Arguments about money

Ima saver · #1 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 04:13 PM

Arguing about money is the number #1 cause of divorce I have read. Do any of you have problems with money and your spouse?

shengmei · #2 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 04:16 PM

We knew before we got married that ALL of our arguments would be about money. So even though we fight about money we expected that to happen so in the end everything was expected and accounted for.

Arguments about money are better than arguments about other things.

This is a good article.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/finances/thoughts.php

poundwise · #3 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 06:59 PM

Arguments about money are often NOT about money. Frequently, they are about two people who are not communicating and/or who do not share the same goals.

Two cents.

Thrifty Ray · #4 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 07:16 PM

DH and I are pretty agreeable where money is concerned...altho I am more focused than he is. (He slips more often that Id like...but it is not outrageous enough to do more than talk)

Our biggest arguments have actually revolved around kids and the notorious "beer with the guys after work'.

Thankfully, neither is much of an issue anymore...I guess we have both matured/mellowed with age.

PRICEPLUS · #5 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 07:19 PM

Some people have issues with money and for one reason or another are addicted to spending. I have given up on arguing about it. I just hide money from my wife. I don't hide money to be mean or runaround. I don't tell her about the money so she won't spend it.

It can be a very polarizing issue. we have had some really big blow ups where money is concerned. I can't let debt and spending destroy my marriage so I do what I must in order to keep us above water and get rid of my wifes debt.

Best wishes to all of you who are having this problem!

veronak · #6 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 08:03 PM

Yes when I was in a relationship with my long term BF about 7+ years that was one of the reasons we seprated along with his cheating (just had to add that)

Snoopy2645 · #7 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 10:46 PM

wELL I agree the arguments about money in my house are because we dont have the same goals. I want to save for retirement & dh wants to buy new trucks & I want to save for my retirement he says no big deal he will be dead by then anyways!!! Although I think just because he thinks he will be dead so why save he will probably live a long life of misery in his old age BROKE!!!

I have learned to hide money. I am getting better at it. My goals are to own a paid for house his is to have a new truck all the time. I would much rather drive a junky car & get a camper or boat something we can have family memories with other than well we drove a brand new car so we were cool LOL!!! DOnt think the kids will care about that in 10yrs Yya know?? Heck I know they wont my kids dont remember what I drove 3yrs ago I change cars about every year so they dont remember 2 cars ago what I drove so I am sure they dont care what dad drives. Can I explain this to DH not a chance!!!

markio26 · #8 (**permalink**) 05-26-2006, 11:29 PM

poundwise has hit the nail in the head... all of the comments are informative... my spouse wants dsl on the island from vz... i have not paid for the 3 new cell phones from vzw yet. so, he wants dsl, now and i was trying to tell him wait a few days until next months budget begins... it is miscommunication again and again and again.... like a broken recording.

UPDATE:
HE GOT HIS DSL... i had to cave vz gave it to us for $14.95 a month, but, with my provision, when we are on vacation for 4 months, the dsl will be too.

frugalfarmwife · #9 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 02:32 AM

No fights about money here, he makes it and I manage it, works for us!

We did have problems in the past but we had a long and serious discussion before we purchased the front 36 acres to add to the farm and came to a meeting of the minds on finances.

We're now on the same page and things have been very peaceful here for the last year plus.

kj

Tree0164 · #10 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 06:24 AM

We used to argue about money. He tends to a spender however he has really learned that you can just not pull out the debit card and spend spend spend.

Communication is absolutely key in any marriage and usually money issues are the root of some other problem.

Lori63 · #11 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 09:02 AM

When we fought about our lack of money (we're sometimes short), hubby would always bring up the fact that I work at a very low paying job (preschool). I started subbing at the elementary school two days a week and make more in those 2 days than I do in 5.5 at the preschool, but I LOVE my preschool job and am going to stay. But at least working 5 days a week keeps hubby happier.
I could have a full-time job at the elementary school next year, and I know I should financially, but my preschool job is my 'mental health' job-keeps me sane.

Ima saver · #12 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 10:48 AM

We never fight about money. He makes it, I handle it. He is not quite as frugal as I am and calls me cheap sometimes!!While i am using free samples of deodrant, he insists on sticking to the deodrant he has used all his life. Fortunely, he is pretty maintence free and wears old clothes to work.
I wish we could save money and turn in his cell, but he uses it to order building materials instead of having to drive to town all the time. He does use a lot of gas, but he makes lots of trips picking materials up for his job. He is a pretty good old guy!!

PrincessPerky · #13 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 11:23 AM

We never realkly argue about money..or anything else...
A few 'short rude words' have occurred, but really no need to argue..we dont' have money, what is there to argue about!

getforfree · #14 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 12:11 PM

We don't realy argue about money. Just that my dh wants to drive here and there just for fun, and the gas is expencive. Its' not worth to spend $30 on gas to go visit some lake or look at some nature and stuff. I would rather save it and stay home and either watch tv or sleep or catch up on my housework. and that doesn't cost $30 like the things he wants to do. He has a fishing liscence, so I tell him if you are bored -- go fishing, at least we'll have some fish which will pay off for the gas you spend and the licsence you paid for. He said he likes fishing, but he wants to go somewhere else. That's just a waste of money to me.

Broken Arrow · #15 (**permalink**) 05-27-2006, 08:03 PM

Yes. One could say that that's how the end of my marriage with my ex began. We had other problems too, but that's how it started out anyway.

Lemony · #16 (**permalink**) 05-28-2006, 07:19 AM

We don't fight about money anymore, now that we have goals and a financial plan laid out. It leaves us more time to fight about everything else

Ima saver · #17 (**permalink**) 05-28-2006, 09:03 AM

I think it is sad that some of you have to hide money from your spouse. That is the way it was with my first husband. He wanted to spend everything we had. He always wanted to go to the dog track and gamble it all away. He would get mad when I said we could not afford it. After we divorced, he became a very poor person and never owned a home again. He lived with his in laws the rest of his life.

shengmei · #18 (**permalink**) 05-28-2006, 02:20 PM

If my dh and I fight (which doesn't happen very often) I would rather fight over money than anything else. Fighting over money is preferable if money is the only thing to fight about.

Hopefully money is the last of our problems. I really hope we will never fight over any sort of infidelity by either of us.

Ima saver · #19 (**permalink**) 05-28-2006, 02:46 PM

Well, my first husband went from being a sucessful builder to becoming a bag boy. That is what happens when people just refuse to learn how to handle their finances. When we split up, we split everything up 50-50! He blew it all the first year or two!

JoyJoy · #20 (**permalink**) 05-28-2006, 06:23 PM

My husband was a spender when we first met. I was just the opposite. I would cringe when he told me what he paid for something and he would say, "That would blow your mind if you spent that much wouldn't it?" Well we had to sit down and talk about this matter because it is very very stressful when two people are not on the same page in a marriage/relationship. I had to make my concerns known when hubby asked me to marry him because I was relocating in this marriage and didn't want to come here to NY and find myself out in the cold over lack of money or a home to stay in.

Happy to say we got on the same page! I handled the finances and hubby allowed me to work out a plan on Quicken to get rid of our debt. That was eight years ago. Happy to say we were able to pay off his credit cards in November of 2005 and now November of 2006, mine will be paid off as well! We just have our mortgage to concentrate on after this November and savings.

Communication is the key. There will be disagreements; no one is immuned from them. Just have to pray things will work out.