Often Alone but Not Lonely

[Fern]

I wouldn't feel that way, Exile. Cus in the real world i think introverts are far outnumbered by extroverts, so i find comfort knowing i'm among people just like me online.

[cschin4]

I didn't realize there are so many other introverts out there

That's cuz the introverts aren't out there advertising themselves! Ha!
Anyway, I have just accepted who I am. I used to want to be an extrovert and thought I could learn to be like them, but I am just not. However, I do really enjoy being around extroverts and admire their bubbly, enthusiastic personalities. I have learned to just appreciate and admire those qualities in others.

[Broken Arrow]

Originally Posted by cschin4

I didn't realize there are so many other introverts out there

If we ever hold a convention....


No one would show up....

[FrugalTexan75]

I enjoy being around people, but I also have no problem being alone or doing things alone. I go out to eat or out to movies 99% of the time by myself - always bringing a book with me - not really for a distraction, but just because I love to read!

I've had many people over the years give me strange looks or make remarks about my being more than ok with going to movies/restaurants alone. It's just so much easier to go alone - if you go with someone else, then you have to coordinate with their schedule and perhaps they won't want to see the movie you want to see, or they won't want to go to the restaurant you want to go to ... etc. You also sometimes run into the problem of one person loving or really enjoying the movie, and the other nitpicking it to death - which can ruin the enjoyment.

I guess for me, when I go to a movie, or to a restaurant, or to a concert, or a sporting event., I go more for the overall experience of it all and it can be very disheartening to go with someone who feels like they need to find what was wrong with it. So, most of the time its just easier to go by myself, rather than go with someone else who may or may not have that same attitude of just going to enjoy the experience.

I am definitely someone who can be very happy being home alone with just my t.v., books, and internet for days and days at a time. But I also enjoy getting together with other people to play games and/or talk. I do okay at big parties - although until/unless there are people there that I know pretty well, I get very uncomfortable making small talk - I'm just not very good at that. I'm much more of a listener than a talker.

My mom worries about how much time I spend alone - but you see, she is a full out extrovert and *needs* to be around other people to be truly happy.

[Landwatch]

There is nothing wrong with being alone at times. Even I prefer being alone many times but I don't hate being around people. Also, I think when you are alone you get that much needed 'space.' Besides, this is time when I can actually put on my thinking cap and plan my moves to survive in this demanding world.

[cschin4]

it can be very disheartening to go with someone who feels like they need to find what was wrong with it

Isn't that the truth! My dear friend's husband does this all the time. The meal is never good enough and on and on. Annoying! Just take things for what they are and enjoy them! So what if the meal was just "OK" or if we didn't have the best seats to the show or whatever!

[cschin4]

she is a full out extrovert and *needs* to be around other people to be truly happy.


I wonder if some of us introverts used to need that as well. But, since we didn't get it, we just learned to be content within ourselves.

[Broken Arrow]

Two of my kids are an interesting contrast of each other.

My son was born introverted and content with just being in his own little world. In fact, I remember that the hardest time we had was to get him to move out of the crib and into a small child bed.

My daughter, on the other hand, needs constant "attention" and thrives on activity. Like my son, she seems to be born this way, always trying to climb out of the crib.

She just wore me out, as a matter of fact, constantly turning off my monitor before I can finish this post, whereas my son played quietly in the corner with his Nintendo DS.

I'm sure much of our behavior can also be influenced by our upbringing, but in the end, I believe our real personality is largely innate. By "real", I mean that I don't think introverts have to have a hard time socializing, although that can be an issue. All things being equal though, I think we prefer our alone time.

I have to go now. My daughter wants me to pay attention to her.

[murphyc]

Late entry but found the posts interesting. I have felt lonely maybe twice in my life, ha-ha. Bored but hardly lonely. I cure it by getting physically busy doing things that need doing for myself or others. Good lesson - after retirement from my job, I plan to stay busy, busy, busy. I've been divorced for 18 years (yikes), no kids. My marriage was a disaster I don't care to repeat. I'm basically a loner by nature but am pretty involved with my immediate family (babysitting, helping mom out). It suits me fine, I'm always happy to come back to my own digs and know how to entertain myself. I love yard work and cooking (even for just me). I feel sorry for anybody who can't enjoy such things. I should also say I belong to a good local church; bible study is tremendously helpful and is a great resource, you need to spend time with likeminded people of both sexes and all ages in a learning situation. I could care less what's politically correct and don't let the media tell me how to think or be.

[tabbycat31]

I'm in a similar situation. I moved from NY to NJ in September, and I really don't have any friends here yet. Most of my friends are still in NY.

I have my coworkers, but nobody is my age (either much younger or much older). I'm hoping that 2008 will be the year that I finally settle in New Jersey, and I'm hoping to get involved with the 2008 presidential race by going to party meetings, and to volunteer at the SPCA (when I can)

[BCHGRL]

Nope, my hubby and I are introverts. It drives us nuts to be around family or croeds too long because we're used to each other & that's about it. He works a crazy firefighter schedule and I work 9-5, so we often have time alone and away from each other whether we want it or not.

[Ralph]

Introvert here. I hate big parties, and I love being online or home alone. People are ok in small doses.

[Daylily]

Another introvert checking in.
Is it possible to be an online introvert as well? I do a lot of reading here but not much posting.
I could entertain myself for days and days without needing to see or talk to another person. In fact, I did this last year when I was unemployed and DH would travel each week. I didn't get the slightest bit bored or lonely.
I don't like parties and I definitely don't like situations where I'm forced to socialize with my coworkers outside of work time.

[Exile]

Originally Posted by Daylily

Another introvert checking in.
Is it possible to be an online introvert as well? I do a lot of reading here but not much posting.

Sounds perfectly natural to me.

[Fern]

Originally Posted by Daylily

I definitely don't like situations where I'm forced to socialize with my coworkers outside of work time.

That is sooo true! Many companies i've worked at apply a subtle pressure to particpate in company activities, social or volunteer, outside of office hours. I often feel i spend so much time with these people on the job, i just need to do my own thing!

[Exile]

Originally Posted by Fern

That is sooo true! Many companies i've worked at apply a subtle pressure to particpate in company activities, social or volunteer, outside of office hours. I often feel i spend so much time with these people on the job, i just need to do my own thing!

Well put, Fern. I experienced the same BS when I was working, and I also resented it.