For first time, unmarried households reign in US

[tinapbeana]

lux & snoop, i'm so glad to hear i'm not the only person with a super frugal wedding! as i'm sure you know, i've had some people look at me dumbfounded when they hear this story...

"But it's your big day!!!"
"Yes, it was"
"But you didn't have a dress or a cake or anything!"
"True, but a year and a half later I bought both a house and a car."
"But you don't even have any pictures!"

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[lrjohnson]

I think even if you want a "big day" you can have it at a decent price. My close friends had a wedding with a catered reception, with all the trimmings, for less than $3,000. Both of them had a lot of friends and they both really wanted to have a big party. It was a great bash-pictures, cake, flowers, beverage including wine and beer and toasting champagne, dress, "favors," DJ for music, all that-but they don't owe any money on the wedding. I'd spend less than that if i was the marrying kind, but mostly because I'm not interested in the wedding stuff-they were, and they got it.

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by lrjohnson

I think even if you want a "big day" you can have it at a decent price. My close friends had a wedding with a catered reception, with all the trimmings, for less than $3,000. Both of them had a lot of friends and they both really wanted to have a big party. It was a great bash-pictures, cake, flowers, beverage including wine and beer and toasting champagne, dress, "favors," DJ for music, all that-but they don't owe any money on the wedding. I'd spend less than that if i was the marrying kind, but mostly because I'm not interested in the wedding stuff-they were, and they got it.

great point, LR!

if i'd been a weddingy type, i'd have done the same i suppose. instead, i put a downpayment of 3k for my house and for me, that was the better decision. different strokes for different folks!

[SuzeOFan]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we just pass the 300,000,00 population mark? (something like that).

So apparently children are just as plentiful as they ever were?

...and unmarrieds now outweigh marrieds?

From these simple facts i think its safe to say there are more children in this country who live in home enviroments are less than stable or desirable.

When children are involved there is no better enviroment to grow up in than with a mother and father (man and woman) legally committed to each other in a legal marriage.

That's the way it's always been. That's the way it will always be.

No matter what the politically correct 'social architects' want you to believe.

When you upset the balance of nature, be prepared to reap the consequeces. It's a warning us (if we have the eyes to see) as well as a sad statement of our times.

[SuzeOFan]

Correction:

I meant to say 'lovingy' committed to each other in a legal marriage.

[aurielle]

tinapbeana, you even have me and DH beat! We spent about $500 on our wedding. Drove to Reno and stayed for the weekend.

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by aurielle

tinapbeana, you even have me and DH beat! We spent about $500 on our wedding. Drove to Reno and stayed for the weekend.

hehehehe! DH & i were in vegas for a pool tournament (pool league pays for the trip, how frugal!) in august 2004 and everyone expected us to get married then. we ate at a restaurant that sits you family-style while we were there, and a drunk englishman offered to pay for us to get married in a chapel if he could come drunk dressed as elvis! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!

in retrospect, i guess i would have saved the $25 license fee going that route, but somehow i'm not the 'drunk elvis wedding' type. actually, i don't think anyone is the 'drunk elvis wedding' type!

[boefixepa]

Okay, finally weighing in here....

I think this is a sad statistic and shows how sick our society as a whole is becoming. There is nothing wrong with 'waiting' for the right person. There is nothing wrong with being a widow. You have no choice if a spouse chooses to leave for whatever reason. I don't think any of those items are going to tilt the scale.

In my view people don't treat many of the relationships they are in as they would like to be treated. Golden rule here. I'm going to hold that marriage, between a man and a women, is ordained of God and part of his design for the creation of His children. I also believe that we will be held accountable by Him for how we treat our spouse, and execute our duty as parents. I hold being faithful to your spouse before you even meet them, by your values and the way you live your life, is just as important as continuing that once you have meet, and after you are married. I believe the destruction of families, which is what I see by this statistic, will bring about the eventual distruction of our society has we know it. Fatherless children, crime, rape, drugs, gangs, STD, lower education, etc. etc. etc...I could go into more detail, but I think you can get from that how I feel....and I feel strongly about this.

I am 31 and am single, never married. I am currently dating an awesome man (30 never married) and things are going wonderfully. I see in him the same values and life style that I have lived and am praying I will spend the rest of eternity with this man. Is he perfect, no, but neither am I. However we have both lived our lives in preparation for our future family, even though neither of us had one. It has taken much longer than either of us would have liked, but we are both just soooo happy that we have finally found each other......expecting a proposal before Thanksgiving!!!! Keep your fingers crossed!!!

Oh, and I have no intentions of spending but a couple (2-4) thousand on the wedding! I'm more interested in the marriage than the wedding!

[vsjhoc]

Boe - I'm so happy to hear you have found someone so special! Best wishes!

If you do get that proposal, I'm sure you'll LOVE shopping for that wedding dress (I hate clothes shopping as much as you do. I found my ex-wedding dress at Brides Against Breast Cancer. It's a travelling collection of dresses donated by bridal shops around the country. Nice to pay $200 instead of $2,000 and know that the $ goes to a good cause.)

