Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

shelbylovesmelby · #1 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 01:25 PM

My uncle is always pestering me to go back to work. I laugh @ him because he (who's never had children of his own) tells me there's something wrong w/ me that I need to get out & get a job. It seems to me when most folks are paying $150 a week each kid I'd come out with barely grocery money if I was working my old job. Ya figure I was making $12/hr & getting about $735 every two weeks after taxes then - $600 for child care = $135 - $100 in gas to get to work = $35!

Sorry but missing those special moments in my kids life to put $35 in my wallet is an insult to me. No way can $35 superceed the moments lost in thelife of a child?

Anyone else in this same boat?

JanH · #2 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 02:03 PM

Back in the 80's when I chose to stay at home with my kids, I had a LOT of flack about it, including that I was wasting my brains! I told people I considered raising my kids the most important and difficult job of my life. Sure we went without stuff and took longer to buy a house than most. But I still think I did the right thing. There weren't too many other parents at home during the day, so it got somewhat lonely. But funny thing is that I took more kids home after band practice, after they missed their buses, brought stuff to school that they forgot and couldn't reach their parents....I am glad I chose the path I took. It was not a popular path back then. I know kids whose parents worked and a few whose parents didn't. They are all great kids. I just did what I felt was best for me and my family.

twinsmommy · #3 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 03:21 PM

Daycare takes about 25% of my take home pay for two infants but I have to have someone take care of them so that I can work. I am a single parent and my ex is very unreliable when it comes to money. It is expensive but I can't imagine paying someone less to do such an important job. I have a very flexible schedule at work and can arrange to be home early (or even work from home occasionally). When they go to school I should be able to drop them off and pick them up if I have the same job.

It is kind of funny that everyone can't just accept others choices. I would choose to work even if it took a bigger percentage of my pay and I believe that I am a better parent because I work. My mother in law just wants me to stay home. She even offered to send me the amount of my salary if I would stay home. Of course, she can't afford to do that so I don't know why she even said it.

The OP's family gives her a hard time when it is obviously not worth it to work for only $35 per week. Family...got to love 'em!

pearlieq · #4 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinsmommy

It is kind of funny that everyone can't just accept others choices.

Amen! I don't even have kids yet and people still ask me whether or not I would stay home, whether I would breastfeed, etc. It's like they're trying to figure out what "team" you're on so they can decide about you.

If no one's getting hurt and it doesn't affect anyone else, everyone can just mind their own beeswax!!!

OP: I'm sorry your family feels it's OK to intrude on your life and offer judgment on your decisions. Maybe it's time to set some boundaries. You don't owe anyone an explanation!

JanH · #5 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 04:00 PM

After we started to school, my mom worked. I believe she got a lot from being out in the working world and making her own money. Her additional salary paid for a lot of things we needed. I just wish people had left me alone about my choice. It would be nice if people would just let others decide what is best for them and their families without judgement.

PrincessPerky · #6 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 06:14 PM

I am anti day care due to more than cost, I understand many owmen (and men) feel stifled to stay home, but I notice the research regarding childrens health and such shows daycare to be detrimental in most cases. my two are healthier than the average, happier than the average, and better adjusted, I notice in sunday school a great many of the kids who are in schools or daycare have great difficulty leaving mom and dad, where mine just happily wonder off, they get enough of me at home during the week.

I know many want to defend their position to send their kids off, and I understand if it is due to special circumstances (single parent, or significant money issues) but I do not understand otherwise. there is no school that can come close to being a family..unless it is practically a family.

this is not politically correct and I am sorry if it offends, but if you had kids raise them, if you don't want to, why have them? borrow someone elses for an hour or two a day...

getforfree · #7 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 06:38 PM

I work nights and weekends part-time when dh is home.

I would love to have normal 8-5 job, but with the childcare costs I will be making like $1/hr after the tax and gas. The tax %% will be higher if our income will go up. I am sorry, I am not willing to work for a pay that low!

Plus, because I work only about 10-30 hrs/ week, actually as many hours as I want and I basicly make my own schedule, I have more time to search for free stuff, sales, coupons, sell on ebay, cook from scratch, hang my laundry, and even run some errands for other people for extra $$ while having my kids with me.

My kids never get sick, but some other peole's kids who go to childcare, get sick very often. It might be because of being with other kids, or having to wake up very early every day, I don't know why. My kids go to bed late, DS (3yr) goes at about 11pm, DD(1yr) goes at about 10. They wake up whenever they want. DS sleeps til 11am. I just notice that those kids that stay home are healthier. Does anyone have an explanation for that?

PrincessPerky · #8 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 07:18 PM

kids are 'snotty' and they touch everything, wash their hands very little (and not so thuroughly at that), and well, put them in their mouth's and nose's and eyes more than grownups, so day care is a literal 'germ factory' no amount of bleaching will stop the snotty kid picking his nose and then touching a toy, dropping it and moving on to the next, dropped toy is then picked up by your kid, he/she plays then touches nose, eyes, or mouth.

