hypenathed last name

[Jacklad]

Originally Posted by tabbycat31

I am glad I'm not alone, but sometimes in forums like this I feel alone.

You shouldn't. Just chatting about this with hubby, and we've seen every possible combination.

We know two couples where he took her name. We know one couple who both changed to a different surname. Of the rest, about 55 percent of the women took their husband's name, about 35 percent kept their own name, and only about 10 percent hyphenated (one friend of mine explained why she didn't hyphenate - she's Polish, he's Ukranian, both with long surnames. She figured that if she hyphenated, she'd never get the result to fit onto any forms ). Most chose not to hyphenate the kids' surnames - probably just as well, because then what do you do when two hyphenated surnames get married? "Hi, I'm Mary Smith-Brown-Jones-Doe?" might work, but what about poor Betty Mastroanglo-Ackermann-Desrosiers-Mihailovic?

Oh, btw - the couple that chose a different surname did so because his name, anglicized when his father came to Canada, was "Chicken". He grew up wanting to change his name but not wanting to hurt his father's feelings. He and fiancee decided to change the name, and chose "Paulson" - because his father's name was Paul.

The point is that none of this is groundbreaking - there's lots of people following each path, and no one really raises an eyebrow. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and you'll have plenty of company in that decision.

Jackie

[tinapbeana]

non-name-changer here... when i was in college two of the drama dept professors were married to one another. they both hyphenated, and added the others name after their own. basically jim smith and susie brown because jim smith-brown and susie brown-smith (names changed to protect my failing memory!).

i suggested to DH that he & i both change our names, create our own family and identity yadda yadda yadda. he said he didn't want to feel like he was ditching his family. i told him i didn't want to feel that way either. he doesn't think it's a big deal, i think it's a huge deal.

oh well...

[kashi]

Originally Posted by Joan.of.the.Arch

Kashi, do you really not know any women besides tabbycat31 who did/will not change their surnames with marriage?

Oh no, certainly not! I do know a few women who kept their maiden names. Perhaps I wrote my post too quickly. What I meant to say was that not many people consider the historical aspect of name-changing, in that a woman went from being her father's property to her husband's property. Whenever I bring that up to someone, they look at me as though I've just grown a third hand out my forehead. So many things now are done just because that's the way it's always been done, and few people think about why it was done that way in the first place!

Honestly, though, few people around here keep their maiden name. 100% of married women on my high school reunion website took their husband's last name. All but one of my friends took their husband's last name. In the midwest, at least, people look at you funny if you don't take his last name (and then they call you by his last name anyway).

I knew there was a reason I wanted to move out west....

To the original poster - sorry we've hijacked your thread - I think if your wife truly wants to change her name to yours, she should just do it, completely, and get it over with. The insurance companies should adjust.

[Gruntina]

I could go either way when it comes to changing my last name. My reason varies and would not matter towards others but me and my future spouse. But what I am pondering is.... does it really matters historically if a woman keeps her maiden name when she is married? It seems like it will still be passed down from a man anyways and not makes any differences. It is true in History that women were properties but not only by their husband but by their father as well. It would have to start with children's last name in general rather than the wife as it was passed down by father's name in most cases. It seems even when this happens, tracking family historically becomes even harder.

Out of personal opinion of changing names, I think anyone should do what they do out of want rather just making a point out of it. I think it’s the attitude and heart behind the name rather than what people only hear.

But physically changing names in today’s world as more paperwork involved and can alter one’s decisions as back then women did not work, go to school, read, start a profession and etc. It seems more of an individual choice rather than one size fits all solution. I personally do not have the need to cling onto an identity as I am already content with who and what I am.

[DivaJen]

Originally Posted by kashi

Oh no, certainly not! I do know a few women who kept their maiden names. Perhaps I wrote my post too quickly. What I meant to say was that not many people consider the historical aspect of name-changing, in that a woman went from being her father's property to her husband's property. Whenever I bring that up to someone, they look at me as though I've just grown a third hand out my forehead. So many things now are done just because that's the way it's always been done, and few people think about why it was done that way in the first place!

Honestly, though, few people around here keep their maiden name. 100% of married women on my high school reunion website took their husband's last name. All but one of my friends took their husband's last name. In the midwest, at least, people look at you funny if you don't take his last name (and then they call you by his last name anyway).

I knew there was a reason I wanted to move out west....

To the original poster - sorry we've hijacked your thread - I think if your wife truly wants to change her name to yours, she should just do it, completely, and get it over with. The insurance companies should adjust.

Add me to the list who consciously chose NOT to change her name.

