Feeling Poor

[2moretrees]

Anyone have a thought as to why one day when I don't spend a lot of money I feel like I have accomplished a lot and I'm on top of my personal finances while another day I don't spend a lot I basically feel poor? I know some of it has to do with what I want to buy that day.

I'm trying to get a better understanding of these emotions when I'm shopping. If you have examples of what makes you feel poor and what makes you feel like you are in control of your finances on days you don't spend much, I think this will help me.

[Ima saver]

One day my husband and i went to a wedding with a lot of other people. As we walked out of the church into the parking lot, I noticed all the new shiny cars parked there. We were driving a 10 year old bronco II. I suddenly felt very poor looking at all those new cars. On these forum, sometimes people mention how much they make a year. We have never made over $50,000, heck many years, we made under $15,000 but I have always felt comfortable with the way we lived.

[cschin4]

Your feelings and emotions can change often. So, try to work your finances with a plan and purpose. Keeping that in mind will help you get through the times of not really feeling like saving, spending wisely, etc. There is bling, bling all around all of us so all the shiny toys do look great and like a lot of fun. But, there is a price to pay (literally and figuratively) for everything. And, the thrill of these things wears off long before the last payment is due!

[tgavin71]

I too sometimes feel like this too. One day I can come home from the shops with my only purchase being a bottle of milk and give myself a big pat on the back for not buying that packet of chocolate biscuits (even though they were on sale). Not buying them saves me money and weight gain. Other times I can get home and go into a mini depression about not buying same biscuits and no amount of logic helps.
I carry food and drink with me now at all times. It helps a lot when I'm out and feeling like I "need" to buy something to snack on.

For me I used to find it hard when I didn't have the money to buy something I told myself I deserved. To counter this I save a small amount of money to spend on items that are for me and me alone. Such as a coffee with friends. Even though my money situation hasn't changed my attitude to spending certainly has. It is alright to spend money on wants occassionally as long as it is something that will bring you joy.

[getforfree]

I feel poor when somebody else has something that I can't afford.

Once I visited my friend, she just came back from shopping and showed me what she bought. She spent over $200 on clothes just for herself. She bought shoes for $30, a shirt for $25, and some other stuff.
Excuse me, but I would never spend $30 for a pair of shoes! It has to be at least 75% off, brand name, and cost no more than $18. Again, this is the same friend that always complains that she doesn't have money. But she always gets a fancy haircut and stuff. Of cource she wouldn't have any money. When she showed me all the stuff she bought, I felt poor, but whenever she complains that she doesn't have any money, I feel rich.

[neatdesign]

There are only a few times when I genuinely feel POOR.

One is when I visit my parents and, inevitably, my mom and I will go window-shopping. We don't even go to really fancy shops or anything, but if we stop by someplace like Pier 1 then I see a bunch of stuff I think will look good in our apartment, which reminds me that we still rent instead of own our own place, and even the little things in there cost a lot of money for us right now. My mom, on the other hand, will buy a pillow that costs $60 and not bat an eyelid. I always leave there feeling depressed.

The other time is when we bring up the subject of going to visit Mark's family in England. He's been in the States for three years now and we have yet to go back to see them. Looking at airfare and such is simply depressing. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm keeping his family apart. I know that's a bit blown out of proportion but I really can't help it. Then it also makes me think, "Geez, if we can't even afford to go somewhere where all we'd have to pay for is airfare, then we're never going to be able to travel to all these places I want to go!" Again, just depressing.

~ Jenney

Edited to add... After reading this thread again, plus the new posts, I realized that my comments about why I feel poor are an insult to people who ARE really poor. I am not poor. I have a home, a job, fantastic education, two cars, a great husband, friendly pooch, loving family and friends. I have a computer and internet connection, CDs and DVDs, a nice warm bed to sleep in at night. I have hot water and air conditioning. I am not poor. I'm actually ashamed of myself for saying that lacking those things makes me feel poor. Perhaps "wanting material possessions that I think would make me happier" would be a better description. But I'm not poor. When I lived in Santiago, Chile, I lived across the road from people who literally lived in shacks with no heat, no electricity and no indoor plumbing. THAT'S poor, THAT'S poverty. I'm nowhere near that, thankfully.

