how much do you really spend on a wedding gift?

[PrincessPerky]

Man I wish you'll came to my wedding!

Only person who gave us 100 was gma...the rest of the well to do family was 50 ...all three of em....the remainder were 20 or 25.....or 5 or 10...and one card with 2 dollars in it

we appriciated it all, even the 2...

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by Coleroo

My hubby's sister just got married in November - we spent about $80 on gifts, but also had to travel to new york (from south carolina) so we had about another $200 in gas / misc travel expenses.
~ Lisa

OT: WOOHOOO, someone else is on in SC!!

OK, back on topic w/ weddings: gave my sister 300+ photos from her shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehersal & dinner, ceremony, & reception (prints and on a CD). my cost was under $50, but she would have paid much more to have a photographer at all 4 events (not to mention 300+ prints).

[jodi]

We spend $50 for the wedding gift, about $30 for the shower unless it's a close friend or relative. We spent about $125 for my brother and SIL's gifts this summer. I also spend a little more on those who have been very generous to us in the past, such as my cousin (plus the wedding was in Long Island, so I know it cost a fortune).
We got gifts ranging from $10 to $1000 (a very wealthy relative) at our wedding, but nearly all the gifts were in the range $25-40/person, $50-75/couple.

[lrjohnson]

Originally Posted by MarianneJ

If I am going to give cash (which is when I can afford it), then I will give $100 - or more if I am close to the person and I can afford it. Anything less and it wouldn't even cover my meal at the reception. I think that is poor taste, although I know plenty will disagree.

Yup, you are right. I'm disagreeing here. I've only been to two weddings as an adult, so I don't have tons of experience. But I certainly would never consider a cash gift to need to cover the cost of the food! I think it's very tacky when people expect gifts to cover the meal somehow.

One, $100 is a lot of money for food. I was at a wedding with excellent food; the cost was $6.50 per guest. I gave a $150 cash gift in that case to help with the honeymoon-I'm not saying to be cheap-but I'm thinking if someone is having a $100 a plate dinner they need to be able to afford it.

Two, a guest is a guest. If I am part of their life and they are part of mine, they want me to be at a special moment. They are paying for their life event. If I care for them and come, I'll bring something to express my good wishes and caring. It may be costly or not; perhaps it was a very thoughtful or hand crafted gift without a lot of dollars behind it but a lot of time and energy.

(I'm not against people wanting to give a lot; I'm not so down with people expecting.)

[PrincessPerky]

Ditto LRJohnson...I was going to say It ain't my fault they chose an expensive dinner!

[BCHGRL]

The last wedding we attended, we gave a frame that I bought at Ross for $14. The frame would cost $50 in a normal department store. I gave a nice gift without looking cheap!

[threebeansalad]

We give cash, ~$75-$100. If we were invited to hundreds of wedding a year, I would reconsider, but we're not.

[markio26]

let me explain... she is getting married OCTOBER 08, 2008, next year.... everything is planned, most has been paid for... the hall, kilts for the guys, shaws for the gals, are still undecided... she went to a class reunion 2 yrs. ago, and hooked up with her fiancee... she has changed some, since going with him... he is working in another state, they fly twice a month to be together.... they only want close family and pals to attend the wedding, which is gonna have bag pipes, catholic wedding.... i am not offended, it was my idea to make it special for family and close friends... i am more like her internet pal, and we hook up a couple times a year and go out, and such... i live 2 hrs. from her... but, she and her fiance emails me too, tell me everything and anything... i keep it to myself and they are head over heels in love.. i think they should marry soon, and then do the ceremony later... reason being both remaining widows, are in poor health... from both sides.....
i am happy to assist, the dj's will be my son and nephew... pix into dvd's.. son will do for them, decorating, son will do for them, etc... for free, just his costs, as a favor to me..........
the reception we hope will be at a country club, if we can get it booked that far in advance.....she doesn't have anyone too smart to help her... her closest friend is a co-worker who is divorced with a teen age son and she is a lil inexperienced with talking to ppl.
thanks for all the comments, i appreciate it.......

[sakigt]

$30 for a friend

$500 on my best friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor. $200 on the dress, $200 on the dinner/drinks to get her and her other friends to loosen up during her bachelorette party (btw, it worked wonders) and $100 or so on the gift and other little things I needed.

Yea. That was a rough month. It was worth it, though. Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

[trillium]

Last wedding I went to, I made a handmade gift. While not as $$$ as some of the other gifts that were offered by other friends, it held a special place in the bride and grooms heart because of the TLC attached to making it.

What "it" was, was a 6-hr knitted throw with fringe in jewel tones. It turned out to be such a special thing that when I visited the newly-weds at their home, it was the only gift I saw displayed in their living room.

Total yarn cost was $40 and 6 hrs of my time


Some other gifties I've seen/used...
When a dear friend who was a scrap booker and cook got married, I paired up with her mom and got old family recipes. We put together a keepsake scrapbook that had old family recipes, new recipes, and such and packaged it with a set of new kitchen utensiles, bowls, and measuring spoons/cups. Took alot of time in the book, but her DH loves to cook as well so it was a good deal.

