Same old story

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by greedy4chips

I agree with lrjohnson's statement that you are very brave to have your financial and personal life put under a microscope!

Come up with a solid list of debts owed, min. payment, due date, date you get paycheck, and any other bills you have. List all income. Ask that any holiday gifts be money. Have a rummage sale if you haven't already.

The cell phone almost has to go if you can get out of the contract even with a $150 penalty you honestly cannot afford the extra $83/month.

What is the cost to turning in the lease vehicle? I realize this seems bad, but ask them if you can purchase a $3k vehicle and roll the loss on the lease vehicle into a new loan. You have to sell them on the possibility of you not having the ability to ever pay them their debts on it at the current monthly amt. and by accepting your offer you can swing payments on a 3k + 5-6k loss versus 26,000 lease at any payment amt per month.

I agree to with the grocery purchases. It's time to eat only at home and make it hamburger helper and potatoes with a veggy for the next year. No soda, bottled water, no bottled juice, alcohol, cigarettes, and any other non absolute necessities.

Take a picture of any credit cards and then burn the cards. Its cash only and that is the unfortunate position you are in.

I am not critizing your position, just like you're not arguing with us. I am only giving you the tough love approach you have to take with yourself and your debts.

What do you pay for the internet connection? That could go too for now unless you can validate even a $9.99/month fee. We tossed our long distance service on our phone and replaced it with a calling card from Sams Club for about 2.5 cents per min.

You have to cut to the bone and sell everything you can. When I was a kid our big shopping day for school was at Goodwill and we got 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts. 1 pair of Kmart shoes, socks and underwear. Coats were very cheap ones too.

I survived barely. My dad still apologizes he did not spend more on us and saved less. His income is higher now than before he retired! Good for him.

The next few days are going to be tough for you to come up with a solid plan of attack. You have taken the biggest step so far and the rest will come with time and effort.

We should start a thread for you and only you to update us on your progress. Kinda like you are showing us your progress to not let us down, since it is obvious you have a few people here pulling for you!

Good luck!

Wow, that was well said...hit home...I have a lot of thinking to do.

What is the cost to turning in the lease vehicle? I realize this seems bad, but ask them if you can purchase a $3k vehicle and roll the loss on the lease vehicle into a new loan. You have to sell them on the possibility of you not having the ability to ever pay them their debts on it at the current monthly amt. and by accepting your offer you can swing payments on a 3k + 5-6k loss versus 26,000 lease at any payment amt per month.
I don't really understand this...please explain.

The internet/home bills are all paid by my husband not my expenses...no need to turn the internet off. What he would save from this would not be given to me anyways...

I am in the process of selling off my collections now...I really don't have much...I wish I could sell off my debt...

I am sorry you think I am nasty and stupid. Again, I was just trying to understand from the debts listed. I will leave you to sort it out with the others.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by taking charge

I am sorry you think I am nasty and stupid. Again, I was just trying to understand from the debts listed. I will leave you to sort it out with the others.

Nope, never said stupid...just mean. This is hard enough

timetosave

[Homebody]

Ah now I get it....

I agree a good car is very important. Am I assuming correct that the house was your husband's before you married and the kids are not his? Do you guys keep your money separate??

Kris' advice (along with my previous post) are your best bets at this point. It is a very good place to start.

Just quit spending anything extra at this point and follow the advice. You of course will have days you "fall off the wagon". We all do, but just get back on it!

[Ima saver]

No, we are all here to help you. We just need to understand your situation a little better. It seems like you have had a run of bad luck and no help.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Homebody

Ah now I get it....

I agree a good car is very important. Am I assuming correct that the house was your husband's before you married and the kids are not his? Do you guys keep your money separate??

No the house came after we got married and the children are his...he is just not very supportive.


Kris' advice (along with my previous post) are your best bets at this point. It is a very good place to start.

Just quit spending anything extra at this point and follow the advice. You of course will have days you "fall off the wagon". We all do, but just get back on it!

