Engagement Rings

[Roupey03]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years and I was just wondering if you guys had any advice about getting engaged. What to look out for? What about the ring? How much should I spend? Where are the best places to go and look?

Thanks in advance.

[ChimbleySweep]

What do you mean by 'what to look out for'? If you don't know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, I'd hold off a bit longer. Even with as easy as it is to get divorced nowadays, marriage is a huge commitment and shouldn't be taken lightly.

As far as a ring goes, I would say buy what you can afford. My husband saved up all summer and bought me a $1500 engagement ring. It wasn't from Tiffany's, but it's 3/4ths of a carat and something that holds a lot of sentimental value to me.

I would start looking at various jewelry stores and asking around. Don't let them talk you into financing it! I know a couple who are still paying on her engagement ring three years into the marriage!!!

[vsjhoc]

Originally Posted by ChimbleySweep

Don't let them talk you into financing it! I know a couple who are still paying on her engagement ring three years into the marriage!!!

At least they're not three years into the divorce.

[Roupey03]

I am in no way doubting the girl. I am just looking for advice on the ring.

[Broken Arrow]

Don't you think you should "probe" your fiance for what she likes?

Rings are such a subjective thing, and some women are very particular about their jewelry....

That said, if there's any way around it, I recommend plain comfort bands bought wholesale. They can be had for as little as $50. The exactly same thing is sometimes sold for as much as $200 in a jewelry store!

[pearlieq]

Buy something that fits into your budget! You can always upgrade later. You're sure not going to be wanting to pay on a ring while you've got wedding expenses.

Do you have any idea what your girlfriend likes in terms of rings? Has she ever pointed out a ring or admired a friend's ring that you can remember? Are you close enough to her mother, sister, or best friend to ask them for help?

If you have no info to go on, the safest thing you can choose would be a diamond solitaire with either a round or princess cut. I wouldn't recommend buying any other cut than that unless you know for sure it's something she likes.

Take a look at the rings or jewelry she already wears. Is it silver or gold? If she wears mostly silver/white gold, buy her a white gold or platinum ring. If it's mostly gold, buy her a yellow gold ring.

Actually buying the ring revolves around finding the perfect balance between size, quality of the diamond, and price.

Things can get pretty technical when grading the quality of a diamond. The two most important factors to keep an eye on are Clarity (a measure of flaws in the diamond) and Color (how close to colorless is the diamond).

Clarity measures the flaws (little specs or bits of cloudiness) in a diamond. The flaws are called inclusions. Most diamonds for sale in commercial jewelers shops are going to be grade VS1/VS2 (very slightly imperfect) or S1/S2 (slightly imperfect). I would recommend sticking with a stone with VS2 quality or better. VS1/VS2 stones have small flaws, but they are not visible to the naked eye. The flaws in S1/S2 stones are visible to the naked eye.

Color grading measures diamonds on an alphabetical scale from D to Z in terms of how yellow they are. A "D" color diamond would be perfectly colorless and a "Z" diamond would be totally yellow. This factor isn't so important, since it's not like your girlfriend will be comparing her ring to a color chart! If the stone looks clear and bright to you, don't worry too much about the color rating.

Once you pick a stone you like, ask to see the certificate or grading report. That will list out and certify all of the measurements and quality gradings for the stone. Make sure the certificate matches what you've been told about the diamond.

The shop will likely also give you an appraisal from IGI. Ignore it. It usually has a grossly inflated price. Trust comparison shopping instead to get an idea of how much the stone "should" cost.

Good luck and congrats on your upcoming engagement!

[LuxLiving]

Depends on the girl and only you will know for sure - but I would not like to have a ring bought for me to wear 'FOR YEARS' without my being present for the selection process. Not all girls are like this though.

So - you can go out and buy her one w/o her there and tell her she can 'trade it' for something she likes better either now or later on, or:

you can buy her one that she might be miserable with or possibly ecstasic over.

or you can take her with you out shopping and let her pick out her own.

If you want it to be a surprise then definitely the diamond solitaire is the way to go. She could then go with you to pick out a wedding ring to go with.

You could always do the cigar band/costume jewelry ring $5.99 route at K-mart for the big question surprise and then go together to buy the real deal.

Depending on your girl you might WANT to go alone - it might cost you less in the end this way. Many girls have big eyes in a jewelry store and will whine until they get what they want. Others would respect your budget. Only you will know which type of girl you've got on your hands!

Anywhich way you decide - you probably ought to go out looking by yourself just to acquaint yourself with what's available.

Good luck and congratulations!!

[tmango]

Originally Posted by ChimbleySweep

As far as a ring goes, I would say buy what you can afford. My husband saved up all summer and bought me a $1500 engagement ring. It wasn't from Tiffany's, but it's 3/4ths of a carat and something that holds a lot of sentimental value to me.

We bought a nice engagement ring, unfortuantely the cat somehow ate the diamond off the ring, not sure how... i went looking for it too...not a pleasant experience, found things that you couldnt imagine... anyway..not a bad idea to look into the insuarnce policies of the rings... we got something where if we go every 6 months or so to get it checked or something, it stays under warranty... the wife is more sure of the details, but something to keep in mind!! Saved me some money....

[pearlieq]

One classy way to get around the whole "she may want to pick her own ring" issue is to comparison shop and pick out a good jewelry store before you propose.

Then, on the morning before you propose, stop by the store and pick out a selection of rings that are in your price range and have the store set them aside for you.

Once you propose, you could then bring your girlfriend to the store and have her pick from the rings you had set aside. Chances are she'll find something she loves from the selection, and will be impressed at how much effort you put into it.

