I'm Being a Big Baby, Aren't I?

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by pearlieq

I wanted to address this concept separately, because I think it's very perceptive of you to bring it up. You must either have experience with this or be very good at reading people!

This is an issue for us. I need something of my own to do. Lately all I've been doing are working and keeping house, and part of me has been a bit envious of DH's passion for his hobbies, because I really don't have anything like that.

I'm certainly not looking to break away from him, but I think it would give me a lift if I had something of my own that enriched my life. It would be nice to have something to tell HIM about at the end of the day instead of always hearing about his adventures.

This is a great suggestion, and I'm really going to take it to heart.

Do you have girlfriends you can travel with on weekends? What is your passion...do you love kids...can you volunteer somewhere...the six years I was a SAHM I volunteered at my dds private school...LOVED it and it gave me meaning. This is important for self worth.

Good for you! Let us know how it works out.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by pearlieq

2.) Right of first refusal on duplicate gifts. Most of the time the gifts and gadgets DH gets are things I'm not interested in and sometimes don't even recognize. But the 3rd Ipod with no offer to share did chap my hiney a bit!

I say duplicate gifts should be handed over to you. You get to ebay them and keep the proceeds.

[Ima saver]

I think you have got some good ideas, pearl. I know what you mean about hobbies, I really don't have any either, unless you count eating!

[shengmei]

You could simply ask him to pass any unwanted gifts your way. I wear a men's watch. They are adjustable. You can adjust them to your wrist size. Same goes to all the toiletries. Men's toiletries are just made better than women's. Same goes for socks.

Same goes for food. Make sure that your DH brings home any pieces of uneaten morsels. If you can't eat them, you can always get a dog.

Try to get out as many non-monetary stuff first since money could be a bit of sore subject.

[Saving in So Cal]

Until my husband started his business last year, he used to be an executive. His company gave him tons of fancy electronic gizmos to help with his work and he had to go to tons of business functions, most of which I couldn't attend. He also got a sizeable yearly bonus and stock options. I never begrudged him the business functions because he really likes fine dining and golfing and I don't. (If I did, then I would just have him take me out now and then.) I also never begrudged him the electronic gizmos because I was too grateful we didn't have to buy them ourselves. (He now has to make do with a basic laptop and a basic cell phone. I still have sticker shock.)

However, the bonus or any other unexpected monetary windfall I felt differently about. He doesn't spend much money on himself, so I always urged him to use some of the money to buy something for himself that we would not otherwise be able to fund from our normal budget. (That's how we obtained most of our Sony products.) The rest was put in the bank to be used for family purposes (vacation, savings, home improvement).

If I obtained a monetary windfall, then we did the same thing. This arrangement has worked for us without incident for 15 years. I expect it will continue to work, although neither one of us is in a position to be getting windfalls anytime soon. I might have to learn to play poker.

[shengmei]

My father used to play mai jong (Chinese poker) with his friends and bring home "winnings" when in fact they were money withdrawn from his bank account in order to make my mom feel better about his gambling.

Not only that, he got drunk and inpregnated a woman in his mai jong club.

Gambling is so not worth it.

[Ima saver]

Wonder if she had that talk with her husband yet?

[greedy4chips]

What if you became a stripper or hooker and made tons of money and didn't share it with him?

I know that is a ridiculous question, but it isn't what he spends his time on that bothers you the most is it? What you are looking for is a husband you care share your thoughts and feelings with.

Ask him to cut back to 1 night a week. If he can't cut down, then perhaps he is addicted. I am sure he wouldn't want you to be out doing your hobby while he was home either.

I think it is time for a long heartfelt discussion on where your relationship is and where it is going. My wife kicks my butt all the time to get my priorities back in line! I respect her more and more for having the right things in life prioritized and setting me straight when I wander.

I promoted poker for 2+ yrs on my website. I make $600+/month from revenue. I use to play a ton and it did get out of hand. I was making another $400 the last couple months playing poker. I played low stakes. Eventually I moved up to the $1/$2 tables in an effort to increase my income and did well, but honestly I was spending too much time doing it.

After a little talk we decided that my playing time was hindering our relationship and I cut back cold turkey. After 3+ months I finally played again and have no real desire to play...the addiction lost it's appeal.

[Ima saver]

Wow, good for you greedyforchips!!!

[pearlieq]

OP checking back in here...

DH and I did finally get a chance to talk. We've had my brother staying with us for a few days since my mom's birthday is this week, so it took a little while to get a moment alone.

We had a really good talk--no hard feelings or upset on either side. He was able to pretty easily see my perspective on the situations and felt that the things I was asking for were reasonable and do-able.

He was quite chagrined when I brought up the iPod situation, and admitted that he just hadn't been thinking. That's pretty typical of him, and I've know that for years. He's never malicious, just occasionally thoughtless. Now that I've pointed it out, I doubt he'll make the same mistake again.

We've agreed upon a poker bankroll and set up a joint account to hold the money. Any money above and beyond his bankroll will go into the family budget, which we plan jointly.

For my part, I went out and registered for the Spanish class I've always talked about taking. It starts today. I also signed up for a 5 week class on investing. I found a local church to go visit, since it's really high time I get back involved. Finally, I think I'm going to volunteer for some extra shifts at the pet shelter I've been working with for the past year.

All in all, I'm happy with how things turned out and I feel better about the situation. I really appreciate everyone's help in thinking this through!

[Ima saver]

Wow, you really made a lot of progress by talking to your husband. That is great!

[Broken Arrow]

Good for you, Pearlieq!

[LuxLiving]

Congratulations - sounds like you are both making adjustments! Good for you guys!!!

[disneysteve]

That's great pearlieq! Or should I say "¡Fantastico!"

[greedy4chips]

Perhaps you should seek a career in negotiations!

Congrats!