Anybody else having issues?

[geojen]

Just seems like nothing is going right in the financial world this month. My DH's work cancelled our flex plan, and we were planning on using it to pay for a crown I need. So, now we need to come up with it out of pocket. We finally had our ccs paid off in April, and now we will have to charge for my tooth, and for DH's new rifle, which I promised him before this tooth thing came about. He already ordered it, so no going back on my word. It just stinks to have a credit card bill again.

[vsjhoc]

Sure, when it seems like you're getting on top of or even ahead of things, something happens ...

Have you been paying into the flex savings plan all year? If so, I don't think you can just lose that money. Or were you planning on making contributions for the rest of the year to pay for the crown? Explain the situation to your dentist. How about asking if he/she can bill you in partial payments, so you don't have to charge the whole thing at once? Or asking for a reduced rate? Or maybe pointing the gun at the dentist?

[shengmei]

The issues are so bad for so many years (due to a stupid thing with a stupid friend which I trusted).....that I am afraid to say that I have considered suicide.

I really believe money can buy happiness, at least for me. If I were only smarter and less naive I could have saved myself.

[vsjhoc]

Originally Posted by shengmei

The issues are so bad for so many years (due to a stupid thing with a stupid friend which I trusted).....that I am afraid to say that I have considered suicide.

I really believe money can buy happiness, at least for me. If I were only smarter and less naive I could have saved myself.

Shengmei - I have seen several of your posts where you talk about someone who tried to kill you and other shocking matters, and now you speak of killing yourself. I think you have been crying for help, and I haven't seen anyone address you directly about this. Please get yourself some professional help. Please don't leave us.

[PauletteGoddard]

Yes, we have a new issue.

I just learned yesterday from our insurance company that the social communication therapy playgroup sessions my child takes are not covered under rehabilitation. 60% of our expenses, up to $1000 for the year, until our child is six years old, can be covered under neurodevelopmental treatment costs.

[Ima saver]

shen, do you want to explain your situation to us? I think i read that you are a newly wed? This should be the happiest time of your life right now!

[kealina]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

shen, do you want to explain your situation to us? I think i read that you are a newly wed? This should be the happiest time of your life right now!

yeah, i remember your post about your wedding too... your pictures were so cute...

[Bookie]

The tale of dental woes is one I can relate to, especially at the moment. In my case it's six crowns and some replaced bridgework. A portion of it will go on a credit card. Especially frustrating when I was on schedule to clear all outstanding debt by the 1st of January.

Somewhere I once read that in this life a person will always have bills. They get generated every time I turn on a light to write the checks for last month's spending. It never ends. I will go to my grave with bills unpaid, and I'll even generate a few new ones on the way.

So I try not to get too upset when the occasional blindsiding catches me off-guard. Today, at least, my finances are sufficiently under control to allow me to meet my expenses and handle the unexpected. It may be a stretch, but it's not the disaster it would once have been.

[Great to be Debt Free]

Dental woes! Don't I know it! So far this year I've had about $2200 worth of work done and DH has had about $1000! UGH!

And shengmei, I hope you will do what I have just done: seek help. I realized I couldn't pull myself out of my depressed state, so I called employee assistance and now I have an appointment on Monday morning with a therapist. I get 6 sessions free before insurance has to pick up.

But if you don't have an employee assistance program or option like that, you can get free counseling services through your local United Way. They will refer you to member providers who provide free or VERY LOW COST services. Depression is clinical, not just emotional and there's nothing wrong with asking for help!

[greedy4chips]

Depression...I got it and if I could give it away, I would. The only cure I have found is addiction to something. For some reason that gives me the zest to get thru the day! No drugs, no alcohol addictions either. Just games or something fairly tame.

[pearlieq]

I'll comisserate. We just got hit with a guerilla student loan. Two steps forward, one step back.

But at least it's still forward progress. And it could be much, much worse.

I find I feel much better if I actively focus on what is going right versus what's wrong.

[Snoopy2645]

please please get help shein I have been in yours shoes well with depression I never got help I was able to pull threw I guess depression runs in families & it runs in mine so I am sure that helped me along the way to come down with it. I get so upset about things sometimes I feel I have no control over I used to have thoughts like you but along the way I dont know how old you are now but I am almost 30 anyways along the way I learned time cures lots of stuff!!! If you lost some money keep plugging away & things will turn around I promise its just a matter of time they usually dont change overnight but will eventually.

also like previous poster stated find something like a hobby or fun stuff to do preferably free stuff to keep you busy & mind on other things

please thought seek counseling we all need you here!!!

[PauletteGoddard]

Depression...I got it and if I could give it away, I would. The only cure I have found is addiction to something. For some reason that gives me the zest to get thru the day! No drugs, no alcohol addictions either. Just games or something fairly tame.

What is nefarious about depression is that it lies. One is so convinced one is isolated, powerless and worthless. It's especially defeating if one is trying to live up to standards s/he feels everyone else is breezily maintaining. I've tried antidepressants, but they keep me awake at night. Am trying St. John's Wort this time. And keeping engaged with other people, keeping the activity level up to help others and feel counted has been the main therapy.

[Hot dog]

Exercise has been shown to counter depression just as much as medicine. Cheap and necessary Otherwise depression is a chemical deficiency just like diabetes so don't think you can combat it alone. Exercise also works for diabetes but you still might have to take insulin and you shouldn't feel bad if you need the medicine and can't do it alone. It is a chemical deficiency GET HELP!!!!!!!!!

