"Spending Addict, Need Help"!!!

[cameorose]

I've read over all these letter's, and I wish I could be like you guy's. I want to be frugal, but then something catch's my eye. Then lo and behold I've bought it, and I'm on my way home!! How does one get the mind set and hold it. I know people who are like that, but I just can't seem to get there. I need help. I am a spending addict!!!! Some one HELP me. Please. Thank's y'all, cameorose

[sarah4554]

I don't quite understand what kind of help you want?? All you need is a little more "self"-control and only "yourself" can do that.

Sorry to sound harsh but it is really quite simple. Just stop spending money needlessly. And only spend your money on necessities.

[pjmama]

Sarah is right... there's really nothing we can do "for" you (as in, we cant tie you down to stop you from purchasing something you dont need). You need to take responsibility for your spending and not blame it on an addiction. Changing your mindset is really all you can do in a predicament like that.

[disneysteve]

I think there are a few things you can do.

1. Make savings automatic. Have money deducted right from your pay to a savings account if possible. If not, then have it pulled from your checking account. If you don't see the money, you are less likely to spend it.

2. Don't shop recreationally. In other words, don't go to stores or malls just for the heck of it. Only go into a store when there is something specific that you need. Leave your credit cards and debit card at home. Only take enough cash with you to buy the items on your shopping list for that trip. You can't make extra purchases if you have no money.

It may also save you money to shop at convenience stores. I know that sounds backwards. Convenience stores charge more for everything than the major retailers, but if you are the type to walk into Wal-Mart for a bar of soap and walk out with a cart full of merchandise, you'd be better off going into 7-11 for that bar of soap even though it will cost more than at Wal-Mart.

3. Save all your receipts. If you get home and develop buyer's remorse, go back to the store and return the item.

[JanH]

I'd also record how and when and why you buy. How you feel then. What triggers it. Talk to your doc or a good counselor. I'm no expert, but you might have a psychological disorder. Bipolar and ADD and stuff causes weird things. I have these in my family. Some get spending urges. Some hoard. You might need medication. I have seen some changes in my spending issues since diagnosis and medications. Then, you have to undo the habits. Those coping things involving spending. That does take some mind changes and self control changes. But, it helps if you aren't fighting a mood disorder at the same time.

[cameorose]

Thank's To DisneySteve and JanH,
Your input really helped. Steve you had some great idea's for me. I shall follow up on. And Jan, Your insight really helped me. When I do buy thing's I feel Good. But when I get home, that's when I get bumed out. It's like, "Why did I buy this, I don't need it"? ya know. I shall talk to my family doc. This is the kind of advice people need, when they are reaching out for help. I don't want to discuss this with family or friend's. It's embrassing. You need an open forum, where no body know's you. Thank's . Very Grateful Cameorose

[JanH]

Please let us know how you are doing. Your family doctor might not deal with mood disorders. We've had excellent family docs that would prefer you to go to a specialist (psychiatrist) for diagnosis and meds. Then, the psychiatrist often wants you to also use a counselor for the behaviour changes. Often, they talk about the combination of medication and counseling is the best way. And, this way, you have someone to talk to on the journey that isn't a friend or family member. If you don't like a doctor or a counselor, change. I encountered a real problem with my first counselor. And, my first (family) doctor was a sweetheart, but didn't know what to do in my case. So, I went on to a specialist. I've also changed family docs because he knows more about what is going on with disorder stuff so he can treat me as a whole when I get an illness.

Take care and we're pulling for you!

[braxton]

I'm with you cameorose... if I like it, I buy it.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Feel free to return a purchase to the store if you find when you get home that you you should not have bought it. If you cannot return it for your money back, perhaps you can exchange it for something that you really will use. Let's say you bought a $30 pair of slacks at super discount store and when you get home you feel bad about it and know that you do not need it. But maybe you have used up your limits on returns and the store will only let you make an exchange. So...exchange the slacks for things completely unrelated and utilitarian, non-fun things that you would need to buy anyway. Maybe a six pack of bath soap + a large bottle of bathroom cleaner + three cans of tomato sauce + a pound of noodles + a 24 pack of toilet paper.

