Encouraging others to spend

[JanH]

On the flip side of things, have you ever known a really frugal person to have such a hard time spending on themselves that when you hear them wish for something they won't spend money on, you just want to encourage them a bit to be nice to themselves. I know someone like that. She is doing wonders with her money, but she never does anything for herself. You just want her to enjoy all her hard work once in awhile.

[Ima saver]

I have never met anyone that frugal, as a matter of a fact, I know very few frugal people.

[Gruntina]

There was an article in the Money magazine that my dad showed me a few years back. It had to do with a lady that was mad at her brother for encouraging her to put funds in the stock and only to lose it all. She ended up eating hot dogs everyday and people try to give her a new coat for a gift but declined. She saved money long term and when she died she was extremely wealthy. She spent her life saving all that money and lived as she was a bum! Now I need to research to remember her name and info.

[Ima saver]

I know who you are talking about but can't remember her name. She lost that money but then went back into the stock market. She was very strange. She worked for the IRS her entire life and never made more than $5000 a year, but she saved and invested almost all of it. She did not spend any money on herself, she never married.
She wore the same clothes all the time and went to all the stockholder's meetings to get the free food. She saved every dime she ever made. When she died, she left over 12 million dollars (I think) to a woman's college.
That is how she wanted to live her life.

[JanH]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

That is how she wanted to live her life.

True, and I think that's great. I just wish this person wouldn't want to do more, but feels she can't. Maybe she will eventually learn to ease up on herself. She does have a lot of responsiblities right now. Maybe I am just looking at it wrong. Maybe she has her priorities right now.

[Ima saver]

We have all heard about the person who lives in one room and never spends a dime on themselves. I have never met any of them and none of us on the forum seems to be like that. My mother never spend a dime on herself, but she felt she had two children to provide for and very little income coming in.

[TinyFish]

Well, I guess it is always easy to spend someone else's money! I hear all the time from friends and family about how I should spend. My FIL suggested the other day that I should consider the 'value' of an addition we were thinking about. In his opinion, I should spend 100K! On the other hand, I'm sure he meant to give good advice and I often find myself THINKING (but not saying!) how others should spend their money.

I think the issue of having a 'treat' or 'reward' is a real one. Most people don't find saving for really long-term goals intrinsically rewarding on a day-to-day basis. Of course, any 'treat' must be reasonable in regards to your budget and general financial situation. If you have just paid off your mortgaget and are totally debt-free, a more expensive celebration is probably in order than if you just paid off the first of many credit cards.

For day-to-day treats, as opposed to rewards, I think it can be good to budget in some 'mad money' if your budget has the room. Hubby and I are experimenting with this and it is working quite well. It is funny to see how your priorities change for buying luxury items when you only have a little 'allowance' a month to spend on them. Also, I think this prevents one from thinking of 'wants' as 'needs'. With mad money, you can get that manicure, pair of boots, dinner out, book, etc if that's what you really want with your treat without having to fool yourself into thinking you NEED it.

-TinyFish

[lrjohnson]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Just curious what type of "splurge" you indulge yourself with for $2. It costs that much in gas to drive to and from the store.

I did a blog post on how spending less results in more treats back in June.

[PrincessPerky]

I love the blog post....

[LuxLiving]

lrjohnson that blog post of yours reminded me of a story I read once about a lady who had something like 4 hairbrushes, 5 combs, 3 nailfiles, etc., and could never find one when she needed it. So, she got rid of/gave away all but one of each and was more careful of where she put them and thenceforward (is that a wuuurd?) always knew where they were.

A little something called APPRECIATION!

I enjoyed your post.

[PrincessPerky]

Ooooh I keep telling DH having too many pens is the problem..we can never find one, we own (like most americans) a billion, he got upset one day cause I gave away a ton (to a school, pencils mostly)

I told him I should give more away, then I could find one!

[Gruntina]

Now I know what my problem is!!!!! I can never find my chapstick but yeah do own a bunch! blushing here!

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

Ooooh I keep telling DH having too many pens is the problem..we can never find one, we own (like most americans) a billion, he got upset one day cause I gave away a ton (to a school, pencils mostly)

I told him I should give more away, then I could find one!

