Friends vs. Family members on Holidays

[vishenda]

I don’t know about you, but every time the holidays roll around I start holding my breath. It’s not about what to buy, Answers already helped me figure out what to get my uncle, a truck driver who has everything. No, my dread had more to do with family politics around the holidays, and how it affects who I (sometimes we) go see.
There’s always great aunt Helen, the 90+ year old screaming Democrat, who tends not to get along politically with much of the rest of my family, except me of course. Don’t worry, she’s balanced out by uncle Phil, who’s a very quiet reserved born-again Christian who always votes Republican. Both happily accept my partner and I around the dinner table, but neither can fully swallow the idea that we’re vegetarians, “Thanks, but we’ll pass on the turkey again this year.” Would it just be more polite for us to cook our own Tofurkey?
Call me crazy, but several years back I started spending major holidays with the family of a very close friend.
Do you spend the holiday time with friends or family? What social, political, or religious factors influence your decision?

(still, and of course my family is the most important thing in my life, crazy or not)

[tinapbeana]

when i first moved back to SC all my immediate family was working 14+ hour days in the two coffee shops, so NOBODY wanted to cook for TG. we got invited to a friend/customer's house and happily accepted. the first year was great. second year really nice. third year we found out WAY more than we wanted to about the host couple when several of their sub/dom swinger friends dropped by for turkey and wine. we called it the 'alternative lifestyle' thanksgiving...

[shelbylovesmelby]

We spend time with family out of guilt!!! It's not a political thing is a age & we have our own family thing KWIM? My il's are in their late 60's all they yack about is how this or that ethnic group is doing them wrong & medications. Then my mom comes along just to fill her face & she'll admit that!

SO basically I'd feel bad if we didn't go to the il's & if we didn't invite my mom I'd be a really bad kid KWIM? Plus mil would get PO'd @ us & well we've seen a holiday season of that. Mil got mad cause dh 'had to work" he didn't but he wanted to spend Christmas Eve w/ our lil family in our own home ALONE. She go PO'd & sent fil over w/ gifts on Christmas & that was it til after new years that we even heard from them. Nice eh?

I don't mind the holidays w/ one of our friends as she's the only single one of her siblings. But they all snag her for their holidays & we always invite her as she's always welcome here & she's one of the few friends my dh likes to boot.

[Ima saver]

I guess spending the holidays alone is not so bad after all.!

[simpleyme]

that is funny that they cant accept you being a vegetarian

My MIL ,a very intelligent woman cannot remember until she says it out loud that vegetarians do not eat meat and makes sure that everyone for miles around knows that I am a vegetarian ( I am not political or embarrassed I just want to eat dinner without explaining my dietary habit to people )

she always starts dinner off by loudly offering me turkey ,ham or whatever meaty dish being served ,only to proclaim ,o yes that is right you do not eat meat do you
I 'll end my little rant by adding the fact I have been married to her son over 23 years LOL

[jodi]

I have been blessed with not one, but two families (mine and DH) that I truely WANT to spend every holiday with We have Thanksgiving with my family at 1pm, then drive 1.5 hours to have it with his family at 6pm. I've never missed a holiday with family.

[Daylily]

Originally Posted by simpleyme

that is funny that they cant accept you being a vegetarian

My MIL ,a very intelligent woman cannot remember until she says it out loud that vegetarians do not eat meat and makes sure that everyone for miles around knows that I am a vegetarian ( I am not political or embarrassed I just want to eat dinner without explaining my dietary habit to people )

she always starts dinner off by loudly offering me turkey ,ham or whatever meaty dish being served ,only to proclaim ,o yes that is right you do not eat meat do you
I 'll end my little rant by adding the fact I have been married to her son over 23 years LOL

Funny and sad. I have a somewhat similar situation. I cannot eat any gluten (wheat, barley, rye, oats). My mother has the habit of offering me things that I cannot eat. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, knows what I can and cannot eat and has the habit of announcing to everyone what I can't eat.

[kealina]

actually we both love our families and even like them normally but i have to admit the holidays can add extra stress...

[vishenda]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

I guess spending the holidays alone is not so bad after all.!

I dont know, I haven't tried celebrating it alone. But if I will be then I will just be sleeping and sleeping ---> quality sleep Ive been needing this!

[Snoopy2645]

Crazy families but you wouldnt trade them for the world LOL!!! Lets see what happens at xmas at Easter my brother showed up drunk about to pass out while eating & even my almost 90yr old grandma knew he was drunk it was really bad & my sis hasnt came to a holiday gathering in years she wont speak to us & my dad has passed away so that side has nothing to do with us. And its another year of keeping my kids out of my moms husbands hair & yet these are the only people I have to see at the holidays would I rather be alone maybe but I wouldnt trade my brother my grandma or my mom or my kids of course for the world!!!

I definetly miss my dad & other grandparents at the holidays & dh's family is along ways off like the other side of the country so they are out of the question. Ya its a mess some quiet holidays at home are not too bad if I was completely alone I would volunteer somewhere like the kids shoes party or a homeless peoples dinner

[PRICEPLUS]

Thanksgiving we ued to go to wifes relatives and I hated the driving. Driving and the fact that my wife is very ethnic and Thanksgiving food is not always what one might think it should be. We stay ay home now which is okay by me!

