graciously asking for no gifts - Page 2

4TimesCharmed · #21 (**permalink**) 06-24-2006, 05:37 PM

We were invited to a birthday party that asked if each guest would bring something for the local animal shelter. They gave a list of what was needed. I personally was glad to have the guess work of gift giving handled for me. The birthday girl delivered the items to the shelter. It was great.

getforfree · #22 (**permalink**) 06-24-2006, 06:04 PM

You can ask them to bring a dish (any kind they think the others will eat), so the only food thing you would have to buy or bake (cost you less) is the cake and maybe some drinks.

You might have to prepare some food, in case not everyone will bring it. And then have a couple no-cooking days (or days off) and still be able to feed your family without buying more food.

I am sorry, my brain just doesn't work about donating stuff, like some here suggested. My parents always made me to share my stuff with my siblings and my friends, but it had the opposite effect.

getforfree · #23 (**permalink**) 06-24-2006, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4TimesCharmed

We were invited to a birthday party that asked if each guest would bring something for the local animal shelter. They gave a list of what was needed. I personally was glad to have the guess work of gift giving handled for me. The birthday girl delivered the items to the shelter. It was great.

did you get the receipt for the tax write-off?

cschin4 · #24 (**permalink**) 06-25-2006, 05:18 AM

There are some good ideas here for gift exchanges, etc.
But, I think you should just let it go and let people get what they want to give. Most kid's get alot of gifts up to about age 7 or so, and then the birthday parties start dropping off dramatically. And, part of the fun of being a kid is that your birthday is your day and people bring you gifts. Just enjoy it. Let your kid have his day without pressure to give it away. If you get too much stuff, later donate it to Children's Hospital at Christmas, etc. Sometimes when my kids get alot of gifts, some things don't get opened so I do "regift" those or donate.
Personally, I don't like the "please donate to charity" thing on an invitation.

Ima saver · #25 (**permalink**) 06-25-2006, 09:09 AM

I think the way she worded it on her original post sounded just perfect to me. (I did like the humane society one though, especially for an older child)

markio26 · #26 (**permalink**) 07-07-2006, 07:55 PM

we had a huge problem with gift giving to our sons, from their godfather.. and still today, he gives them too much... he spent $1200 for two days at a waterpark with them, they didn't want to go and he insisted.. when they were growing up, i took their gifts and put them in the gift closet... they did not want all that stuff cluttering their rooms...some ppl. do what they want to do, regardless of what is asked of them... just my two cents...

MarianneJ · #27 (**permalink**) 07-07-2006, 08:25 PM

I love all the ideas that have been shared in this thread, including the OP's original invitation wording which sounded extremely kind and welcoming to me.

I have mentioned this idea to my 7 year old over the past couple years (doing a donation instead of gifts at her birthday), but will not do it until she comes to a point where it is her choice to do this. Personally, I think the message is lost if I strong arm her into giving to others, and she is an extremely giving person with her allowance so not a completely lost cause. I will ask her about the theme parties that were mentioned earlier. Maybe they will be more appealing to her!

Also, I would love to receive an invitation that directs me toward a gift, especially if it will be affordable! In my opinion, it is extremely difficult to buy for a child who you do not know (from my daughter's class for instance), and then not feel pressure to spend over your budget.

funnyvalentine · #28 (**permalink**) 07-07-2006, 08:35 PM

I agree; I thought the reason to have a party was to get friends and family to celebrate, not make a profit or rustle up donations for a charity, no matter how well meaning that sounds.

..... I like the idea of stating "no gifts", just bring yourself and your best wishes.

QUOTE=Sweepsplayer]The reason is people normally feel obligated to bring a gift to a kid's party -- clothes, toys, whatever. At some point they may resent the fact that they have to keep buying things for all these parties. Just imagine how resentful they'd be when they find out their gifts that they spent a lot of time and money on are just being regifted or pawned on ebay.

As for asking for cash, I personally would not go to a party where the invitation said: "Jonathan has plenty of clothes and toys. Please just bring cash for him. Thanks!"[/quote]

cschin4 · #29 (**permalink**) 07-08-2006, 05:18 AM

My kids' grandma is very generous and loves to buy things for them. I used to try to have her buy less, etc. But, it just upset her as she loves to get them things. So, I just let it go. If grandma wants to buy or others do, I just let them and say "thank you". They may only have grandma for a limited number of years so let them and her enjoy.

starving_student · #30 (**permalink**) 07-08-2006, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jodi_m

I would like to have two small parties this year for my son who will be turning 3 next month. We always have a family party at the house with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was thinking about also having a small get-together at a playground for about 5 kids with cake and ice cream. However...I don't want even more toys that he can't use. I cannot deny the family buying gifts because
1. it won't stop them anyway
2. they just won't get it - after all, who wouldn't want their child to not have more toys??
So I am wondering if I can ask for no gifts on the preschooler party. I was thinking of wording it something like this: "Owen would like this day to celebrate with his friends. Just bring yourselves and be ready to have fun! No gifts please." Or I can ask that they donate a gift to a charitable organization instead. Thoughts??

I didn't read the comments. Probably this one came up many times but I would suggest that they bring money to contribute to a college fund and that you get the child at least one new toy. A brithday with no toy at all just doesn't sound rignt

cschin4 · #31 (**permalink**) 07-08-2006, 09:42 AM

I personally would not like to be asked to fund someone's college fund. I find that tacky. And, a bit over the top for a child's birthday party.

starving_student · #32 (**permalink**) 07-08-2006, 11:19 AM

Maybe if you ask your child friends or their parents but grand parents aunts and uncle will like the idea.

rob62521 · #33 (**permalink**) 07-10-2006, 08:42 AM

I think having the party around a theme like bringing pillow for the homeless shelter sounds great. Or, what about canned goods for the food pantry in town? I do think the personal phone call would be best to each parent explaining how you feel blessed and having more gifts isn't necessary, but if they felt a need, to give something that could be given to others.

Lots of good advice from all of you!

funnyvalentine · #34 (**permalink**) 07-10-2006, 09:19 AM

i did a bar mitzvah recently at which the host asked for no gifts, but contributions to a food pantry, to be brought to the party site. It was wonderful for the guests to see the pile of donations as they left.

cschin4 · #35 (**permalink**) 07-10-2006, 05:08 PM

Sorry, I guess I am just a curmudgeon. But, I would not really want to be asked to donate to the food pantry, etc for a birthday party. There is nothing wrong with celebrating someone's birthday and giving THEM a gift! I don't like forced charity. I will chose my own charities, thank you.

BCHGRL · #36 (**permalink**) 07-10-2006, 06:57 PM

Here is an idea for an invitation -

"Please join us to celebrate Owen's birthday! In lieu of gifts, please bring a new or gently used toy for Owen to share with XX charity."

Then you can take your son with you to donate and instill in him the sense of giving to others. Plus, parents can get rid of any toy (in good condition) that their child no longer uses. If someone brings a toy that is intended for Owen, you can say "how sweet of you, I'm sure Owen will enjoy sharing this with a child in need."