So yeah, this happens at home, your youngest grabs a toy, sticks it in his mouth still and then drops it, your oldest is in charge at clean up and puts it away, yuck! BUT your kids in your house have a lesser chance of bringing the germs in in the first place, you have to introduce the germ..like say that kid who is really too sick to be there, but mom thought dosing him up with medicine could get her at least an hour or two of work.

which is why I say my husband gets the flu shot, and it covers the family

(that same mom went to work sick too....)

And lest you think you have to lock the door all flu season, most people stay home from church when sick, most grocery cart handles have the germs dried and died before your kid gets there (though feel free to wipe it down as needed) Most toys in stores are hard to mouth (though I do recomend washing hands after visiting before eating) So other than school or daycare flu season isn't as dangerous..though busses and the like up the risk..people coughing in a closed environment and all....

jodi · #9 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 07:27 PM

I just love this forum! Other forums I have been on in the past, this would have erupted into a working mom vs. SAHM war in two minutes. And here we are discussing the merits and drawbacks, giving personal stories, etc. with no judgement. Gives me the warm fuzzies

At this time, we are using a daycare, but only for one day a week. My mom has graciously, graciously (we are so eternally grateful to my parents for so much) offered to watch my boys two days per week, but we still needed coverage for the third day I work while DH is student teaching, and hopefully afterward, if he can get a job quickly. So they go to a nice, small center - $20 per kid per day (8 hours), so $40 total for one day a week. I am so thankful I do not need daycare more than that - it would kill me to turn over more of my hard-earned money! But the goal, eventually, is for me to become a SAHM (doing occasional real estate sales to supplement) after DH gets a steady teaching job with benefits. Every day I look forward to that a little more

pearlieq · #10 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrincessPerky

this is not politically correct and I am sorry if it offends, but if you had kids raise them, if you don't want to, why have them? borrow someone elses for an hour or two a day...

Yes, it does offend me. It's insulting to state that someone who works is not raising their children. I'm sure many working parents would love to know what exactly it is they've been doing all these years.

People can still be excellent parents while also enjoying fulfilling, productive, and meaningful careers.

I spent plenty of my childhood in daycare. I'm pretty sure I'm not a serial killer.

getforfree · #11 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 07:38 PM

I didn't go to childcare, and than, when I had to go to school, I had a hard time to adjust to other people. And maybe that's why I still hate crowded places.

PrincessPerky · #12 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 07:54 PM

Never said you were, simply stated that when a daycare spends more time with kids than parents that means the day care IS raising the kid at least in part. Again sorry if you took insult, my goal is not to hurt.

On average a child is in daycare for 50-70 hours a week, sleeps for (7*10) 70 spends 48 or less with parents [out of 24*7= 168] That means day care is at least as influential as the parents.

factor in that a great deal of the time with parents is spent getting stuff on to go to work, food in, baths taken and you don't have a lot of time left to find out what kind of kid you have....and your kid doesn't have a lot of time to be alone, be with mom, be with dad, be with siblings, and well just be.

This is not (to me) about working vs not working, my opinion is merely based on the STRONG influence that day care has, A place that spends more time and especially more 'free time' with your kid than you IS raising your kid to a great degree.

Daycare should be a use as needed well researched choice. All the politically correct talk of 'its no big deal day care wont harm them in the slightest' is the same kind that has people thinking nursing and bottlefeeding are the same healthwise, they are not. Yes there are reasons to bottle feed, and there are reasons to use daycare, but NO they are not the same.

DivaJen · #13 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 08:04 PM

I think it's fair to say that if a child spends the majority of his/her time in daycare, then daycare is doing quite a bit of the raising when it comes to raising a child. I don't understand parents who want to leave their children with others from infancy all day, five days a week. There are people who need to financially, but I simply can't relate or understand at all those who have a choice and make the choice to go the full-time daycare route. I'm not saying that with judgement; I truly cannot nderstand it as it goes so counter to my own thoughts on parenthood and my drives as a mother to be there with my child and be there for my child, day in and day out.

Different strokes for different folks, of course.

Having my child raised primarily by me and her father was an important choice for our family. It meant letting go of my $40K + salary that included medical benefits, so in that sense, it was costlier for us to NOT use daycare.

Cost wasn't the factor in our decision.

MonkeyMama · #14 (**permalink**) 10-01-2006, 11:57 PM

Due to costs AND other reasons yes.

We figure hubby would need $35k salary to break even, in our region. Probably about what he could swing too. Just SO not worth it on so many levels.

It amazes me after taxes and daycare how many people making another 30/40k over us have LESS money at the end of the day. Instead we have been enjoying paying just about no income taxes the last few years. On the flipside we would be slammed with taxes if he worked, not to mention social security taxes and such. & Daycare is insane in our area.

