I'm afraid.

[papa_squat]

I wouldn't think about refinancing to consolidate your CC debt with your mortage like adstalker suggested. Home equity loans are secured and CCs are not, so why risk losing your home if you can't pay? Also it won't fix your overspending habits, so the CCs will likely mount up again and you'll be back to square one before you know it.

If you need a good way to get your husband on board with the finances, show him the same figures you showed us with the $563 in minimum payments you throw away to the CC companies each month in bold, red type. That is money paying for PAST FUN. It's not so fun paying off the past fun now that you have an extra mouth to feed, and it should be fun for him either.

This should not be your responsibility alone. You are a partnership, so he needs to be on board with the finances and doing everything you're doing to knock out the debt.

I feel you on the lack of energy after work to cook. We'll make up spaghetti sauce, chilli and other bulk, easy-to-freeze-and-thaw-recipes on the weekend. Then all you need to do is thaw it in the microwave/pot/skillet, boil noodles or mix up some corn bread and ta-da! Easy dinner in thirty minutes. If you are the sole cook and you both work full-time, nudge the husband to help out a few times a week by learning a few easy meals (omletes and stir-fries are SO easy). If nothing else, frozen pizzas and Lean Cuisines every now and then aren't bad and they cost a third or less of what you'd pay for take-out.

The motivation for you and your husband should definitely focus on being good role models for your daughter. Children pick up on financial stress younger than you think, and you will pass on habits to her as she grows up. The good news is you have time to get it under control. Have confidence in the fact that your debt is mangageable if you put your mind to it. If worse comes to it, you can work with a credit couneling service to find other manageable options.

[adstalker]

He is not risking his home if he can get the payment down to a more manageble level. Its all about what makes more financial sense. at 30k cc debt he will most likely have a monthly payment thats more than 500 a month. and thats just the minimum payment. thats crazy

[papa_squat]

Originally Posted by adstalker

He is not risking his home if he can get the payment down to a more manageble level. Its all about what makes more financial sense. at 30k cc debt he will most likely have a monthly payment thats more than 500 a month. and thats just the minimum payment. thats crazy

I totally agree with you that their minimum payment is crazy. Making financial sense is one thing, but shifting one debt to another will not change the overspending behavior. Yes, it would lower monthly payments and could be a smart idea for them, but it should be seen as a last resort because of the risk involved. It would make sense if the debt were due to a major emergency like a job loss or medical bills, but it's better for them to focus on communicating and cutting the spending to change the behavior or no lesson will come of it. They need to sit down together and discuss other options so they can manage the debt as well as control the overspending and build up an emergency fund.

[maat55]

Originally Posted by LecMarie

THIS is my problem. I budget idealistically and it doesn't pan out. Then I feel like a total failure. I don't even budget myself fun money anymore, and my husband gets $60 worth of services that he enjoys (well, we both do).

The biggest problem that we have is food. We both work long hours and have stressful jobs, and now with the baby we end up buying groceries with the intent of eating in, but end up getting take out because we're so exhausted by the end of the day. I always regret it so much in the morning but when I'm in that post-work frame of mind, I just can't bring myself to care

There are all kinds of skillet meals that are good, fast and cheap. The important thing is to make a tight strict budget and use some form of snowball plan(smallest to largest balance or highest to lowest interest).

You really need to get your husband to understand your finances and goals in order to succeed.

[tripods68]

Theres light at the end of the tunnel but you+hubby have to be willing to work at it.

We once owed $60K after few years of marriage. We buckled down after few years realizing were heading. Now that balance is around $15K (2nd mortgage $9,800 plus parents borrowed loan $5,400), paid off two cars a while back, while increasing net worth from $12K to $127K today and establishing growing EF, excluding pensions. All done within 5 years.

The biggest thing is to sit down with your hubby to develop a plan, making a commitment by sticking to it in the end.

