Gathering information from a loved one

cptacek · #1 (**permalink**) 12-04-2006, 08:58 PM

My mom and I are going to visit my grandma in a few weeks. My grandma is getting up there in years, and even though is healthy except for a bad case of arthritis, we decided to go out to see her to get her affairs in order in case something happens to her.

We are needing advice as to what all information we need to get from her. We aren't planning on doing any estate planning or mutual fund redistribution in that trip, but more like what banks she has, the account numbers, any retirement funds she has, what she wants us to do if she can't take care of herself, where she wants to be buried, etc. My mom will be the executor of her estate and she needs to know what Grandma's wishes are. Any hints?

scfr · #2 (**permalink**) 12-04-2006, 09:20 PM

On his web site, Jonathan Pond has a Letter of Instructions that you can download for free:
http://jonathanpond.com/letterofinstructions.html

It's an awesome resource. It will include all of the information you mentioned and then some. You could talk your grandma through it interview-style rather than asking her to fill it out if you think that would be easier for her.

It might help if your mom fills one out too and gives it to you (or to another trusted family member) so your grandma knows that you're asking her these questions because they are important and not just because she's old!

My sister & I have exchanged these with each other; I'm 42 and my sister's still in her 30's. It's never too soon.

PRICEPLUS · #3 (**permalink**) 12-04-2006, 11:27 PM

Great resource! Power of Attorney is very important as is a living will and health care proxy!

vishenda · #4 (**permalink**) 12-05-2006, 02:14 PM

thanks for that resource, I learned much, will forward that one to my sisters too!

Fern · #5 (**permalink**) 12-06-2006, 09:45 AM

I would spend some time thinking about how you are going to broach this subject. The last thing you want is for your grandmother to get the wrong idea about this and become hurt or angry.

JanH · #6 (**permalink**) 12-06-2006, 12:47 PM

I think if she knows that all of you are getting your information down and in a helpful place, it might go over better. Make it a family thing?

cptacek · #7 (**permalink**) 12-06-2006, 05:28 PM

When my mom called her to tell her we were coming out to see her, she was so happy we were coming for a visit she wouldn't have cared if it was really to take her in for a root canal.

Really, though, mom told her we were worried about her, didn't know where she lived, and didn't know what she wanted us to do for her if something happened. She said it was a great idea. Before my grandpa died, he had everything planned out, but that was 20 years ago, so there has to be some changes. We told her up front that is the main reason we are coming out, and she is supportive of that.

But, I do agree that mom and I should do it too. In fact, I just sent mom a copy of all my online accounts, account numbers and passwords in case something happens to me. Mom pays all the bills and Dad can't even turn on a computer, so if something happened to her, Dad and my younger brother and sisters could be in trouble. I'll see if mom would agree to that as well.