Same old story

[LuxLiving]

Dear TimeToSave,

Boy, am I late to the party!! Sorry to have missed this thread up til now. First, don't totally discount what Ima and some of the others have to say...healthy sceptisim maybe how she and others have been able to accelerate their net worth over ours. I don't know, BUT, I do know reading the thread from an outside viewpoint I didn't see the comments as harshly as you did. Maybe in time you'll reread them and not be quiet as 'chip on the shoulder' feeling as you do now. I can understand, I'm one to quickly take offense as well at times. So for now, maybe take the other advice of just breathing deep, slowing down and with these guys help you'll get down to making wiser more well thought out financial decisions.

I am a SAHM. I have a son w/disabilities as well and a husband who is a lovely man, but sometimes very disconnected. So, I can relate to the sometimes overwhelming feelings that can come w/those special opportunities. OOOOH Good on you for getting yourself an education and hitting the old workforce!! Gotta be tough with the challenging opportunities at home. Get yourself some rest!! And then, when you do catch your breath you might want to check out Flylady.net for some practical home-running advice. She also has good advice on facing your finances over there too!

Now, this is just a suggestion and may not work for you...but did you shop w/your daughter present for the clothes at Penny's? Or, did you buy them and bring them home? Has she seen them yet? Did you put it on a CC? Can you take some of them back? I would if it wouldn't traumitize her. Maybe you could explain to her the difficult position you find yourself in. THEN, I know it's hard to find the time while working, but I'd take that money and head down to the local thrift shops/Goodwill/ Salvation Army and consignment/resale shops. I think for about half of what you spent you could get her the same number of outfits. Of course, you may be opposed to buying used. Some folks are. Just an idea.

Second, IF, Big BIG IF, you can keep your self from using the credit cards, I wouldn't tear them up. I'd put them up -- save them for a true emergency - such as an unbudgeted car repair. Since your credit score is bad, then I would keep them paid up and put up. You might actually NEED them before you get yourself totally turned around. Mine are locked up. They are now paid in full each month. Wooooo - I put $4.48 on mine this month and it'll be paid off before the day ends.

Yes, this is hard and you've had more than your share of hard knocks -- but they'll all be worth it if in the end you learn from the experience and come out w/bucketfuls of cash on the other end!! We are now free from debt other than our mortgage. I know the debt snowball method works as we used it to pay down about $19,000 of debt - cars & cc - in about 13 months time. All while doing it on a very small income. It can be done, and in a few months you'll be in a far better place than you are now.

Good luck to you and keep us posted. How about some of those minimum payments and due dates that other folks were asking about? Also list paydays.

-LuxLivingFrugalis

P.S. Are you balancing your checkbook every month? I think you said you don't bounce checks - but do you keep your checkbook up to date? balanced? Credit card charges deducted from checking account as soon as you charge something?

[timetosave]

Luxliving...first thank you for your input. Second I believe Ima is here to brag...to try and make herself out to be better than others (and possibly better than she really is) by putting others down...not someone I would want to pattern myself after...

Taking my dd's clothing back and go to the thrift store is not going to happen for a couple of reasons...did you read that I saved 199.00 that is excellent and second I would never put my child in clothing from the thrift store. One can get clothing from a department store for often less than the thrift store (some of her NEW jeans were only 2 bucks) for some reason people who are trying to cut back seem to think they have to act like they are dirt poor in order to be credible...I am the queen of the off season/sales and will continue saving money that way when it comes our clothing. But thanks for the suggestion

Boy...I guess credit cards it the main focus. I really don't shop with them much..my dd's clothing was purchased with cash...and yes, I am determined to pay off the low balances on my cc's and put them away. I won't use them any more unless it is an emergency...I'm committed to that.

I'm realizing this is only as hard as I allow it to be in my mind. This is really quite doable...I'm sure there are others that have worse credit than I have and have come out of this ok...I think I'll be ok

As far as the harsh words and my having a chip on my shoulder...I am in debt not someone's punching bag. I did not come here to be beat up, I came here for help I will not accept people treating me poorly in my daily life and will not accept it here. I doubt that I will ever re-read the post and decide these people have been fair in thier words or in anyway helpful...but I am surrounded by many that seem to be VERY supportive and filled with great suggestions...I will focus on them.

Again, thank you for your suggestions...I will check out that website you mentioned when I get a chance.

[sakigt]

Justify your actions all you want. But keep your opinion of our other members (not to mention everyone's favorite) to yourself. No one here has ill-intentions.

