Opinion on prenuptial agreement

marla · #1 (**permalink**) 11-02-2005, 09:53 AM

I have a couple of good friends getting married. The man is insisting on a prenuptial agreement while the women feels this is the wrong way to begin a marriage. What do you think? Is a prenuptial agreement a good thing for people getting married or something that concedes defeat before the marriage even begins. If you're married, did you have one or do you wish you had one?

MrsChambers · #2 (**permalink**) 11-02-2005, 12:28 PM

I'm a newlywed and no we didn't even discuss it. BUT we are just working poor people.
I could understand if I had a little something or if he had a little something before the marriage.. then yeah, a prenup just *makes sense*

Fern · #3 (**permalink**) 11-02-2005, 01:11 PM

A pre-nuptial agreement makes sense if one or the other has signficantly greater assets than the other. It's not conceding defeat but being realistic since 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. It helps avoid a lot of hassle down the road if divorce happens.

If both parties have a more or less equal amount of assets, I don't think it's necessary.

TBH · #4 (**permalink**) 11-02-2005, 01:20 PM

I also have a superstitious feeling about it, but I do think it's a good idea.

However, I don't think prenups should really address the issue of custody of possible future children. If you don't think this person would make a good parent, you shouldn't marry them.

But I know divorce does strange things to people (not to mention marriage), so the person you divorce is not always the same person you married.

PRICEPLUS · #5 (**permalink**) 11-03-2005, 07:32 AM

Divorce certainly can make people bitter. I have seen friends go through divorces and some were very nasty. If you are not marrying for money then where is the problem with the pre-nup?

miclason · #6 (**permalink**) 11-03-2005, 07:48 AM

Before, I used to think that pre-nups were just for the rich & famous, but, having gone through my divorce and having emerged with half our debts when I made only 30% of our joint income has made me wish I could turn back time and do the pre-nup...If I got married again, I'd probably insist on one...It's a way of getting prepared for the worst while the feelings on both sides are still harmonious and while none is out to ruin the other one!

Bluezy · #7 (**permalink**) 11-04-2005, 02:57 AM

Pre-nups are a must unless you have no desire to keep certain assets within your reach should the marriage contract end. Romance is great, but a divorce makes that sweet spouse turn ugly real fast.

If your friend has a considerable inheritance, family business or assets that he/she desires to be secured for his/her children, then a pre-nup should be used.

I work within the realm of will litigation, trust litigation and probate litigation. A pre-nup can help make such issues easier and secure when you want certain provisions for your children, especially is your children were from a previous relationship.

I wish all good things for your friends, and hope that they can come to terms with these issues.

Best,

Bluezy

lisajane · #8 (**permalink**) 11-08-2005, 10:46 PM

I don't know how I'd react. My fiancee and I are going to get married sooner or later, but the discussion of pre-nup is non-existant. Even if for some reason we divorced later on, anything the courts awarded me I'd give back to him anyhow.

Even if we left on bad terms, with the exception of payments for children. But any of his assets I'd give him, unless he was okay with me keeping it. But the system is out of whack for it's time.

If a man didn't trust me, then I wouldn't get married. Period.

Fern · #9 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisajane

If a man didn't trust me, then I wouldn't get married. Period.

It's not a matter of trust. It's impossible for anyone to say how they will feel 20 years down the road. Because life throws all kinds of things in your way. You can't predict how your relationship will evolve. We all WANT it to be good, of course, but knowing what the divorce rate is, obviously, it doesn't always work out that way. It may sound harsh, but pre-nups are a sensible tool that protects both parties.

i'm sure there are many newlyweds who were horrified about the thought of a pre-nup, but why not consider it just another part of the process, like getting a blood test. (Do they still do that?)

Bluezy · #10 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 07:19 AM

I feel a great deal of compassion for those who have yet to marry, approaching the marriage contract with ideals and romanticism. I wish I had that back.

I only wish the best to each and every one on our board with this positive outlook.

However, please do not discount the experiences of those who have gone before and have suffered through bad divorce circumstances. We only post our opinions in order to discuss and stimulate thoughts and learning.

Cheers!

kashi · #11 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 11:34 AM

Quote:

I feel a great deal of compassion for those who have yet to marry, approaching the marriage contract with ideals and romanticism. I wish I had that back. I only wish the best to each and every one on our board with this positive outlook.

Funny...I've never been married, and yet have never had that optimism about marriage. The fact that virtually everyone I know is either unhappily married or got divorced after 20-30 years of marriage does it for me. I'll not be signing any contract any time soon.

I have to agree, though - if I man didn't trust me right now, I wouldn't marry him either. There's obviously no telling how things are going to pan out in 20 years, of course.

I have a lot of issues with marriage, which I won't delve into here, but I just wanted to say that I respect both points of view. oh, and get a prenup if you have a lot of assets.

german0955 · #12 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 11:43 AM

i have been through two divorces myself, but if I married again I would not do a pre-nup. I know that most financial experts recommend it. But it's not for me. I can't go into a marriage looking to fail. I would keep my personal assets which I acquired BEFORE

german0955 · #13 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 11:44 AM

marriage in my own and keep meticulous records though.

lisajane · #14 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 12:18 PM

Trust is essental, meaning that if something bad happens in the relationship. That we trust each other enough to be fair.

That's what I mean. If I don't trust the person that much getting married isn't an option for me.

Anger and resentment aside I would never take what isn't rightfully mine in a divorce situation (not what the law says). What logic says, right?

I understand many may think that thought is foolish, however, I think it's foolish to marry and not trust completely too.

Lisa

Firefly · #15 (**permalink**) 11-09-2005, 06:05 PM

I would be insulted if I was asked to sing a prenup. That means that he doesn't trust me should the marriage fail. That is not a good way to start a marriage.

gakline · #16 (**permalink**) 11-10-2005, 10:09 AM

I think they are necessary in certain situations. It's not a matter of trust. If one person comes in with more wealth or debt than the other, a prenupt should be done. If both people are about equal, it could go either way.

It's also easy enough to put in any type of clause. Such as if you're married over 20 years then the assest and debts shall be split equally regardless of the initial circumstances.

Just make sure each party has their own, seperate lawyer. I'm planning on doing on with my bf because of his parents. They are very wealthy and don't want to see their wealth leaving the family. Very understandable in my opinion. I'll just make sure that there is a clause about time limit and future children.

Bluezy · #17 (**permalink**) 11-10-2005, 11:19 PM

Cheers, Gak! Those clauses on future children are essential. And who is to say that 35 years down the road you still might be happily married and all will be well.

niki_the_tiger · #18 (**permalink**) 11-11-2005, 03:23 PM

My husband and I never signed a prenup, but neither of us has anything to offer. LOL

I think prenups are a good idea as a protection. People change... what is considered love isn't always. I personally think to trust completely is naive. A wonderful thought, but naive.

Before I got married, I always said that if for some reason we got divorced, I would just walk away and start over on my own. I've only been married three years now, but I have changed my mind... if he cheated on me and we got divorced cuz of something he did to me, I would not just walk away with nothing.

Not that I ever expect him to cheat on me.