My cousin said she doesn't need money...

It may seems stupid to ask you guys... But something has bugging me since yesterday about a comment that my 15 soon to be 16 years old cousin told me that she never needs/to use the money...

I had a conversation with her yesterday and she mentioned this way :

My cousin: I worked today... I don't know why but I never need to use money.
Me: Did you spend it ?
My cousin : No, I don't need to.
Me : Well no duh, your parents pay for all of your things, even when you're going out, they pay for you and you have friends that pay for you too. One of these days, you'll know how it feels like to have many wants that "you" have to pay yourself.

I don't remember the rest of the conversation, she seems arrogant the way she's talking. She's not the mean type of course, but she's overly confident about herself that she denies what I told her, She never found any use of the money.

From my point of view, I think she doesn't know how the real world works, even though I talk to her about my past experience and told her to be careful, she assumes she'll never be like this and that. I have no problem with people who have confident about themselve, although sometimes, I find her confidence over the hedge.

She doesn't like it that I'm always saving my money, that I'm always planning a budget and restricted myself from spending the money on useless things, she told me to have fun with my money and I do, not on expensive things such as Laronde (Her parents pay for her passcard) and I don't even like that place, full of rides that I've been on a few years back and I HATE waiting in line for 30 min just to get on a ride which is a waste of time and my money.

I don't know if I'm overreacting on this... Because, maybe she's right ? She told me that I think I'm always right, okay fine then, I'm not sure if I'm right 100% on this one, more like 50% sure that what I said was true.

She's not a spender like other teens which is a good thing, she still buys useless things though. She's not a money lover, which is a good thing, but saying that she doesn't get why the money is a big thing in this world make her seems so innocent that a part of me feels like corrupting her about the real world, and another part of me, feels like leaving her alone without any ideas how the world works.

Even if I teach her about money whatever, she'll never listen to me, it has been like that ever since she hits high school, she rather follow her friends then following me how I run my life and I don't seem to like her anymore because she's becoming ignorant. Okay, it's normal, she has a teen attitude. It makes me look like an outcast since I'm about a year and a half older than her, but I'm so different from her peers.

Anyways, I was wondering... What do you guys think about her way of thinking? I feel like I'm wrong, yet I feel that I'm right in some way with my way of thinking.

P.S : Just to let you guys know, I have a little clue how the real world will work... Consider I've been around this forum a lot of times and seeing you guys talk about things that I haven't even though about in my lifetime. Too bad my cousin is not like me, she only goes to whatever website that interest her.

[JanH]

I don't know how to respond to your confusion, but my impression is that you are going to be better prepared for entering adulthood learning what you are learning here about money and the real world. Money is a tool used to pay for the necessities, emergencies, and some of the fun stuff you want to do. You should be proud of yourself for wanting to be prepared. You will make better choices and know what to do when you make a mistake. Good for you. Seems like you are just on a different page. But at your age, it does feel like you are not fitting in. Be true to yourself. Think of yourself as unique and marching to a different drummer.

[Bookie]

I wouldn't be too concerned. Life is a wonderful teacher, and even the most reluctant pupil will eventually respond to the rod of necessity. Your cousin will receive a liberal education in fiscal reality, like it or not, and she will find the tuition costs to be an eye-opener.

Be patient. Walk your own path. The day may come when she will value an experienced tutor.

[Snoopy2645]

Well since she is working from what I understand in your post & she says she dont need money tell her to put it away cause I guarantee she will eventually need money mommy & daddy dont pay your way your whole life well usually they dont LOL!! And if she will be 16 soon & wants a car & no one is buying her one she could save for that just a few ideas!!! Thier have been times in my life where I didnt need money much but I still saved it up for big purchases car & house!!! For example I started babysitting at 12 some weeks I made $200 & at 12 I had not many wants or needs that werent covered by parents ya know so I saved the majority of it I probably wasnt like most kids I didnt waste my money either

JanH : Yeah I should be proud, but I'm quite disappointed in my cousin for her ignorance...

Bookie: Eventually, she'll be facing the real world later in life. Still...It frustrates me so much with her attitude.

