who make under 45k, yes, I can live on only my income. I have even taught my dh how to live on his (we live on only half of our income now). But then that is to be expected since I run our finances now and we are quickly getting ourselves out of debt.

To be honest, the only women you will encounter here are ones who have some control of the household finances so are learning to live within their means.

[maat55]

Until a few years ago, my wife and I lived on about everything we earned. We gave our children a good home life in a good neighborhood. We were in debt up to our necks. fortunatly, I started listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio and thought we need to change. I'm extremely determined to be debt free, save an EF and invest heavily for retirement. My wife grudgenly goes along with this. It's not easy for two people to agree on everything when it comes to money. Hopefully, she will see the logic in time. I myself have to be mindful that life doesn't begin at 65.

[lovcom]

NoSpendThrift, why would it bother you that some married women seem to have it easy? So what? Nobody placed a gun to your head and forced you to be single. I think you're asking the wrong questions and using the wrong metrics.

Better to stay focused on your own stuff. Finetune your finances. Find ways to get ahead. I too am single, 48 and pay for everything myself, so do I feel upset that some men have a wife to help them? I couldn't care less. At the end of the day it's our own fault, or credit if we succeed or fail.

And let me tell you something, and that is that I think you being single have more opportunities to be happy then most women wearing the "golden handcuffs" and you know what I mean, yea? ;-) The fact that you are in control of your domain should console you and make you happy, and when you succeed, you have bragging rights sweetie....you did it on your own!

Forget the negative feelings towards the golden handcuff set...stay positive and grow financially ;-)

[vinnieg24]

my wife doesn't spend spend spend. she actually makes more money than i do and encourages us to save. granted there are women out there that don't know how to handle money but there are also women who know how to handle money, She actually takes care of all the finances and pays the bills and i let her take whatever from my pay check to help. i'm lucky to have her

[Ima saver]

Most women on this forum either do very well managing their money or are now learning how to do so. I haven't worked for a long time, but I certainly don't waste my husband's hard earned money! He decided several years ago that having me home with him at night, every night, was worth more than the money I was earning.

[Scanner]

I like discussions like these and I know I have made gender-based judgements on spending here.

Here's what I think.

As a general rule, women are good with finances. They tend to be conservative with debt, and want solid investments like a home and are on the conservative side when constructing portfolios (which could be a bad or a good thing). They won't go out and "impulse" spend like men on Flat Screen TV's or a Harley.

That being said, it's undeniable that women are the foundation of the American consumer and I think get caught up in it.

Look at Home Depot commercials.

The whole idea behind Home Depot and Lowes is showing an attractive woman (the wife thinks "I want to be her") dragging her clueless, but loving husband through the aisles so they can have that slice of the "American Dream." Never mind the American Dream costs hundreds of thousands of dollars nowadays. They generally want the white picket fence.

As a man, you want to know what I think of when I think of Home Depot?

Pain in the ass parking and I can't find the stupid lug nut I need. I hate Home Depot.

And Home Depot is just one example.

All consumer commericals (and to me, Home Depot is just the epitomy of hte commercials) are usually centered around the "wise and knowing wife" with the "clueless but cute" husband who doesn't apparently know that TurboTax is not a good choice for software.

Now beer commercials - they're just funny. That's how I like to be manipulated. LOL.

[Scanner]

BTW, I really do think there are differences in the genders.

I like the one story of shopping. It's not that men don't like to shop. We just approach it differently.

Women are gatherers. Men are hunters.

I'll go shopping with my wife but she's got to give me something to do. . .something to hunt. . .not just go looking up and down the aisles of the mall.

I want to stalk something and bring it down.

I like to come back with something that I hunted and say, "Look what I caught honey. Wasn't this a great bargain?" (hanging it upside down by 2 legs)

"Yeah, that's nice honey)

Women like to gather things in bags.

My current working theory is that women and men should shop in groups seperately - men can set out a hunting party - me, JimOhio, and DisneySteve can go find the best refridgerator. . .while Broken Arrow, Sweeps, LivingAlmostLarge can gather Christmas gifts in their bags for next year, storing them away.

This is way things are meant to be.

LOL.

[maat55]

scanner

You must be a girly man. Home Depot and Lowes are a tiny taste of man heaven. You'll find your lug nut at a auto parts store. Just kidding around, kinda.

[Caoineag]

Okay, I think I missed something. Isn't Broken Arrow a guy?

[Scanner]

Sorry. . .Broken Arrow.

Home Depot man heaven my X$$.

What man wants to trek around the aisles feeling helpless because you can't find the rubber cement?

[maat55]

The hunt for a product is part of the fun.

You want to know what really chaps my butt. My wife is always in a hurry to get out of lowe's, heaven forbid if I want to get the heck out of the mall.

[jodi]

LOL, too funny. I guess I'm more of a gatherer, since I like to browse, but I find I can only do it at garage sales or thrift stores - otherwise, I get too disgusted at the prices.

(female here, btw - and a saver rather than a spender. I had to rein the husband in many years ago. Luckily, he saw the infinite wisdom of my ways )

[maat55]

A true goddess is a women who loves to save.