graciously asking for no gifts

jodi · #1 (**permalink**) 06-12-2006, 06:11 PM

I would like to have two small parties this year for my son who will be turning 3 next month. We always have a family party at the house with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was thinking about also having a small get-together at a playground for about 5 kids with cake and ice cream. However...I don't want even more toys that he can't use. I cannot deny the family buying gifts because
1. it won't stop them anyway
2. they just won't get it - after all, who wouldn't want their child to not have more toys??
So I am wondering if I can ask for no gifts on the preschooler party. I was thinking of wording it something like this: "Owen would like this day to celebrate with his friends. Just bring yourselves and be ready to have fun! No gifts please." Or I can ask that they donate a gift to a charitable organization instead. Thoughts??

sweeps · #2 (**permalink**) 06-12-2006, 06:25 PM

We've put "No gifts, please" on our invitations, and it worked just fine. You might still get a few gifts, but it should cut down on the avalanche of toys -- and no one feels guilty if they didn't bring something.

PrincessPerky · #3 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 05:55 AM

You can try and then be gracious when it fails (and it will in some cases)

you can also try donating some now to make room for the new. a toy rotation of sorts, some kid will apriciate your kids old ones.

poundwise · #4 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 05:56 AM

Accept gifts and then sell them on eBay and put the money in the kid's college fund. LOL

sakigt · #5 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 06:41 AM

Ask them to bring books instead?

shengmei · #6 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 10:22 AM

I would ask them to buy treasury bonds for the children. That would contribute to tax-free college money.

jodi · #7 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 07:05 PM

I feel very awkward asking people to buy something specific if they have not asked me for ideas first. Has this worked out okay for others? I personally am not sure how I would feel if I received an invitation with a request for a certain item, although I would be happy to ask the parent for ideas so that I was not duplicating something the child already had.

34saving · #8 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 09:08 PM

Just brainstorming here . . . what about:

"Please bring a gift under $5 for a gift exchange among the children." Then make some sort of game out of it?

getforfree · #9 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 09:36 PM

Why would you want no gifts?
You can always regift or sell the gifts you don't want. If I would have a party, I would preffer money as gifts.

Thrifty Ray · #10 (**permalink**) 06-13-2006, 09:41 PM

a friend of mine had a 'teddy bear' birthday party for her son- all attendees brought a teddy bear which were donated to a local homeless shelter for the children...could also go to a childrens hospital or to a womens shelter....

sweeps · #11 (**permalink**) 06-14-2006, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by getforfree

Why would you want no gifts?
You can always regift or sell the gifts you don't want. If I would have a party, I would preffer money as gifts.

The reason is people normally feel obligated to bring a gift to a kid's party -- clothes, toys, whatever. At some point they may resent the fact that they have to keep buying things for all these parties. Just imagine how resentful they'd be when they find out their gifts that they spent a lot of time and money on are just being regifted or pawned on ebay.

As for asking for cash, I personally would not go to a party where the invitation said: "Jonathan has plenty of clothes and toys. Please just bring cash for him. Thanks!"

PrincessPerky · #12 (**permalink**) 06-14-2006, 06:56 AM

I like the teddy bear and gift exchange ideas.

I also think a 'wish list' should be semi private given when asked, not offered.

I use online for my kids, around Christmas whgen I kow family will be buying anyway I put up clothing orefferences and sizes, plus a hint or two (or more specific)

If anyone asks I can direct them to the family website.

pyotr · #13 (**permalink**) 06-14-2006, 07:06 AM

how about putting in a line like this in your invite:

Quote:

We come into the world naked and we shall leave the world just so. And in between we weary of being cluttered with excess. We have thus chosen to adopt the lifestyle of Thoreau and abandon the repulsive affluenza of materialistic pigs as thou. Therefore heed our request and BRING YE NO GIFTS. If you find this request offensive, SUCK IT!!

jodi · #14 (**permalink**) 06-14-2006, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by getforfree

Why would you want no gifts?
You can always regift or sell the gifts you don't want. If I would have a party, I would preffer money as gifts.