Snoopy2645 : I gave up on trying to help her... She don't have a bank account from what I know of. She's not the type who wants things because she wants to, it's what her friends have that she wants. Say, her friends start to drive then she told me she wants to drive too, her friends have a car, she too wants a car. She said she's no follower but from what I've seen from her, yes she's in... Uncounsciously though. Her parents are not giving her any lessons about money, they let her enjoy her childhood by giving her money to go out and stuff. She's almost like a spoil brat.

[Mathew Green]

Originally Posted by T_I_N_A20

From my point of view, I think she doesn't know how the real world works, even though I talk to her about my past experience and told her to be careful, she assumes she'll never be like this and that. I have no problem with people who have confident about themselve, although sometimes, I find her confidence over the hedge.

Even if I teach her about money whatever, she'll never listen to me, it has been like that ever since she hits high school, she rather follow her friends then following me how I run my life and I don't seem to like her anymore because she's becoming ignorant. Okay, it's normal, she has a teen attitude. It makes me look like an outcast since I'm about a year and a half older than her, but I'm so different from her peers.

"The warnings are not heard. If heard they are not believed. If believed they thought not to apply to the believer."

It has always been thus. Few people hear advice or warnings and instantly recognize them as truth, unless they are already in the bad situation they're being warned about. This applies especially to teenagers.

Also keep in mind that no one can actually teach anything to someone else. All you can do is put the information in front of them and hope they will remember it at the appropriate time. Fortunately most people do recall what others have said, or at least the gist of it, sometime later when the need arises, even though they thought it was useless information at the time. If nothing else, hearing the same information/advice from different sources over a period of months or years eventually makes it sink in that all those people may actually know something.

Here's a quote from a tombstone:

"As you are, I was. As I am, you will be"

Think about that. Maybe you weren't like her at that age, but weren't you at least sort of like that at some younger age? Since she's still young, there's still plenty of hope that she'll turn into you as she matures. (or at least that she'll mature as she gets older )

Life is a series of learning experiences, and you're wise to recognize that she may just be going through a case of "teen attitude". Right now, she's busy learning how to be herself instead of her parents little girl, or your younger cousin, or whatever; so she wants to be like her peers and thinks they have all the right answers. Somewhere down the road she'll realize she wants to be a real grown-up -- not just a xerox copy of her friends or the popular kids or anybody else. For some people that moment doesn't come till they're in their fourties, for others it comes while they're still a preteen.

Mark Twain said something to the effect of: "when I was 15 my father was so stupid I could barely stand to have the old man around, but by the time I was 21 I was amazed at how much my father had learned in those six years."

Give it time. Keep being available. Keep making the information available to her. But don't push it. Just let her see as time goes by that the reason you are free to control your own life and make your own decisions is because you earn and control your own money.

And most of all, keep on being her friend and quietly letting her know that you respect her and will be there for her if/when she wants to talk about this or anything else.

[disneysteve]

I don't think the person you need to be speaking to is your cousin. You need to be speaking to her parents. When your 16 year old has a job and such a tremendous sense of entitlement, it is time for the parents to start making her pay her own way for some things. How else can she learn the value of a dollar and how to budget her money? She never will if they keep paying all of her expenses.

[Crystallas]

Maybe you took her approach at life as her plan in life. People tend to confuse these things. She considers herself humble. She may not be, frankly.. Ive never met a humble woman, only women that think they are but arent. I really dont get why it disturbs you. Its common for people to feel that money isnt what their life is about.

[PrincessPerky]

While I would keep talking to her, I would try to learn from her..the lack of worry..not that you shoul stop being money conscious, but that she notices your money torubles, so they are on your mind alot..and worry never helped.

I would also keep on talking..yeah how do you do that without making money the key thing in your mind..when you figure that out please let me know!