OK, I admit it, I have the same pen problem. I consider it a sort of stockpile, of sorts, which makes me wonder when does something move from being a stockpile to being a hoard? I feel a new thread...

[lrjohnson]

Originally Posted by tinapbeana

OK, I admit it, I have the same pen problem. I consider it a sort of stockpile, of sorts, which makes me wonder when does something move from being a stockpile to being a hoard? I feel a new thread...

Aaack! We have a horde of hoard/stockpile threads!
Do you hoard things?
Clutter
Stockpiling
Three month supplies
No Grocery Shopping
No Grocery shopping also
What is a stockpile?
Stockpile
Planning for disaster-stockpile?

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by lrjohnson

Aaack! We have a horde of hoard/stockpile threads!

crap... sorry about that, all. i've been poking around the site for ages and didn't realize i was being repetatively redundant

but wait. a hoard of hoard/stockpile threads? is this possibly saying something about the frugal personality type?

i'm actually trying to be serious here b/c i'm also on a clutter board and just read an article about compulsive hoarding, which is related to OCD. with the legitimate stockpiling and attention to detail needed to be successfully frugal, i think there would be a strong correlation between frugals and hoarding/OCD traits.

and no i'm not saying everyone here hoards and has OCD!!!

personality traits exist on a continuum (see my blog on this!) and are only destructive and considered disorders once they reach a certain level. for instances, there is a test that measures anti-social personality disorder (i.e. are you a sociopath), and car sales-people and politicians usually score higher than the general public, but not nearly as high as, well, actual sociopaths.

[Bookie]

Everything carried to extremes becomes pathological.

[tinapbeana]

Originally Posted by Bookie

Everything carried to extremes becomes pathological.

unfortunately for me, that also includes blogging and forums. drat!

[sakigt]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

That really drives me nuts. People who can't prioritize. When someone surrounds themselves with wants and splurges and then whines that they'd love to go on vacation but they just can't afford it. Well maybe if you didn't have a 60 inch plasma screen with surround sound and a leased SUV and a huge mortgage and smoke 2 packs a day, you could put some money aside for a nice trip somewhere.

I feel the same way. I splurge on my car and travel, yet people wonder how I do it. I simply dont spend on the little things I dont care about: Nice resteraunts, Expensive clothes, etc.

[mountainmist]

MAYBE the question 'should' be asked as to WHY do these consumers come to cyberspace to justify their indulgences -- isn't that a statement about their real lives?? Doesn't that say something?



"Ah! retail therapy strikes again."



Wow, that is really eloquent!

I think that you've hit upon the reason for so many purchases for so many items nowadays - it's simply a psychological mechanism for dealing with issues you'd prefer to ignore or simply don't have the emotional stamina or external support to deal with.

One can displace all sorts of negative emotions and priority concerns by instead concentrating upon these false needs - and that's why one seeks support from others in cyberspace to defend one's essentially self-defeating behaviors.

I mean, really, even all that time & energy spent concentrating upon organinzing coupons and reading all the sales, and staying current with rebates, and rotating stockpiles, etc. --- I wonder how many people use these activities to simply "push away" more pressing, more problematic issues they should deal with in their lives.

[mountainmist]

MAYBE the question 'should' be asked as to WHY do these consumers come to cyberspace to justify their indulgences -- isn't that a statement about their real lives?? Doesn't that say something?



"Ah! retail therapy strikes again."



Wow, that is really eloquent!

I think that you've hit upon the reason for so many purchases for so many items nowadays - it's simply a psychological mechanism for dealing with issues you'd prefer to ignore or simply don't have the emotional stamina or external support to deal with.

One can displace all sorts of negative emotions and priority concerns by instead concentrating upon these false needs - and that's why one seeks support from others in cyberspace to defend one's essentially self-defeating behaviors.

I mean, really, even all that time & energy spent concentrating upon organinzing coupons and reading all the sales, and staying current with rebates, and rotating stockpiles, etc. --- I wonder how many people use these activities to simply "push away" more pressing, more problematic issues they should deal with in their lives.