Same old story

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

Well, I don't need a cell phone, but you do. Also, what you need is some support from your husband and you don't seem to be getting any.Why won't he give you some help?

The million dollar question...but I have to take responsibility for my actions so this will only make me stronger.

timetosave

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by autoxer

I understand that a car and a cell phone are important. But they don't have to cost so much. I bought a car for $1750 and it is perfectly reliable. A few years ago, I bought a nice Honda for $2000 that ran perfectly until I had a little accident. My cell phone only costs me $45/month. Anything more than that and it becomes a luxury. I know it is very costly to get out of a lease, but how much longer does the lease last?

Borrowing money doesn't get you out of debt. You need to focus on your spending habits to get ahead. It was a real eyeopener for me to track my spending for a month & tally everything up to see where I was actually spending all of my money. That made it a lot easier to cut back.

I will actually start tracking my spending on the 24th...I think this will really be an eye opener for me...I will also post what I'm doing here if you guys don't mind so I can get some feedback

timetosave

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by TinyFish

That's what I understood about the checks too, but surely there is some legal recourse if she can get a hold of these people? Otherwise, why would we not all just write bad checks all over the place? Maybe she's already tried this, but since it sounds like some of the bad situation and a lot of paralyzing anger comes from this source, maybe addressing it would bring some relief, emotionally if not financially.

Unfortunately there is no legal recourse against them...I don't even know who they really are...I fought it for almost a year...no matter where I tried to turn I could not get any recourse.

I'm a little unclear on the husband situation. I was under the impression that there is a previous husband, who may or may not be providing some money towards the kids upkeep, and now the current husband, who is disabled and is covering the house, insurance, and one car payment, but whom she cannot/does not want to tap for anything else in the way of support. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. It is a complicated situation to be sure.

No previous husband, this is my first marriage and his. My husbands disability covers all the house expenses and his car payment...that is a huge burden so I can't say he is not helping...I'm lucky in that...this is why I was able to stay home for 6 years (and ruin my credit while I was at it). It is really not a matter of trapping him with my debts...it is more a matter of taking ownership of this mess myself...not relying on anybody else to do it for me...if I don't start doing this now where will I be in 10 years?

BTW, what is a 'chargeoff' in this context? Is that the amount owed on the cards? Do you have a breakdown of minimum montly payments for all of this? Maybe someone could help summarize, since I'm very unclear as to how much debt there is total, what form it takes and what the minimum payments are. It is hard to advise without knowing the whole story, as painful as I'm sure it is.

A chargeoff is when the credit card company is tired of waiting for you to pay your bill and tired of calling you all the time. They charge off the debt and turn it over to a colleciton company...there are no monthly payments set up with the colleciton companies yet.
-TinyFish

I hope I've cleared up some things for you. Your input is appreciated.

timetoshare

[autoxer]

Charge off is when the creditor writes off the debt as uncollectible. That is what tanked the credit score and why she can't get any new loans.

[lrjohnson]

Timetosave, I'm proud of you; you started getting a little defensive because of some posts (it's hard to post the details of your life finances in 3 paragraphs), but the important part is you didn't let it throw you...you've decided that either they misunderstood, or that you were going to ignore certain posters and listen to the rest of us...whichever it was, you're on track.

Do you use Excel at all? Any spreadsheet? It would be nice for your own knowledge, as well as those of us posting, if you really broke down in a list the monthly expenses you have plus the periodic expenses average to a monthly level. Then, list the minimum monthly payments on all these bills, and % interest on each. You can begin, with our help if you want it, to make sure that 1) you live within you means to not incur additional debt and 2) have a solid plan to pay off your current debt.

I would ask this, re: husband: Does he pay as much as you do to the household overall? I understand more than most, perhaps, having a long-term partner where finances are not comingled. But My Guy and I, despite separate income/separate accounts, do each pay exactly half to the overall running of the household. If your husband is not giving the same total dollars, there is a problem. If he can not, due to inability to make more $ due to disability, he needs to be putting in extra in other ways to contribute to the house, such as household tasks that save money.

[TinyFish]

"This is what I have to put in motion...I will sit down at work Monday and fiugre it out...so I will focus on getting that car payment up to date and forget the credit report until I do...hopefully Sallie Mae will let me defer payments for a while"



Wooo hoo, sounds like a plan of action! Houston, we have liftoff! That's the ticket, get a clear idea of what your minimum payments all are and focus on getting them current. After all, what does it matter what your credit score is, if you are making it worse day-by-day with late payments? Plus, hopefully you won't need any more loans, since you are going to work on that debt and you are going to WIN, right? That's a big first step.