Don't know how bad your lack of control may be, but if it is only a bad habit, not a pathology, you could try some little tracking tricks where you give yourself a visual reward for "good behavior". Every time you go shopping and there is something you resist buying and you are pretty sure that previously you would have bought it, then when you get home, you immediately give your self a visual reward. Maybe you drop a marble, poker chip, bean, or button into a jar. Maybe you give yourself a gold star on a calendar you keep in a private (or public place if you are asking for family support in this). That way when you are walking away from the cool decorated cell phone case, or the cinnamon scented candle, or the funny dog bowl set, you can know that when you get home you get to add a reward token to your collection. The tokens will be there everyday to show you that you really can control yourself. And you can take pride in making the collection of marbles or stars grow.

[JanH]

I really like Joan's reward idea. You might even be able to break the coping mechanisms of spending, etc., with little rewards to lead up to something you really want. A vacation or a new couch or something you've wanted to save for, but the spending gets in the way. You could reward yourself for each time you break the cycle or return something. A dollar in a jar or something. And, you can't take anything from it until you meet a certain goal. The feeling of accomplishing the goal will be more than the temporary feeling of the spending. And, you'll establish new patterns. I think I'll give this idea to DS to try! He has real trouble saving for something he REALLY wants because he doesn't see it as attainable and spends on little things instead.

[cameorose]

Joan I love this idea. I am excited about it. I can do this! I can do this at 25%. Say I don't buy an item at 12.00, I can put 3.00 in my hidy hole. I can change my behavor and save money for something I really want or need. Dr. Dobson say's if you do something for 21 day's it become's a habit. So perhap's I can change!!!
Maybe we could start a club on here. For people like me and braxton, We can post what our success's are and our slip's. And get advice from jan and joan, don't forget steve. And other's as well. We can post our saving's oh I can't wait. What do y'all think. Doable or not. Thank's CameoRose

[JanH]

I'd be glad to root for you! We do this on the blogs all the time. Watching people's sidebars with the debt totals going down and their savings going up. Some are using it for weight loss, too. Or for saving for a big event or vacation. Be exciting to watch you reaching your goals. Keep us posted! Or you might want to start a blog and keep track that way. Daily successes or setbacks. The people there are really supportive just like here. Right now a few of us are working on decluttering and posting our daily accomplishments no matter how big or how small. It's nice to have a community of supporters.

[deadgoon]

cameorose, I think another thing you need to look at is WHY you want to be more frugal. Do you have a goal in mind like saving more for retirement, buying a house, buying a car, getting out of debt? If you don't have a specific goal other than just wanting to be more frugal, you'll probably not be able to change your behavior long term.

A good thing to do is to sit down and write out what your goals are. Then you need to decide on a date for accomplishing that goal and write out the actions you need to take to achieve it. Every so often, go back and review your goals to see where you are. Check to see how you are progressing and revise your plans if you need to when circumstances change.

These are things I have just started doing for myself and I thought that they might help you to discover your own motivations and help get where you want to be. Keep us updated on your progress.

[JanH]

Originally Posted by deadgoon

cameorose, I think another thing you need to look at is WHY you want to be more frugal. Do you have a goal in mind like saving more for retirement, buying a house, buying a car, getting out of debt? If you don't have a specific goal other than just wanting to be more frugal, you'll probably not be able to change your behavior long term.

A good thing to do is to sit down and write out what your goals are. Then you need to decide on a date for accomplishing that goal and write out the actions you need to take to achieve it. Every so often, go back and review your goals to see where you are. Check to see how you are progressing and revise your plans if you need to when circumstances change.

These are things I have just started doing for myself and I thought that they might help you to discover your own motivations and help get where you want to be. Keep us updated on your progress.

Now, that's something I haven't done yet. Write down specific goals to attain. I've had vague ones in my mind, plus a few specific ones, but never put them in writing. That's a good idea. Make it more concrete. And, put dates for some of them. Next step for me!

[disneysteve]

Actually, I think you need two things: a goal AND a plan.

Saying "I want to buy a new car" is a goal.
Saying "I want to buy a new car in 3 years and I'm going to put $333/month into my high-yield savings account until I have $12,000" is a goal AND a plan.

Goals are great, but without plans they are a lot less likely to become reality.

[deadgoon]

Good point DisneySteve. That was the realization I came to a few days ago. You can say, "I want to live in Wyoming" all you want, but if you don't have a plan, you don't really have a goal, and you'll never live in Wyoming.