Gift baskets of food seems to always be a winner. A cousin of mine was going to Italy for his honeymoon... but the flight wasn't leaving until the following night after the wedding. Friends got together and made an italian themed picnic basket (wine, cheeses, italian meats, bread, etc.) and presented it to the bride and groom so they could start their Italian honeymoon back at the hotel with a picnic...

Just a few ideas

[fairy74]

I must agree with lrjohnson and princess perky....if someone is choosing to have a $100 per plate reception they clearly have money to burn or have not learned to say no to their children's every whim (in the first case good for them, and I'll enjoy the wedding while still spending the same amount on the gift, in the second case, too bad for them and I'll bring the same kind of gift)

The true spirit of a wedding is love and a community pledging to support that love. It does not require expensive gifts. Brides who get this are thrilled with all gifts from small tupperware items to the largest gifts.

[skinnybudget]

In the past we've spent $20-$50 generally, but for my sister's wedding we spent more. If we go to any kind of party where our meals are paid for, we try to include at least as much as our meals are. Dh's aunts and uncles are all in the age range to have 60-70-80th birthday parties, then 1st birthday parties (these are big events) and other similar events we do this. When we had Ds's 1st birthday party, most families gave $20-50 and closer families gave $100-200 range. We ended up being over $1000 ahead when all was said and done. I'm not really sure what this has to do with the OP though!

[Gruntina]

[quote=fairy74]I must agree with lrjohnson and princess perky....if someone is choosing to have a $100 per plate reception they clearly have money to burn or have not learned to say no to their children's every whim QUOTE]

I agree but then again... how do guests know how much each plate cost? I would not tell people the cost of my wedding or how much each plate cost for guests.

[fairy74]

yes, I agree with Gruntina, it is tacky to tell people how much their plate is costing, however I have noticed some brides' parents dropping hints...doesn't affect how much I spend on the gift, but it may "guilt" some people into spending more...

[LuxLiving]

Depends - on an extended family member it MIGHT go to $40. An acquaintance at church I generally give a clear glass serving platter which can be obtained in the $5-15 range depending on where I'm shopping at the time. Clear glass works as it can be used w/most any motif someone comes up with. Sorry, I'm not breaking the bank for an acquaintance, and to some of you that may appear that I'm being cheap. For our budget these kinds of price levels are reasonable. We gift ONE gift to the couple - either at the shower or the wedding, but not both. Now when it comes to my kids then the story is and will be different - but not $100 a plate different.

[fairy74]

Right on LuxLiving, I agree with your system of doing it...

[Aleta]

I totally agree with you Lux Living. There was a time that people invited those to their wedding to share their special day and for the most part the parents paid for the wedding. Today, it has become a business. It has totally lost its meaning. If you're ever to stay on a budget, you could never give the amounts that I have seen here today. We've all become an ungrateful society and have forgotten to become humble enough to except gifts of any kind.

My son and his fiance were married in an extemely exclusive plantation where they only permit two weddings a year from those who own property there. They went to Williams-Sonoma and places like that and asked for a number of pieces for each item they chose. My son told me that if someone could only afford two spoons that that was OK with him. He didn't want people to not be able to buy a gift because of their circumstances. My son and his wife threw their own oyster roast at their own expense the night before the wedding. I have never seen two people more gracious than those two and I have to tell you that my son didn't come from a home with a lot of money. She did, but not him. I have never seen a more beautiful wedding than what those two had and most of it was because of their total unselfishness.

[savvy06]

We always try to be fair and cover at least our meals, $80 - $150, depending how well we know them and always give cash.

For family we've given much more than that.

[Amanda W]

In the past in my non-frugal days, I would always give $100. I'm planning on cutting that down to $50 for close friends/family members and $25 for acquaintances. I also only give one wedding gift per lifetime. I have a friend who's been married twice in the past three years and did huge registries for both. Tacky!

[MarianneJ]

That $100 has to cover 2 plates, so not $100 per plate. Our wedding was as frugal as I could possibly make it, but it also had to be kosher so more expensive than many other options. Our wedding was probably the least expensive kosher wedding reception in the history of Judaism , and it cost us about $35/plate. I consider $50 per plate (so the $100 my DH and I give) as low as possible while still trying to cover the expense of the new couple. I hate knowing that I am not really giving them a gift because they will be paying more for my presence than what I can comfortably give. If I am physically attending someone's wedding then I am obviously a close relative or best friend of that person and I am going to be as generous as I possibly can. Do you all attend alot of weddings where you hardly know the couple or what?

If you can handmake a gift or take the video/pictures that is AMAZING. I would appreciate that more than any amount of cash. My whole point is that, if I am giving cash then I am going to give as much as I can since these are people who I love and care about.

As far as my own wedding, if others had not been involved our wedding would have had 100 people LESS and cost us much less, but you've got to also keep the parents and in-laws happy. Everything is give and take, especially if you want to try to keep a happy family before you are even a member!