Non-financial ethical question

[disneysteve]

This has nothing to do with finance. Just something that bugs me and I'm curious what others think.

I know a woman who had gastric bypass surgery last year. She has lost a substantial amount of weight, of course, and looks much better than before the surgery. Obviously, people notice the change and comment about it to her. They ask what she did to lose the weight and she doesn't mention the surgery. She just says that she joined a gym and has been working out and watching her diet.

While I understand that she doesn't want to tell everyone her business, I feel like she is lying by the way she answers. Plus, many of the people asking are folks who struggle with obesity themselves and I think she gives false hope and encouragement by leading these people to believe that she lost all the weight on her own.

So what say you? Should she answer honestly or is it okay for her to continue to lie about how she was able to drop the weight?

[Broken Arrow]

I think it's her prerogative how she wants to answer questions regarding her own body.

However, I do agree that it is misleading and could send the wrong messages.

Pragmatically, I don't think there's much that can or should be done, is there?

I do think it is very respectable that you are concerned with matters of honesty. It is one of the fundamental tenets of a good man.

[Spud]

Not much to be done about how this woman answers questions about what is ultimately her health. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with what she is doing. It isn't like she is telling someone she ate 'magic beans' and lost the weight. She obviously did change her diet and added exercise to her life, along with surgical help.

If I were her, I might not want to tell people I had surgery (TMI and/or NOYB depending on circumstances). I might tell people I was on a "medically supervised program that included major diet & exercise changes."

... Posted from someone who has lost 110 lbs on a medically supervised program that included major diet & exercise changes (w/o surgery).

[DebbieL]

Although I'm someone who would just come right out and tell people what I'd had done if that were me, I actually think it may be a good thing that she is telling people that she did it through diet and exercise. Diet and exercise IS a great way to lose weight, and is achievable with effort for almost anyone. I would hate for someone to see my results and think that surgery was the way to go when they could have done something far less drastic. Telling people to improve their diet and exercise is a good thing (I know she isn’t telling them what to do, but they may be inspired to do so based on what they see as her results). She’s not hurting anybody with this omission.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Spud

If I were her, I might not want to tell people I had surgery (TMI and/or NOYB depending on circumstances).

I do agree with you. I don't think she needs to tell everyone she had surgery. It's none of their business. But it also seems wrong to answer the way she answers, which is false.

I'm not sure what a good answer would be that would be truthful without being too much personal information. That's why I posted this.

I also wonder if some people who could really benefit from gastric bypass might be more inclined to do it if they learned that she had done it and done so well. I think that is definitely the kind of procedure that people do largely based on word of mouth and personal exposure to people who have gone through it. Not that it is her job to be the poster child for gastric bypass, but perhaps by answering honestly she could help others in the same situation as she was.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by DebbieL

I would hate for someone to see my results and think that surgery was the way to go when they could have done something far less drastic.

Originally Posted by disneysteve

I also wonder if some people who could really benefit from gastric bypass might be more inclined to do it if they learned that she had done it and done so well.

We're both right, of course. I'm definitely not one to push gastric bypass as a solution. I think it is way overused, but I do think there are people that really need to do it but are afraid to consider it. I think for those folks, the more positive success stories they see and hear, the more they may be willing to think about it for themselves.

[fruitbowlk]

I say don't be ashame of what you do. If you are going to be ashame about it don't do it.

[DebbieL]

Who says she's ashamed? She may feel it's irresponsible to advise others about weight loss surgery (which has many risks involved). She may just feel that her own decisions about her body are nobody else's business. I doubt that she's ashamed of it.

[aukxsona]

I think it's rude for people to ask personally. I would tell them half the story as well. If they don't well me know enough to understand how, then they don't need to know.

[tripods68]

While I agree she wasn't being truthful to herself and perhaps to others, it is her prerogative keep it onto herself when she is ready. After all, its none of our business.

This is sort of related to the topic. But 60 Minutes did an episode not too long ago on the benefit of gastric bypass surgery for morbidly obese. Many where diabetics and on HBP medications. After the surgery they found that majority of them no longer needed treatment for HBP and insulin shots. It simply went away after the surgery. It was an amazing results.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by tripods68

But 60 Minutes did an episode not too long ago on the benefit of gastric bypass surgery for morbidly obese. Many where diabetics and on HBP medications. After the surgery they found that majority of them no longer needed treatment for HBP and insulin shots. It simply went away after the surgery. It was an amazing results.

This is absolutely true. Gastric bypass surgery cures diabetes. It isn't related to the weight loss. It is actually from the surgery itself. Blood sugar drops immediately after surgery even before the patient has lost any weight.

My office staff gets upset because when one of our patients has the surgery, we never see them again so we don't get to see how they look after they lose the weight. Patients who used to come monthly to treat their high blood pressure and diabetes stop coming because they don't need my services anymore. They are no longer being treated for high blood pressure and diabetes. They no longer take any medications.

Surgery isn't the answer for everyone, but it is the answer for some.

[pearlieq]

Given that the way one must eat after gastric bypass would definitely qualify as "watching her diet", and assuming that she has joined a gym and started exercising, I don't see any untruth to what's she saying.