[Great to be Debt Free]

Yes, exercise can help, but Shenmei, right now you REALLy need to talk to a professional. If you are having the kinds of thoughts you have indicated, then you can't just hope it all passes. Seek Help! Please!

I'm really praying for you, honey.

Here's a toll free number you can call:

1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)

It's for people who are feeling the way you are to get help. It's a toll free hotline -- please just call them.

[Gruntina]

I have battled depression for years, its not something that just goes away! Learning about depressions helps how anyone can cope with it and make the best of it so symptoms not show up. Depressions murky up the view of how really the world sees you as and believe me many people on this board cares for you and want you to be happy.

[Hot dog]

This board can really put your issues in perspective We are all worried about how to get more money to pay our bills down when we really should focus on the fact that we at least can pay our bills and we all have or have access to computers and others may not even have electricity. You have shown me that my problems really are blessings I hope you are not so depressed that you can not talk to someone and the fact you our talking to us hopefully means you are looking for some hope and know it can only get better. It really is important that you talk to a dr. or at least a friend family member minister or someone that will help you get the help you need cause depression truly is not something you can just pull yourself thru True depression stays even when your circumstances get better That is one way to tell if you are depressed. If what I read is true it sounds like you have been thru some things that may definitely have caused post traumatic stress I just hope you will get the help you need and deserve.

[shengmei]

Well, it is an age old story. I was young and foolish...and I got involved with a group of so-called friends that I should not have had, which bankrupted both hubby and myself..........amongst almost getting myself killed.....................a mistake I am still paying two years later.

I am probably going to be punished for that mistake for many, many years..............

I think this website is fascinating because people on this forum are substantially more mature than the other forums I have ever seen.

However, sometimes when I read those articles and discussions I wonder what is the point of learning to save money, if I cannot find a way to make wholesome friends.

Bad friends not only negate all the savings you do, they also resent you for your savings strategies because no matter how hard you work, they think you are a spoiled rich brat because you were debt free and they weren't.

The last group of "friends" were from Bible study. It really makes me feel miserable because if I cannot trust devout Christians, who can I really trust?

Sorry for all that venting. I would be in so much better financial states if I weren't so young and foolish. It was all of my fault.

[Mathew Green]

Originally Posted by shengmei

It was all of my fault.

--> Caution: Long post

OK. Maybe it really was your fault. Maybe not. The important question now is, "did you learn anything from it?" If you did, you're at least a little bit better off than you were.

I can't begin to list the number of times and ways I've screwed up my life. But I finally figured out that behind all the Leave It To Beaver normalcy, at least one-third of the people I know are living in their own personal soap opera. So, hard as it is to do, forgive yourself and move on.

Since I don't know you, I can only offer the most general sort of advice, but here it is:

1) Tell us how you define "wholesome friends" and what the bible study group did that made you feel like they couldn't be trusted. Start a seperate thread just for this subject if you like, or start a blog; but talk to someone about it in detail either live or online, because as long as you're just looking at yourself in a mirror all you're going to see is what you already know.

2) Get a copy of "When Bad Christians Happen To Good People" and see if it rings any bells for you. The author is a devout Christian who sees very clearly that Christians are often far too human for comfort.

3) Recognize that the purpose of getting control of your finances and getting out of debt is FREEDOM and CONTROL. Whatever the other circumstances of your life may be, money troubles will make them worse and will dull whatever pleasures you do find.

4) Corny as it sounds "Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what comfort there may be in silence." If you can't find that quiet place within yourself, look for a church that's open when services aren't being held, or an especially quiet corner of the library, or a zen meditation hall, or anywhere that you can sit and think without being disturbed. Then try to quiet your mind by sitting comfortably and letting your thoughts float by without commenting on them. No fair regreting or judging. Just pretend you're sitting by a river and your thoughts are random boats that you idly observe as they drift by. Eventually the inner noise will quiet down and something meaningful will float to the surface. It may take days or weeks, but it will happen and you'll know it when you see it.

5) Watch a movie with a happy ending. One of those classics where the good guys triumph in spite of rediculous odds. And never mind that things like that never happen in the real world. What you're looking for is a personal mythology that you can identify with and draw strength from when you need it. For me "The Movie" was Star Wars (the original one, before any of the sequels were made). It pulled me back from depression by making me remember what it felt like to be young and confident and to truely believe that anything was possible if you just wished and worked for it with all your heart. For you "The Movie" or "The Book" will probably be something different, but you'll know it when you find it.

Maybe all of those will help. Maybe only 1 out of 5. The key is to keep on searching and believing you'll find an answer, no matter what. If this post didn't do it, then something else will. Maybe something you'll pick up and read at random or a chance remark.... But whatever it is, the answer is out there.

Hugs {{{ }}}

Mathew

[cschin4]

sheng - Many of us have battled depression as well. I personally think alot of it has to do with our fast-paced society. Families move and uproot, the connections of generations are getting lost, etc. So, you are not alone in feeling plagued by this.
As for friends, you cannot put too much stock in other people! Everyone in your life is going to disappoint you on some level. We are all walking contradictions! Take your friends where they are and who they are and just understand they cannot fulfill your deeper needs.
You say you have made mistakes in the past. We all have! Stop beating yourself up. You did what you did and it is over and done. Whatever happend, you are still here! Forget the past and press on.
As for financial issues, just don't discuss it with people. I absolutely do not discuss my finances with anyone except my spouse. I may chat in vague terms, etc but do not talk in specifics because then you open yourself up to others "value judgements" about what you should or should not be doing.
Forgive yourself and forgive others for not being able to be what you want them to be.