Am I being cheap?

[cashqueen]

My son turns 2 next month. We have good friends with a son that is the same age and the same birthday as my son. These friends are WAYY in debt, just bought a new car (that they didn't need) are expecting a baby in Feb and LAST WEEK SHE QUIT HER JOB!! She only had to stick it out until January. She was teaching 8th grade science and decided she hated it. Ok, I can understand that and no one wants to be miserable - esp while pregnant. But she didn't even wait until she found something else and she really has no plans on looking. She has a side business that she doesn't make money at (and not to be unsupportive I don't think she will).

Anyway, they are throwing their son a birthday party. No biggie, their choice but I know they will go all out. She asked what I was going to do with my son and I said 'nothing' he will have a little party at school and then we will take him out for ice cream and a boat ride that night. I am going to give him a couple of small things (will total less than $20) and put $75 in his savings acct. I could just hear her mentally shouting at me. She didn't say anything out loud but her look said it all. I'm sure they will spend a couple hundred dollars on the party and probably at least $100 on some type of big gift for him. My son is getting bubble bath, a couple of bath toys and new pajamas. I don't want him thinking that he has to have big, expensive gifts. I want him to appreciate everything he gets.

My feeling is that he is 2 years old, he doesn't know any different and will never remember. I would much rather put $$ I would have spent on a party and supposedly 'appropriate' gift into his savings acct. Next year we may do a small party but this year I really don't think it's warranted. If we lived near family I would have done a small family thing, but we don't so I am just skipping it. Am I wrong not to spend the money on my 2 year old's birthday?

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by cashqueen

Am I wrong not to spend the money on my 2 year old's birthday?

I think you already know the answer to who is wrong in that scenario.

Of course, you are right. Your 2 year old won't remember a big party. Not to say he wouldn't have fun while it was going on, but you could do something fun without costing a small fortune. I think kid birthday parties have really gotten out of hand. It isn't unusual around here for people to book parties that run $20/kid or more and have 15 kid minimums. That's $300 and often doesn't include everything you need. You might still have to buy a cake or food or paper goods.

You are being the responsible one. When he is older and has a bunch of friends, then you can do the big parties. For now, I think what you describe is perfectly fine.

[Great to be Debt Free]

Two is too young for parties, INHO.

This past year was my mom's 60th b-day and all us kids (6 of us) put a memory album together. You know what we remembered? Okay, mom was great -- we remembered a lot. But one thing we ALL rememberred is that we had the GREATEST parties! They were almost always at our house and we played games: Old clothes race, roll the potato with your nose, carry cotton balls in a spoon while blindfolded, black-eyed peas on a butterknife races. Let's see, there were talent competitions, Simon Says, RedLight green light, arts and crafts, silly hat competitions -- you name it! Pop the balloon and do whatever's written on the slip of paper inside was another favorite.

Mom made the cake and the rest of the kids (old enough to , anyway) would make decorations and banners. Mom also preportioned ice cream into cupcake paper liners and lined them up in tupperwares to have in the freezer. It was a much easier way for each kid to get his/her icecream! And it tasted more fun too! LOL Even neighborhood kids, now grown, still comment on how much fun the parties were when we run into them at the grocery or something. Usually 10-15 kids aside from our kids would be there -- a great and inexpensive way to celebrate.

Oh, and prizes were silly things mom found -- usually for less than 25-50cents! What fun!

[Ima saver]

I certainly think you are right, he is certainly too little to remember. I didn't even buy my daughter presents for christmas the first few years, except a few outfits to wear.

[jacquelynrose]

No no no! You are not wrong at all! My daughter turned 3 two weeks ago....and I bought her this nice simple inexpensive Art Board (Chalk on one side, Dry Erase on the other) and SHE Uses it more than her other toys that she had received! Her Grandmother brought in some Cake and Balloons to her Preschool/Daycare and that was it....because they won't remember at that age...no need to throw a HUGE Shindig...I wanted to but it really isn't the time and I need to start putting money away for her (that is the only THING I had wished I had done!)

[sakigt]

Whether the other family can afford it or not, its YOUR decision how much to spend on YOUR child's birthday.

If they feel so terribly for him, perhaps they could match the contribution to his savings account

In reality theyre just trying to justify how much THEY are spending.

[amberbamber]

Ahhh, did I used to be this mother? YES! Then I started doing some soul-searching and found out that I was throwing their big lavish parties for ME!

I totally agree with you, and you're not being cheap. Now, I would save, save save on the parties

[shelbylovesmelby]

No not @ all. Just have a lil something @ home like you have planned, maybe a trip to the park/playground, & maybe a lil cake after dinner & that's all you really need to do.

