And in the gripe about other people category---

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

A few things I have read on this forum and in the blogs made me recall an incident. I once had an acquaintence who was truly poor and had to retire on social security disability due to her arthritis, but she told me that crotcheting was good for the arthritis that was in her hands. I'd lent and given her small amounts of money for years, as even before she retired she made only nurse's aid wages and had children to support with no mate. Her crochet work was beautiful. I wanted to help her, but I did not want to turn into just the person who supplies her with money, so it seemed logical to buy custom-made afghans from her. She like the idea, and I paid in full ahead of time for the first one. I planned in my head to give afghans as presents and to give some of them to the womens' shelter. I was really enjoying the idea of the good and happiness that I imagined could come from this alliance. I figured I wanted to put about five percent of my income into this; it was a commitment on my part. If we kept the alliance for years, I could resell some of the afghans, but profit was not important too me. It could provide her with a significant addition to her small income.

Well....it took forever for the first afghan to be finished, and when she finally brought it to me, it reeked of cigarets. It was made for a twin bed when I had paid for queen-size. It was very plain with no special techniques at all. Might as well have been machine made and $18 at Walmart. She told me the project had been really boring (that is why she made it samll) and that she was never going to sell the service of crochet again. She was annoyed and disgusted to have had to do this project. Message loud and clear! She should have just said no to making the afghan in the first place. She shouldn't have taken my money....I notice her other plans to sell baby sets (afghans, hats, booties, mittens) never went anywhere either.

So have you ever tried to help some one monetarily and you both ended up unhappy about it?

[Ima saver]

How thoughtful of you to do that, sorry it ending up being a sad experience.

[shengmei]

Yap. Had my BIL's ex come to live with me for free the whole summer.

When I tried to evict her, she tried to kill me. She took my cat with her.

[Ima saver]

Bought my daughter a new house. She met some guy and ran off with him, leaving me with the house and the payments.

[kealina]

geez... that's really sad for all of you... i've done some things (never had enough money for anything more than $100) and gotten burned too... it's made me more cautious.... ditto for DH.... so now we're a little more careful who we give to... we like being generous, but like ima, it's so much better when they deserve it... it makes me feel better to help others who at least understand our ways and don't ridicule us... like my sister.... she's always saying she's poor and needs money... since she lived far away and i was young and believed her i gave her $100 (which is a fortune when you're a teenage me with no allowance and much too frugal to buy myself anythingnew) and she was like "cool, i can pay my rent now".... come to recently find out (she moved here and i can now contrast her actions with her words) that she's the type who says she's poor and struggling and budgeting when she's shopping at Nordstrom's, Macy's, etc.... spending hundreds on hobbies all the while basking in the pity and approval of those who believe she's "poor, struggling and budgeting"....
MIL and SIL are similar (claiming poorness but spending more than we do) and that's why i'm really, really careful about giving money now... it's kind of one of my pet peeves since we make way less, and spend way less but we don't complain about it and talk about how poor we are... instead we try to appreciate all the little pleasures in life and focus on our goals for the future...
I've had a few pleasant experiences though and i think i'll post them on the other thread about helping others...

[PRICEPLUS]

There is an old saying that no kindness ever goes unpunished. I have helped some people but I always do so with the idea that it may not turn out well.

[lillyb]

Originally Posted by kealina

geez... that's really sad for all of you... i've done some things (never had enough money for anything more than $100) and gotten burned too... it's made me more cautious.... ditto for DH.... so now we're a little more careful who we give to... we like being generous, but like ima, it's so much better when they deserve it... it makes me feel better to help others who at least understand our ways and don't ridicule us... like my sister.... she's always saying she's poor and needs money... since she lived far away and i was young and believed her i gave her $100 (which is a fortune when you're a teenage me with no allowance and much too frugal to buy myself anythingnew) and she was like "cool, i can pay my rent now".... come to recently find out (she moved here and i can now contrast her actions with her words) that she's the type who says she's poor and struggling and budgeting when she's shopping at Nordstrom's, Macy's, etc.... spending hundreds on hobbies all the while basking in the pity and approval of those who believe she's "poor, struggling and budgeting"....
MIL and SIL are similar (claiming poorness but spending more than we do) and that's why i'm really, really careful about giving money now... it's kind of one of my pet peeves since we make way less, and spend way less but we don't complain about it and talk about how poor we are... instead we try to appreciate all the little pleasures in life and focus on our goals for the future...
I've had a few pleasant experiences though and i think i'll post them on the other thread about helping others...

It's amazing how some people view struggling, isn't it?

[Thrifty Ray]

Yes, I too have had a few less than desirable outcomes...but thankfully, there have been MANY more that have made it all worthwhile.