[Ima saver]

Timetosave, I am not here to brag and I truly apologize if I made you unhappy or upset you. You seem to have come up with some good ideas this week, and i wish you a lot of luck. You certainly sound determined. It seems like you have gone thru so many adversities.

[DivaJen]

hi timetosave,

I've read the thread and haven't commented. Just wanted to say welcome and I'm looking forward to seeing your numbers. I think it's easier to help people with ideas for saving, cutting back, etc. when we see actual numbers and how they stack up relative to each other.

[LuxLiving]

Okay - fair enough. Believe everyone here was basically trying to help. Intentions may not be seen in the emotionless tone of email though. In the short time I've been here I've gotten loads of great tips from the good folks in this thread. Nuff said.

One note - When I go to a department store and prices are high, then they are marked down and I get a 'buy' doesn't necessarily mean I saved money - to me that is - unless I take the difference in retail/sales price and put the actual $$'s difference into a savings account or towards our debt. AND, providing that I couldn't get the same thing somewhere else cheaper.

Example - The other day I used a bunch of coupons at Homeland and the teller told me, "Congratulations, you just saved $11.80." My thought was, "No, not really, unless I go home and move those dollars from checking to savings." However, it could allow me the 11.80 to spend elsewhere if I wanted to - I just choose to move the dollars toward extra principal payments on the mortgage payment right now.

And this only works if I have the 11.80 to begin with to literally move to savings. If I go spend grocery coupons and have to come up w/some cash for difference from $$'s not already in my budget for groceries, then I've robbed Peter to use up my coupons and will have to pay somewhere else later when that bill comes due and the money isn't there!


I do shop the thrifts/resales - not to act dirt poor, but to keep myself from being dirt poor! For me, I'd rather have 10 outfits from resale at 40.00 than 1 new from Dillards at 140.00. YMMV! And for me, getting the 140 together would be a very long process and I'd give up hope of ever getting there given home circumstances. Even so, now days, decreasing the debt is more important to me than my fashion sense. I do like to look nice, but the debt worries me at night. The lack of clothes in my closet doesn't keep me up at nights like looming debt does! ;0 I totally understand that some people feel strongly against wearing used. I just don't happen to be one of them. I bring it home - wash it up and am tickled to have it!

Again, these are slight semantic differences and ones you may not find validity in at this point in time - if ever. And that's more than okay!!

I agree that sometimes the sheer volume of pressures can seem overwhelming. A disciplined plan of financial action makes things seem more manageable.

--LuxLivingFrugalis

P.S. Who knows, when mortgage payoff comes? Maybe I'll splurge and go out and buy myself a BRAND NEW outfit. Who am I kidding??? hahaha-- Nahhhh!!! I'm frugalisamericanus to the bone!! LOL!!

-LuxLivingFrugalis

[timetosave]

One note - When I go to a department store and prices are high, then they are marked down and I get a 'buy' doesn't necessarily mean I saved money - to me that is - unless I take the difference in retail/sales price and put the actual $$'s difference into a savings account or towards our debt

This is very smart...never thought of it that way...that 199.00 should have been turned around and put in savings or towards other bills...this is a great way to think about it...I will try to do this for now on...this makes perfect sense...

The lack of clothes in my closet doesn't keep me up at nights like looming debt does!

I'm not at the point that my debt keeps me up at night. I think I'm ahead of the game in that way...or just very calm. I will sacrafice where I need to but will not go crazy making my life more complicated than I need to...my dd still needs to live and I think she did really good with her choices...did I tell you she got 13 COMPLETE outfits for under 200...that is great for an 11 year old!

I agree that sometimes the sheer volume of pressures can seem overwhelming. A disciplined plan of financial action makes things seem more manageable.

This was overwhelming for the first 24 hours or so...not so much anymore...this is not as bad as I initially thought.

[greedy4chips]

timetosave,

People are offering you suggestions and obviously you can take them or leave them. What I have seen from you is a backlash to any idea you disagree with. Instead of choosing to say "Thanks but no thanks" you get harsh like when you said "second I would never put my child in clothing from the thrift store".

For some people a thrift store is all they can afford and to them it is a great idea to cut back. Personally we do not shop there either, but I would have no problem doing so if our finances were much different.

Originally Posted by timetosave

As far as the harsh words and my having a chip on my shoulder...I am in debt not someone's punching bag. I did not come here to be beat up, I came here for help I will not accept people treating me poorly in my daily life and will not accept it here. I doubt that I will ever re-read the post and decide these people have been fair in thier words or in anyway helpful...but I am surrounded by many that seem to be VERY supportive and filled with great suggestions...I will focus on them.

