Giant Finger of Frugal Blame or Blessing

[LuxLiving]

The frugal by nature question has had me thinking about where my 'fruggieness' comes from.

My mother stretched her dollars but splurged on clothes and tried to get us to hide the spending from Dad - not a good money lesson. My Dad is the King of ReUse, so maybe some of this came from them.

My grandmother that I spent the most time with was cautionary with her money and I had a great-grandmother WELL-KNOWN for her tightwaddery, resaleing, junking...so much so that I have her name as my personna/email addie on other forums! My sister is wonderful at managing her money in regards to bill paying, etc., but not investment savvy.

The Hubster's family has always been big on comparison shopping and coupon useage to the point of driving me mad upon ocassion. It took me forever to learn when we first married that when he said we were going shopping that only meant we were going looking and not buying. And we were going to look at 30 stores before the day was over. I do not shop with him. God Love Him and So Do I, but get a life already!! Sorry, hope I don't offend some of you great comparison shoppers!! But, my patience wears thin after going back to the same store for the third time looking to buy a $25 item. Uh...make a D.E.C.I.S.I.O.N.



I think I get most of it though from my own life experiences. I saw some bits here and there from the family but mostly seems to have come from the school of hard knocks.

What about YouzGuyz&Galz?????? Do you have a frugal ancestor or frugal mentor at whom you can point the GIANT FINGER of frugalness blame/blessing?

[pearlieq]

My mom is an interesting hybrid--she's a very careful planner and budgeter, but is quite the spendthrift. I learned how to think creatively and how to get by from her.

The rest I learned on my own, and also in the process of cleaning up the financial mess DH had gotten himself into when I had found him.

[Bookie]

That one's easy. I was brought up by my grandparents, victims (and survivors) of the Great Depression. They had been relatively affluent until the mid-1930s when the failure of the town's largest bank cost my grandfather his business. They liquidated their remaining assets and paid the outstanding debts over time, but things were never the same. By the time I came along, all the family had left were their pretensions, and they maintained appearances by unrelentiing thrift.

Clothes might be threadbare, but they were clean, starched and ironed. Shoes were resoled, given fresh heels and shined to a mirror gloss. My grandmother made slipcovers to conceal her fading upholstery and antimacassars to protect her slipcovers. Cloth napkins and table linens, darned perhaps, but there at every meal. Nothing could be wasted; little was thrown away. Grandfather saved string and kept a kitchen garden. Grandmother canned and put up preserves. The house was heated with coal, and until the Kennedy administration, grandmother cooked on a coal-burning kitchen range.They never owned a car, went to a movie, took a vacation, or had a checking account. Oranges were a holiday treat to be discovered in one's Christmas stocking, along with the nuts and hard candies that were never otherwise seen. I remember when grapes were still special and bananas were exotic.

If that sounds grim and deprived, it wasn't. There was love and warmth and laughter. It was the only world I knew and one in which I was both a participant and a contributor, hauling coal and taking out the ashes. Books were plentiful, and there was the magic of radio. I heard about the hard times when the bank failed and was grateful for the bounty we enjoyed. But I also learned how fragile was our prosperity, and how easily it could be snatched away.

Only years after did I appreciate how slender were the means and how miraculously far they were stretched. Only in retrospect could I see the quiet heroism that made do, did with, or did without. I marvel that in all the years I never once heard a complaint about the lack of money. I remember my grandmother's generosity to the less fortunate, her gifts of food and needlework. My grandparents had little, but we were never allowed to feel poor. There was always enough to share with those in need.

I have so much today. My world is filled with comforts and conveniences, diversions and options. I have so many choices my grandparents never knew. And yet, and yet. I wish I could have what they had -- that serene acceptance of circumstances, the conviction that challenges could be met, the ability to live life on life's terms. I wish I had their strength, their courage, their character. I wish I'd listened more, learned better, practiced harder. They taught me so much that I only now remember, not just about thrift but about life and the things that really matter in living.

[melissalt]

Originally Posted by Bookie

That one's easy. I was brought up by my grandparents . . .

Wow. This post practically brings tears to my eyes. It's so beautiful that it's like a love story about you and your grandparents. I'm so glad you shared this.
************
For me, any frugalness I have definitely came from my grandparents as well, and absolutely not from my mother (I think my father would have been frugal, but that's another story!). My grandfather was a prisoner of war in WWII, and I think that changed a lot about his personality. He was an avid couponer and bargain shopper since his fear was running out of food. He was beyond caring about fancy clothes, cars, etc., after experiencing what it was like to just need something -- anything -- to cover your feet or keep you warm. He was not extravagant, and although eventually they had a lot of money, you would not have known it. They lived simply, although they did share a lot of their money with their kids and grandchildren. I never realized how much I learned from them until I was probably in my thirties. They taught me, indirectly, how important it was to save money wherever I could because little things add up, to make sure I had enough to care for my family in the event of an emergency, and that it didn't matter what the neighbors thought about your car, clothes, vacations, etc.

[pearlieq]

Beautiful post, Bookie!

[amberfocus]

My source of frugality is defnitely multivariate. I can't pinpoint a single source.

I emigrated to the US with my parents, so we were dirt poor for a good portion of my childhood. Although my parents always tried to hide our financial situation, a lot came out in late-night fights that I overheard.

The source of the conflict was in my parents' different financial philosophies.

My father has lived through hard times, both as an immigrant and back in his home country. He was all for working hard, saving, and living frugally. The only place he refused to scrimp was in me--specifically, my education.

My mother was different. She came from a much wealthier family, and she always wanted to be well-off. She was angry at my father for our lower quality of life as immigrants. She cared a lot about reputation and appearances.