Meanwhile, don't put anything more on the credit cards! I'd say cut them all up, but you probably don't have an emergency fund, so I guess maybe keep one but stick it in the freezer, or keep yourself away from it somehow. You need to get everything paid up before you even think about using cards again.

Once you have all your minimum payments down in black and white, come back here and people can help you with the rest of your budgeting. Maybe you need a new strategy like the envelope method or paying yourself first.

Here is a tip: If you are finding just the NUMBER of bills overwhelming, maybe you can get some of them auto-deducted. Of course, you still have to know what they are and budget for them, but you may find that easier to deal with if it is the paperwork that is holding you back.

Good luck with the first babysteps on Monday.

-TinyFish

[TinyFish]

Thanks for the clarification, Autoxer! The vocabulary of debt can be confusing sometimes.

[Homebody]

Well I know where to cut back. DH and I hardly ever go to the movies, but since he is going camping and (taking a bow and arrow with him) we decided to go to the movies.

What a waste. I fell asleep and he told me after he almost asked if I wanted to leave.

We are just getting too old or something. Our daughter loved Pirates of the Caribbean. Maybe that is the keyword....daughter.

Wasted $15.00 today and I dutifully wrote in in my daily spending log!

[greedy4chips]

I feel the support oozing in this thread!

We purchased boneless skinless chicken breasts on sale the other day for $1.33/lb. A normal sale is $1.99 so we bought 8 lbs and another 4 lbs of another brand at $1.99/lb, only because they are much bigger and better for one of our kids favorite meals.

Use a mallet and pound out the chicken breasts to about 1/4 inch thick. Mix 1 can of veggal veggie mix (drained) with a box of stuffing and some mozarella cheese. Put some of the mixture on the chicken, roll it up, insert toothpicks to hold together. Bake at 350 till chicken is done! Feeds 5 of us for about $5. You get your meat, vegetables, bread, and dairy all in.

Hamburger helper made with chicken is healthier and preferred in our home. We make tacos with the double cheese quesadialla (sp?) with whatever topping you choose and that meal costs no more than $5.

$400 isn't outrageous for a food bill. I think what most are referring to is, if it is $400, can't it be $395 or $390.

I am not technically disabled, but I am on longterm disability due to a herniated disc and my doctor basically forbid me from returning to work as a truck driver. I also have 2 degenerative discs, 1 above and 1 below the herniation to deal with. I am in pain whenever I get up or roll over.

My wife can sympathize with your situation since I could not bend, twist, or lift over 20 lbs for 6 months after the surgery + 1 month before the surgery. She had to do everything around the house and take care of our 3 kids 1, 3, and 5 at the time (all very close to their next birthday though, like that helps!).

I think we have given you plenty of food for thought and will probably keep you up all night thinking about how all these people, good or bad, have taken their time to try and understand your situation fully to give you the best advice we can muster.

Tomorrow is Day 1 of the rest of your life! You have control and nothing can keep you from your goals!

[lrjohnson]

Originally Posted by Homebody

(((Time to Save))))

For you with the criticisms about food costs... let's see some menus and prices please. Just telling her she can do better is not a real big help in my opinion.

Was this in reference to me saying "Is this for 3 people, or 4? I think this can definitely be cut. If it's 3 people, it can be cut by $150-a not insignificant amount to add to debt repayment. What are your shopping habits? Do you buy name brand? Coupon use? Bulk foods? Store brands? Convenience food?"

I can't see how you would mean me, because I didn't criticize, but I don't see any other posts re: food costs so I'm guessing you do mean me. If you do mean me, then I take great exception to your slamming me with "you with the criticisms." Note that at that point I was not sure how many people in the house. Note that I said could be cut, not that it was excessive. Note that I asked a bunch of questions about what she was doing re: food, so that we could then offer tips to help her reduce. I needed to know more about her habits before I could offer tips.

I came into this thead to be supportive and in my view both my posts were. I sure hope I'm not "you with the criticisms" because I'm steaming right now.

[Homebody]

Well to be honest in this instance it was you, although please don't take it personally because it was sort of a build up of hearing that a lot on other threads. You are always very supportive. However, knowing where we live, good food is not cheap and I really have wondered when people say they feed their family for $200 or whatever a month, I have been curious as to what they eat.

In my case, like I said on a different thread where someone was being told to cut their bill because they were spending that magic $400.00 amount for a family of 4 as I remember. I thought that was pretty cheap since we spend that for 3 and DH eats out lunch every day, and YD most days (she pays for it herself). But then I know we eat very well.

Food costs vary greatly over the US so I think just telling someone they can cut their food bill is not helpful. Sorry, I just don't. They need specifics.

Like try cooking beans in your crockpot if you have one instead of buying canned. Compare the price of grated versus block cheese. Stretch a can of tuna with grated carrot and celery, you know stuff like that....