Christmas Eve finds me at my relatives and Christmas day is at home.

Easter is always at home.

I don't care who shows up as I find a chair to watch football or other sport and go to sleep! No sports? I go directly to the dozing part!

[PrincessPerky]

The only trouble I have with holidays is food..I am by no means a great cook, but I have childhood memeories of a Gma who was! I miss good moist turkey......and oddly enough, a fruit coctail thing..canned fruit, which I never ate then and don't eat now, but thanksgiving always seems wrong without it......

Oh well, nothing interesting with my family, but IMO do what feels best for you, forget the rest, especially if you do have kids, 20 years from now, will they dread the holidays too, or love the wonderful memories you created with them?

[BCHGRL]

Argg. . .every year I say that I am not going to go to my mom or dad's family Christmas. I ultimately eat my words and go see those people just because I love my parents so much. My Dh's family lives 14 hours away so we don't get to spend too many holidays with them. Other than Indiana being too cold for my taste, I wouldn't mind spending more holidays with his family.

My mom's side is okay except for her brother's family. They just think they are hot you-know-what and everyone should bow down and worship them. Being that my mom's brother is the oldest and this is a southern family, he is treated as the most important member of the family. For instance, their son, my cousin, is getting married this year so they just decided that all of the family shouldn't exchange gifts except for kids and guess which family is the only one with kids (yup, theirs). Anyways, I suggested a drawing so that we can still give gifts, just be more frugal. Oh no - that would mean that they would have to think of someone else other than themselves. Puke, puke puke.

Then there is my dad's side of the family. My grandma is such a snob, my aunt is a snob, my uncle is so obnoxious, and my other uncle never says anything. If they regifted your present, they will tell you and laugh about it to your face. My obnoxious uncle is a millionaire, has no kids, no wife or ex, and only has one niece and one nephew. Last year he gave us pork from the grocery store. He thought he was just hilarious, I thought he was just cheap.

Ultimately, I will spend the holidays with these people I can't stand to appease my parents, but I will spend the whole time wondering how two wonderful people like my parents grew up with such obnoxious siblings.

[aurielle]

I made a rule for myself that I do not spend any holidays with my family after a particularly disastrous Christmastime holiday reunion 16 years ago. It was terrible, I never should have went.

Anyways DH and I always spend Thanksgiving with friends. We rent a church hall with a kitchen, supply the basic dinner items and everyone shows up with sides/desserts. Its a dinner for anyone who has nowhere else to go for T-day. The local treatment center residents also show up and pitch in with cooking and clean-up. People bring board games and cards and we all have a good time.

[Ima saver]

I like your idea aurielle!

[lrjohnson]

I really don't belive in the saying, "blood is thicker than water." There are family members I will never see again and I'm fine with that; genetics doesn't mean that I have to put up with certain things. If it's intolerable or unforgivable, than that's what it is, family or not.

I do love spending time with my dad and his wife and that's never a burden; even My Guy loves spending time with them, so it's not like a choice with them or friends.

I do have to do a required MY Guy's family event every year at Christmas and Thanksgiving; that forced feeling is just the worst.

[vishenda]

Originally Posted by lrjohnson

I really don't belive in the saying, "blood is thicker than water." There are family members I will never see again and I'm fine with that; genetics doesn't mean that I have to put up with certain things. If it's intolerable or unforgivable, than that's what it is, family or not.

I do love spending time with my dad and his wife and that's never a burden; even My Guy loves spending time with them, so it's not like a choice with them or friends.

I do have to do a required MY Guy's family event every year at Christmas and Thanksgiving; that forced feeling is just the worst.

IM WITH YOU

[vishenda]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

The only trouble I have with holidays is food..I am by no means a great cook, but I have childhood memeories of a Gma who was! I miss good moist turkey......and oddly enough, a fruit coctail thing..canned fruit, which I never ate then and don't eat now, but thanksgiving always seems wrong without it......

Oh well, nothing interesting with my family, but IMO do what feels best for you, forget the rest, especially if you do have kids, 20 years from now, will they dread the holidays too, or love the wonderful memories you created with them?

yes, your advice is well taken...I was actually about to go somewhere far from them, reminds me of this line "sometimes the way to be free is to choose not to go but to stay..."

[cschin4]

I think people in general are just too opinionated nowadays. Everyone can have any opinion that they want, but they don't have to express this loudly and in an obnoxious way. I really don't see the point. As far as being vegetarian, just say "no thanks" when they pass the turkey, or put some on your plate and don't eat it. There are many ways to do what you want without making a statement to others. Seems like everyone and their brother has some new dietary requirement. When going to eat at anothers home, just say "no thanks" I don't think any other explanations are necessary. And, a good host should not be pushing you into taking something you don't want either.
As for the family "big mouths", there are some in everyone's family. Just chuckle to yourself. You can't change that person's opinion anyway so save your breath.

[Fern]

I always spend major holidays with family, my mother would never forgive me if i didn't, tho truth be told i'd enjoy it more with friends.