[adstalker]

Originally Posted by papa_squat

I totally agree with you that their minimum payment is crazy. Making financial sense is one thing, but shifting one debt to another will not change the overspending behavior. Yes, it would lower monthly payments and could be a smart idea for them, but it should be seen as a last resort because of the risk involved. It would make sense if the debt were due to a major emergency like a job loss or medical bills, but it's better for them to focus on communicating and cutting the spending to change the behavior or no lesson will come of it. They need to sit down together and discuss other options so they can manage the debt as well as control the overspending and build up an emergency fund.

we dont even know if he has a house hehe.

But yes I see your point. Another way is to talk to a debt settlement company and have them speak to the CC company on their behalf to see if they can help reduce the debt load. Although taking taking this route will still adversely effect his credit

[Eric80]

I to have struggled with debt and I have not known what to do. I was in nearly 50K worth of debt. I was looking at all options and some of which were not optional for my situation.
I then spoke to some friends and they recommended how a colleague of there's went to a debt management company to help them deal with the payments. I was very much like you and i just could not save! I then went to the debt management company and they helped me out loads and I am now in a position where i am stable and definitely better off. They do take a small fee to help manage my money but I feel that without there help i would be even deeper in debt

[timbuckley10]

As far as your budget goes, I recommend you watch very closely where your unexpected spending is coming from. Record everything you spend for a month and try to account for everything for your next budget. Be honest with yourself when making your budget because the closer you are to reality in regards to your budget, the easier you can predict your spending and thus where you can save more.

[wifeytini]

Originally Posted by LecMarie

I know. It's for her that I am determined to change.

My budget is as follows...

Income- $6034/mo

Rent- $1350 (cheapest we could get that would accept our dogs)
daycare- $1307
SL's (combined)- $547
Insurance- $132 (car/renters/life)
Car (mine is old and paid off)- $380 (paid off next July)
Water- $25
Gas (house)- $32
Electric- Usually around $100
Internet/cable- $115
Phones- $110
Gas/train pass/parking- $300
Netflix/Sirius/Xbox- $60 (these are considered my husbands "fun" money purchases)
Pet insurance- $79 (2 dogs, 2 cats)
Groceries- I budget $450/month but constantly go over

CC's-

Discover- $6600, min payment $135
B of A (closed)- $3800, min payment $66
Capital One- $9200, min payment $160
Wells Fargo- $4500, min payment $147
Best Buy- $2300 (0% interest), min payment $30
HSBC- $700, min payment $25

(in good news, actual CC debt is $2900 lower than I thought.....)

Hey - I totally feel you about the guilt and the fear you are feeling -- I am in a similar situation. I am newly married (about 18 months or so) and we have a four-month-old baby girl. We are deep in student loan debt which is ALL mine, and we are about $40K in the hole. OUCH.

It seems counter-intuitive, but I have actually elected to stay at home with the baby. Hear me out: Right now we live with my parents so we are living rent-free, and our goal is to sock all of our money into debt repayment until we have a down payment on a house saved up for. Not paying rent helps immensely, but staying home with the baby cuts down on a TON of expenses -- I don't work, so we only need one car (which is pre-owned and we paid cash for). We save on gas because I don't drive to a job I don't have, and we also don't have expenses like a second set of parking fees, car insurance for 2 cars, etc. There is also the obvious expense of not having to pay for daycare, which I'm sure you know is extremely expensive. I also have the time/energy to make our meals from scratch, which saves us a ton of $$ because in the days where we both worked, we were a lot like you in that we never had the energy to come home and cook.

Anyway, my point -- it may not be feasible in your circumstance, but having only one person work outside the home saves us an immense amount of money. Because I stay at home and we live rent-free we are able to put most of our income toward debt repayment, and hope to crawl out of this hole in the next few years.

Please don't lose faith! You will NOT be in debt forever, even though I know it seems hopeless some days! Prayers for you!

