Oprah's Cool Right?

[cornflakesdisease]

I like Oprah. She's a generous and kind person. She has a good heart. But after reading some of the comments on this sight and her plug for the "Secret" and all that, I'd like to remind people that every person has flaws in their reasoning and thinking, wether it's money, finances, and life choices. Oprah is no different; being as nice and friendly a person that she is.

I Like Oprah. Is she a wise person? Well, she lives with Steadman her partner/husband but she IS NOT MARRIED to him.

On her part, I think it sets a poor example for millions of woman to settle for living with (shacking up) with a man.

The fact is, woman statistically do financially much worse when they live with a guy.

Why?

Because often he leaves and she is stuck with caring for children and trying to survive on a one income job. This thus puts her and her child at a great disadvantage financially and everything that goes with it.

My brother's girlfriend does the same thing and I can't help but notice the great in-equality between their incomes. When my brother grows tired of her or finds someone knew, thanks to no marriage, she will find herself suddenly out in the cold financially, while he is easily able to go about his life.

So, Oprah, your kind hearted and decent, but like me and everyone else, you are imperfect and make mistakes and choices that aren't the best.

Think for yourself people.

[pearlieq]

Uh, OK. Thanks for sharing...

Trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, I will agree that everyone (women and men) need to have a financial plan for what they would do if their relationship were to end, and no one should have kids without a plan to support them.

That being said, I take umbrage at callling someone's choice to live together a "mistake" or to call someone "imperfect" for doing it.

First of all that's an awfully mighty position to be trying to assume. How are you qualified to judge her (or anyone's) choices?

Secondly, why would a woman necessarily need a husband to be financially viable? Women are just as capable as men of supporthing themselves. Marriage is no guarantee of anything. A man that would walk out on his live in girlfiend would just as easily walk out on his wife.

Thirdly, do you really think anyone choose their current living situation based on OPRAH? I might read a book she recommends or buy brownies she says are good, but I can't say she was a big influence on how my relationship progressed.

[Ima saver]

I wish someone would explain "The Secret"

[cornflakesdisease]

I'm not talking about the moral debate of living together.

I'm talking about the financial reality of living together.

What I'm trying to say, is that Oprah sets an example that, "I live with my man and we ain't married and I'm OK."

Yes, but the fact is that millions of woman settle for this and get the financial shaft and they "ain't Ok".

Legally married woman have legal rights that a woman living together are not afforded. Women shouldn't settle for this in-equality. They deserve better. Get married and get your fair share and hooks into him, and vice-versa for that matter. Don't find out the hard way. My sister did that and he got the house and the education, while she got nothing but povety and woe. She would have had a better legal standing had she been married and he couldn't have gotten away with what he did.

And yes, celebrities have a large impact on what people do and believe, and for that matter buy and purchase.

[lieweheksie]

Do not be mistaken in assuming that marriage is allways an equal institution- much depends on the divorce law of the timeand palce and in most instances it will not work to the advantage of women, especially stay at home wives
i am a feminist, who is married,( i see no contradiction- some will) and I believe that the greatest goal for women is to have a CHOICE- in everything- i found your rant to be judgemntal and harsh- have you ever thought that Oprah has choosen that set up so that she can keep most of her money?
I lived with my DH for 4 years before marrying- i found it a very judgemnetal attitude to be told , by an individual or the state, that the decion is less valid than being married
women need to realise that whatever their relaltionship they need to protect themselves financially
so thank you for reminding us all of that

[Aleta]

I don't know if I agree with you. Looking at how much money Oprah is worth; I'd say that Steadman might have more to lose. Plus, she's a very popular person.

By the way, I'm with Ima. What's the secret about. I've done some research, but, I'd like others opinions as well.

[pearlieq]

Originally Posted by cornflakesdisease

What I'm trying to say, is that Oprah sets an example that, "I live with my man and we ain't married and I'm OK."

And she IS OK. Somehow I don't think Oprah would have trouble making the rent if they broke up.

Yes, but the fact is that millions of woman settle for this and get the financial shaft and they "ain't Ok".

That's their responsibility, not Oprah's.

Legally married woman have legal rights that a woman living together are not afforded. Women shouldn't settle for this in-equality. They deserve better.

Many men and women don't see this as a problem or an inequality.

Get married and get your fair share and hooks into him, and vice-versa for that matter.

Oh, ewwwwww. That's one of the basest descriptions of marriage I've ever heard.

Don't find out the hard way. My sister did that and he got the house and the education, while she got nothing but povety and woe. She would have had a better legal standing had she been married and he couldn't have gotten away with what he did.

I'm sorry hard times befell your sister, but it's not the instiution's fault. Men can be legally compelled to pay child support and "palimony" if the situation fits. Why was she paying on his education and/or supporting him during his educaiton without getting any benefit to herself? Why was she paying on a house that she didn't hold title on? Why wasn't she out learning new skills or trying to find a better job if she was worried about supporting herself? I don't think it's fair to say that all of the problems came from your sister not being married. It doesn't sound like she was really watching out for her own situation. I hardly think you can blame Oprah for that.