And coupons.... well sorry but I rarely buy any kind of processed foods, not even cereal, so it's not really easy for me to find coupons. Today we had one coupon in our Sunday paper.... Alpo Dog food. And then we stopped at Safeway on the way home from a movie. I found a coupon for ice cream bars.... Well I picked up a few to send to Flash, but I don't buy ice cream bars so that doesn't do me any good....

That was my point, not specifically referring to you, just really generally the advice of "you can cut your food bill" that I see so often.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by lrjohnson

Timetosave, I'm proud of you; you started getting a little defensive because of some posts (it's hard to post the details of your life finances in 3 paragraphs), but the important part is you didn't let it throw you...you've decided that either they misunderstood, or that you were going to ignore certain posters and listen to the rest of us...whichever it was, you're on track.

Do you use Excel at all? Any spreadsheet? It would be nice for your own knowledge, as well as those of us posting, if you really broke down in a list the monthly expenses you have plus the periodic expenses average to a monthly level. Then, list the minimum monthly payments on all these bills, and % interest on each. You can begin, with our help if you want it, to make sure that 1) you live within you means to not incur additional debt and 2) have a solid plan to pay off your current debt.

Good morning, I do use excell and will get on that today. .

I would ask this, re: husband: Does he pay as much as you do to the household overall? I understand more than most, perhaps, having a long-term partner where finances are not comingled. But My Guy and I, despite separate income/separate accounts, do each pay exactly half to the overall running of the household. If your husband is not giving the same total dollars, there is a problem. If he can not, due to inability to make more $ due to disability, he needs to be putting in extra in other ways to contribute to the house, such as household tasks that save money.

As far as my husband goes he spends FAR more than I do on expenses. He pays the mortgage, all utilities, cable, internet, gas (for cars) his car payment, and will pitch in on food when needed. His expenses in a month are about 1,500.00 He brings in FAR more than that but I consider myself fortunate, if I had to put any of my monies into the house I would really be broke. He does no cleaning but he cooks so though he will not help me with my bills he does help quite a bit.

I hope the blue is not as harsh as the red...

timetosave

[timetosave]

I just finished reading the posts. This is a very sensitive topic. We don't even know each other and feel as if we are being attacked (and in some instances there have been very blunt attacks) lets all step back and realize we are all here for the same reason.

I am VERY grateful that you have all taken the time to guide me. I appreciate ALL the input. I don't think (unless directed at me in the beginning) any comments made in this thread were made to offend or hurt. But I also have a degree in Sociology and realize that when a topic as emotionally filled as money is discussed we will often feel as if someone is calling us a failure, and who wants to be a failure when it comes to something so important.

Forward...we will not all agree, but we will ALL learn from what is posted here. I will be the one that all comments should be directed at, as you can see I can take it...and give it back when needed...now if I can only control my finances as well as I control my feelings I will be a millionaire before I'm 50...

I will have a spread sheet posted by the end of the day.

Again, thank you all. I feel more confident that I can do this. You never know how you affect anothers life...you have all touched me deeply.

timetosave

[boefixepa]

Okay, coming back from the weekend....wow!! Looking forward to that spread sheet!! I think you are ding great and are taking the first steps forward and YOU CAN DO IT! You've done the hardest part...commiting to making a change...now all you need is a plan to follow. Make that budget and then toss it up and here and let's see if we can help you trim it down any more.

Most importanly DON'T GIVE UP! It can be done and we will help you all we can. Yes it's sensitive and yes sometimes, since we can't see your perspective, sometimes we mess things up, but I have never seen a more supportive board then this one, so hang in there.

[med12]

I'm jumping in here, too. You've gotten a lot of feedback and advice already. Here's a bit more that someone told me on a different board that I've taken to heart and it has helped. Focus on the priorities first. This, in your case would be food, car, kids, and yourself. The charged off credit cards are not a big deal at this point. Wait, not quite how I should say it. They are a big deal because you do owe the money but they will not come after you as fiercely as your car or student loan company will. Get current on that car. Look into your options to get a different one, if you are comfortable with that. I completely understand the relaiability aspect as we are going through this right now with DH's truck. But, we all have different priorities and what is important to us.

Yes, the food bill seems high but $100/week for 4 people works out to $25/person/week. In the grand scheme of things - that's not too bad if you are making good decisions with your grocery shopping. If you are buying stuff and finding that you are throwing it out before using it, then yes - that is a place to cut back and plan better.

