I just said "no"!

[vsjhoc]

Three close friends of mine are all going to dinner tonight at a restaurant I like. The four of us get along really well, and we have so much fun together. But I am really trying to keep my eating out costs down, so as much as I wanted to go, I just said sorry, can't afford it. They are not used to hearing this type of response from me (or anyone else). I'm proud of myself that I didn't cave to the substantial peer pressure.

[boefixepa]

WOOHOO!! Way to go! Good job! Doesn't it feel great to know that you can do things like that!

[vsjhoc]

Thanks for your support!

I have learned so much from everyone here. Maybe I'll even learn to cook something so I can eat tonight ...

[Roupey03]

I use to go out all the time.

Now I choose to pocket the money and stay home. Now my friends are looking at me going. . . . " You have how much money in an IN what account! ". That would be ING online savings account and yes I have that much money.


GOOD FOR you it will pay off trust me

[Ima saver]

Good for you! But, If I really wanted to do and be with friends, I would eat first and then just join them and drink water! We have a guy that sits with us all the time and he just orders coffee!

[vsjhoc]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

Good for you! But, If I really wanted to do and be with friends, I would eat first and then just join them and drink water! We have a guy that sits with us all the time and he just orders coffee!

Good idea, Ima, but I don't think this restaurant would be too happy about that plan. My friends invited me to join them after dinner for coffee or drinks ... tempting, but that would still eat $ and defeat the whole purpose ... At least I can say I feel blessed that I have friends who really want to spend time with me! You can't buy that!!!

[Ima saver]

Very true! We live in a little town and we brown bag our own liquor and mixers! So we don;t have to pay for cocktails.

[Roupey03]

I have tried that before eat first then join them for and order a drink. It doesn't work for me. Sitting there watching everyone munch on food while you have your water with LEMON.

[cicy33]

You could also suggest maybe a potluck at your house? much more private and costs are down cuz everyone brings something. Usually if we do go out and try to cut costs, we order an appetizer. it will usually fill us up! and very cheap.

[Ima saver]

You know I worked as a waitress and I have seen people bring in their lunches in brown paper bags to eat with their friends. I have seen people bring in happy meals from McDonad's too. We don't care!

[Kris10Leigh]

Cicy, that's we do all the time - potluck. In fact, Friday the group of us is meeting at one house and everyone is bringing a dish to share. We love to do this!

We do go out to eat once in while too. It is very hard to say "no". I'm lucky though. If I say "no" to something like that, the my friends usually change their plans to suit my needs. I, of course, do the same for them in turn. It helps that another couple in our group is having financial difficulties as well. We support each other pretty well.

[Roupey03]

I have a friend that will bring a brown bag lunch every where he goes. Not really but pretty close. He has gotten some dirty looks, but nothing serious.

[Bookie]

The one thing I never do is say, "I can't afford it."

When I pass on something because I don't want to spend the money, I'm making a choice. If I wish to explain myself, I'say something like, "Sorry, that's not in the budget this month." Maybe it's just me, but I think that the "can't afford it" response reflects a poverty mentality, and I'd rather see myself as empowered to fund my priorities. I don't skip dinner with friends because I can't pay the tab. I do it because I've made a commitment to direct my spending elsewhere.

And I have a lot of admiration for people with enough backbone to stick to a spending plan in the face of temptation and peer pressure. That's not an easy thing to do (although it gets easier with practice).

[Ima saver]

My 1st husband use to get furious with me when i said we couldn't afford something. He went everytime he was asked to go out!

[kealina]

that's great... we know how hard it can be to resist a sincere invitation... kudos...

i will say that i've always brown-bagged my lunch to school and other places as well... when i lived at home with my parents people were always envious of my lunches (food is a big priority for my mom)... i had things like steak and rice, stir frys, fried chicken, seafood, lots of fresh produce, etc... in college, my friends always bought their food but never minded me bringing food along... in fact, we would all sample each others food sometimes... i guess i was pretty lucky that way... they weren't very frugal but they didn't mind it... in fact, i think somewhere in the back of their minds they wouldn't have minded being a little more like me... they just didn't want to give up their spending...

we nearly always pack a cooler with at least ice water and a snack whenever we know we will be out of the house for a couple of hours so that we don't end up hungry and buying something on impulse... now my food is simpler (our priority is saving for a house) but still good and healthy... lots of fruit, sandwiches, salads, chicken, etc...

i like the pp's idea of inviting them over for a potluck...
we love potlucks here... i kind of think of it as a tradition... when i was in college and in the marching band and we had to go to all the football games.... we showed up around lunch time because we had to practice before the football players got there... by the time we finished practicing we had maybe 1 1/2 hrs to eat dinner and change clothes before we had to be up in the stands in uniform... and we would always potluck... at any given game, half our group would be responsible for the food and we would rotate both dates and food assignments (starch, entree, etc) to make things fair... it was tons more fun and way cheaper than buying the concession food at the stadium...
also, the company christmas parties (where my dad works) tend to be potluck with the owners and their families covering more of the main items and the several employees (usually the senior, long-term ones) bringing in food or manning the grill...
and when our extended family gets together and we have more than 30 or 40 people it tends to turn into a potluck too... it's the best way to just hang out together and feed large groups of people without breaking the bank for any one person...

[autoxer]

Originally Posted by Bookie

The one thing I never do is say, "I can't afford it."

When I pass on something because I don't want to spend the money, I'm making a choice. If I wish to explain myself, I'say something like, "Sorry, that's not in the budget this month." Maybe it's just me, but I think that the "can't afford it" response reflects a poverty mentality, and I'd rather see myself as empowered to fund my priorities. I don't skip dinner with friends because I can't pay the tab. I do it because I've made a commitment to direct my spending elsewhere.

And I have a lot of admiration for people with enough backbone to stick to a spending plan in the face of temptation and peer pressure. That's not an easy thing to do (although it gets easier with practice).

I like that. Make it positive and empowering.

[rob62521]

Originally Posted by vsjhoc

Three close friends of mine are all going to dinner tonight at a restaurant I like. The four of us get along really well, and we have so much fun together. But I am really trying to keep my eating out costs down, so as much as I wanted to go, I just said sorry, can't afford it. They are not used to hearing this type of response from me (or anyone else). I'm proud of myself that I didn't cave to the substantial peer pressure.

Way to go! You have your goal and you are sticking with it! It's nice you have friends who want you around, tho! I liked the potluck idea, or maybe you could have them over for snacks.

[vsjhoc]

Thanks to everyone for your support and advice.

Our group eats out and travels together on weekends, so saying "it's not in the budget" was a surprise to them. One of them took it personally, thinking that I didn't want to hang out with them anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth! But I've been playing it a bit too fast and loose with the budget lately, and I had an unpleasant surprise this weekend when I had a look at the bottom line of the checkbook register. Back on the Micromanager Money Wagon ...

[rob62521]

Perhaps that person who you said took it personally also didn't want to think about his/her budget and when you brought that up, it made your friend uncomfortable.

[Ima saver]

Yes, that is a possibility. When I discuss money with some people they just don't want to talk about. I am sure they don't want to think about their own finances It is amazing how few people in my area even have a savings account or a financial plan.