Question: babysitting equity or family peace?

[geojen]

No offense, but your brother is passing the buck. He doesn't want to deal with this uncomforatable situation, and he should. It is always the blood-relative's responsiblity to handle disputes between in laws. It is not right that he won't step and participate in what happens to his kids.

That being said, it doesn't matter if you are uncomfortable taking this up with your SIL. It's what you have to do. Tell her the same thing you told your brother.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Jodi, does your brother really even consider taking care of his child to be his responsibility? It seems like he might think it is his wife's plus yours. Maybe the three of you will have to get together. I really feel for you on this.

[jodi]

Ironically, he is usually much more willing to take my kids (the older one, at least) than she is. He also seems more appreciative of the time we spend watching her. But he just doesn't want to get into it with her.
I agree though, that it should be his place to broach the subject with her. I would expect my parents to come to me if they needed something addressed with my DH (and they have). It makes everything easier when it comes from the spouse than the in-laws.

[TBH]

Sorry, everybody.

I did feel like KellyJef's comment was a little too blunt, but I certainly did not mean to pick on her (pearlieq's phrase). I apologize for being rude to KellyJef.

I have a relative who is as self-centered as the OP's SIL, and her interpretation is that she's "standing up for herself" so I think KellytJef's comment touched a nerve.

I'll try to think before I post.

[jodi]

Gosh, I love this place. Comments are taken out of context (what sounds bad to one person is reasonable to another), and then everyone apologizes and gets on with the business of helping someone else.
My first thought was that the comment was a little blunt, but then stepping back, I can totally see how someone would have that view. Unfortunately, family politics are a little more complicated, so I have to weigh whether it's more to my benefit to speak up or keep the peace.
To update the situation, my mom told me that she wants to sit down with me and brother (and/or SIL?) to talk openly about the child care situation. We can both spell out our specific needs and try to engage brother/SIL in a conversation about how we can all share the childcare duties together. We might be able to work out something where mom watches the kids Tues morning, Thursdays, I watch them Tues afternoons, and SIL watches them Monday afternoons (if she agrees). Then I can send my kids to preschool class instead of full-day day care, save a little money, and really feel like we are all helping each other out. Now, to put the plan into action and see if it works...wish us luck.
My mom is a really, really smart lady

[geojen]

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[Thrif-t]

So now that I read thru all this I'm wondering how it went???

[jodi]

No resolution yet. My niece has been sick, and now my son is sick, so it became a low priority. Still hoping to have that talk...but ever since I said something to my brother, my niece hasn't been over as much (partially due to illness too) - exactly the effect I was hoping not to get.