Another idea - plan your meals around sale ads. You say DH does the cooking. Does he help out with deciding what to make or just make what you tell him? Seems like maybe you could ask him to contribute a little bit towards the grocery bill since it seems like you are likely the one that does the shopping and meal planning. I understand the idea of keeping things separate as far as the truck, CC payments and student loans but this is part of running the household and it seems like a huge burden on you. But, at the same time, I can understand your reluctance to ask or bring it up if he is taking care of the rest of the house expenses.

As for the cell phone - that does seem high. Is this an area where you can look at your contract and re-evaluate? Did you just sign up for the phone or have you had it a while? Can you maybe get by with a cheaper plan? They change the plans so quickly and lots of companies after a certain period of time with them will allow you to change your plan with no penalties. Every company is different though.

Someone else posted it but it didn't really come out to the forefront with the rest of the flurry of posting but track your spending for at least 1 week. Write down everything - even the $.25 you spend at the gumball machine for DS...if that's the case. Once you go for 1 week, you will begin to get an idea of where your money is going. Then, continue tracking it for 30 days. Are you spending extra money when you fill up your gas tank? Are you buying coffee in the mornings? Are you buying lunches at work? These are all the little areas that add up a lot quicker than we realize. Once you do this - you can set yourself a budget - say $20/week. And when that money is gone - no more. Does that make sense?

You can do this and you have taken a lot of steps in the right direction. I think you need to prioritize, get on the phone with the student loan people and defer and also call the car loan company and work out a payment plan with them once you figure out your budget. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress!

[sakigt]

Oh man! What a thread!

Im waiting on the spreadsheet as well. Congrats on getting started in the right direction.

First things first: Since you have an extra $1000 or so a month Id choose the lowest debt first (since its all bad debt) and pay it off, then work on the next one.

Stop worrying about that truck, imo. Youre in no position (now) to fix it, however, in a year or so when your credit is better I would definitely reassess the situation with that.

Making payments on time will increase your credit, and THEN you'll have the right to approach other sources for lower intrest rates. Now, you dont, imo (in my opinion).

Stick around and start a blog! My blog has definitely helped me...Id reread them and realize I was "splurging" weekly! Its not much of a splurge if youre doing it that often is it!

[debtfreeme]

First Contact your student loan company and request a forebearance. IT will stop your payments for a while and let you get caught up. You can only have a total of 36 months like this for the LIFE of the loan so becareful in using it. But if you need 60 days to get current then use it.

But you need to be current before they grant it to you, usually. But they are usually good with working with people. Just call and speak to them about it.

[greedy4chips]

Can we start a section with suggestions on how to do things like requesting a forebearance on a student loan? I think there are many people in debt that do not even realize they can do this or similar with other debts.

Jeffrey?

Refinancing our truck loan yrs ago helped us a ton, but obviously we did it b4 the credit rating went bad...ours never did but lots of other peoples have.

[miclason]

Welcome, Time To Save!....
I really don't have as much experience as the others and, am trying to dig myself out of the hole, too....but, I'll tell you this, in mid-May I made a (huge) effort to start tracking my expenses...it I spent $0.44 on chewing gum, I'd write it down, $0.11 for a pack of cookies? into the spreadsheet it went....what I discovered was terrifying...what was killing me (still is!) were not the big things...I was spending over $100 a month in NOTHINGS...(consider my pre-tax income is $920/month!, so $100 in stuff like gum, chocolates, soda, toys from the Dollar store, crayons, etc is TOO much!)...I set up a budget that included Fun money for stuff like this, but, just setting up a LIMIT to it has helped inmensely (I originally set the limit at $50 and now have gone down to $25)...the moment I hit those numbers, I stop buying this sort of thing...and, that really has helped...I have had a lot more $$ available for debt repayment (I've also had some help from Above, for which I will be eternally grateful, in the form of people who have helped me financially....I guess when people see you really try, they are more willing to help....) ...Another thing that I have cut (in my case) iss that I have allocated $17/month to lunches (trying to cut it down little by little, too!) and pack my lunch instead (I was spending about $2/day, which seemed OK, but, when I realized how much this amounted to, I almost had a heart attack!)....I'm just giving you some examples of things that I hadn't realized before I started tracking down expenditures (I used to say I had no "fun money" when in reality I was spending around $40/month in "entertainment".like movies and eating out, having ice cream, etc...nothing wrong with that, but, I felt bitter that I didn't have "fun money", you see? and, realizing how much I was spending helped in that sense, too....
I look forward to "seeing" you around the forums!

[lrjohnson]

[

Originally Posted by Homebody

Food costs vary greatly over the US so I think just telling someone they can cut their food bill is not helpful. Sorry, I just don't. They need specifics. And coupons.... well sorry but I rarely buy any kind of processed foods, not even cereal, so it's not really easy for me to find coupons.

Well, it’s