I think many people were just looking for the whole story in order to help you. I also think there are some great suggestions here. Some I wouldn't follow either, but I respect everyone for taking time to write whatever possible solution they felt would help you out.

Some of the ideas you are very defensive about and that is completely fine and actually expected. I think it puts people off some when they read your responses to some of the advice given. A polite thank you and moving on would be better, IMHO.

I keep coming back to this thread to check on your progress and I am truly hoping things will turn around for you! Keep us up to date on your progress.

[timetosave]

Greedy, I love your name...I do say thanks but that does not mean I don't have an opinion. I don't want to say oh no sorry I don't think shopping in thrift stores will work for me because I've already learned here that if you don't agree you open yourself up to attack...if I state it clearly and am honest I do not seem to get the hostility I received in the beginning...a defense mechanism maybe, but if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I do repect everybody's time. I am very happy I've found this board, it has put my debt in a different light...I am for the first time looking at this situation in a calm manner. Even selling off my stuff. But to suggest that I take my child's school clothing back to go and shop at a thrift store to me is taking it a bit far, and I'm not sure how that is going to help in the long run anyways. I'm simply saying I don't need to, when it comes to shopping I have that down...13 outfits from JC Penny for under 200.00 now you have to admit that is VERY good. There was no putting anybody down in my comment about thrift store shopping...I just don't and will never do it...not for my dd or any of my family...I'm not sure why saying that is bad...

I also appreciate your comments. I will in the future think about what I am writing...I did not mean to offend...and thank you for the good wishes...they go a long way also.

[Kris10Leigh]

I guess it's just that some of us are cutting back in several areas just to see the pennies grow. I am driving myself nuts collecting water from my drippy faucet hoping to save $5.00/mo on my water bill. I am willing to go to the thrift store and for $200 I could buy entire new wardrobes for everyone in my family! And I don't buy junk. I buy only Land's End, LL Bean, Tommy Hillfigger, etc. I am a huge fan of thrift stores and my kids look really good. People think we have money BECAUSE I shop at thrift stores. I agree very much with LuxLiving about shopping at thrift stores to "keep from being dirt poor." Absolutely.

However, I am not willing to cut out sattelite and my DVR. It's just a matter of priorities. But don't knock the small stuff. The little bit saved here and there really adds up.

[jodi]

Been watching this post with interest...hmmm...not sure I can keep quiet any longer.

Originally Posted by timetosave

I'm not at the point that my debt keeps me up at night. I think I'm ahead of the game in that way...or just very calm. I will sacrafice where I need to but will not go crazy making my life more complicated than I need to...my dd still needs to live and I think she did really good with her choices...did I tell you she got 13 COMPLETE outfits for under 200...that is great for an 11 year old!

First of all, congrats on making the choice to change your life. You said in your first post that you were up at night trying to figure out who to borrow money from, so it sounds as though you have made a ton of progress already by owning the problem and making a plan! Good luck to you.

Second, yes, I was insulted by your insinuation that there is something wrong with shopping in thrift stores. You may not have meant it, but it certainly sounded that way. As was mentioned previously, a simple "no thanks, I prefer to shop for new clothes" would have been sufficient and certainly would not have gotten anyone's attention here. But seeing as though a large percentage of us shop at thrift stores and garage sales for clothes...this probably was not the place to insinuate that those trying to help you are "dirt poor" or trying to act like it.
I shop there by choice. I can get top-quality clothes, that I know will stand the test of time, at rock bottom prices. I can't tell you how many times I have been disappointed by a rip or stain or overall poor quality in a $20 piece of clothing that I have worn once. yet, by the time I get something secondhand, I know that it's a good piece of clothing as it has lasted. And I pay very little. My clothing budget is $20 per month, and I often spend less or nothing per month. I don't have a clothing budget for my kids, but I refuse to spend more than $1 per item for them. And they are VERY well-dressed. I am glad for you that you have such an eye for bargains, but you don't have to slam our choices either. I know you don't think that you did, but I just wanted to share my opinion - I was instantly insulted the minute I read that comment, and I imagine many others were too.
One thing to understand here - especially given the desperation in your original posts, people are going to offer any and all suggestions. Some you might like, others you might hate - others you might find insulting. Chances are, though, each suggestion given was done or is being done by someone on these boards. So please respond kindly, or not at all to a particular suggestion if it's not for you.

(one more note - from someone who has been around a while - there have been many, many people who show up asking for assistance and are given a flurry of well-intentioned posts, only to never show up again. While there were reasons behind your absence, I imagine other posters may have originally thought (after your short absence) you were another person who couldn't face the reality and slid back into oblivion about their situation. So, we really are glad to see that you stuck it out and are back!)

