Fiancee Debt

[BlackDiamond]

I would not become legally tangled up with someone who had that much debt. I am postponing my own wedding because my fiance is 100K underwater on a house he co-owns (that we can't live in) and facing a lawsuit. Sometimes, it's best to put romance aside and think about the legal implications this could have for you both.

[Offshore82]

Originally Posted by BlackDiamond

I would not become legally tangled up with someone who had that much debt. I am postponing my own wedding because my fiance is 100K underwater on a house he co-owns (that we can't live in) and facing a lawsuit. Sometimes, it's best to put romance aside and think about the legal implications this could have for you both.

Wow, and he is still with you? "Honey I want to spend the rest of my life with you but your real estate has tanked like everyone else's in the country has so we will need to hold off on getting married until you can show me that your net worth has risen"

Makes sense..............

[BlackDiamond]

Originally Posted by Offshore82

Wow, and he is still with you? "Honey I want to spend the rest of my life with you but your real estate has tanked like everyone else's in the country has so we will need to hold off on getting married until you can show me that your net worth has risen"

Makes sense..............

Anyone who marries a person with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt is just asking for fights about money. You don't have to sign a piece of paper to love someone.

Yes he is still with me and we're quite happy. I really don't care about his net worth but I care about the fact that he can't pay one single dime towards our rent or mortgage, he can't pay a dime to our food/life budget because every penny he makes goes to this worthless piece of property that we can not even reside in.

Unlike you, offshore, I am not cool with a spouse who doesn't pay their share of the bills. I have too many girlfriends who support men that don't contribute and I will not marry someone and be the only breadwinner. No self respecting person should.

He also realizes that he is a financial liability to me. In the event of his death, god forbid, I would be stuck with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and he would never want that. So he agrees it is best that we hold off on becoming legally entangled until he gets his financial world in order.

The OP of this post should really think long and hard before he marries someone with that amount of debt. Discuss what you would do in the event of death or divorce. These are things that need to be thought about BEFORE you marry the person.

[ktmarvels]

Originally Posted by BlackDiamond

Unlike you, offshore, I am not cool with a spouse who doesn't pay their share of the bills. I have too many girlfriends who support men that don't contribute and I will not marry someone and be the only breadwinner. No self respecting person should.

I understand where you are coming from and can see this is a personal "hot button" for you. If not marrying is working out for you and your boyfriend I'm happy for you. I understand you are personally struggling with your finances, so adding someone who cannot contribute could feel more like a burden. However, saying no self respecting person should marry someone and be the only breadwinner is alienating a lot of people. Many, MANY families have situations where one spouse or the other is unable to work, chooses not to work (stay-at-home), or cannot find a job. They have to rely on their spouse's income to live. My husband is the only income earner while I'm in school. When we have kids, I'll probably work and he'll stay home with the kids. We both knew this was going to happen when we got married. If we had to wait until we both had jobs and could contribute financially, we frankly would have broken up a long time ago...and I kind of like my husband and marriage.

As far as the OP goes, I think he needs to figure out the immigration issue before they get married (or be sure the marriage will solve those issues), then focus on her getting a job. If he needs to make a payment every once and a while in the meantime, so be it.

[BlackDiamond]

Yeah it is a very hot button issue for me. Sorry but I know at least FIVE women right now who are supporting men who don't contribute, or men who have been so irresponsible in their past that they have no money now.

And to be fair to the genders, I know at least two men who are supporting able bodied women who don't work and really should be. In one situation, they are trying to get food stamps so she won't have to work. Um... my taxes are going to pay for that so yeah, it is a hot button issue.

Staying home is a luxury and if you need my tax money to do so, you better not even think about it.

"They have to rely on their spouse's income to live."

If that's what people want to do, and they can afford it, that's up to them. To me, personally, that is not a partnership. It's one person leeching off the other. I would never do it and I would never let someone do it to me. I'm not saying the contributions have to be 50/50 since usually one makes more than the other. But it should be balanced.

The only way I could see a person staying home is if they had small kids because the cost of daycare is so high. But once the kids are in school, if the family needs money the stay home parent should get at least a part time job.

