The Toddler Diet

[2moretrees]

I received this in an email and it gave me a laugh so I thought I'd share it here - it says the author is unkown.

Having trouble sticking to a diet? Why not try the amazing Toddler Diet! Guaranteed success. Think about it, how many toddlers do you know that are overweight?

DAY ONE

• Breakfast - One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

• Lunch - Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

• Dinner - A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale soda.

• Bedtime Snack - Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

• Breakfast - Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vegetable dye.

• Lunch - Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick. One ice cube, if desired.

• Afternoon Snack - Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop In dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

• Dinner - A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE

• Breakfast - Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

• Lunch - Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

• Dinner - Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some coffee.

FINAL DAY

• Breakfast - A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes, add a half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

• Lunch - Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

• Dinner - A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert!

[Bluezy]

This was obviously written about my Wee CJ! *LOL*Thank you for sharing this!

[Tree0164]

Written by my 3 yr old twins!

[TBH]

Sounds just like our house.

I'm inspired. Here are some other dieting techniques employed by my DS:

1. Refuse to eat unless you are sitting on someone's lap. Drop most of food on your parents' clothes.

2. Refuse to wear bib unless all others present also wear bibs.

3. Eat pretzels for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Refuse all other food.

4. Demand food that you've only tasted once long ago that nobody knew you'd remember the name of, and which is not on in the house.

5. Eat very little breakfast, almost no lunch, and no dinner. Go to sleep. Wake up at 1 AM and demand hot dogs with ketchup.

6. When your Papa is too sleepy to protest, convince him to let you eat graham crackers in bed. Make lots of crumbs. Demand for weeks afterwards to be given graham crackers in bed. Howl loudly when denied.

7. When served a bowl of soup, take a fancy to one particular ingredient of the soup, like the noodles. Force your parents to choose between watching you go hungry, or picking out all the noodles (from your bowl and their own bowls) to give to you.

8. Eat a large, well balanced meal. Then, while playing, throw up your entire meal on the rug. Appear to be fine immediately afterwards.

9. Reject an entire box of animal cookies because the lions have all been eaten. Also, reject all the ones that are broken.

10. Choose a food-of-the-week. Eat nothing but that food for an entire week. If that food is denied, eat nothing. (examples: pizza, applesauce, pretzels, oranges).

[Bluezy]

Originally Posted by claire

Eat a large, well balanced meal. Then, while playing, throw up your entire meal on the rug. Appear to be fine immediately afterwards.

I feel your pain on this one.

[robex]

Thanks for a great laugh! I think everyone should remain in toddler stage...eat what you want, have lots of warm baths, spend all day in soft clothes, and get put to bed if you feel cranky. Oooh, life would be good...

[shadon]

This is my 15 month olds "rules":

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into anything and everything.

[shadon]

More Rules of my 15 mo:

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

[TBH]

Shadon, you crack me up.

My 2-yr-old's most important rule these days is just to completely deny or disagree with everything Mama or Papa says. It's pretty comical. Sometimes we mess with him just to amuse each other:

"Look, Leo, the sky is blue."
"No, Mama. The sky NOT blue."
"Leo, you are two years old."
"Papa, NO. I not two years old."

But of course, it doesn't work when we want it to:

"Leo, no matter what you do, do NOT eat that broccoli."
"Okay, Mama. I not eat broccoli."

[PrincessPerky]

If I ate like my kids...wait I do, breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, bedtime snack. All full meals about the size of a kids meal (but healthier stuff) english muffing and trail mix for breakfast (nuts and dried fruit) peanutbutter and graham crakers for second breakfast, lunch of leftovers, dinner of real food, snack of yogurt...

Unless, I am bragging about how well they eat, then Nothing, they will go entire days with nothing more than a few crumbs! So shhhhhh don't tell anyone! .

[kashi]

Wow, each and every one of you must have the patience of a saint! Thanks for the laughs!

[shelbylovesmelby]

*lmao* So my 3 yr old isn't the only one who pulls most of this on a daily basis.

I don't know that this was mentioned....

but if I give her a bowl for food, she either won't eat it, puts her feet in it, or dumps it on the floor and scavanges for misc crumbs from the previous meals to eat! GRRR!

Thank heavens for PEDIASURE!