paying for your girl friend. - Page 2

xMoneyMakerx · #21 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 07:46 AM

My boyfriend pays for everything, of course he is older than I am and has alot more money. I just think alot of men put women down in the sense that they can't do this and that and men are "tougher" and earn more, so why is it that when it comes to paying a bill we are equal?

autoxer · #22 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xMoneyMakerx

My boyfriend pays for everything, of course he is older than I am and has alot more money. I just think alot of men put women down in the sense that they can't do this and that and men are "tougher" and earn more, so why is it that when it comes to paying a bill we are equal?

I read an interesting concept, that used proportions to figure out how much each person contributes. So if one person earns 60% of the household income, then that person pays 60% of the mortgage. That way they both pay x% of their income towards the mortgage, instead of splitting it in half, which would be a larger percentage for the lower income earner.

Ima saver · #23 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 08:05 AM

I have been married 30 years. When we first dated, he paid. We became serious right away and after that, I insisted that I pay for some of the dates. We got married pretty quickly and never had any disagreement over finances.

debtfreeme · #24 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 12:36 PM

If i invite to something then I pay. If he invites he pays. It has been this way the entire time we have been "dating" (don't ask ended it trying to move on)

But even when i invite someplace, many times he ended up paying because he wanted to. He likes to show off that he has money. Got tiring.

But it has always been that way for me, if i invite or suggest something, i expect to pay for both of us and am pleasantly surprised when the other person pays. I don't expect it but it is a nice treat to have someone else pay.

I have to admit, me and my frugal and trying to lose weight lifestyle right now i suggest a lot of walks by the river or a long walk to the movies or to jamba juice or something along those lines. Or to rent a video. Something simple. He usually chooses the more elaborate things to do. And when i go and visit him in Phoenix, we split the cost of the ticket and he ends up paying for almost everyting else.

lrjohnson · #25 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 01:08 PM

My independance is very important to me. I would feel uncomfortable if someone was paying my share more than now and then, as a treat. For me dating does not change that. My Guy and I treat each other sometimes, and it is back and forth. Early in the relationship it was the same way. When one of us is lower income, we do not expect the other to subsidize our luxury budget (it helps that we both are low maintenance).

jamreed02 · #26 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 01:22 PM

i agree with bookie: if you ask her out, then you should pay. if she does the asking (or insisting) then she pays. that said, you should be able to find less expensive places to take her.

honestly though, if you're at this point in a relationship, where you're talking about money and have profoundly different oppinions that you can't compromise on, (or if you think that she's the kind of girl that just wants a "toy to play with" and doesn't appreciate you) then maybe you should "see other people"...

pyotr · #27 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 03:30 PM

It's really not so complicated.
Ask yourself, "is she HOT?" If your girlfriend is a blue-chipper, money shouldn't really enter into the equation. If you really want that girlfriend to stay with you, I wouldn't even let on that money is a struggle for you. Women/girls will use your degree of financial ease as a surrogate marker for your general worth as a potential lifelong mate.

If your girlfriend is just a nice plain girl whom you're "playing around with" but would never consider getting married to, HELL YES, make her pay her share. Cruel, but that's reality folks.

kristina682 · #28 (**permalink**) 07-14-2006, 03:31 PM

I think that it should be whomever has money at the time my bf and I have done that for years (5.5) and it works wonders. Now if she takes advantage or vice versa that is when you need to start to discuss it more.

Your Mary Kay Consultant
www.marykay.com/kristinascott

lillyb · #29 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 02:19 AM

I was single not too long ago, when I was late 20's. If he offered to take me out, he paid. If it was my idea, I paid (though sometimes they would insist on paying and sometimes I let them, but since it was my idea felt too guilty and wouldn't let them). And this while I was a struggling single mom. I didn't expect a free ride, or need a knight in shining armor to rescue me. If he wanted to take me out, cool. If I wanted to take him out, cool. I don't think anyone should just demand someone always foot the bill, especially if it's the other's idea to always be doing things that cost money. Just seems rude. Were it reversed, and I was the guy, I'd seriously consider whether I'd want to stay with someone who constanstly liked and demanded to spend my money. Just my two cents.

SuzeOFan · #30 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lillyb

I don't think anyone should just demand someone always foot the bill, especially if it's the other's idea to always be doing things that cost money. Just seems rude. Were it reversed, and I was the guy, I'd seriously consider whether I'd want to stay with someone who constanstly liked and demanded to spend my money. Just my two cents.

I agree. when a person becomes too demanding it may be a sign that this person may just be out to take advantage of you. In that case, you might want to do some soul searching. Who knows? She may feel also that your the one who is really taking her for a ride, and she figures she might as well get the most from it.

You as a man should pay for your girl - because you want to. Because you love her and would do anything for her. She in turn should bring you happiness.

Logically, it sounds reasonable (in this modern liberated world) to be tempted to say that both parties should pay equally. Sounds reasonable. But what that doesn't take into account is the fact that men need to be the pursuers (typically - at least 'think' they are) and the more importantly - the main providers. In a way, you are proving that.

You can see some of this reflected in nature. Male birds many times are the bigger, more flashy to impress the female. They do a little dance, maybe bring a few bugs and sticks and things. Romance her! That is like so overlooked in our society. It's like men today don't figure they should have to work too hard at the mating game.

But just remember guys, its the woman who always has more to lose than you - while she is privately deciding whether you're a good investment or not.

Choose the right woman though - and she will make you rich!

And not just money-wise!

SuzeOFan · #31 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 05:30 AM

I would only like to add that all women are insecure!