[kashi]

Originally Posted by Gruntina

I personally do not have the need to cling onto an identity as I am already content with who and what I am.

I guess I don't see it as "clinging" to my name (and thus, identity) so much as not finding any particularly good reason to change it.

You do have a point regarding children, though. Kids normally take their father's name, anyway, so what does it matter? As a friend once said, since she was her father's property before, what does it matter if she changes her name to become her husband's property now?

Perhaps I'll change my name to my own, made-up last name. Or maybe I'll just go by my first name, a la Madonna, Cher, Oprah.

[DivaJen]

Originally Posted by kashi

You do have a point regarding children, though. Kids normally take their father's name, anyway, so what does it matter?

DD has my middle name and her father's last name. If she changes her name down the road, she can keep her middle name and change her last name or drop her middle name and keep her surname as a new middle name. At least she'll have a choice. Or, she can follow in her mother's footsteps and hold onto both names. I have a middle name from my mother's side of the family and a last name from my father's side. I like that.

[kashi]

Originally Posted by DivaJen

I have a middle name from my mother's side of the family and a last name from my father's side. I like that.

My sister-in-law did the same thing with her kids. I think that is a nice idea.

[tgavin71]

I changed my last name when I got married. For me it was my third last name. One at birth, one when my mum remarried and one when I got married. I didn't need to change my when my mum remarried or when I got married. I did it because both names were, in my opinion better than the name I had before.
I hated my birth last name and always had the intention of changing it. I got teased a lot because of it. I remember sitting in a hall of 300 year seven students and having my name read out. The teacher stumbled over it for a good 20 secs. Finally I yelled out "Tongue" you know the thing in your head. It is pronounced exactly the same way. Of course everyone turned and looked at me. It is a horrid name.
Thankfully my mum remarried a better man with a better name. SO I took on this. No more teasing about my name but no one could pronounce it or spell it.
When I met my husband and he wrote down his phone number I decided then and there that if we married I would change it.

[neatdesign]

I've been married twice, first at age 23 and then at age 30. I took my husband's surname both times. I haven't used my maiden name since my first marriage; I kept my first husband's surname after our divorce because I liked it better than my maiden name.

However, I was thrilled when I got engaged to my second husband, because I was so excited about getting a "normal" surname: Stevens. Easy to spell, easy to pronounce. Better than my first husband's surname, and much better than my maiden name.

That said, my first name (Jennifer) is EXTREMELY common, and now, with my married surname, my name is even MORE common. When I worked at Capital One, it was a slow night so I looked up Jennifer Stevens in their customer database. It only pulled up 6 records at a time and I had to keep clicking "Get More," which made it take some time to do. I stopped after it hit 300...

I've been thinking of changing my middle name. Not only because I never really liked it very much, but mostly because I'm worried that I'm more at risk for identity theft. Or, at the very least, mistaken identity (getting mail for some other Jennifer Stevens, etc).

Problem is, I can't decide what I'd like to have as a middle name. It would have to be something that I like, sound good with Jennifer, and be unique but not outrageous. But the biggest thing is that I really don't know, in the end, if it would be worth the effort. Knowing me I'll probably be way too lazy to go through with it.

~ Jenney

[Gruntina]

Jen, Jenny, Jennie, Jennifer, Jenifer, genifer, and geniver etc..... aaack I can't escape!! I am also a Jennifer and it’s the #1st most popular name in my generation. I remember more than 4 Jennifer’s each course I took in high school so the Jen, Jenny, and Jennifer sounds were not enough to go around that we had to be announced with our last name. I also remember that cute things with names like key chains or necklace with the name Jennifer always ran out first.
I could use my middle name but a famous celebrity is well known with that name so no win here! But I want to honor my parents with the name they gave me so I am keeping it. But I do know the frustration of having a popular name.

[tinapbeana]

my name is not all that popular, but in my 6th grade class there was a tina, utina, and davina. how weird!

[Homebody]

I hyphenated my last name because after I married, I went to change my name on a local department store credit account. They were still using written legers and already had a customer with my new married first and last name. So they said, "Why don't you hyphenate your name". I said okay and that's how it happened with me. This was in 1978. I eventually (like 15 years later) changed my SS# (when they threatened to withhold a refund), but changed my driver's license the next time it came time to renew. Checking accounts and all have hyphenated. So I consider my hyphenated name my "legal" name, but answer to plain old C Brown or Mrs. Brown too.

I think it was a good idea since DH's name came up on a judgement when we have applied for our first real estate loan and it was not him. It was fairly simple to clear it up though.

YD just married and took her husband's name. I think my husband was slightly disappointed she didn't hyphenate her new name.