Dad asking me to pay for the house expenses.

I was at the dinning room for guests with my dad half an hour ago.

My brother and my sister went shopping with my mom today.

I asked my dad...

Me : Mom wasn't suppose to work today ?

Dad : No, our main grocery store has burned down so we have to cut back on work time. Why you ask that? Is it because you want mom to work more?

Me : No, I was just asking. Usually mom work on Friday.

Dad : We don't have much income coming in. You need to help us feed the family.

Me : No way.

Dad : What do you mean no? Christina, we feed you and this is how you repay us...

Me (hesitate) : Where is your emergency fund then ?

Dad : Give me your next paycheck for our food expense.

Me : Why should I? If you really don't have the money, then why don't you give back the 20 inch TV in the kitchen ? You just bought the day before the fire, you could easily return it.

Dad : ...


I refuse to help them pay because they bought all kind of luxuries in the house. They don't think about cutting back on anything and my dad is known to abuse people. He always try to get me to spend money on him on stupid things... He asks me to buy him breakfast at my workplace for 2$/day and he said it isn't much, I bought breads that can feed the whole family for less than 0.50$ a day.

I think I did the right thing to refuse to pay for the family expense. Hey if they don't try to cut back on anything and they're living the same way as they did before the fire, then I don't see the point of helping them. If we start having money problem then I might step in and try to help them...Without giving my money of course or they'll start living the same way. For now, I leave it as it should be. I'm not doing anything because I am a kid to them so I know nothing and I have no business in their financial decision. Though I have no right to judge the way my parents spend their money, especially my dad who claimed that we must use our money "wisely" and think twice before we buy anything but he's doing the complete opposite of what he is saying.


I feel like sharing you with you guys. What are your opinions in this? Do I have the right to refuse to pay?

[PrincessPerky]

Wow, what a rude way to start the weekend.
I don't know the answer....other than your father is having troubles in more ways than finances.....

it sounds like he wants money in hand to make himself feel better.....

And I can't imagine asking my kid to pay when things could easily be done to avoid it.

But, you do live there....you have some responsibility........how about you buy, and cook for a bit? food at your costs...though they will complain, at least you will know in your heart you did help......

You can't change him or the rest of the family, but you can choose your own response.

Well we don't have any financial problem for now and we usually don't eat together at supper... Ever since the fire burned our main grocery store, I see them more often at supper time and my mom starts cooking for us. Before, we save a lot of money on food expense except at breakfast (we usually go hungry at that time), because they always bring food at their work place for us. I wish I could help in food expense, but I'm horrible at cooking and they "own" a grocery store.... I think my dad wants my money, he's always looking for ways to make me spend or give money to him. I remember once I bought hand cream for a friend of mine who always have dry hands when he works and my dad was pissed, he asked me why I buy gift for friends and he never tell me the reason why I shouldn't buy them gift. He even said : My feet hurt!! Why don't you buy me cream for my feet??!! I was really pissed. I know he wants me to think more of him but the way he act around made me not want to give him anything.

[bjl584]

how old are you Christina?

[pearlieq]

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you?

I kind of get the impression that you might be in your early 20's. I take it you still live with your parents. Are you planning to move out anytime soon?

I agree your father has no right to demand your money. You don't owe them anything monetarily for raising you when you were a child. They're the ones who chose to have a child. You also shouldn't need to make your own finances tight while they're not being frugal.

That being said, if you're over 18 they could have a reasonable expectation that you should contribute to household expenses.

Maybe you could offer them a certain amount of money a month to help go toward expenses. You could also pick up some extra chores around the house. And maybe it's time to think about getting your own place!

[bjl584]

Ha! I beat you to it pearlieq!! Just kiding.

[pearlieq]

Originally Posted by bjl584

Ha! I beat you to it pearlieq!! Just kiding.

You know what they say about great minds!

[pearlieq]

Christina, I see from your blog you're 17.

Your father definitely shouldn't be demanding money from you, especially if things aren't that tight and they're spending money on new TV's.

You're a minor. They should still be taking care of you!

I would do whatever you can to resist these "requests" now or it will get much, much worse in the future!

[scfr]

TINA - On your blog it says you are 17. In my opinion, that is an age where it is reasonable for a parent to expect the child to have a general understanding of the family finances (in other words, not ask for an XBox or some fancy toy when the family is struggling financially). But it is TOO YOUNG for a parent to expect them to help cover the regular expenses unless the situation is really dire.

However, it may be different if your father is from a culture (from another part of the world originally) where children are expected to chip in from a young age.

This is a pretty sensitive issue and I don't have children ... hopefully someone with kids will step in here!

Perhaps you could help out in non-financial ways? Such as helping out a bit more with housework so your mom can go to work? Or telling your parents that they can cut back on something they are spending money on for you (lessons, clothes, etc)?

[bjl584]

My thoughts exactly. My father too was very financially irresponsible and was always after my money when I lived at home. Once I turned 24 I began to contribute to paying the utility bills and prt of the food expense. I felt it only fair to do that. I was able to resist giving anymore though. I didn't mind paying to keep the household going, but I wasn't about to finance my father's financial irresposibilities. I just bidded my time, had a few knock down drag out arguments, and waited for 2 years till I had enough cash to buy my own house. My advice is to help pay for the daily living stuff but hold your ground on giving anymore.

