Love or Money?

[2moretrees]

Hypothetical situation

You have a "best friend" who has a lot of money (this is the person you've known all your life and have always seemed to hang out together, but there has never been a romantic side to the relationship because you never thought that way) and a significant other (who you've dated for over 2 years) who doesn't have money, but who you love. Both ask them to marry you. Which one do you choose and why?

[meaghanchan]

I guess my answer would depend on why guy #2 (significant other) didn't have money. Does he not have money because he is a teacher/policeman/social worker who doesn't make a lot of money, but manages it decently? Does he have a well-paying job but just blows all his money? Is he chronically unemployed?

In no case would I marry #1, although the possibility for a romantic relationship might exist, I wouldn't go straight from friendship to marriage.

If #2 was a hardworking guy with a low-paying job, I'd marry him (with your assumption, that we'd dated over 2 years, plus the additional assumptions that we loved each other, and figured out we were compatible for the long term, and had similar goals in life, ideas towards money, children, etc, etc, etc.)

If #2 was either chronically unemployed or just spent his money badly, and that was the reason he had no money, I'd continue to date him (if that were an option) but under no circumstances would we combine bank accounts!

[34saving]

I married my best friend and think that's the way to go. Romantic love fades. . . . As for the money issue, I agree it depends on why each is in the position he's in.

[jodi]

Money doesn't matter.

But saying that...I would still go for #1. If I had overlooked my best friend as a romantic prospect (even though he did not seem to be more than a friend at first), I would not be sitting next to my darling hubby today
But this is a different scenario...my best friend hubby has no money!

[meaghanchan]

Just to clarify my earlier response-- I'm now dating a guy who was a good friend of mine for 4 years, who for several of those years I hadn't thought of in a romantic way, and totally agree that friendships make the best foundations for romantic relationships-- but in the scenario given above (they both ask you to marry them, one from a position of 'platonic friend', the other from the position of 'romantic interest for past 2+years)... I wouldn't marry someone who was just a good friend- even a best friend- right off the bat. I would want to 'test the waters', so to speak, for a romantic relationship. Sometimes the dynamic changes in such a huge way that what is a great friendship makes a lousy romance. Sometimes it doesn't. But I don't think I would just break up with someone who I loved and cared about for 2+ years to be with a friend who had money.

[Dingoluv4eva]

I'm a guy, so i hope i'm not disturbing this thread too much..

but recently was in a similiar situation.. I'm 24
was dating this affluent woman she was only 18.. (she lied when she met me)
anyways, long story short.. she had lots of money, with her it was allways trips somewhere, now i have a good job myself, so i was able to hang but..

bottom line
this girl was prejudice, like no other.. she was on anti-depresents too, she looked good kinda like paris hilton, but at the same time, very skinny... depressed, talked about some weird inter-planetary stuff, prejudice, and hated all my friends pretty much lol

I could not deal with her, she was driving me to be like her.. which was insanity and depression to the point u want to kill yourself almost.

so i left her.
I like being single now after that awful experience.. i think eventually once u are doing hte school thing, and are getting established into a career, and basically all your free time is taken up..
all u really want is someone to be happy with.
some one u can totally be compatible, and think on the same level.

[Snoopy2645]

Well I would go for love as long as the guy at least had some type of job if I loved him I would go for him. I dont believe love buys happiness I believe if anything it causes more problems!!

[PRICEPLUS]

After so many years of marriage I can tell you that you had better be friends because marriage is not a romance novel. While you need a little romance from time to time it is is the mundane and the everday stuff that carries the day.

Being able to talk with someone about anything. Looking forward to hanging out with your spouse. Sitting up nights when they are sick, Worrying where they are when they are late. Arguing but always hugging in the end.

It may sound corny but love is like an acorn. It grows just like an oak and develops deep roots when it is real. After years of being together I have come to love my wife more and more. We argue and have our moments but I could not imagine life without her!

Before anything else, marry someone you like and are friends with. Love, real love, grows over time.

Just my .02 cents but in the end marry someone you are friends with. The money thing does not even enter the equation!

[miclason]

I've been married to someone that should have stayed a friend, and the pain is unbearable...so I wouldn't go with the friend unless I was sure I could love him...If I loved #2, it would depend on why he had no money....

[Dingoluv4eva]

a Follow up question would be... Why are u friends with people u could not love? wouldnt someone u don't like, be a bad friend?

If something about someone irritates you, why put up with it even as a friend, it will never be a good time. Stick to those that u are compatible with.

[miclason]

...hmmmm...there's love and there's love...and, from experience I can tell you: someone that makes a great friend doesn't necessarily make the best partner...there's the attraction factor to take in...I have friends whom I love, but I couldn't kiss them...EEEWWWW...that's be too weird...

[Dingoluv4eva]

Originally Posted by miclason

...hmmmm...there's love and there's love...and, from experience I can tell you: someone that makes a great friend doesn't necessarily make the best partner...there's the attraction factor to take in...I have friends whom I love, but I couldn't kiss them...EEEWWWW...that's be too weird...

so u're saying that sometimes, people irk u, but yet u still keep them as friends... but sorta at a distance if they ever tried to kiss u, u would prolly make them feel awful.

So i guess some people still keep people like that as friends.
I had a friend, as a kid.. who was allways a lil weird i guess, but on top of that he never really took care of his teeth.. now that he is in his 20s he looks awful.

Me and my friends try and loose him all the time, when we go to the bars etc.. cause we know he'd ruin the night.. He's not a friend anymore.
There is stuff about that irk us, and rub the wrong way, and we don't want any part of it. If he fixes that what irks us, that thing would be better again.

[Fern]

I think most people have much higher expectations and standards for a romantic relationship as compared to a friend. You can overlook a lot of differences with a friend because you're not required to live with them or be with them 24/7. And your friends can be completely different from you, while most people come to idenitfy themselves with their spouse and they become more of a unit over time rather than 2 individuals.

I dated someone for 2 years. We were compatible in nearly every way, but i never really loved him the way i felt i should. If the chemistry's not there, it just ain't gonna work.

Some very wise observations here.

[miclason]

Originally Posted by Fern

I think most people have much higher expectations and standards for a romantic relationship as compared to a friend.

...I dated someone for 2 years. We were compatible in nearly every way, but i never really loved him the way i felt i should. If the chemistry's not there, it just ain't gonna work.

Exactly!...I had this friend, and we even became lovers, but, I never felt like "I want to spend the rest of my life with him" (and, he never felt that way towards me either!)...we eventually drifted off and are back to being just friends...

[shengmei]

Two years is WAY TOO SOON to marry.

I would not marry anybody who I know less than four years.

In this case, I would simply wait and see what happens.

[MrsChambers]

I listen to my heart, not my wallet

Eddie Vettor said it best.
"Can't buy what I want because it's free"

[elcheapo]

well, I have been married a long time and I did it for love. There is not enough money to make me stay with someone I'm not crazy in love with.