[Broken Arrow]

I think I have lived a good life so far. I've never felt genuinely poor. Stretched and struggling, but never so poor that I don't know if I'll have food to eat tonight. So....

Although I can't quite relate, I do sympathize and feel bad for those that are poor, especially those that really are sensible with money, but still end up having a hard time due to circumstances that may be beyond their control.

I also get envious with the Joneses at times, wishing that I had things they have. At the same time, I do have to remind myself sometimes to keep the eye on the ball so to speak, and go after what I really want in life: To live debt-free, and have my own house some day (ideally paid in cash, up-front). To that end, my days are mostly preoccupied, not with what others have, but how I can save even more today than yesterday....

I guess to answer 2moretrees' original question, I guess it's a matter of mindset and what your definition of "poor" is.

[lrjohnson]

Depending on what’s going on, this is what I do if I am feeling poor or deprived.

**I treat myself to a little treat. Maybe a nice takeout burrito for $5, maybe a browse in a used book store, maybe a day without chores. Something that is fairly low cost but is for me and me alone.

**I think of how comparatively rich I am in the world, and think of all the people in the world who are sometimes hungry, and cold, and even in danger. I know that however poor I think I am, I would be considered wealthy by millions, really.

**If I am envious of something in particular, I decide if I really want that item. If I really, really do, I get it or if it’s more than $20 (heh) I give myself permission to get it later. The feeling wears off.

**I think of how glad I am that I am not in debt. Freedom from debt is a luxury I’ve become accustomed to.

**I think of how my lifestyle has positive ecological impacts; reusing, buying less, doing without, recycling, participating less in consumerism.

** I think of my way of life as something I have chosen; a hobby, a lifestyle. I chose it. Regardless of why I originally chose it, even if I was forced to choose frugality, I did choose it.

** If the mood doesn’t pass, I allow myself a mini pity party; I wholly succumb so I can get over it faster.

[BCHGRL]

Usually, the feelings I struggle with are not that I am poor, but that I am unlucky. I had my identity stolen in 2003. I didn't learn of it until 2004, when I was finally in a financial position to purchase a home. While I was straightening out my credit in 2004, housing prices doubled in my area. So when my credit was finally in good repair in 2005, we had to pay nearly twice as much for a home as we would have in 2004 (and I am the primary earner.) My husband and I got married in April ('06) and he was fired one month later for something that he should not have been fired for (union affliation.) The latest "unfair jab" is that prices are decreasing in the local housing market so we probably have negative equity in our home.

Yeah, I like to feel sorry for myself pretty often. When I do, I just remember all the things I do have. I have a wonderful family and a great husband. We're both in great health. I have a great job and have held it since I was 22. At 26 and 27 years old, we own a beautiful 1900 sq ft home. My husband graduated at the top of his firefighter academy and EMT school. He interviewed on Friday for a better job, and we finally have legal representation for the situation with his old job.

[Ima saver]

I was very very poor growning up. I watched my mother struggle to pay bills. She would never take welfare or food stamps, she was too proud. I never saw her buy anything for herself in all the years I lived at home.
I just feel so lucky to have all the great things I have in my life.
Beach girl, I am so sorry for all the problems you have had, things will get better!!

[PrincessPerky]

I often notice how rich I am..whcih helps when I feel a bit more of the opposite.

old thread on rich

search on rich is many entries about how rich I am

now according to todays standards I am broke,a nd I would like some things, I envy big houses.. a lot.

I also envy eating out........

But to cheer myself I like to look at how things are going, and mostly they are looking up.