[scfr]

Originally Posted by bjl584

My advice is to help pay for the daily living stuff but hold your ground on giving anymore.

bjl584 - Do you feel this way if TINA is only 17?

[bjl584]

No. Being that she is only 17, I would say that she shouldn't be paying anything. She's still a minor and her parents have a reponsibility as parents to provide for her. She should not have to suffer for their follies. I didn't realize that she was so young.

pearlieq : Yeah already my dad starts acting strange with me ever since I got a part-time job last year when I'm working near my house and I got a 50% off at Tim Hortons. It's kinda weird to lost trust in my dad with money.

scfr : I don't ask for much usually. If I want something that cost a lot, I buy it with my own money that I earn by myself. I became a simple person ever since I have a part time job... that was from a year ago when I got my first job before the Tim Hostons one. The situation in my family is not worst at all for the moment but if it gets worst, I want them to try to cut expenses out before asking me to pay for their house expense. I don't know if it's a cultural thing but hear this... I have a 20 years old brother and a 9 years old sister, my dad is asking me, the only one who has a part-time job in the family and the only one who's actually saving my money, to "hand" my paycheck to him. I don't know what he'll do with it if I give it to him. Last week, he took my sister 200$ to pay for our dinner. I don't know if he repay my sister already... I'll ask her later.

[trillium]

That's a tough situation.

I think we need to start a "dealing with parental units" thread. While my situation is not similar (own my own home, getting rid of debt, good paying job), there is a certain level of expectation my mother (like your father) has come up with that because I'm making the $$$ I do, I should be the one to take care of her. I've been expected to buy TVs, CD players, and other "luxuries", and she's not afraid to ask out right for them when I talk to her on the phone. Yet, she's unemployed. Was laid off a few years ago now at this point and uses every excuse in the book as to why she can't go back to work. I feel bad for her, so I've tried to reach out to help her out (but not by out right giving her money) but she and her husband want none of the assistance. It's a bizarre mix of greed, laziness,and pride.

How do I personally deal with it? It's tough and thats even with the physical distances that is between she and I. I cannot imagine if this (or anything like it) were happening right in my own back yard.

And Christina, I'd have to say congratulations on the steps you've taken at your age to be frugal and saving you're hard earned money. I could have only wish I had the sense to do that when I was 17. Dave Ramsey is quoted as saying "you have to live like no one else in order to live like no one else". My take on this is make the sacrifices now to live financially free in the future. I just hope your dad can learn that and the lessons that you are trying to get him to open his eyes too.

[PRICEPLUS]

That is a tough situation. You earned the money and it is yours. I kicked money in when I started working but my folks never asked for it and they didn't expect me to hand over all my money.

As a parent myself I would not look to my kid to bailme out of a financial situation. I am the parent and it is my job to pay the bills. Period!

[PrincessPerky]

So does your dad show 'love' with money? does he say, I love you to anyone, give hugs, or show appriciation, or does he give presents and cash?

Is it a case of he doesn't feel you love/respect him and he thinks (wrongly) that you handing over cash will be a sign of respect/love?

He is taking a 9 year olds money? to buy a 200$ dinner? I ever needed my kids money it would be 2$ for dinner..and I just might make that stretch for tomorrows dinner too!

[PrincessPerky]

Oh do you know any adults whom you trust who could talk to your father? most adults just don't take information from children of any age...and as their kid..you could be 30 and still not believed to know anything!

[Ima saver]

I helped out when I was a kid, by buying my own clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc. from my personal earnings. My mother never asked for money, nor did she give me money.

trillium : Thanks. = ) I'm still in the learning to save for a better future but I make sure that I have enought money to play too.

PRICEPLUS : I don't know if my dad is ashame of telling me to pay part of the bill. I think he wants my money. He always ask for my money since I don't use all my paycheck like my brother.

PrincessPerky : Honestly, my dad never shows affection and he never give me money except when I really need it to buy school things. I have no clue if he thinks that showing my affection for him means giving my money.

I asked my little sister this morning and she said that my dad hasn't pay her back the 200$ for the sushi dinner. I don't why he took my sister money to pay for our sushi dinner, he has money of his own. Sometimes he forget to bring his money and ask us to pay for him. o.O

I talked to him that the money I earn is for something important and he's always always say that he feed us ever since we were born and we don't repay him back. ok... Like pearlieq, I didn't ask to be born... He chose to have kids and he expects me to repay him back with my part-time money.

I have a financial advisor who's also my dad's advisor. I could talk to her but not this month... She's busy.

Originally Posted by Ima saver

I helped out when I was a kid, by buying my own clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc. from my personal earnings. My mother never asked for money, nor did she give me money.

Many of my clothes and shoes are bought by me with my own money that I earn and the school supplies that I need to replace or I lost. Although, when we go out, he usually pays for things.