tips for dealing with a gambler?

[HalMd]

So, how did it go?

[fairy74]

She called my home number twice this weekend but I was gone both times...I have not called her back yet, I will keep everyone posted, thanks again for all the tips and support

[markio26]

update:
i just wanted to add, our friends that i spoke to, we have discovered to our surprise are wearing down their family and friends also, with their behavior... i think the 5 minute rule is very wise for your own sake...my great aunt susie used to tell me... "don't get involved you will only get hurt." i do advise them if they ask me... they do not want to change is my conclusion.. best wishes.. hth..

[fairy74]

thanks Markio, DH also suggested that if she starts in with the "oh poor me" that I just tell her gently what I think of her gambling and its after-affects and tell her that this a topic I am no longer comfortable discussing with her. It's always hard when you can see good qualities in someone but the self-defeating ones seem more prominent, you were right to tell your friends and then let it go

[markio26]

i am trying really hard to be my own person... i react to situations, the way i have learned from my upbringing... my spouse avoids situations...or ignores them... so, i am sorta on my own.. right now spouse has a work friend who has lived for 6 years with my friend pam.. we discovered by accident, tater is cheating with a co-worker named rose ann... i am appalled by his behavior.. he brings pam over to our home, acts like a faithful mate to her... i hate liars... i wonder what else he is lying about to her.. anyway, we will mind our own business.. pam has acted jealous of our relationship with tater, lately, now we know why.. she probably had a thought that we were involved or maybe knew something...so, never think you are the lone ranger.. i could write on and on, about ppl. we know..........hth. thanks for posting this.. all of the comments were helpful to me too.

[fairy74]

Quick update, spoke to my friend last night. First two minutes of the conversation were great (mainly about jobs, family, etc...) then she started into the "oh poor me" about her finances, I let her vent for a minute or so and then when I could tell she was looking for sympathy, I just told her that you reap what you sow. She was quiet for a few minutes and then amazingly told me I was right. I also asked her not to bring her gambling and associated financial losses up again, as I am frustrated hearing the same thing over and over again. She agreed but then told me that I didn't understand "because I have a husband". I told her that was an excuse and reminded her that when I met her I was newly divorced and in a much worse financial position than her. That shut her up! Anyway overall it went better than I expected

[shengmei]

Genetics indicate that perhaps some people simply have an addictive personality to adrenaline. Some people like me needs to be overstimulated so the adrealine levels constantly need to be kept up so they don't crash and fall into despair.

I got five cats. Cats are stimulating enough for me. Both of my parents are HUGE gamblers, and so far I have managed to avoid the impulse by keeping busy and by not having a credit card.

[fairy74]

shengmei

you raise an interesting point, my friend has about 4-6 dogs at any one time and does other thrill seeking type activities. I definitely think there is a biological component, however obviously some people (like yourself) seek a way to control their impulses...good for you controlling your impulses!