I suppose my bad experiences have been minor because I have never had a big amount to give...

[Ima saver]

I felt so sorry for my daughter that I bought her a house, cars, furniture, paid all the bills, etc. Then when she ran off and I went to clean out her house, she had thousands of dollars worth of clothes, lots with the tags still on them. I filled a refrigerator box full of just sweaters!! That is a lot of sweaters. That was about 13 years ago, and she still has not changed. Buys clothes, but won't pay any bills.

[SuzeOFan]

As Blessed Mother Teresa once said, "Do good anyway."

[shengmei]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

I felt so sorry for my daughter that I bought her a house, cars, furniture, paid all the bills, etc. Then when she ran off and I went to clean out her house, she had thousands of dollars worth of clothes, lots with the tags still on them. I filled a refrigerator box full of just sweaters!! That is a lot of sweaters. That was about 13 years ago, and she still has not changed. Buys clothes, but won't pay any bills.

Could you wear the clothes that she doesn't wear?

Once my hubby gave $200 (our monthly budget after rent and bills) to some panhandler. A week later the local newspaper ran an full-page article on THE SAME GUY telling us to watch out for him because he was really, really good at swindling money.

[Ima saver]

No, she weighs about 100 pounds more than me, obviously she has plenty of money for food!

[kealina]

psoted by Ima.- "No, she weighs about 100 pounds more than me, obviously she has plenty of money for food!"
hahahaha! you cracked me up with that one... funny how all the money somehow turns into fast food huh?

posted by lillyb - "It's amazing how some people view struggling, isn't it?"
boggles the mind... it's so directly opposite from how i was raised... sometimes i wonder if i should have been born in another decade since i'm so different (DH is too, we're two wierd peas in a pod) from others my age...

[Ima saver]

Seem like you have found a home here, kealina!!

[kealina]

ima, thanks... like the rest of you, i am really glad i found this place...

[kealina]

to follow up on my earlier post, i'm glad i found this place... we're saving really intensely and it's hard when people are telling you to get out and have a little fun because we're young... sometimes i wish i wasn't so polite and could say something back but nope, i was raised a good kid...i'd honestly rather struggle now than later... it's much easier to go from having a little to having more than the other way around...
even tho DH and I are both savers, our families did their finances the opposite way around.... when we were little my family didn't have much and his family had plenty....now that we're grown my family is comfortable and his family isn't and from seeing both sides i think it's better this way...

the funny thing is, FIL was telling us "you guys are young and you should go out and have some fun"... then we got some gift certificates... for my birthday, my mom gave me a $100 certificate for a really nice steakhouse... when FIL asked where we went to dinner and we told him he was like, "isn't that place kind of pricey? i mean, i never even went there"....
oh well... i just let it go since after that he stopped telling us to go out more...

[cicy33]

well, on a happier note. We once wanted to buy a house but couldnt afford the closing or the down payment and the girl that was selling took out a second loan with us for that amount and so we paid her and the bank every month until she was paid off. I hope to be able to do that for someone someday. She took a chance on us. She loaned us about $5000 and we had a loan paper we wrote up between us and all that. I was so grateful and she was my first priority! even before the light bill sometimes. We are still friends.

[Ima saver]

WE did the same thing, we sold a condo and the young man didn't have the down payment, so we wrote up some paper work and loaned him the money. It worked out ok and he did pay us back.

[markio26]

its amazing who will pay a personal loan back and who will not.. we were silent partners a few years ago on a pizza store... he decided to quit...had marital problems.. could not concentrate.. anyway, two years later, after endless excuses, he cashed out his 401k and paid us, plus interest i insisted on of 5%...
sister was married to a car dealer/junk yard owner.. we have bought 4 vehicles, and loaned them over $13,000 a hit.. they paid us back, but, my dad told me, not to loan them anymore money before he died.. and i stopped.. they owed money to my dad's estate and had to pay it.. we hardly talk anymore.. it was all about money and they used to vacation on us, at the island a few times a year for free too.. now, all of that has stopped.
loaned money to sorry nephew, everyone thinks alot of... he paid one payment back.. forgave him the loan.. bought his car another time, kept it a year, gave it back to him.... always giving him handouts and xmas gifts for his family.... too sorry to work... last i heard of him this year, he is living in a camper inside the junkyard, next door seperate property.
when i was young i loaned money to boyfriends, never paid fully... or moved on, i was just used, so, naive... believed everything.
it is best to not loan....

[tgavin71]

I don't lend money to anyone. People may think I'm stingy or uncaring but giving money doesn't solve any problems. I am more than happy to offer assistance in any way I can but not financial.