It is, perhaps, not the whole truth, but it's certainly not a lie. And it's more than any random questioner is entitled to.

She is under no obligation to share details of her personal life with anyone who asks, nor does she have a duty to evangelize for gastric bypass surgery.

I think her answer is quite diplomatic. Frankly, she could be telling the rude and nosy people who have the nerve to ask her those kind of personal questions to just buzz off!

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by pearlieq

She is under no obligation to share details of her personal life with anyone who asks, nor does she have a duty to evangelize for gastric bypass surgery.

I think her answer is quite diplomatic. Frankly, she could be telling the rude and nosy people who have the nerve to ask her those kind of personal questions to just buzz off!

Good point. I'm curious, though, do you really think it is rude for someone to say, "You've lost weight. You look terrific. What's your secret?" I think I would take that as a nice compliment, not someone being rude or nosy.

[pearlieq]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

I'm curious, though, do you really think it is rude for someone to say, "You've lost weight. You look terrific. What's your secret?" I think I would take that as a nice compliment, not someone being rude or nosy.

I think it's all in the way that it's phrased. I agree that I would take your example above as a compliment, assuming the person accepted a breezy answer to the "What's your secret?" question and didn't press for details.

Sometimes folks just don't know when to quit, unfortunately. One lady in our neighborhood also recently had gastric bypass, and has just been plagued by virtual strangers grilling her for intimate details. She's confessed that she sometimes feels like a carnival attraction the way people like to gawk and probe. I feel for her.

[Spud]

Originally Posted by disneysteve

Good point. I'm curious, though, do you really think it is rude for someone to say, "You've lost weight. You look terrific. What's your secret?" I think I would take that as a nice compliment, not someone being rude or nosy.

It would be clear from the person's physical appearance whether they wanted/needed help too, or if they were just being nosy. I had people at my gym ask me about my weight loss, and as I'm sure they just meant it as a compliment as someone might say, "Wow that's a great haircut; where do you go?" I would give those people the 'medically supervised' story. People who obviously needed to lose weight too, I would give them the same 'medically supervised' answer, ask if they were looking for a program, and give them more information if they were. Do you know she gives everyone the same canned answer?

And similarly, if you saw an acquaintance who obviously got a face lift, would you say, "Wow you got a face-lift. Looks great. what's your secret?" and assume they would want to tell you all about their recent nip-n-tuck? Would you hope they would share the info about their great plastic surgeon? I don't know. When you start talking surgery ... It's a little personal.

[moneybags]

You know Star Jones?

( For those of you not familiar with the story. Star was a host on The View, had gastric bypass, but kept telling everyone it was pilates & diet. It was debated whether she should have been upfront about her surgery. )

[Exile]

The woman should have realized before the surgery that people would ask her how she lost weight, and aside from health considerations she probably wanted to look better and get those "compliments".

We can't always tell the truth but IMHO lying in this case was unethical. If she didn't want to discuss her surgery, she could have answered curious people with "no comment" or "I'd rather not dicuss it."

[Thrifty Ray]

Please do not take any of this response personal....this is just my rant.

It makes me incredibly sad that there is such stigma tied to a womans weight. I know this is off point of your question, but it irritates me that media feels that any woman over a size 8 is fat...heaven forbid she be over a size 14...heavy women deal with so many stigma's...they are invisible to many, treated rudely, made fun of in the media and feel out of place and uncomfortable most of the time.

Now, on to your question...if a woman has breast inhancement surgery or a facelift..it is basically off limits or tacky to ask...but if a woman loses weight...suddenly she needs to reveal her life story??? Why is that??

I say good for anyone who makes positive changes in their health..and it is up to the individual as to whether they tell or not. She is enjoying a new respect for her body and self...she should be able to enjoy both without predjudice of how she accomplished it. And for all we know, she is eating healthier and exercising to maintain things...applaud her for doing whatever it takes...and leave it at that IMHO.

Off the soapbox. Again, no disrespect intended.

[disneysteve]

Originally Posted by Thrifty Ray

Now, on to your question...if a woman has breast inhancement surgery or a facelift..it is basically off limits or tacky to ask...but if a woman loses weight...suddenly she needs to reveal her life story??? Why is that??

I don't think those things are comparable. If a woman suddenly shows up with big breasts, everyone will know how it happened. If someone who had wrinkles and sagging skin shows up firm and smooth, everyone will know what happened. You don't need to ask.

Weight is different. Plus, 2/3 or more of the population is overweight or obese, so it is a problem that the majority of Americans struggle with. When you see someone who has apparently found a successful solution, I think it is natural to want to know what that solution is and if it could work for you. So I think asking in that situation is different than asking about a boob job.

[noppenbd]

Maybe the distinction needs to be made between someone who is asking just to make a compliment/be polite (or is just nosy) and someone is asking because they need to lose weight.

So if someone says "wow, you look great! I wish I could lose weight like that" then I think it is probably appropriate for the person to explain about the surgery. In my opinion it would be disingenuous to say that it was all due to diet and exercise. On the other hand, to someone who just says "did you lose weight?", I would not feel that it is necessary/appropriate to reveal the surgery. Just my opinion.