Ok, so I will cut spending to the bones and re-read the post you have mentioned...is there a way for us to keep in contact...can I on this vine when I have questions? Thanks so much everybody...today begins a new life.

timetosave

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

No, we are all here to help you. We just need to understand your situation a little better. It seems like you have had a run of bad luck and no help.

You've been very helpful...thank you all so much.

timetosave

[Homebody]

(((Time to Save))))

Some people here are very limited in the scope of their lives and their paradigm is far different from yours.

What I don't understand are responses that focus on the past. Yes she made mistakes, she knows that. Why don't we just work with what we have and go forward.

When someone states the reasons for their decisions, just accept them. Like the cell phone. She needs the cell phone, maybe you don't think she does, but Time to Save thinks she does so telling her to give it up is not helpful. How about going to prepaid cell phone like Virgin or something? Come up with some ideas that will work with her needs.

We have all made mistakes, well maybe not ALL, but I know I have and some of the posts here are so honestly rude, I wouldn't blame her if she never posted another thing.

Stop and think before you hit that submit button people. This a real live human you are dealing with.

And I will say it again, where do you people shop???? $400.00 for a family of four seems like a very decent amount to spend for food.

For you with the criticisms about food costs... let's see some menus and prices please. Just telling her she can do better is not a real big help in my opinion.


Time to Save, I hope you stay and let us know how you are doing.

[Kris10Leigh]

Here's my take on this:

When I started coming here and said I had a lot of debt, I got responses similar to the ones you are taking offense to. I had to do a lot of explaining and a lot of clarifying. It is simply because we don't know you and we don't know all the ins and outs. Since then, folks have calmed down a lot with me and I'm getting better advice that is more related to me. I think you will find the same. Please try not to take offense to some of these responses, even though I know that's hard to do. You are really reading with your heart right now. I think "taking charge" had your best interests in mind, but just maybe didn't say it the right way.

Just me being a Libra! Always playing the moderator.

[Ima saver]

Good, we need a moderator. And I understand that it is hard to cut back if you don't know how. Take food, for example. I am not much of a cook. I don't know how to make meals for four people for under a $1 . Some of you do. I am a very picky eater. When you are the sole provider and you work all day, you don't want to come home and cook large portions of food to freeze for the week. I would rather spend a little more on food, and not have a cell phone. that is just me!
Just take it one step at a time.

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Homebody

(((Time to Save))))

Some people here are very limited in the scope of their lives and their paradigm is far different from yours.

What I don't understand are responses that focus on the past. Yes she made mistakes, she knows that. Why don't we just work with what we have and go forward.

When someone states the reasons for their decisions, just accept them. Like the cell phone. She needs the cell phone, maybe you don't think she does, but Time to Save thinks she does so telling her to give it up is not helpful. How about going to prepaid cell phone like Virgin or something? Come up with some ideas that will work with her needs.

We have all made mistakes, well maybe not ALL, but I know I have and some of the posts here are so honestly rude, I wouldn't blame her if she never posted another thing.

Stop and think before you hit that submit button people. This a real live human you are dealing with.

And I will say it again, where do you people shop???? $400.00 for a family of four seems like a very decent amount to spend for food.

For you with the criticisms about food costs... let's see some menus and prices please. Just telling her she can do better is not a real big help in my opinion.


Time to Save, I hope you stay and let us know how you are doing.

Thank you. I'm staying. I can take the punches...I just don't understand why I'm getting them. This was a huge step for me and I've taken it...the best thing about me is when I make a commitment I stick with it. Leaving right now would have wasted the time all of you have put into me on this beautiful Sunday (I bet you all have better things to do with your time) I appreciate that and won't let you down by running...I've done enough of that...lol

timetosave

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Kris10Leigh

Here's my take on this:

When I started coming here and said I had a lot of debt, I got responses similar to the ones you are taking offense to. I had to do a lot of explaining and a lot of clarifying. It is simply because we don't know you and we don't know all the ins and outs. Since then, folks have calmed down a lot with me and I'm getting better advice that is more related to me. I think you will find the same. Please try not to take offense to some of these responses, even though I know that's hard to do. You are really reading with your heart right now. I think "taking charge" had your best interests in mind, but just maybe didn't say it the right way.