[Snoopy2645]

Well I see some of what she is saying is very true As for shopping for an 11yr old girl I know how that goes & you can get good deals at jcpennies I know this for a fact I have bought my kids tons of outfits their for 2.77 a whole outfit & my 11 yr old lots of stuff really cheap & at 11 she is not picky in looks but comfort I cant seem to find her any clothes at garage sales that fits heck I can barely find her anything at the store that fits she dont wear regular size but not big enough for plus size girls!! And as for thrifts stores where I live well they are more expensive than jcpennies

As for my 5 yr old & 2 yr old I can usually find them stuff at garage sales for under a dollar lots of times new stuff!! So it does get harder as kids get older to find stuff at garage sales for them.


What I did to save is make my kids wear their stuff as long as possible I went 1 yr without buying anything for them can you do that maybe pass down your clothes to your dd we have passed alot of clothes around my family lots of my old tshirts go to dh for work shirts & I give dd my fancier shirts she is not much smaller than me & then I have all girls so thier clothes go down the line

[timetosave]

I think this poster speaks volumes. Our 'cutting back' has to fit our lives. I am cleaning up my credit. My family is not in jeopardy of losing anything...I have to clean up my credit...it is simply a matter of finding what works for each of us and sticking to it...clothing is not an item I will ever compromise on but if needed I could certainly go without tv...we each have different circumstances...the thrift store just does not fit my life.

Originally Posted by Kris10Leigh

I guess it's just that some of us are cutting back in several areas just to see the pennies grow. I am driving myself nuts collecting water from my drippy faucet hoping to save $5.00/mo on my water bill. I am willing to go to the thrift store and for $200 I could buy entire new wardrobes for everyone in my family! And I don't buy junk. I buy only Land's End, LL Bean, Tommy Hillfigger, etc. I am a huge fan of thrift stores and my kids look really good. People think we have money BECAUSE I shop at thrift stores. I agree very much with LuxLiving about shopping at thrift stores to "keep from being dirt poor." Absolutely.

However, I am not willing to cut out sattelite and my DVR. It's just a matter of priorities. But don't knock the small stuff. The little bit saved here and there really adds up.

[timetosave]

Thank you for the well wishes. I was actually never gone...just busy...Ima said some really nasty stuff in her post...I'm wondering what gives her the right. But that said I am glad to be here, it is amazing how differently I am looking at my situation in just a week. I feel in control for the first time...why? Because of the great idea's given here.

I have pretty much locked myself in my home and have not put myself in any situations this weekend that will lead to spending...all I've spent since Friday is 35.00 on my dds riding lessons and 6.00 to pick 16lbs of blueberries (something I love to do and eat... )

I realize I will not be able to stay at home every weekend but this is my first weekend I am being VERY conscious of what I'm spending...funny thing is that it does not go against my grain...I thought it would feel strange to obsess on how much I'm spending...but it does not...I have a 1,000.00 bill to pay by the 13th of Septemeber for my dds braces, I have a flex account at work that I can get most of that money out of so that will be fine, but then it will be 144.00 monthly for the next two years...funny how these things happen.

As you see I have not commented on the thrift store situtation. I honestly think enough has been said. I've apologized for any hurt feelings and I honestly feel that should be it. Let's not drag this on forever and get away from the reason we are all here...finances. I do not shop at thrift stores. I have never and will never. I keep trying to make that clear so I can stop being told what a wonderful thing it is...but it keeps coming...I'm not sure how to put it. Thrift stores do not work for me and my family. Thank you for the breakdown but it still does not make me feel shopping at thrift stores is such a wonderful thing. I do quite well in department stores. I don't think I've purchased anything at the SRP in over 20 years.

I think before we start cutting back in areas I may not need to cut back I need to get this budget worked out...I have been writing down what I am spending (as you can see it has not amounted to much) and I realize I have the car payments to get caught up on...so my budget will not actually be written for at least 4 more weeks but I can post what I am doing and hopefully can get feedback on how to do it better.

Thanks everybody.,

Originally Posted by jodi_m

Been watching this post with interest...hmmm...not sure I can keep quiet any longer.



First of all, congrats on making the choice to change your life. You said in your first post that you were up at night trying to figure out who to borrow money from, so it sounds as though you have made a ton of progress already by owning the problem and making a plan! Good luck to you.

