Debt Secrets

[cheapwine]

I have a confession to make. Until about a month ago, my debt was a complete secret to all my friends and family. I actually went to some pretty extraordinary lengths to keep it hidden from all of them. For over five years I pretended that everything was fantastic, that I didn't have the money care in the world, and that everything was perfect. I know that many of my friends would comment about how jealous they were that I didn't seem to have any of the money problems that they did. And the more that they complimented me on this, the more I felt I had to hide what was really going on.

I'm wondering if anyone else who is in debt now or has been in debt in the past has had a similar experience? Did you hide your debt from those around you until it got to the point where there was no way to hide it any longer? Do you think that most people who are in debt keep it as a secret and are afraid to tell anybody about it?

[tan fish]

Originally Posted by cheapwine

I have a confession to make. Until about a month ago, my debt was a complete secret to all my friends and family. I actually went to some pretty extraordinary lengths to keep it hidden from all of them. For over five years I pretended that everything was fantastic, that I didn't have the money care in the world, and that everything was perfect. I know that many of my friends would comment about how jealous they were that I didn't seem to have any of the money problems that they did. And the more that they complimented me on this, the more I felt I had to hide what was really going on.

I'm wondering if anyone else who is in debt now or has been in debt in the past has had a similar experience? Did you hide your debt from those around you until it got to the point where there was no way to hide it any longer? Do you think that most people who are in debt keep it as a secret and are afraid to tell anybody about it?

I don't think its uncommon at all for people to want to avoid disclosing their debt or money problems. Most friends I know who have money problems don't like talking about it. My brother is BADLY in debt and doesn't talk about it. Its just not a pleasant topic for a lot of people, or they worry that people will perceive them as being financially irresponsible, etc. I guess its like anything. People want to be perceived as being successful, happy individuals, when in reality it could be far different...

[bjl584]

It is very common for people to hide their financial troubles. No one wants to be perceived as the person that can't manage their own finances.

[clintdavis]

Hi Cheapwine,

It is very common that people hide their debt problems from those close to them. But I'm glad that you have been able to open up and share your financial struggles. Now you need to get some help, get some accountability, and find someone who can walk with you through the process of paying off your debt and taking control of your money and your life.

Check out our website (listed below in my signature). There's some great blog posts and resources there.

Specifically, check out this post - "You Are Not Alone".

If we can be of any help, let us know. But you can tackle this monster and you can win!

Thanks for sharing!

[dczech09]

Personally, I do not like the idea of keeping debt a secret. The reason why is simply that if you keep it a secret from others, it becomes easier to keep it a secret to yourself.

On the otherhand, if you keep others informed on your debt situation and your goals to pay off the debt, it pretty much makes paying off the debt a priority.

For instance, I just paid off my car loan yesterday. Prior to that, I kept my friends and family "in the loop" as far as my intention to pay off my debt. When I announced that I paid it off, I had a lot of support and praise for my efforts. It keeps me motivated to move on and finish off my student loans and be debt free once and for all.

Ultimately, keeping your close friends and family in the loop can create a support network of people that will keep you focused on your goal... and keep you accountable if you stray away from your plan. There is no reason to keep it a secret.... unless of course you do not plan to do anything about it.

[jerrycates]

I have to agree to people not wanting to divulge sensitive information especially about debts. It is human nature I suppose.

[KatieNK]

It's not just debts, most people keep all the big stuff hidden- like marital problems, even health problems. I know I don't like people feeling sorry for me. When my twins were in the NICU, I painted a much happier picture than it really was.

[Frugal]

Never would want to do that...I think people that hide their debt issue probably have more stress in the long run...

[Ralph Y]

I think this is very common. In fact I think most people hide debt because they are embarrassed about how much they owe or they are in denial about it as well. I was deeply in debt at one time and I was in denial or I kept thinking I could work my way out of it as things would turn around. I suggest you address it asap and get a plan together to start climbing out of that whole because debt can and will ruin your life.

[wincrasher]

I'll throw out a contrary view.

Why do you want to tell people about your personal problems? Certainly you need to be honest and open to your spouse. Unless you are asking for their help or advice, why would you tell the rest of your family or friends?

If you can't afford to do something, then just telling them "I can't afford to do that" should suffice. What benefit is there in telling people your personal business when you aren't expecting them to participate in the solution?

[Eric80]

Debt consolidation is a great way to assess what your situation is and how it can be managed. The problem is that too many people are in this situation and they do not know what to do - I went to the citizen's advice bureau and they suggested that I went and spoke to a company that specialises in giving advice on how to manage debt.

[debtmediators01]

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