Financial Infidelity

[MoneyCents Man]

It's what everyone wants to talk and write about in the media but what does it really mean? The term financial infidelity? and what role does it play in understanding money? What's the difference between having my own money and fiancial infidelity?

[PRICEPLUS]

Read my blog and you'll see a textbook case of financial infidelity. A Google search will take you to articles for a definition. My blog is a real life example'

[sweeps]

I've never heard that term but if you're referring to keeping a secret stash from your spouse, there was an interesting thread about it recently.

[Haku]

I don't know if this is the exact definition of it, but I have a good friend who has a good, happy marriage if except for this one thing: Money.

The fundamental problem is a difference in philosophy. The wife (who has an MBA) believes in fiscal responsiblity and penny pinching. The husband (who was in the military) believes in living life for the moment. I think they are both correct in some ways.

The trouble is, they can't seem to see eye to eye when it comes to money. Husband will go out and buy stuff with credit card. Wife will get upset and tries to keep the credit cards away from him (they've got 3 maxed out, so I honestly can't blame her). Husband believes this is a sign of lack of trust and understanding, and will in turn make purchases any way he can (including with those credit cards) without telling her. Wife feels betrayed when she receives her credit card statements and finds out he's been making purchases behind her back.

It's sad really. I sincerely that they'll make it, but there are moments when I have my doubts....

[Fern]

How oculd the husband say keeping the cards from his is a sign of trust and understanding when he's already demonstrated by maxing out the cards that he can't be trusted?

Overspending by one spouse affects the other's credit rating. I'd be pretty upset by that behavior myself.

[Ima saver]

I agree, we discuss all purchases.

[Haku]

Don't look at me. I'm just the messenger.

Well, I will say that besides money, he is a great guy that's good with everything else. Of course, money is a very big sticking point....

[PRICEPLUS]

Fern,

My wife has had cards in her name and I have cards in mine. Since the beginning of our marriage my wife has been a spendthrift. You either have to work at things or get divorced. My wife has over the years been bailed out to the tune of over 80,000 dollars.

I finally got to the point where I had to hide money and put my foot down with finality. We have tried the counseling route. We have tried the honesty route. We have tried it all. My wife has a serious problem, spending.

I think money causes more breakups than cheating.

[poundwise]

Originally Posted by PRICEPLUS

I think money causes more breakups than cheating.

In my view, that is likely.

[PrincessPerky]

I think part of it is that it becomes a 'sticking point' both spouses want to stay with their 'side' out of principle, not that a spendthrift really has to spend (though some are actually addicted) but that they want to prove they can...so much so that they prove themselves right into the ground!

And living togther makes it worse....you are right next to your 'enemy'.......

[Tree0164]

Money is a leading cause of divorce because it usually means communication is off between the couple. My husband and I are on the same page financially. A good article ismoney tips for newlyweds and really any married couple.

Priceplus Wishing you best. I think you are trying to do your best on this situation. Maybe sneak a Dave Ramsey book in her shopping bag.