I really feel bad when I hear about troubles like Beach girl, I honestly am rather blessed, life is easy...(ok so not that easy, but still, no ID theft..yet)

[kealina]

it's all subjective... basically you feel poor depending on what you are comparing yourself to... we feel poor when we look at family members/friends who have made it to security and don't need to worry about money and also next to those that are just always spending...
we feel rich when we realize that we are debt free, have money in the bank, and could spend (and pay cash) but are choosing not to because we have long-term goals...
in a more material way, we also felt rich when we were visiting vietnam, where most common laborers/farmers make $1 a day and making $100/month (mechanic and skilled craftspeople) is considered a great wage...
we actually stayed at a small family run hotel for around $10 a night... of course, there were nicer hotels all the way up to a sofitel for over $100 a night but still... it was quite the luxury for us... we went shopping, ate out, treated everybody to a day at a amusement/water park... it was great... and the whole trip of 5 weeks cost less than $3000 including airfare... of course, it helped that we had family there whom we were visiting... still, it was a nice feeling having ample money....
we went to a pizza place (yum, fresh handmade pizzas) and ordered a split pizza and some fries... our waiter made a mistake and ordered one of each, the pizzas were fairly pricey at around $3 each... our poor waiter... he was so dejected we asked what was the matter and he admitted it would come out of his pay (much more than a days wage for him)... so we figured "why the heck not?" and paid for the pizza, which we then had to eat...we were so stuffed by the time we left there but he was pretty happy and it makes for a good lesson and a memory... plus it gave us perspective... it kind of makes you pause and think... of course we still find ourselves batting our wants and the urge to spend.... having that experience just helps...

[PauletteGoddard]

If you have examples of what makes you feel poor and what makes you feel like you are in control of your finances on days you don't spend much, I think this will help me.

I feel poor when I see members of two-car families at my kid's daycare, and hear them talk about how they flew to Hawaii or Californa (several times a year) or Ireland, or learn that they're moving away to a $450,000 house in a planned development in the suburbs. We're a one-car family, with seventeen years left to go on our mortgage. Our car is a beater. Daycare is super expensive where we are. Even the two-child family friends near us who rent have several vehicles.

Essentially, having more than $100 in my checking account the day before payday makes me feel I'm in control of my finances. Or knowing I can write a check anytime and not have to worry about overdraft.

I feel better when I remember that I'm doubling my equity payments, haven't carried a credit card balance in four years and have indeed saved for retirement, and I haven't howled yet when refueling. I'll probably have paid off my home mortgage by the time some people are halfway through their mortgages.

[Lady Jennelle]

I'm not sure if this will help anybody but on the days or times when you're feeling poor,

maybe starting or writing in a gratitude journal would help to put things more in perspective for you?

You know - like write down things that make you feel good or blessed that you have already.

Just a thought!

Love,

Jennelle

[alinagreen]

Poverty is the root of the thinking and action ...............
Even if you do not spend every day , You remain poor ....Because you need more money .Then you need to activate your brain . Do more to create wealth ...You need to tell your current situation analysis ~~And then make a detailed plan ....Use your skills and knowledge to obtain new wealth ...

One day earlier, more wealth you have left nearly .............

Do not let your bad mood prevent progress

[boefixepa]

I'll quote this from the Complete Tightwad Gazette article entitled "How to avoid feeling deprived"

Quote:

First, recongnize that you are engaging in the discipline out of choice. You decide to give up something so that you can have something else. When you recongnize that you are making a choice, attitudes change form deprivation to empowerment.
Second, as you cut back, give up expenses in the order of the ones that provide the least value for dollars spent. View giving up extras as transferring finds from one area of your life to another. To asses your values, constantly ask yourself if you received sufficient value for the money you spent.
People commonly make the mistake of spending money on smaller items that are low on the their priority list and, as a result, cannot afford the big things high on their list. Real deprivation is not being able to afford the things that are high on your priority list. Think about the trade-offs and redefine deprivation.
Third, do not compare your economic situation to those of others. Wringing your hands over economic inequities merely wastes emotional energy that could be better used in a positive way to achieve your goal. Accept the givens in your situation and work with them.
Likewise, come to equate aspects of fugality (which your culture regards as deprivation) as symbols for past or future achievements. You know within yourself that these symbols represent a larger lifestyle that will enable you to aquire (or have enabled you to acquire) the things that are genuinely important to you.