Frankly though, most the people I know work and leave the kids with their parents and grandparents - they just can not afford daycare. At least they are coming out ahead and the kids are with family. I couldn't do it though. I see nothing but advantage over advantage having a spouse who stays home with the kids. It's a choice we made personally long before we had kids, but the cost aspect just amazes me more and more over time as I talk to more working parents about their finances. & the friends I know who resort to family are all miserable - lots of issues and head butting on child raising issues, etc.

Armywife · #15 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 03:21 AM

It is a hard decision especially on the mother's part to stay home. I chose to stay home until my daughter is ready for school because of several reasons. The biggest factor in this is that I didn't have a chance to see many of my firstborn's milestones (first steps, first word, first laugh) because I was working full time in order to pay for someone ELSE's debt.
I'll re-enter the workforce once all my children are in school full-time.

geojen · #16 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 05:36 AM

DH and I don't have children yet, but we have been discussing this very issue already. Both of our mom's stayed home with us until we were in 3rd or 4th grade, and we both loved it. We want that for our kids too. We don't want a daycare raising our child. The hard part is deciding who would stay home. Right now, I am in grad school working on my master's degree, with the hopes of getting a cushy federal government job for the natural resource conservation service, and DH is a machinist. I want to stay home with my kids, but feel like I should work because I went through all this work to get a degree and the job I want. DH could stay home, but I think I would be jealous...plus I don't know if he could keep the house up!!

PrincessPerky · #17 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 09:09 AM

Heh, how about a cushy part time job, and you each stay home different hours..or a fit in when ready consultant job...or a weekend job...there are alternatives to one person staying home full time.

Gruntina · #18 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 11:58 AM

I plan on to be a SAHM when the time comes. If I stayed at my job, I would be working to just keep my Job itself when I want to be home to raise my child. I do not want someone else to raise them for me. With what is going on in today's world and day care and schools, I hope my at home time with them would help their foundation in thinking what is right and what is wrong rather trusting that in another unknown person.

At the same time, I worry about my future with having job year’s gap in experiences, not contributing to 401K or savings. But you don't take any of those when you leave the world. I like work... but I don't live to work only. It just a part of my life and not my sole reason. It really all depends on how trustworthy and dependable your spouse is to be able to be the provider in other things and work out as a team. Also a spouse that understand its hard work and allow breaks and time with friends when needed.

Dixiechick · #19 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 01:21 PM

I am not anti-day care, but I'm also not pro-day care either. I do believe that there are those who have no choice but to use those services. When my daughter was young (2 yrs old, after getting my BS degree), there was no option for me but for day care. I HAD to work - per my ex. I made more money than he did but for him to stay home with her was also not an option. He absolutely wouldn't be Mr. Mom. He also absolutely believed that I should work or more than likely, there'd be a divorce.

Anyway, I'm glad I did work because we're divorced now and I have a very good paying job with excellent benefits. My daughter's in college now and my son is 10. As much as I wished I could have stayed home with either or both of them, there are some husbands/dads where that isn't an option. And I'm also glad I did work or I wouldn't be in such a good financial situation that I'm in now. So, all you young single women out there...know how your future husband feels about this subject!

What I find funny is that my ex's Mom was a SAHM and he couldn't have imagined growing up any other way. But that didn't translate over to our family. Money mattered more to him....

My kids have turned out great and both loved their daycare. But then again, not all daycares are made the same!!! Investigate them thoroughly!

Dixie

MonkeyMama · #20 (**permalink**) 10-02-2006, 01:49 PM

Ahh, but I know many who hd no choice and decided to start their own daycare. Then again you have to like kids and it does still take away from time with your child. I know personally I would rather work outside the home than resort to that. I do not do kids, besides my own. But there are so many opions out there if you really feel it is important to be home with the kids. My older son is in daycare/preschool 2 days a week and actually I Am totally in love with the place. The woman started an in-home preschool 20 years ago when she was a single mom so she could be home with her kids. But she loves it so much she continues though her kids are grown.

Gruntina - it is good you are thinking about these things though. My husband has been home 4 years. He tried to find a minimum wage last year - temp - when my maternity leave was unexpectedly extended and came up against a lot of discrimination about his lack of working for a few years. Originally he was going to stay home until the youngest was in kindergarten, and then maybe one of us work FT and one PT. After all my raises the last few years and his experience looking for just a grunt job for a little extra income, I am starting to think he may not ever return to work. IF that is what he runs up for minimum wage job, I Can't imagine the trouble he will find in his field with such a large gap - it will be 8 years no work by the time the younkest is in kinder. In the meantime he is using the time to try to break into another field. He may return to school for a while as well... It is tough overall to have such a gap in employment, but planning ahead can lessen the blow. I wish we had planned ahead better.