Who and how?

[34saving]

I was reading another thread and started to wonder: How often does financially helping someone work? Who have you helped and how? Did it work (in the long term)? I don't just mean giving money (though that might be an example). I mean things like being a mentor or helping somebody set up a budget or even referring somebody to this site

I have tried to tell friends that if they just wouldn't need to buy that pair of shoes in 20 colors, and put that money in retirement accounts it might help. I am just viewed as cheap, and I must admit I haven't offered my net worth as to what could be. No one ever listens to me.

I'll just have to live with it.

[jodi]

As far as giving money goes -
I lent $200 to a friend once to help her get through a rough period. She forgot all about it. When I reminded her several years later, she promptly paid it without a second's hesitation. I would like to think that I helped her through a tough time and maybe, through this small act and others, helped her get to where she is today (a successful salesperson). On the other hand, DH and I bought his parents a furnace when their's died in the winter (his father was in the hospital with a triple bypass at the time). As his father was in no position to take care of it (physically or financially), we took over with promises from all the siblings that they would pitch in, as well as his parents that they would repay us when able (side note: we made the least money of any of them, but were the only ones with the cash available). So far, we have only gotten about 10% back of our costs over five years. A little source of bitterness for me, but I can overlook it since I love DH's family so much. They enjoy teasing me (good naturedly)about my thriftiness, but then they also will tell me that they admire how well we are doing on so little. But, as far as affecting any of them, I don't see that my choices have influenced them at all. I would be happy to help any of them who asked, but since they don't, I keep my mouth shut.

[PrincessPerky]

Past: examples, I think but I might be just full of myself, that several things my friends or neighbors have started doing are partly due to the example my husband and I err show? We don't go out of our way to get people to look at our way, we just live it, and sometimes raise an eyebrow, or do the double blink (or both) when we see the 'norm'. I think it may have rubbed off on some. or not.

Current: I am an idiot...I used to hear about people losing money when helping others and my first thought was always 'you nice gullible idiot" (and I mean that in a nice way, really I do) But now I have a friend, and I am an idiot....but no money we lose is out of our budget, just well instead of giving to church so much this month we are giving to them...

[cschin4]

Most people don't want to change their views or way of life. But, if someone asks me for advice, I will be happy to give it.
You really can't support another person who is not willing to make changes. You can give some money to someone in a bad financial problem, but usually it amounts to putting a bandaid over a hemorrhage. It temporarily covers the bleeding, but won't stop it.
It is so easy to fritter away money on things we "need" that unless the person makes a complete overhaul in their thinking, it will just be money down the drain.
Occassionally, there are situations where people have been making good decisions but just got into a bad spot due to illness, job loss, etc. I think you can help those people get back on their feet. And, we have helped relatives in such a position. But, we just gave them money. I don't believe in loans. It was a gift and I didn't want to hear about it any further. If you are going to give money, I think a gift is the way to go. THat way, there is no more obligation and no potential source of discomfort or discord in the future. Give it and forget about it.
But, when we gave this money, we also knew that these relatives were hard-working and would use it wisely. And, the husband was out selling phone books, and doing any other jobs until he found full time employment again. He wasn't just sitting around.

[Thrifty Ray]

To change, they have to really WANT to change.
I was once 'one of them'...but deep down, I wanted to change...I wanted a more simple, basic life.

A life of home cooked food, clothes hung on lines, and most importantly MORE TIME to do the important, rather than the urgent.

I hope, by example, I am providing insight to others...but I cant really say Ive changed anyone or converted anyone. (except maybe my DH, because he lives it everyday).

[Ima saver]

I have tried to help lots of people. I talk to every young person I come in contact with about how important it is to start saving money and opening a roth ira, when they are young. I give them copies of articles to read.
I tried to set my girlfriend up on a budget to show her how to handle her money. So far, I have found no one that really wants to do what I suggest. I have told them I will sit down with them, help them open accts., etc.
If i ever found one person who really wanted help and learned how to handle their money, I would probably leave them a nice sum of money in my will. I don't intend to leave the money that we have worked so hard for, to someone who will just blow it all.

[34saving]

Hey Ima, I just wanted to let you know I've probably read 90% of everything you've ever posted here

[Ima saver]

I am keeping you in mind, 34saving!!!

[cicy33]

Originally Posted by Ima saver

I have tried to help lots of people. I talk to every young person I come in contact with about how important it is to start saving money and opening a roth ira, when they are young. I give them copies of articles to read.
I tried to set my girlfriend up on a budget to show her how to handle her money. So far, I have found no one that really wants to do what I suggest. I have told them I will sit down with them, help them open accts., etc.
If i ever found one person who really wanted help and learned how to handle their money, I would probably leave them a nice sum of money in my will. I don't intend to leave the money that we have worked so hard for, to someone who will just blow it all.