End Quote.

I often reread this article. These are just sinipts from it, but they remind me why I am doing it and that it is all a matter of perspective and attitude.

[Gruntina]

I remember the years when I was a child living only with my mom and we were poor. She had two jobs and could not always make ends meet. We would walk miles everyday for my mom to attend job interviews (Could not afford child care that time) or to get anywhere we needed. I remember getting picked on for not having a variety of clothes or lunch. We moved probably every 2 or 3 months to living at runned down apartments or stay at friend’s house from time to time. You can not live out on the streets in the winter time because it can get negative 20 degrees outside with all the snow.

At the time I looked at things a lot differently.

Seeing my mom trying to hide her sadness, I would see right through her and wanted to help her. One day I made colored bookmarkers and sold them around the neighborhood. I am sure people thought it was cute and paid for them (I was only age 7). I came home with bread, cereal and milk on the table for my mom. I thought it was cool at the time feelings like I knew how to do something and achieved a goal that made me feel proud ... I did not realize till much later how much that hurt my mom. It made her feel like she was a bad mom and I never saw it that way. She was always there for me and we still have the closest relationship.

Now living in the Bay Area, its easy to feel poor because there are so many beautiful houses, cars, business buildings and so on... But I have to remember the years I grew up and knowing I can not complain at all. I live in a small apartment but I am able to make it look like home inside and stay there without worry of moving around so much. There are times I feel disgusted feeling like I have too much when there are people that have no water, food and constantly fighting off fleas or flies.

[markio26]

each individual has different feelings on the subject of money... i don't personally feel deprived... i feel sorry for my friends who are heavily in debt and add to it.. i set up myself with guidelines that i follow.. after 21 times of practice enforcing them.. i am on automatic... no sale.... no buy.... it is simple for me... it is other ppl. that i have a hard time with... they want to be like me, but, they have to purchase over $400 a month on ciggies, or beer... the only bad thing for me, that i still use and purchase is soda... it calms me down and perks me up at times... i do drink my water and tea alot.. also, juices and coffee.. i purchase soda when it is on sale for $0.79 a 2 liter... and i use the 20 oz plastic bottles of soda, on sale at set of 6, 5/$10

[Broken Arrow]

Wow, Grutina. Reading that just makes me sad. Now that, to me, is the true definition of "poor".

[Bookie]

Funny how subjective this topic really is. Back in the days when I still carried my credit cards, I had something of an awakening. I stopped by the mall one evening, bored and vaguely discontent, and wandered around for a while. Finally, I paused under the central rotunda and thought to myself, "I can buy anything -- anything in this entire complex, and there's not a single thing that I want." I left empty-handed.

That was the first time in my life I can recall having nothing to want. It was also the occasion when I recognized that buying was not the solution to my discontents.

Presently, I live on a very modest scale, but I can't say I ever feel poor. See, I've had most of the things that people would consider the appurtences of wealth, or, at least, of affluence, and they didn't work for me. I couldn't charge happiness on a credit card or escape from my troubles by pyramiding stuff. I had to discover what was really important in my life, what I genuinely valued, and what was worth wanting.

Today, I'm rich in time, in friends, in the freedom to live as I choose. Some of those friends are still busily chasing the illusion of affluence, and I understand how that feels. I wish them well, but I neither envy nor imitate them. Actually, I sometimes think they envy me the luxurious simplicity of my life, the ease and comfort of my days. I sleep well at night, awaken eagerly to the new day, and want for nothing.

I guess that makes me rich.