I have a teen who comes around most weekends to go to church with us, she has no concept of money, she was suprised when I commented I had never had a service shut off due to not paying a bill! she was under the impression she was rich with a40$ birthdya present..she owes 600 on a phone bill! She thinks we are crazy to only cool the house to 82, and yet she lives in ahouse where the electric bill does not get paid! she will gladly pay a do;llar a bottle for pop, and does not connect that 5 trips for pop (4 people) is a month of contacts! she has no glasses that work, and cannot see, yet her family is waiting for that 'windfall' before they buy her any! I would so be cutting the pizza out and delivery,a nd pop, and beer to buy the kid some glasses! I cannot understand a family that has finances so back assward!!!! I avoid talking ot her mother, cause while I am sure she doesn't know what she is doing, I am equally certain me telling her what I think of leaving her daughter blind for the entire summer, will not help..I would never do it with tact...

I was talking to her about pickup or drop off of her daughter and she mentioned the hour long trip she planned to make daily to and then another hour from so her daughter didn't have to switch schools when they moved...I couldn't bite my tounge, I stood up (she was in the car I was talking thru the door) and turned and said 'thats f@$!@## rediculous' and walked away, the gal can't afford groceries and she wants to spend an hour in the car each morning and then again at night..for a shcool!!!!nevermind my opinion of sending her daughter to school because she likes the 'hot guys'.........

I do not wanting her thinking life is all about money...but I also want her to think a bit more about money! I hate trying ot find that balance, I aim to not need to be haaving these lessons with my teen, they should be as nartural and ingraned as washing hands after peeing, or brushing teeth...

so when you find that balance..fill me in

[boefixepa]

Oh Princess! that horrible, yet funny at the same time! I know exactly what you mean! I have a brother that will spend all kinds of money on cigs and eating out and who knows what else, and then come begging for money to pay his rent! PRIORITIES PEOPLE!!!!!

[LuxLiving]

PrincessP&boefixpa - You go girls!! ROFL!! I'm right there with ya - have a niece in law who is lying big time about their debts. And now the collectors are coming to call IN PERSON. So you know this isn't the first she's heard about it. My nephew is working his tail off on the one hand and she is shoveling it out faster than the poor boy can bring it in. Her kids wonder why it isn't okay to just run 30 miles (one way) to the store to get a snack when they are hungry. Uhhhh...no, we've got snacks here. Choose one or do without! OMG!!!

Kids knowing naturally?? I agree with that idea, that is why when shopping w/mine I do some of my 'inner shopping dialogue' OUT LOUD where they can hear the rationale. I encourage you all to do the same. Such as "We can buy this now and do without X later, or I can leave this here on the shelf and have plenty of Y from now on! I choose to leave it out of the cart today."

[neatdesign]

She's 15. Kids that age don't need money; they're minors. If they're lucky, they have parents or guardians who care for and look after them financially. I don't think it's weird that a 15-year-old kid doesn't think money is all that important. I also don't think it's weird that she doesn't understand how important saving money is. She's a child, after all.

Children learn their spending habits and attitudes about money primarily from their parents. Maybe her parents don't save money, or don't think it's dumb to spend it on frivolous things. Maybe all she has to do is bat her eyelashes and they buy her everything she wants. If that's the case, there's little wonder why she has the attitude that she does.

That doesn't mean she can't learn to have a new attitude, one that involves responsibility and maturity. But remember that she's just a kid, a teenager at that. If you hound her about it, she'll just attach negativity to the concept of saving money and that will just make her resist your suggestions even more. Instead, show her some positive consequences of saving money. If she sees the positive potentialities that saving money can have, she'll be much more likely to care.

~ Jenney

[PrincessPerky]

That is kinda hard, when the ill effects of spending on credit are not really hitting her (creditors/troubles hitting her mom but not her)...but the ill effects of not wasting/using credit, are keeping us from all the junk she has.....

meaning my life of saving/frugality/woindow shopping seems boring and bad..while her moms buy anything you want on credit is 'fun'..


Grr can't change the world, can't fix it, can't rescue em.....

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by neatdesign

She's 15. Kids that age don't need money; they're minors. If they're lucky, they have parents or guardians who care for and look after them financially. I don't think it's weird that a 15-year-old kid doesn't think money is all that important.