And yes, celebrities have a large impact on what people do and believe, and for that matter buy and purchase.

Celebrities might have an affect on what we wear, watch, and buy. But anyone who lets a celebrity example cloud their reasoning and judgment, especially about relationships and financial management, is simply too stupid to function in the first place!

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by cornflakesdisease

Legally married woman have legal rights that a woman living together are not afforded.

depending on where you live, this can be patently untrue.

until 2000 my state recognized common law marriage. anyone cohabitating (male + female) until 2000 could have the courts declare their relationship as commonlaw marriage and the partners would both have all the obligations and protections offered by a more traditional marriage.

[cornflakesdisease]

All i got to say, is how many fathers out their get stuck with the kids and the low paying jiob: not to many.

[Aleta]

My brother. About three years ago, my brogher's ex dropped off the 3 kids for the summer and never came back for them. Not only that, he was caring for my Mom who has Alzheimer's. So, now he has 4 kids so to speak. Yes, men can end up with this as well.

[pearlieq]

Originally Posted by cornflakesdisease

All i got to say, is how many fathers out their get stuck with the kids and the low paying jiob: not to many.

Plenty, but that's not the point.

Marriage doesn't really change the situation.

The custodial parent would still get child support, married or not.

You can have kids when you're not prepared to support them, married or not.

You can have a low paying job, married or not.

Why waste time and energy blaming a situation for problems instead of taking steps to prevent or prepare for them?

[ozzy gurl]

I'm pretty sure Oprah has mentioned that one of the reasons she has not married is because of her traumatic past. There are probably other reasons, as well, but I can certainly understand why she has not chosen to marry.

I choose to look at it as this: Oprah is setting the example that it's okay to have a long-term relationship with a man, and not have to answer to anyone else about the state of her relationship. She is well educated and clearly successful, both financially and spiritually. I think Oprah is a much better example than someone like Britney or Jessica for women and relationships. Oprah has been in a stable relationship for years and years...can we say that for the majority of celebrities these days?

[Scanner]

I'll kind of agree with cornflakes here. I understand the spirit of her post.

Yes, there are "bring home the bacon, I can do it all" type of women out there but I submit to the forum that most of the time, a partnership is needed to raise kids.

It's hard enough to do it as a couple - I don't know how single moms or dads do it.

I love my children to death but I am going to make a zinger statement here -

Children are Money Pits.

I know I have earned substantially less over my lifetime compared to our DINK friends (Double Income No Kids). DINKS take ski trips, buy swimming pools, and I sit here on a Saturday night talking to a bunch of pixels on how to save on cellphones by using a TracFone

Point is, from a pure financial standpoint, whomever ends up with the kids financially loses - game over. And most of the time, with a woman shacking up with a man, that is the woman.

I know with the birth control pill and all, women have experienced a liberation the last 40 years but I often wonder if grandmothers didn't have some wisdom to offer on how a woman should play her cards.

Of course, Gloria Steinham's ears are burning as a male is writing this, LOL.

[lmclanahan]

I know with the birth control pill and all, women have experienced a liberation the last 40 years but I often wonder if grandmothers didn't have some wisdom to offer on how a woman should play her cards.>>

I was with you until this. I wouldn't have put it that way, precisely, lol, but I understood what you were saying.
However, the statement that the birth control pill has liberated women just doesn't ring true to me. Yes, it allowed women to have more control over their fertility, but at what price? Now, a lot of guys assume sex is always safe, and the possibility of pregnancy is not even thought about. When a pregnancy results, everyone is so surprised that only abstinence is 100%.
"What? Condoms are only 96% or so effective? They should put that on the box or something!" (This was on Friends, the tv show.)
While this show was funny, it shows a lack of responsibility that is so prevalent in our soviety. Nothing is really free in life. Having the fun without the responsibilty has ruined sex for many married couples. It's like saying I love you, but not all the way. You can have me, but not all of me.
Anyway, not to go off on a huge tangent, lol. I just add my viewpoint that birth control, in my opinion and the opinions of many other women in America, has done more to hurt women than help them, in the long run.