[Eric80]

i admire how you have admitted this - there is always a solution its just a matter of finding it - i went to a debt advisor where they consolidated my debt -it was probably the best thing i have ever done and I highly recommend it - my life is so much better, but i think that the most important thing is that i am in a better place with it and i am not stressed out about my debt anymore.

[selina_z]

It seems that your baby spends much money every month. Is there any tips or efforts to low down? Or I think your saving plan won't pratise well.

[Angelynne]

Originally Posted by LecMarie

Hello all, I've been lurking for a little while and I'm finally ready to dip my toe in the water here.

I am 28, married, with an 8 month old daughter. My husband and I are nearly 30k in CC debt. God that hurts to type out.

We were married 4 years ago, and both came into marriage with small amounts of CC debt, maybe 5k combined. He grew up in a household that constantly lived beyond their means and where debt was normal. My husband aquired his fathers taste for expensive electronics. I on the other hand grew up in a very financially responsible household- my Father was a serious saver and taught me all about financial planning. My parents lived very frugally my entire childhood, always saving for the future. Well, for my mom that future never came, she died of Colon cancer when she was 35.

Her death (I was 15) set something off in me that I've never been able to shake. I have a VERY hard time sacrificing now for future stability, because I'm terrified that there won't BE a future. I've gone to counseling and it helped for a while but not long term. My H and I aquired 10k of CC debt in the year planning our wedding- intending to pay it off ASAP but then other things that we wanted to do won out. Since then, we've spent money on travelling, a cross country move (I was promoted at work) to a high cost of living area (furthering our problems), and general crap like concerts and eating out.

I KNOW that this is wrong and that we need to get real about paying down our debts. I KNOW how to do it. I create amazing budgets that would get us out of debt within 2 years but can never stick to it because I seem to be completely unable to save. It would have been SO easy to get out of this debt while we were DINKs but now we pay 1300/mo for my daughters day care and only have $400 extra every month (that is gone-always- by the end of the month).

I control our finances becuase my husband knows that I KNOW how to do it and sees the amazing budgets that I make, but he doesn't pay attention otherwise. I tell him that we can't do this or that but then I end up letting him because I feel like a failure because we SHOULD have the money to buy him some shoes or visit a friend but we don't because I suck at controlling our money like I should. I'm afraid to tell him the sorry state of our savings account (nonexistant right now). I'm not hiding anything- he just doesn't ask. As far as he's concerned, if the bills are paid on time, and we're making min. payments, we're OK.

I don't know where to start. How to get out of the hole. I don't know how to tell him that no, actually we can't do this this and this even though it's already been "budgeted" because we need to get out of debt. It doesn't seem to matter much to him though he would begrudgingly go along with it.

Oh, and another issue I have is that I KNOW that if an emergency ever came up, my dad would help me with no questions asked, so I don't ever really have to worry about being homeless or anything like that, but I KNOW that this is a very bad frame of mind.

I'm sorry I wrote a book. Congrats if you made it though! I just needed to get all this off my chest.....

like what you've said you know how to sort things out. but it doesn't seem to me that you're doing things as planned. there are things that are always coming up that you don't expect or something like not included on the plan.

First, you have to accept that you're not being responsible with the budgeting thing. you would not have gone through such situation if you handled it well.

Secondly, it's not entirely your fault that you and your husband are in a mess without him knowing what's the real score. you should tell him immediately such things cause sooner or later, he's gonna know them eventually. and i'm sure you wouldn't want him yelling at you for not telling this and that. you have to tell him that he should also cut down expenses that aren't really necessary.

Third, Obviously you need to come up with a new strategy how to budget your expenses. it's not enough you get to pay the minimum amount everytime. it'll be bigger soon than you expect.

[Eric80]

one of the things you should do is reassess what you really want to achieve? By paying of your debt you will in such a better place. I went to a debt advisor where i managed to consolidate my debt and it has made such a difference, like you i also went home when an emergency can up but it was time that i took responsibility for what i had done - i highly recommend what you are doing and totally understand that it is not easy.