I disagree. Most 15 year olds I know are quite aware of the need for money. By that age, parents are often covering the necessities but the kid is responsible for a lot of the extra stuff - special clothes, expensive sneakers, new video games, etc. That's what allowances and jobs are for. And by 15, she ought to be aware of college being just a couple of years away and the expenses associated with that. She may not "get it" fully, but the awareness should certainly be there.

[Gruntina]

I remember allowance and working hard to pay for things when I was that age. But I never thought of working hard to save for things expecially long term. Every allowance or work pay went into imediate payment of school, clothes and car.

Mathew_green : Thanks for the advice. The way she responded make me cringe, I don't like talking serious subject like money, because she's always in denial. I don't know if she'll remember my advice, she likes to listen to her friends better. Now I'm going to leave her alone, if she needs any help, she might come to me or go find someone else, I could care less.

disneysteve : Eum... Her dad motto is : Nobody like a cheap person, so you should splurge attitude. All she does now is spend and she works for money in our family grocery place, but she never spend her money... Well who needs it ? She has her parents to pay for her expense. She even told me once that she wants a job because her friends all have one... One thing she knows, is that she has to work hard in a job no matter what the circumtance is , another of her dad motto... Even get abuse ? She'll still think it's life, you still have to work... I told when you're a teen, you have a choice to work or not, when you get abuse, you should quit because you're not doing it for a living, so you have a choice on this too. She still thinks that's what life is about, another of her dad saying.

Crystallas : Yeah you're right... I thought at first she'll going to be like that in her life, she follows her dad motto a lot as you can see. Humble? No... She sees herself like that, but she shows off a lot which is quite borthersome sometimes. She said she doesn't need money... When in fact, all her activities she's doing cost $$. Quite hypocrite of her to say this...

PrincessPerky : Okay, I'll tell you when I find a balance hehe... I guess I love watching my money grow a lot.. xD But the thing is... I don't talk much about money with my entourage, I just think about it a lot. I don't have that much worry, but a fear of wasting all my money. @.@ I'm currently saving a big portion of my money for travel and house, the rest of it, is on nothing really. I have a lot of money I don't know what I plan to do with it, though... It feels good to have money that you don't need...


LuxLiving : I'll try this with my little sister hehe...

neatdesign : Well all her activities she's doing has something to do with money. I'm not a person who worry too much about money, only worry how I can grow my money faster. I did tell her about the positive side of saving money, for exemple, I save all my change and at after 6 months I got around 400$, she was impressed, that didn't help her save her money in any ways. But... She has money from her working days in our family grocery store, so you can sorta say she has savings...

disneysteve : Her dad said he saves money for her future studies already, so she's not worry. My dad did the same thing with me, but I can always look for a way to cut back, so I can put some in my traveling account. Most 15 years I know are getting part time job to buy junk. Most of them don't think about investing much.

Gruntina : At that age, I couldn't wait to get a part-time job to buy whatever I want. By 16, I was saving a big portion of my money and start being more frugal. Now at 17, I know how to balance my spending habit and my saving. It feels great though =) Having money left over. Most of my saving went toward the travel fund in 3 years... ^.^"

[Duchesse]

She's 15 years old, give her a break. Life will take care of these things.

[shengmei]

I was a hippie when I was that age. My family was constantly trying to get me into med school to get money. I kept saying that I could live with less than $200 a month. I hated money. I hated capitalism. I hated conspicious consumption. I was a totally hippie environmentalist.


I LOVE MONEY NOW!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MONEY!!!

She will grow up and be just like me.

[Bluezy]

*LOL* I like your post, Shengmei! I must say that the cousin will at some point in her life face financial issues.

TIN, I noticed in your post the statement that " [cousin] makes me look like an outcast since I'm about a year and a half older than her, but I'm so different from her peers..." I sense the crux of the issue might be something beyond her statement about money, perhaps issues surrounding her parents paying for certain items such as that passcard. I would go easy on your cousin until you figure out what might be the core issue. Always try to sort out feelings among family members before certain feelings turn to resentment.

All the best to you!