It's for a few reasons. Yes, I don't like people to feel obligated to bring something, especially since I will be inviting a few kids from his playgroup who I really don't know too well. I just want his friends to come and have fun, not worry about getting the right thing or spending money.
More so, though, my kids have ENOUGH. They are given gifts by both sets of grandparents (although they give savings bonds and stock shares, much to my delight!), three uncles and four aunts, several cousins, and several of my friends, not mention Dh and I! It's TOO MUCH. Honestly, it is not the message I want to send to my kids about celebrating the day they are born. I'm not a miser - I certainly am not against gift giving. I want my family to enjoy this part of it because I know they like to pick things out and see my little guy unwrap them. And I know he likes to receive them - but I don't want him to get SO much that he 1. forgets to be grateful, 2. gets overwhelmed, and 3. comes to expect it. I guess for people who feel the same as I do, this will make perfect sense. For others, it might not make any sense at all!
I love all the ideas so far - thanks!!!

jstanawa · #15 (**permalink**) 06-15-2006, 04:07 AM

You could have a theme party and have every person bring an item to donate to a cause that fits the theme.

My friends child had a sleepover and instead of bringing gifts each child was asked to bring a brand new pillow or blanket which was given to our homeless shelter. My friend also came up with several other ideas for her other childs birthday that is coming up:

baby doll party- guests bring items for pregnancy services to give to mothers in need

beach party (she did do this for her husbands birthday)- guests bring old towels that are given to the humane society (some guests even brought dog/cat food, cat litter, etc)

Patriotic party (we did this last 4th of July)- we put out a bin for donations for our Veterans home with a container for donations, we mailed out the homes "wish list" in the invitations so that the guests knew what was needed and they could decide which item fit their budget.

costume party (our elementary school did this) where the kids dressed up as their favorite story book character and donated a book. All the books were given to our county's Literacy board which gives new books to underpriviledge kids in our county.

Thrifty Ray · #16 (**permalink**) 06-15-2006, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jstanawa

You could have a theme party and have every person bring an item to donate to a cause that fits the theme.

My friends child had a sleepover and instead of bringing gifts each child was asked to bring a brand new pillow or blanket which was given to our homeless shelter. My friend also came up with several other ideas for her other childs birthday that is coming up:

baby doll party- guests bring items for pregnancy services to give to mothers in need

beach party (she did do this for her husbands birthday)- guests bring old towels that are given to the humane society (some guests even brought dog/cat food, cat litter, etc)

Patriotic party (we did this last 4th of July)- we put out a bin for donations for our Veterans home with a container for donations, we mailed out the homes "wish list" in the invitations so that the guests knew what was needed and they could decide which item fit their budget.

costume party (our elementary school did this) where the kids dressed up as their favorite story book character and donated a book. All the books were given to our county's Literacy board which gives new books to underpriviledge kids in our county.

what great ideas!!!!! Thanks for sharing these!!!

notmadeofmoney · #17 (**permalink**) 06-15-2006, 10:32 AM

We've done the "no gifts please" on the birthday party invitations...hasn't caused any problems or ruined any friendships! (But not for the family members because Grandma just doesn't believe her little darling doesn't "need" something!)

Since you're thinking of around 5 kids or so, maybe you could make a phone call to each of the moms and just let them know. Sometimes it is just easier to explain it in person....

We've also done the "gifts are optional" thing too but with one condition...It has to be a handmade gift! The best gifts my kids have received have been the ones that other kids have made.....like puppets, box robots, rockets made out of toilet paper holders, handmade necklaces or bracelets.

lrjohnson · #18 (**permalink**) 06-15-2006, 10:45 AM

I would prefer that the mom talk to me casually about gifts or no gifts. I find any mention of gifts on any kind of invitation tacky. I know I may be in the monirity. I don't mind being gently guided.

TBH · #19 (**permalink**) 06-15-2006, 11:35 AM

We've agonized over this too. My son has a doting Auntie who gives him a present every time she sees him. I've given up trying to mediate that relationship.

We have done no gift parties. It does cut down on the general crap. People sometimes still bring gifts, and then those who followed the instructions might feel bad, but still, I prefer not to get a bunch of extra toys we don't need. Also, I want people to feel like they can come and enjoy without having to shell out for a gift.

I think the language in your original post sounds just great.

PrincessPerky · #20 (**permalink**) 06-16-2006, 05:51 AM

If people do bring gifts froma no gift invitation, try to open them with only them around, like NOT do the big present time thing..