The problem with this is most people like me really don't understand how it all works. The IRA thing I mean and I am not a young kid, I am almost 40. I have asked people to explain it and they seem to walk all the way around it and then leave it. I briefly had a small ira at a company but got laid off. The only reason it made money was because they matched it. by the time the annual fees were paid and the losses I didn't make anything except what I had contributed and them of course. The budget thing I do. I set up my own version in excel. I am not perfect but am getting better.

[Roupey03]

I helped a friend through a rough time once by giving him some cash, in return he had to try and quit smoking. He payed the money back and stopped smoking for a while, but now he is back at it.

Atleast I tried. . .

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I'm sorry I did not open this thread before I posted a new thread, "And In the Gripe About Other People Category--" We must have read the same threads to have asked such similar questions just now.

[debtfreeme]

Cicy33,

What are the questions you have regarding ira versus 401k's? If an investment is losing money, then it is invested in a place it should not be. The tricky part is choosing the right place for money to be sitting for a long time.

Does your company have a rep from their 401k provider you can talk to? Is there someone you trust in your community that can provide you with an unbiased assessment of which plans to put your money into for your long term goals? Lots of time the financial companies will run a 4 week seminar (2 hours a week) to provide information to those wishing to learn. Edward Jones does something like this. They provide it free hoping people will then sign up with them. It can give you a good basic idea of what is out there to invest in, how to choose the right funds and programs etc. Something to think about.

[debtfreeme]

Ima,

I read everything you post too! You amuse me and make me smile! And your stories sometime really hit home.

[Ima saver]

cicy, you must be talking about a 401 plan. An IRA is an independent retirement account and no one puts in money but you. If you or your spouse has earned income, you can put up to $4000 away per year for retirement (each) I would open mine in a good index fund like Vanguard Index 500. Just call them and ask for a prospectus. I would reccommend a Roth Ira because you can withdraw the money tax free at age 59 1/2!!

[Ima saver]

Thanks debtfreeme, I enjoy your posts too. I did loan a friend a lot of money when I was much younger. I was hoping she would pay me back slowly, like $5 or 10 a week, but she never did. Finally many years later, when she and new husband sold his house, she paid me the money back. I never felt like I wanted to loan her money again, the next time, I just gave it to her.

[kealina]

i've learned to be cautious about that kind of thing... i don't offer advice unless they ask us about something although we have tried to set an example... we also try not to loan money and we rarely gift money(although we plan to when we're older and more stable) with the exception of SIL's high school graduation... we gave her some small gifts and $200 to help her with coming college cost... no, it's not a lot but her parents are giving her hundreds each month and she's not even saving it diligently for college ... we thought about giving her $500 but decided to start small and see how she treated her money ... if she does well we were thinking about giving her additional money, maybe up to a 1,000 or more.... the sad thing is that i doubt we will be (i know, terrible) because she is a notorious spendthrift... out of everybody in her family she is known as the high maintenence one... MIL even told me "that girls has expensive taste"... funny thing is i don't mind that part... i know lots of people with expensive taste... it's more that 1) she's ungrateful and 2) she spends at least $100 on clothes every month but then talks about how poor she is, and 3)the way she treats her stuff... it would be different if she took care of it... but nope, she wants all the new stuff but once she's got it she loses interest really fast...
oops... i meant to post more about some other people but i've got to get going so i can get the discounted stuff at SAM's... cya all later =)

[lillyb]

I've never experienced loaning money to help someone that turned out good. Only bitterness. The dh and I have decided if we can't 'gift' someone who is truly in need and wanting to change, then we will not loan it. Too many hard feelings.

And then i get to thinking that if the person in need really WANTS to change then they probably will figure a way out on their own. A 'gift' to them would be a blessing, but they would be seeking to help themselves first.

[Ima saver]

I agree, Lillyb, you don't mind helping someone who is really trying!! I worked with a gal that slept on the floor everynight so her sons could have the only bed. I used to buy the boys christmas presents cause she could not afford anything.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

The loans I've made to siblings were all good. We knew they'd take a while to pay back. In my family we all know pretty much how to squeeze blood from a turnip, so when sibs needed help they were really at the bottom. They pay back while still barely making it and will sacrifice their own comfort and frivolities to pay back. That is what I would do , too.

Another story: Once, I brokered a personal loan for a woman trying to get across the country to escape her abusive husband. She had to leave quick, while he was under observation in a mental institution. I had nothing to lend at the time, but knew someone who might help. He did help. Unfortunately, we left the situation rather undefined, except to say that it would probably be a long time before the loan could get payed back. But that is not to foreshadow that the situation turned out badly. No, it still turned out well in the end. He got paid back, and ironically a few years later this professional man became homeless (but without much debt, I think) and was living in his vehicle. Guess who was able to give him a room to live in and three meals a day until he got back on his feet? Isn't that cool? Honorable people reciprocate when possible.