I also agree that marriage is best, and have always thought Oprah sets a very bad example by not getting married. Have the fun without the responsibilty. Oh, why do the young kids of today not show any kind of responsibility. It's the way it's taught. It's everywhere now, and noone is even ashamed about it anymore. Live with this guy, oh, no, live with this guy, noone seems to worry about the effect this has on the chidren that are often involved.
My cousin was living with a guy, they both had jobs, had two little girls. He decided to cheat. Ten days after she left him, he married the other girl!! Boom, everything my cousin owns now legally belongs to the new wife!! It was crazy. The reason she never married him was she didn't know if they were ready. Well, you were ready to *live* as husband and wife, just not *be* husband and wife. It makes no sense! Almost everyone I know who has lived long-term with a guy has ended up the loser, so I agree with the original poster. If you love someone that much to begin with, what's the big deal about being married? I can understand short-term live-ins, and did this myself. It is just so disrespectful to a woman/man to say, I love you and am committed to you, but not *that* much. Sorry.
Financially, insurance and tax-wise, it can be SO much better! (to make this relavent to the savings board, lol).
Anyway, this isn't about judging *someone*, it is about commenting on their *behavior* ,it is about saying that some of us are tired of the status quo, it certainly isn't having a positive effect on our society.
You don't have to go far to see another study showing that kids with married parents do better in almost every area of life. The parents live longer too, lol.

Oprah does many wonderful things, for many people. She is a great person. I agree, though, that her behavior in this area is disappointing.



Lea

[Scanner]

Lea,

Sounds like you and I are in 90% agreement with this - perhaps I brought the birth control pill (I think it's one of the Top 10 innovations culturally for the 20th century, maybe Top 5 - sex is serious biological business) in this because let's face it - for the guy, that's what a lot of this is about - sex.

The Pill liberated women because as many have testified - "It's the first time I could enjoy sex." (even within marriages, let alone premaritial sex). A lot of women after 2 kids or whatever number, feel as if "God help me if I have another one but I want the sex." But yes, you are right - nothing is 100% other than abstinence.

And no, I am not judging Oprah either (I don't think anybody here is - I think we all generally want her to do well). I am just commenting on the reality of the situation for women. 99.99% of women are NOT Oprah.

It begs the question - if the Steadman thing isn't a ruse and they are sexually actve - what would have happened if she got pregnant?

I don't know. . .I know the Catholic Church has gotten a little passe with the times but I have to say, the Pope's passing made me do a second look in my lifetime at what they preach - they preach that sex is an act of bonding and you need the blessing of God, the church, your family and peers before that bonding takes place. . .I think there's some wisdom in that that perhaps I overlooked while growing up.

It's hard to explain this to my 9 year old son - we talked about sex last summer (probably a little late) and I kept stressing it's a bonding experience. You become bonded to the girl/woman you do this with as a consequence. I don't know what else to tell him as he faces teenage girls who will, to coin a phrase, parade it in front of him.

Even in the 80's, it seemed that women were the "guardian of morals." A guy could chase it and women would have some morals. Now, it's a culture of raunch. I am not sure what moms are teaching their daughters other than birth control. I guess they are trying to be their friends instead of their parents.

Well, sex and money. . .the two subjects are intertwined, LOL. You know why? Becuase as I wrote - the byproduct of sex is often children and they most definitely affect your wealth accumulation.

[Pupart]

I'm another one who wants to know what the "secret" is.
I kept seeing the commercials about the show that was going to reavel the secret, but I got busy and didn't tune in.
Please... someone share the "secret"

[savvy06]

I also would like to know what that "secret" is.

To be honest, I don't like Oprah. I think she's totally different
from what people think about her. She has great people personality
and that's what attracts the public which of course is good for the
show. However, I don't think she's as generous or as giving as others
tend to believe. The reason she is where she is it's because someone gave her a chance, and that could happen to anyone. I don't think she's a person to be looked up to. Just my opinion.

[pearlieq]

Originally Posted by Scanner

Even in the 80's, it seemed that women were the "guardian of morals." A guy could chase it and women would have some morals. Now, it's a culture of raunch. I am not sure what moms are teaching their daughters other than birth control.

So guys have free reign to "chase it" without censure but women have "fallen"?

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little there.

[threebeansalad]

I watched the Oprah Secret show in its entirity. From what I garnered, it's about taking a positive approach to life, and exerting positive energy. If you do so, positive things will come back to you.

I agree with this philosophy and try to live my life in a similar fashion. However, "The Secret" and hype surrounding it leaves me feeling unsettled. You can check out the Secret web page at: http://thesecret.tv/, and judge for yourself, but watching the trailer reminded me of an attempt to make $$ off breeding the the DaVinci Code with a Self Help Guru.

Don't get me wrong. I love Oprah, and will continue to watch her and learn from her. I'll tune into her daily to get my boost of positivity and not waste $29.95 on the Secret DVD. In fact, thoughout the show Oprah kept saying things like "I've been living my whole life like this... I've been talking about stuff like this for years... I didn't know it was a Secret".

Old ideas... fancy new package, IMHO.

[ren]

Originally Posted by cornflakesdisease

Get married and get your fair share and hooks into him, and vice-versa for that matter.

Boy, I sure am glad that my mother was married to the louse that fathered me so she could have her hooks in him. Without that $25 per week of child support, we might have had to depend on handouts from her parents to get by. Oh wait, we did have to do that.

Thanks for setting women's rights back about forty years. I always appreciate it when people think that, due to my gender, I am less capable of supporting myself than a man in similar circumstances.