[lrjohnson]

Because sometimes silence leads to or is misinterpreted as acquiescence, I'm just going to pipe in that I believe that some unmarried couples are far more deeply commited than some married couples, and that I do not see preventing commited couples from marrying as any kind of protection of the culture. I'm not in agreement with many of you; debate would be pointless as we are pretty firm in our stands, I'm just speaking my peace.

[tabbycat31]

About children being raised in a family where parents are married. I think that for the most part that it's good for the children (I came from a home like this) however there are exceptions. What if one parent is not a part of the kid's lives despite being married to teh other (always working late, having affairs, etc). What if one parent is abusive? What if the parents do not love each other anymore and constantly fight?

I think that kids are better off being raised by one parent than by 2 parents who constantly fight with each other (in front of the kids).

[tinapbeana]

i have no kids, but this is the way i grew up and this is what i believe:

children should be raised in a safe, loving, joyful home. period. i don't care who's raising them (i.e. whether it's biological parents or otherwise), who's married to whom, or anything else.

a nurturing environment for children is not, nor has it ever been, guaranteed by the fact that two adults in the household are married. i know mal-adjusted adults who came from normal married households and i know well-adjusted adults who came from non-normal or unmarried households. i also know folks where the reverse is true.

unfortunately, marriage is not the pancea or answer to a perfect society we would want it to be. the sad fact is that children can be mistreated and exposed to poor examples and roll-models in a married household just as easily as in a non-married household.

moreso on a personal bent: i don't think it would be as much of an issue if marriage were as hard to get into as it is to get out off...

[kashi]

Originally Posted by lrjohnson

Because sometimes silence leads to or is misinterpreted as acquiescence, I'm just going to pipe in that I believe that some unmarried couples are far more deeply commited than some married couples, and that I do not see preventing commited couples from marrying as any kind of protection of the culture. I'm not in agreement with many of you; debate would be pointless as we are pretty firm in our stands, I'm just speaking my peace.

lrjohnson, thank you.

I have been biting back furious responses to this thread simply because lrjohnson is right - several people are obviously so firm in their beliefs that they cannot even fathom that someone might disagree with them.

However.

If you assume that because I am in a loving, long-term, unmarried relationship, I am selfish; immature; partly to blame for the spread of STDs, HIV, and violence; and incapable of supporting a child in a loving environment, then you could not be more wrong. Every situation is not the same. I, too, know unmarried couples who are faithful, fabulous parents, and deeply in love, and I know plenty of married couples who are horrible parents, cheat on each other, and are far more immature.

I must thank you, though, because you have given my significant other and I hilarious bantering material about which one of us is more selfish and immature!

On a lighter note, I think that a wedding in a park wearing jeans and a t-shirt sounds heavenly. Should I ever have the desire to sign a piece of paper to make my relationship "legitimate," that sounds like a great way to do it.

[boefixepa]

Yeah, it's one of those touchy subjects. It's why I waited so long to say anything too. And once again I am amazed at this boards ability for each person to share their thoughts, even thought hey may be vastly different, without sinking to mean and nasty attacks on individuals. It's why I finally joined this board. So even if you don't agree with me, that's perfectly fine, the world would be a boring place if everyone was like me. I respect each individuals right to have their own position on any matter.

[SuzeOFan]

Here's a good article if anyone's interested.


From The Vanier Institute of the Family:

A more 'scientific' approach to the subject than religiously biased.

In various studies, they have found interesting statistics that support the long-standing tradition that when it comes to children...

marriage is preferable to cohabitation. And for many reasons.


http://www.vifamily.ca/library/cft/cohabitation.html

[boefixepa]

Suze..yep that's it...that article hits it right on the head!

[kashi]

I still don't buy it. Again, that may be the case for some people but I still don't believe that signing a piece of paper with my SO is going magically make me a fabulous parent who bears incredibly well-balanced kids. Nor do I think NOT having that piece of paper means I will be a horrible parent.

It strikes me that it's quite similar to instantaneously being considered smart enough to vote the moment you turn 18...being logical enough to drink responsibly the moment you turn 21...becoming a better driver the moment you turn 25... All I need to do is sign a marriage contract and *poof* - great parent. I simply cannot buy it.

Again, just my honest opinion. I'm agreeing to disagree.

[boefixepa]

Kashi, that is probably the case in your situation. The article, and what I said, is OVERALL. Meaning the general population. There will ALWAYS be individual exceptions to the general situation. I wish you the best in whatever you chose.

[sarah]

I had a terrible time adjusting to widowhood at 40 but I don't think that I will ever be in a committed relationship again. Don't ever believe that marriage or any relationship will be for your whole life sometimes it for their life.

[Broken Arrow]

Somehow, this reminds me of an amusing conversation I recently had with a friend of mine.

Friend says, "Dude, look at it on the bright side! You're free to go anywhere you want, do anything you want, and buy anything you want. So... what ARE you doing with yourself lately?"

Me says, "Um... sleeping early?"