We need to hear every so often that we are beautiful, we are special, we are loved! Men prove this by words and deeds.

Dating should not be seen as a recreational thing - but a testing time.

If a woman suddenly gets demanding - it's probably because she feels neglected or not appreciated. She wants you to *pay* more attention to her.

It's great if both parties agree to an even split when it comes to paying for things! But that should only happen after the relationship has matured and you have been seeing each other for a length of time.

My husband and I did that when we were dating. But it was important in for him to prove his seriousness and love by paying for things in the beginning. We've been together now for 15 years. We are each other's better half. In a good healthy relationship, you are able to help each other to become the best person they can become. Isn't that worth the little investment it takes in the beginning?

PrincessPerky · #32 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuzeOFan

I would only like to add that all women are insecure!

If a woman suddenly gets demanding - it's probably because she feels neglected or not appreciated. She wants you to *pay* more attention to her.

you might be able to find out if your girl is more interested in money or you this way.

lrjohnson · #33 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuzeOFan

ILogically, it sounds reasonable (in this modern liberated world) to be tempted to say that both parties should pay equally. Sounds reasonable. But what that doesn't take into account is the fact that men need to be the pursuers (typically - at least 'think' they are) and the more importantly - the main providers. In a way, you are proving that....
But just remember guys, its the woman who always has more to lose than you...

More Freedom: whn you read these posts, it may become real clear that women have very different opinions. I don't agree at all with either of the above statements. Suze may agree with none of mine. So you'll need to weigh the opinions and go forth.

katwoman · #34 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pyotr

It's really not so complicated.
Ask yourself, "is she HOT?" If your girlfriend is a blue-chipper, money shouldn't really enter into the equation. If you really want that girlfriend to stay with you, I wouldn't even let on that money is a struggle for you. Women/girls will use your degree of financial ease as a surrogate marker for your general worth as a potential lifelong mate.

If your girlfriend is just a nice plain girl whom you're "playing around with" but would never consider getting married to, HELL YES, make her pay her share. Cruel, but that's reality folks.

Sad to say, but this really is the truth.

As a lifelong single woman, the minute I get the sense that I'm expected to cough up money, it's OVER. Not that I've never paid. Believe me, I can be very generous and fair when in a long term relationship but if it's just dating and the guy starts to bitch and moan about a few dollars, well......

Ima saver · #35 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 02:05 PM

I have always wondered what it was like to be single. I know we have several single women on here. Are you lonely all the time? I got married at barely age 20, got divorced, met a new guy (the right one) and got married again in just a few months.
I would not know "how" to be single.
When I was dating, I was very considerate not to spend my date's money. If we went out to eat, I got the cheapest thing on the menu. Heck, I haven't changed much!!

neatdesign · #36 (**permalink**) 07-15-2006, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by more freedom

She is saying when I go out with you I expect you to pay for it.

So, I'm assuming this means that she pays for everything when YOU go out with HER?

~ Jenney

kealina · #37 (**permalink**) 07-16-2006, 05:16 PM

i think it has to do with expectations and how you were raised... to be honest and blunt, i'm pretty and i never expected guys to spend money on me like that... when DH and i were dating we would do things like drive to the park or beach... we never spent a lot of money and it never came up... a couple of times he bought $5 worth of snacks for us to share or something like that but he only paid because i didn't have much money at all as he had a job and i didn't... if he had less money then i would have paid...
what was really important was our time together and his loving attention...

i can understand maybe someone may be making demands because they actually want your attention but i can say that, in general, any type of high maintenance behavior makes me want to go in the other direction... one time i was was talking to DH's friends wife and she told me that she was nagging him to buy her a designer purse just because she wanted to see if he would buy it for her... some type of test or something... i don't really believe in that... and no, i'm not saying i don't want things... just that i don't expect a guy to buy them for me...

i will, however, admit to feminine vanity.... girls like to know that you think they're beautiful and special and loved... i just don't think you have to spend to show that.... in fact, i'm one of those irritating females who doesn't jump up and down with joy to get flowers/chocolates/jewelry/etc... what i really want is DH to look at me and smile because i'm there.... ok, i know i'm a sap =)... still, i'm pretty happy and low-maintenance with my DH...

Snoopy2645 · #38 (**permalink**) 07-16-2006, 08:12 PM

When I was dating I always expected the guy to pay the first few times a few times I paid my own way & those dates never went anywhere as in we didnt go out again however now being married sometimes I think I should have married the guys who were tight with their money instead of ones who had to flaunt it I would probably be better off now!!

markio26 · #39 (**permalink**) 07-17-2006, 01:08 PM

if i do the inviting to my friends, i expect to treat them... i do have some heavy duty moochers that i cannot get rid of... they mooch other ppl. too. on the dating thing.. i think if you have more money and know the situation and you want to do the activity, ( dinner or a movie), then you should pay..
if you do not want to pay, then say so upfront and establish a dialogue.... you said she buys you something back... what is she thinking??? sounds childish...hth.

Thrifty Ray · #40 (**permalink**) 07-17-2006, 02:56 PM

Its been a long time since I dated....so my advice would be pretty dated.

I feel it is a red flag in someones character when they 'expect' expensive 'things' from someone they are dating.

I feel that expenses should be the responsibility of the inviting party unless it is discussed and agreed otherwise...which is easier to do after people get to know each other (dating for a while).

I also agree that when someone 'expects' or 'flaunts' in a dating relationship...they are most likely going to continue that behavior into a marriage.

and 'Hot' or 'not'...those behaviors wear thin after a few years...