Just me being a Libra! Always playing the moderator.

Hey, I'm a Libra also!!!

I am only taking offense at the posts assuming I'm a criminal or that I do nothing but sit around all day and spend spend spend...wow...with all I've been through in the past 7 years with my little boy dying and my husband losing his entire life to an inmate (he was a co) I am now working full time and selling off my belongings...I realize I am still not making the right decisions so I've come here...I think this is putting me on the right track...my goal is not to just be out of debt...I want to see a million dollars before I die...lol

timetosave

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

Good, we need a moderator. And I understand that it is hard to cut back if you don't know how. Take food, for example. I am not much of a cook. I don't know how to make meals for four people for under a $1 . Some of you do. I am a very picky eater. When you are the sole provider and you work all day, you don't want to come home and cook large portions of food to freeze for the week. I would rather spend a little more on food, and not have a cell phone. that is just me!
Just take it one step at a time.

I wish the cell phone could be gone...I did do a prepaid phone but that wound up being more expensive (minute per minute) than just getting a contract...thank you for the support.


timetosave

[TinyFish]

Not to re-hash the past, but what about going after those folks who ripped you off for the computer? You say the business that took the computers was 'legit'. I assume you mean by that that it exists. Can ebays fraud team help you any? Or the police maybe? I'm sure others on this forum or elsewhere might be able to help you with that. Yes, it is crummy that people ripped you off and helped get you into this mess, but maybe you can get some of it back. I'm shocked the bank didn't tell you the checks hadn't cleared, if you have that in writing, I'd bring that up with the bank managers.

I'm a little unclear from your statements what your exact situation is. I get the impression that the sheer NUMBER of bills is getting you in a bit of panic, which is why it is sometimes unclear what you are saying and why you want to consolidate so badly?

Do you have enough money coming in to cover all of your debt payments at least? That's the first issue.

After that, if you only spent the absolute minimum on your debts and the absolute minimum you can on your daily expenses (no eating out, finding cheap ways to get kid clothes etc...), do you have any money left? If so, that should be applied to your debt. First pay off the outstanding stuff, get that current. Then you can pay off either the debt with the highest rate or the smallest debt, depending on your philosophy. Does that help any?

What about your husband? I know you say you are trying to not have him involved, but if he's able to carry a house and car payment on disability, he's probably pretty financially savvy, can he advise you? Not clear why all your expenses and worries are so seperate from his. If he's one of the four who is eating, maybe he should help figure out how to reduce the food budget, etc. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation.

-TinyFish

[Ima saver]

Well, I don't need a cell phone, but you do. Also, what you need is some support from your husband and you don't seem to be getting any.Why won't he give you some help?

[Homebody]

Tiny Fish, I think you bring up a good point about the fraud and the husband. I know what it is like to have a husband not "on board". Thankfully mine has come around over the years.

I took the checks to mean they were like counterfeit and forged or something. I had something similar happen to me only they were counterfeit forged checks on my checking account. Thankfully our bank reimbused us for over $1800.00 since they cashed the checks themselves even though they were cashed in Los Angeles and we are at the opposite end of the state.

[autoxer]

I understand that a car and a cell phone are important. But they don't have to cost so much. I bought a car for $1750 and it is perfectly reliable. A few years ago, I bought a nice Honda for $2000 that ran perfectly until I had a little accident. My cell phone only costs me $45/month. Anything more than that and it becomes a luxury. I know it is very costly to get out of a lease, but how much longer does the lease last?