I guess I took after my father. Actually, it wasn't even a fair contest. I didn't care about my frumpy, hand-me-down wardrobe so much as being able to go to the college that I wanted. My mother would have bought me a beautiful, brand-name wardrobe (because then I'd look good enough to snag a rich husband), but refused to pay for the college I chose, simply because it wasn't the highest ranked school that admitted me (but it had a much better science program BY FAR, which was what I wanted).

That had a lasting effect on me. That killed any desire in me to "keep up with the Joneses", so to speak. I learned that appearances and reputation were shallow, and worth nothing compared to what you have cultivated *inside*.

But what really inspired me financially was my SO. When we first met, he was a year out of college. A year later, he was on the market to buy a house. So when he was two years out of college, he already had enough money for a down payment and the monthly mortgage on a $250K house.

Mind you, he's not from a rich family. And he wasn't making that much, salary-wise. But he was smart, he worked hard, and he was a compulsive saver.

I thought to myself, "If he could save enough for a house two years out of college, then GOSH DARN IT, SO COULD I!"

I'll catch him one day. I'm at an advantage, because I've got you guys.

~mimi

[shelbylovesmelby]

I learned how to be frugal from my Aunt & a lil from my mom. Growing up on Social Security Survivors benefits (no not the same as Welfare) I didn't always have alot. My mom made sure we had enough food & freebies to stock for a family of 10 & it was just the two of us. For extra $ she'd dumpster dive for aluminum cans.

Whereas I've learned more and more out of necessity. As a SAHM I don't have the luxury of 2 incomes anymore so I am more than willing to pinch my pennies and do what I need to do to stay home with my kids until they are in school full time.

[LuxLiving]

Here's an old thread I just ran across about the same subject....COOL...

The Reason I am Frugal Today: A Little Background

[Fern]

Very touching post, Bookie.

Like him, i acquired my frugal traits from my depression-era grandparents, all immigrants from europe. They were working class people but like the old saying goes, it's not how much you earn, it's how much you save that counts. And they did that pretty well.

Also, life circumstances and necessity tend to strengthen latent frugal habits. There have been years i've had much more disposal income than others, but frugal habits never die.

[Ima saver]

Both my parents went thru the depression. If they wanted something, they saved and payed cash for it. When my father retired from 30 years in the army, they moved to Fla. and paid cash for their house. They also paid cash for their cars. They never had credit ever.
My father died a year and a half later and my mother really struggled. Being born in 1907, women in that generation did not work and she had never had a job.
I never once saw my mother waste money on anything. She never bought herself one single thing after my father died. The bills came first, food was if there was money left over. Our bills were always paid, but my sister and I both got jobs and worked for our school things, clothes, etc. I got a job at a dress shop at age 12 making $3 a day.
I learned how to save then.
As I have mentioned before, when I got married, I was making $1 an hour. I saved as much as I could for a down payment and got my first house (new) at age 21.
My first husband was never on the same page with me when it came to saving, that is why he was my ex!

[mountainmist]

Originally Posted by melissalt

Wow. This post practically brings tears to my eyes. It's so beautiful that it's like a love story about you and your grandparents. I'm so glad you shared this.



************************************************** **

For me, any frugalness I have definitely came from my grandparents as well, and absolutely not from my mother (I think my father would have been frugal, but that's another story!).

.....My grandfather was a prisoner of war in WWII, and I think that changed a lot about his personality. He was an avid couponer and bargain shopper since his fear was running out of food. He was beyond caring about fancy clothes, cars, etc., after experiencing what it was like to just need something -- anything -- to cover your feet or keep you warm. He was not extravagant, and although eventually they had a lot of money, you would not have known it. They lived simply, although they did share a lot of their money with their kids and grandchildren.

I encourage you both to write down all your childhood memories NOW, before they start to fade, and I think both you have such interesting stories and are such good writers that you could have books published about these early experiences in your lives.

[mountainmist]

Originally Posted by melissalt

Wow. This post practically brings tears to my eyes. It's so beautiful that it's like a love story about you and your grandparents. I'm so glad you shared this.



************************************************** **

For me, any frugalness I have definitely came from my grandparents as well, and absolutely not from my mother (I think my father would have been frugal, but that's another story!).

.....My grandfather was a prisoner of war in WWII, and I think that changed a lot about his personality. He was an avid couponer and bargain shopper since his fear was running out of food. He was beyond caring about fancy clothes, cars, etc., after experiencing what it was like to just need something -- anything -- to cover your feet or keep you warm. He was not extravagant, and although eventually they had a lot of money, you would not have known it. They lived simply, although they did share a lot of their money with their kids and grandchildren.

I encourage you both to write down all your childhood memories NOW, before they start to fade, and I think both you have such interesting stories and are such good writers that you could have books published about these early experiences in your lives.

[budgetmom]

Well, my parents always told me it was important to save, but they never did. They taught me all the wrong ways to manage my money, with their actions. ---Feel like going out and partying tonight? Well, go ahead. You can figure out how to pay the rent later./Getting an education's not that important. Just look at me, I'm doing ok and I never even graduated high school!--- That kind of mentality, you know. Now that they are older they have no savings and SS doesn't pay enough to pay off their debt, let alone for them to be able to retire, so they still work. I don't want to be working in a dead end labor job when I'm older and can barely get around with no end in sight. How depressing is that! This realization only came to me just recently when I was talking on the phone with my Dad. I never really thought that much about the fact that he will never be able to afford to stop working. It makes me so sad. I just don't want to end up that way!