lifestyles?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Okay I probably offended someone at work by suggesting this, but honestly, aren't people who are parents more responsible than people who are married or single?

That people with kids have to be more responsible and accountable (typically, bad parents who don't care and abuse their children don't count). But the average parent makes a lot more sacrifices than a single or a married person?

I was commenting on how selfish I am sometimes, and parents make a huge sacrifice. And another DINK was offended that I called our lifestyle selfish. But seriously, my DH and I have a great lifestyle and we enjoy it.

But we make more sacrifices for each other than singles. And people with kids make more sacrifices than we do.

For example last Friday night at 9 pm, our single roomie invited us to weekend in his "friend's" house at the beach. But we couldn't bring the dogs, and they had literally just decided at 9 pm. Um, no. We couldn't just drop everything and do what we wanted.

I mention it because you know people with kids can't just drop everything and do whatever they want, when they want to.

So am I wrong in saying my lifestyle is a lot more selfish and less responsible than if we had a child?

[cptacek]

Maybe the other DINK was responding to how you put it. I bet if you said people who are parents have more responsibilities they would probably agree. But to say one is more responsible than another is a value judgment they don't agree with.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Uht-oh, this might be one of those ten foot pole questions.

Yeah, you might not have worded it the best way. I can see how this opinion could really cause offense.

I'm a parent, but there certainly were some serious responsibilities I took on when single that I took because I was single and someone needed to do it. Things that would have disrupted the lives of married and especially folks with kids. So I did it, because I felt I was freer to give it the time.

I had an incident where the non-parents around me came to me and barred me from my work responsibility one evening because they wanted to protect me as a new parent. It would have involved my having to work with a pregnant mother who had jumped out of a window and we did not know yet whether she and baby were alive, dead, splattered, or whole. Yes, I could have done the work, and it was going to be awful for anyone, but my workmates thought it best that one of them, as a non-parent, do it. That was a sacrifice.

On the other hand, the first thing I thought of when I read your message was how I have seen some people positively transform their lives when they became parents. I've seen a few people act akin to having had a conversion experience when they had a child.

[MaskedMarvel]

I don't think you should judge people by how responsible they are if they have kids or not. How can this be useful for you? I don't have kids and I'm a lot more responsible than some people who have kids.

You are right that when you have kids you can't do everything you like but it doesn't mean if you do what you like that you're not responsible.

[Caoineag]

Parents have a built in responsibility when they have children. That doesn't mean they always live up to it. But just because people don't have children, doesn't mean they don't have other responsibilities.

A lot of times, couples without children are responsible for helping out the extended family and community since couples with children are too busy raising children. Don't forget that other family members are important and require care sometimes as much or more so than children do.

I agree that telling someone that "they are less responsible" because they chose not to have children is more than a little insulting. Especially since you don't know if the reason they chose not to have children was done because they felt it was the more responsible thing to do.

[GRITSinMS]

I think I agree with the other comment - it's all in how you said it. I had to stop and wonder - did you mean financially or overall? I really wouldn't make such a general statement. I wouldn't say singles or marrieds without children are LESS responsible, but rather when you become a parent and your priorities change. Children become the center of your life, naturally creating less "me" time.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I don't have kids, so don't get up in arms. I said it because I feel very selfish and I know it. I can do what I want when I want it.

And I know the parents can't just say let's go get a coffee after work or even at 4 pm because they have to leave at 5 pm to go pick up their kids. I realize they have other priorities and responsibilities.

Does it make my lifestyle wrong? No. I like my life, but I know I am not nearly as responsible. I can go off to a 2 hour lunch with coworkers and leave later to finish work. Parents are not as flexible, and when I said it the parents sitting there agreed.

The singles were offended, but it is the truth and I stand by it. I am in the category as someone with kids and I can tell that I do manage my time and responsibilities differently.

By the way we aren't talking about parents who do crap.

[MonkeyMama]

I am not sure I agree at all. I guess as a standard or a rule of thumb. BUT there are plenty of responsibilities outside of kids, for one. Where I am at in my life I have more freedom and less responsibilities than I have most of my adulthood (though I have 2 small kids). So I don't really identify with what was said. Well, I don't have to go pick up my kids at 5:00. & if I Wanted to go out, I'd go out. (Would be tougher if I were a single mom of course).

I just found the assumptions here interesting because I have a much more simpler lifestyle and flexible work schedule for my kids. It is because of my kids. BUT it also means I have a fair amount of flexibility in my social life as well.

I can think of times in my life which were much harder - like working and college, etc. Kids are a very different type of responsibility, but I personally have a more relaxed lifestyle and more freedom than I have had most of my adulthood.

Certainly single people can have some intense responsibilities and some married people with kids can have a whole lot of free time to do whatever they want.

[Gruntina]

some childless couples or even single couples along with couples with children can be committed to something that takes a lot of their time and discipline such as leaderships role for an organization, careers, setting up a non-profit organization or even missionaries which requires a broad range of responsibilities that one would have to make sacrifice from their daily life style. I am sure there is a lot more out there.

I would not say that couples with children have more responsibility compared with couples with no children or singles with or without children on general term as that would be jumping the gun.