Originally Posted by timetosave

I sit up at night trying to figure out who I can borrow money to get me out of debt

Borrowing money doesn't get you out of debt. You need to focus on your spending habits to get ahead. It was a real eyeopener for me to track my spending for a month & tally everything up to see where I was actually spending all of my money. That made it a lot easier to cut back.

[TinyFish]

That's what I understood about the checks too, but surely there is some legal recourse if she can get a hold of these people? Otherwise, why would we not all just write bad checks all over the place? Maybe she's already tried this, but since it sounds like some of the bad situation and a lot of paralyzing anger comes from this source, maybe addressing it would bring some relief, emotionally if not financially.

I'm a little unclear on the husband situation. I was under the impression that there is a previous husband, who may or may not be providing some money towards the kids upkeep, and now the current husband, who is disabled and is covering the house, insurance, and one car payment, but whom she cannot/does not want to tap for anything else in the way of support. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. It is a complicated situation to be sure.

BTW, what is a 'chargeoff' in this context? Is that the amount owed on the cards? Do you have a breakdown of minimum montly payments for all of this? Maybe someone could help summarize, since I'm very unclear as to how much debt there is total, what form it takes and what the minimum payments are. It is hard to advise without knowing the whole story, as painful as I'm sure it is.

-TinyFish

[Ima saver]

I was hoping some one could explain charge off to me too? This is really complicated!

[timetosave]

Originally Posted by TinyFish

Not to re-hash the past, but what about going after those folks who ripped you off for the computer? You say the business that took the computers was 'legit'. I assume you mean by that that it exists. Can ebays fraud team help you any? Or the police maybe? I'm sure others on this forum or elsewhere might be able to help you with that. Yes, it is crummy that people ripped you off and helped get you into this mess, but maybe you can get some of it back. I'm shocked the bank didn't tell you the checks hadn't cleared, if you have that in writing, I'd bring that up with the bank managers.

The checks were counterfeit drawn against a business that really exist...because they were counterfiet I can not go after the company and the person who used it is nowhere to be found. Local law enforcement informed me that they do not have the resources to go after people they will never find and there are no laws that protect me locally. I did the FBI internet fraud report...got me NOWHERE...waste of time...no recourse period...sad but true. As far as the teller stating I would know by now if the checks were not clear...I brought that up to the bank manager who informed me his tellers would never tell me that...btw...with both accounts I lost relationships with the banks that I have been with for over 10 years, that hurt in many ways.
I'm a little unclear from your statements what your exact situation is. I get the impression that the sheer NUMBER of bills is getting you in a bit of panic, which is why it is sometimes unclear what you are saying and why you want to consolidate so badly?

Do you have enough money coming in to cover all of your debt payments at least? That's the first issue.

I live paycheck to paycheck and really can figure out why

After that, if you only spent the absolute minimum on your debts and the absolute minimum you can on your daily expenses (no eating out, finding cheap ways to get kid clothes etc...), do you have any money left? If so, that should be applied to your debt. First pay off the outstanding stuff, get that current. Then you can pay off either the debt with the highest rate or the smallest debt, depending on your philosophy. Does that help any?

This is what I have to put in motion...I will sit down at work Monday and fiugre it out...so I will focus on getting that car payment up to date and forget the credit report until I do...hopefully Sallie Mae will let me defer payments for a while

What about your husband? I know you say you are trying to not have him involved, but if he's able to carry a house and car payment on disability, he's probably pretty financially savvy, can he advise you? Not clear why all your expenses and worries are so seperate from his. If he's one of the four who is eating, maybe he should help figure out how to reduce the food budget, etc. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation.

My husband will not help. Nor should he have to. He pays all the household expenses which mounts up...financially savvy...not really he got a settlement for one hundred thousand dollars and blew threw it in 3 months...I begged him to invest in a rental property or something...would not listen...but does pay his bills on time...never seems to have anything left either. Our expenses have always been seperate...we have never had that type of relationship.-TinyFish

Thank you for your help...quite a bit here definately will work. I am almost getting excited about getting out of debt.

timetosave