[jodi]

Don't use your girlfriend's credit card for a cash advance to buy the ring That's what my DH did, no kidding! But it was okay with me, and he knew that ahead of time. Sounds like a big red flag, but DH would never, ever have done it if he did not know that it was 100% okay. Our finances were combined at the time anyway. But I digress...

I knew the big question was coming and took the time to point out to DH every ring I liked I didn't trust him for a minute to pick out something I would want to wear for the rest of my life. Definitely try to get some subtle hints, or go to a relative/friend (good suggestions from previous post). Have you talked about getting married or do you want this to be a complete surprise?
The diamond I have turned out to be flawed - DH didn't notice when he bought it - and that's probably why it was relatively inexpensive. You can only see the flaw in the right light. It bothered me for all of five minutes. To me, the commitment is important, not the vehicle used to convey it. I know others are different, but that's my $.02.
If your girlfriend likes antique jewelry, I have heard that there are good deals to be found at pawn shops or antique stores - not sure how you would check the authenticity though. If she likes the modern stuff, I guess you'll be heading to a jewelry store - I have no recommendations there. As far as how much to spend? I don't know that either! Personally I wouldn't go into debt for a ring, but my answer might have been different ten years ago...I guess you get a different perspective on things as you age. Good luck and congrats!

[thekid]

Originally Posted by tmango

We bought a nice engagement ring, unfortuantely the cat somehow ate the diamond off the ring, not sure how... i went looking for it too...not a pleasant experience, found things that you couldnt imagine... anyway..not a bad idea to look into the insuarnce policies of the rings... we got something where if we go every 6 months or so to get it checked or something, it stays under warranty... the wife is more sure of the details, but something to keep in mind!! Saved me some money....

Great idea! Was thinking of proposing soon and that whole had a ring for you honey bunny, but "the cat eat it" thing will be great. If she is incredilous can I refer her to you? These things DO happen.

note to self: get a cat first.

[tmango]

Originally Posted by thekid

Great idea! Was thinking of proposing soon and that whole had a ring for you honey bunny, but "the cat eat it" thing will be great. If she is incredilous can I refer her to you? These things DO happen.

note to self: get a cat first.

go ahead...although be prepared to sift through cat poop for the next few days "looking" for the diamond.....that will make you want to just pony up and buy it.

[Broken Arrow]

Originally Posted by tmango

go ahead...although be prepared to sift through cat poop for the next few days "looking" for the diamond.....that will make you want to just pony up and buy it.

LOL! I tell ya, when it comes to women and jewelry, you just can't win. Might as well wrap up your credit card in a ribbon and just give her that instead.

[thekid]

Originally Posted by tmango

go ahead...although be prepared to sift through cat poop for the next few days "looking" for the diamond.....that will make you want to just pony up and buy it.

LOL. Point well taken. Plus, I can connive with the dog much better

[JanH]

Having a relative or girlfriend check out what she likes is a good idea. They could be talking about an anniversary gift for themselves or something and drift to the rings. I was shopping with my daughter for something she needed in a jewelry store and I showed her a ring I wanted that wasn't too expensive and had my birthstone. I thought I might ask for it for a gift someday. She told her dad and that's what I got as a surprise for Christmas. It helps having snoops to help you out.

[kealina]

speaking as somebody who got married earlier this year... it all depends on the girl...
for me, i much preferred not to be surprised with a ring i may not like...
if you asked my mom you would end up with a ring i wouldn't like because she loves gaudy stuff and doesn't pick up on what i like very well because she's rather oblivious... i was glad to look at rings and pick a simple style i liked, keeping in mind budget and lifestyle... my major requirements were that it be small and simple and i wanted quality over quantity/size... over the exact style/size, i wasn't too picky as long as it was basically what i wanted but not all girls are like that...all that said, you're the one that knows your girlfriend... you have to do what suits you...

also, i second what BA said about wholesale comfort bands... at least think about it for yourself and your wedding band... we went thru a friend of my mom (my mom sells wholesale locally, unfortunately not wedding stuff) and got DH's comfort band for just over $100 when i'm sure it sells for quite it bit more...as for my rings, luckily i have an aunt who is a well-off jeweler and she gifted us with my rings as a wedding present, for which i am grateful... however, if we hadn't had any help we would most likely have gotten a set of matching wholesale comfort bands and thought about upgrading someday if we really wanted to...
here is a picture of our rings...

[Ima saver]

I picked out my own ring my first marriage, helped pay for it too. It cost $200 back then. When my second husband proposed to me, I told him not to waste his money on a diamond ring, I liked the one I had and I had paid for it.
He got me a diamond watch instead. I have my mother's diamonds too, plus a diamond ring that I won in a drawing.
I hardly ever wear any of them. I prefer other rings.

[Gruntina]

My ex never gave me a ring!!!! I was naive at that time and did not catch all the red flags with him and sure I was disappointed as I would have been happy with a fake 25 cent plastic ring.

[Broken Arrow]

In all seriousness, and if I had to charge into something like this... blind... I would highly recommend just getting a comfort band. This is, after all, an engagement ring, and so long as you get her finger size correct, you really can't go wrong. Plus, you can rest easy knowing that it will be a complete surprise. Doing it this way will also save you more money for other, perhaps more important things like... the wedding, reception, the honeymoon, and even getting a place for the two of you?

After the engagement, she'll turn into Bridezilla anyways, and insist on micro-managing everything, including the wedding ring. That's when you can pour your money into her wedding ring as she drags er takes you to her favorite jewelry stores to go shopping.

But that's "guy logic" for ya, so please take it with a grain of salt.

[Ima saver]

I was engaged once before I married. The guy picked out the ring and i did not like it at all. I gave it back!