Second, yes, I was insulted by your insinuation that there is something wrong with shopping in thrift stores. You may not have meant it, but it certainly sounded that way. As was mentioned previously, a simple "no thanks, I prefer to shop for new clothes" would have been sufficient and certainly would not have gotten anyone's attention here. But seeing as though a large percentage of us shop at thrift stores and garage sales for clothes...this probably was not the place to insinuate that those trying to help you are "dirt poor" or trying to act like it.
I shop there by choice. I can get top-quality clothes, that I know will stand the test of time, at rock bottom prices. I can't tell you how many times I have been disappointed by a rip or stain or overall poor quality in a $20 piece of clothing that I have worn once. yet, by the time I get something secondhand, I know that it's a good piece of clothing as it has lasted. And I pay very little. My clothing budget is $20 per month, and I often spend less or nothing per month. I don't have a clothing budget for my kids, but I refuse to spend more than $1 per item for them. And they are VERY well-dressed. I am glad for you that you have such an eye for bargains, but you don't have to slam our choices either. I know you don't think that you did, but I just wanted to share my opinion - I was instantly insulted the minute I read that comment, and I imagine many others were too.
One thing to understand here - especially given the desperation in your original posts, people are going to offer any and all suggestions. Some you might like, others you might hate - others you might find insulting. Chances are, though, each suggestion given was done or is being done by someone on these boards. So please respond kindly, or not at all to a particular suggestion if it's not for you.

(one more note - from someone who has been around a while - there have been many, many people who show up asking for assistance and are given a flurry of well-intentioned posts, only to never show up again. While there were reasons behind your absence, I imagine other posters may have originally thought (after your short absence) you were another person who couldn't face the reality and slid back into oblivion about their situation. So, we really are glad to see that you stuck it out and are back!)

[Kris10Leigh]

May I offer a suggestion? Why don't you try reading and posting on some other threads so that you can get a taste for some of the comments and replies that other posters have in this community. Then, maybe you will understand why there is so much back and forth banter on your thread. I think some well-loved, well-meaning posters are getting hurt. I also think some core values some of us hold are being slammed.

[Ima saver]

I did not say some real nasty stuff in my post and if I offened you I have already told you that I was sorry. What else can I do. I at first questioned if you were making this up because I got confused about the whole situation. Can't you accept my apology and just move on? I am trying not to comment on what you are doing, except to offer my encouragement!

[Ima saver]

Also, I received an e mail from a regular poster who said she unregistered from this forum because she was accused of being mean in this thread. I don't think anyone here means to be cruel to anyone. I certainly did not. I would not post here anymore except my name keeps getting mentioned and I am only defending myself. I would never, knowingly, be nasty to anyone on this forum. They are like family to me!

[LuxLiving]

Hi Time To Save - Glad to see you feeling more rested, relaxed and thus able to focus calmly on your situation. Many of us were wanting desperately to help you keep from going out and 'debting' again! My thoughts were to help you raise cash for your car payment AND get your daughter school clothes. Sounds like you've got a plan now THAT WORKS FOR YOU! GREAT!!

Can you clarify for us -- your perception is that you just want to clean up your credit, is that right? See, I misunderstood from the beginning. I don't know that I can help you as it's not something I have experience with. We have always had excellent credit, but we wanted to get to the point of being financially independent, meaning we don't want to have to rely on credit as a lifestyle choice. Many on this board may feel the same way -- ??dunno for sure?? But the idea for my family was to get enough ahead that when we need something big outside of budgeted income such as an unexpected large car repair (engine fallout or somethin') or a car replacement or broken freezer or something of that nature that we could be our own banker and borrow from ourselves rather than from a banker or credit card company.

You are wanting a better credit score so you can continue a credit lifestyle? That may sound like I'm insuaiting it's a bad choice. It would be for me, and maybe you don't perceive it that way. I often put stuff on my credit card - it's just now that we're fiscally savy enough & ahead enough to have the money put back ahead of time for the purchase and can pay it off before it incurs any interest. It doesn't have to be a bad choice for you either IF you've got the cash flow to handle the payments AND you are organized to make the payments on time.

For me, I wasn't clear on whether you were current BEFORE the ebay fiasco! If you were behind then ???? and now want to clear up so you can debt again then I'm leary of your chances for success. According to the 'experts' if we don't find the underlying reason WHY we debt and clear it up, it's like the old consolidating loan pattern - people consolidate only to go right out with the freed up money and debt themselves right back into a hole.

I think from some of your posts that you are wanting to do more than just clear up your credit and truly want to make a financial lifestyle turnaround. I hope that you do. Keep reading financial stuff - it took me a while to get us heading in the right direction, but it paid off. Kinda like a pilot - here a tiny correction, there a slight tweaking until soon you are making a picture perfect landing!!

Glad you stuck with us!

-LuxLivingFrugalis"If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free; if our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed." -Edmund Burke