[cameorose]

Keep them coming, the more idea's the better off I'll be. And maybe some other's as well.
What started this whole frugal thing was this: I'm use to buying on a whim, I see, I buy. Well thing's in the u.s. are not good right now. Gas,Food,Medicene well it just is out of sight. Well my mother had a heart attack a month ago. She's doing better now. But she has no saving's. NONE! she spent her life buying crap. And now she will never be able to work again. We have to get her signed up for early ss. I don't want this to happen to me. I want to learn from her example of what not to do. As I do soul searching perhap's I am doing like my mother did. That is her pattern. See I just had a break threw moment!!!! Oh God I am my mother!! Must change this pattern NOW!! Eureka, Thank's Y'all Cameorose

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by cameorose

What started this whole frugal thing was this: I'm use to buying on a whim, I see, I buy. Well thing's in the u.s. are not good right now. Gas,Food,Medicene well it just is out of sight. Well my mother had a heart attack a month ago. She's doing better now. But she has no saving's. NONE! she spent her life buying crap. And now she will never be able to work again. We have to get her signed up for early ss. I don't want this to happen to me. I want to learn from her example of what not to do. As I do soul searching perhap's I am doing like my mother did. That is her pattern. See I just had a break threw moment!!!! Oh God I am my mother!! Must change this pattern NOW!! Eureka, Thank's Y'all Cameorose

I don't know why anyone pays for therapy. They should just come here and get the same service for free.

[cschin4]

The first step is understanding yourself. If you see something, you will want to buy it. Now that you know that, you can work with that. Here are some of my suggestions:

1. Don't shop - I don't mean never. But, only shop with a list and when you need something. And, I have found that I am much better off shopping at the local grocery store or local little shop than going into Walmart which seems to make me lose all sense of reason. I rarely go into Walmart or any big box type stores because if I do I go into a shopping "mode" and always spend at least $100 on stuff I didn't even know I wanted until I was there!
So, I haven't been at Walmart in months. Stay out of stores where you know you tend to impulse buy.

2. Time and Money - Another trick I use on myself is "time and money". If I see some impulse item I want (usually when I am at Walmart) I allow myself to put it in my cart and walk through the store with it. Then, I take it back and put it back on the shelf. I tell myself that if I can still remember what it was I wanted so badly in a week later, then I will allow myself to go buy it. Usually, after the week passes I rarely can even remember what it was I wanted or why.

3. Tags are your friend - If you do impulse buy something, fine. Do not remove the tags or use the item. Take it home and let it sit overnight or for a couple of days. Make sure you have the receipts. That will allow you a "cooling" off period and then if you realize you should not have purchased it then return it.

4. Don't be a Slave to your Stuff - Every time you buy something you are basically trading your time ( the time you spend working) for that stuff. The more stuff you buy, the more time you will spend working to pay for that. Less stuff means earlier retirement and less years spent on the job paying for that stuff. If you love to work and plan to work forever, maybe that pyschology won't work on yourself. But, most people do want the ability to walk away at some point. For every $1 you spend you have to earn at least $1.25 to pay for the merchandise and your income tax.

4. Happiness is Free - Learn to enjoy the things in life that really bring happiness. Watching a sunset. Taking a meal to a sick neighbor, etc.
More stuff means more stuff to clean, to keep track of, to learn to use, to read the 40 pg instruction manual , to buy accessories for and on and on. The simple life is much more enjoyable in my opinion.

Changing your money habits is not just a matter of self control as in a diet. It is not gritting your teeth and hanging on to your money though that is often the starting point. You will be truly content when you learn to make your money work for you. When you make thoughtful purchases on things you really want vs. just buying for the sake of buying. When you realize that staying at home and enjoying what you have is way better than another trip through some gift shop.

[mikewoodbooks]

Cameorose, my first choice would be to go cold turkey, and buy nothing but necessities (groceries). If you absolutely can not do that, then give yourself an allowance. example - set aside $25 a week to spend on whatever you want guilt free, but everything else goes to necessities and savings. Concurrently, make sure your necessities are really necessities! nobody needs new clothes every month.
Also, tune out commercials. don't read sales flyers. And frankly, it may require excusing yourself if you have spendthrift friends who constantly yak about their latest outfit or electronic gizmo.