Ya can't afford $100 per child for a gifts when I myself don't spend it on myself either!

[LuxLiving]

Dear Cashqueen- not cheap at all - it's called being practical! Don't give in to those darned Jones's!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hold your ground and do for your lil'tike what you think is best for your family - long haul!

[scrava]

I agree. I think bday parties are excessive these days.
Do what is best for your family!

[rob62521]

Are you being cheap? No! You are being responsible. The problem with some parents is they keep doing bigger and bigger things and kids never learn to appreciate the small things and then find everything a big disappointment.

As for your friend, her big party is her choice, but I think she is doing it to either show they can or for her own purposes. Don't let her guilt you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing.

[cashqueen]

Originally Posted by sakigt

If they feel so terribly for him, perhaps they could match the contribution to his savings account
.

A great idea!

I know I'm doing the right thing. I could almost HEAR the eyeroll when I said I was going to give him some pajamas.

[greedy4chips]

I think you should stick to your guns! Someone has too, because my wife and her friends can't.

They all can afford to do the $200-300 parties for age 5 and up kids. They do the themed party stuff and go to McDonalds or a bowling alley.

[getforfree]

You are absolutly right. Do what is best for your child. Little kids just get tired of big parties, and won't remember much. Do something that he enjoys, take him out to some place he never been before, maybe zoo, or rides, or icecream treat. My kids are 1 and 3, they like zoo and rides. We took them for rides, there was one with the car, they spent half a day on it and didn't want to get out. Luckily, I got passes that were valid whole day istead of paying for each ride separatly. Make it a special day for your child, you don't have to make it special for all his friends.

What I did for my kids' birthday, I bought a pack of ballons in 99c store, filled with air, you can even blow it youself, and let him play with it untill he would pop them all, they will last at least a week. My kids love it. And I also baked cake, gave my kids spoons and let them eat it without cutting, they got dirty, but they had fun. Oh, don't forget the candles first, then remove it and give him a spoon, and make pictures.

[tgavin71]

I agree with everyone on this issue. You are not being cheap. You are being sensible.We too get invites to parties where the cost is upwards from $300. How does anyone afford this? Sad thing is is that birthday parites have turned into a competition, usually for the parents, than a celebration. We have a set limit on what can spend on each family member. Each member can choose either a "big" present or a party. It works for us.

[shengmei]

The only birthday party that really matters is the 16-year-old birthday party.

That is just my two cents.

[justbee]

No, I don't think you are being cheap either. I once was guilted into doing a big party at a restaurant for my child's 1st birthday. I had paid for the cake setup for X number of kids, then a waitress came around and started asking guests what they would like for lunch.

I had to leave the party and go cash a check because I guess I was expected to pay for lunch too. Now that my kids are older they usually help me plan a theme party mainly for family and cousins only. The last one in June was a movie party at home.

[crazyBMB]

I'm glad there are other people who think/feel the same way. Our friends and family all agreed that this was not going to happen with us. We refuse to give in to any one on that. We all give the kids something simple and nice, of course our "little ones" are are all over 7 yrs old and have understood this idea for some time.

[Saving in So Cal]

My daughter turned 2 a few months ago. We took in some bright colored cupcakes for her daycare class. They loved them. The pictures of all the kids with icing on their faces were adorable and none of the parents minded. For her gift, my husband and I took her to a local aquarium because she loves fish. She had a great time.

Before her birthday, I was repeatedly asked what I was going to do and, when I told people, they all gave me strange looks. My interpretation of those looks was that they thought I didn't care enough about her to throw a party. The truth is I gave a lot of thought about what would make the day special for her in her mind and I think I hit the mark pretty well.

That being said, we went to a 2-year old party around the same time, which I thought was done really well. The parents invited a manageable number of kids and set up several "stations" in their house: a playdough station, a coloring station, a bubbles station, a Legos station, and a music station. The kids came and played at whatever station they wanted. The menu consisted of crackers, fruit, apple juice and a home made birthday cake. The decorations were balloons. It was simple, relatively inexpensive, and the kids had a blast. If I do a 3-year old party for my daughter, this is the model I am going to follow.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

My kids at two years old would not have liked the crowd of a party. They would have been miserable and then we the parents would have been miserable tending to them crying, freaking out, and trying to hide while at the same time we are trying to put on a party. It just would not have been practical or cognizant of the birthday boy's needs to have all that party hubbub.

Besides that, I do think parties for kids are often overdone. You are not cheap in my eyes. I think big parties for little kids are over the top, inappropriate, and might be a symptom of the parents being out of touch with their own children's needs and emotions.