Again, I've seen too many of my gf's get stuck. One right now, she only makes about 35K a year (poverty where we live) and she is paying their rent, utilities, buying their food, paying for his car repairs (she doesn't even have a license) and even paying some of his child support and alimony. All of his pay goes to child support, alimony and his debt. Unbelievable. This girl is miserable and talks about wanting to leave him every day. I don't know why she doesn't.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I don't think the original poster needs to worry that if he marries this person with high student debt that he might be stuck with it all by himself should she die. I don't think student debt is inheritable.

[BlackDiamond]

Originally Posted by Joan.of.the.Arch

I don't think the original poster needs to worry that if he marries this person with high student debt that he might be stuck with it all by himself should she die. I don't think student debt is inheritable.

That's a good point. I haven't had student loans in years so I don't know much about how that works. But I do know most debt will transfer to the surviving spouse in the event that one dies.

It's morbid but something people need to discuss before they get married.

[poundwise]

Originally Posted by Offshore82

Wow, and he is still with you? "Honey I want to spend the rest of my life with you but your real estate has tanked like everyone else's in the country has so we will need to hold off on getting married until you can show me that your net worth has risen" Makes sense..............

First of all, your re-wording presents things differently than the earlier poster.

Next, the bottom-line is that, in fact, it makes more sense than people saying that factors like family, religion, and money don't matter because we are in love.

I believe in love and romance myself, however, love is much more than just a romantic feeling and marriage is a commitment. It is a fool who leaps into a commitment without consideration for other factors besides how one feels.

Lots of people who were, once, head-over-heels in love are now divorced from the one they "wanted to spend the rest of their life" with.

[BlackDiamond]

Originally Posted by poundwise

First of all, your re-wording presents things differently than the earlier poster.

Next, the bottom-line is that, in fact, it makes more sense than people saying that factors like family, religion, and money don't matter because we are in love.

I believe in love and romance myself, however, love is much more than just a romantic feeling and marriage is a commitment. It is a fool who leaps into a commitment without consideration for other factors besides how one feels.

Lots of people who were, once, head-over-heels in love are now divorced from the one they "wanted to spend the rest of their life" with.

*applause*

The way I see it….most couple's fight over money. It's the leading cause of divorce. So OBVIOUSLY money matters.

When you marry the person you are madly in love with, you are not just madly in love with them but also now legally bound to them financially for the rest of your life. This means any debt they bring into the marriage has to be considered. In fact, they suggest pre-nups for couples where one has signifigantly more debt than the other.

I have about $12,500 on a personal loan. If I get hit by a bus the week after we get married, I do not want the person I am madly in love with to be stuck with that debt.

And the person I am madly in love with has close to $180,000 worth of debt (including what he is upside down on the house) and does not want me to be stuck with that if something should happen to him.

In my personal situation, the person I am madly in love with is trapped in a co-ownership situation with a lawsuit attached to it all surrounding a home we can not live in together. This home eats up his entire salary, thus leaving me responsible for all of our household bills together if we proceed with our marriage now and leaving me legally partially liable for a home I will never even set foot in. In the event that he loses the lawsuit, the judge can take my income into account when determining how much my fiance has to pay monthly towards the settlement.

Loving someone enough to marry them means sometimes putting the future ahead of the current. In our situation, it makes no sense for our long term goals to marry now. I could barely afford to support us, and it would hurt both of us if the judge was taking both our incomes into account for a settlement. If we moved in together now, we would not be able to save any money. Right now, living apart, I can continue splitting bills with a roommate while I stash money aside in savings for my future with my fiance. I am giving up having a wedding and honeymoon in order to make sure our future together is secure.

We are not any less in love in the meantime.

How is what I am describing not devotion and love? I think it shows a lot more devotion and consideration than just jumping in now and saying WHO CARES ABOUT REALITY, WE LOVE EACH OTHER!

And I'm sure that the years we had to wait won't even phase us when we're 75 and enjoying financial freedom.

[mdcrim]

You could always get an ample life insurance policy to cover outstanding debts. My husband and I both have enough life insurance to pay off the mortgage with enough left over for a decent cushion for the other person. This insurance doesn't cost much (about $600 per year for everything).

Granted, the life insurance doesn't take effect until the other person dies so it really doesn't help with current situations.

[christine quast]

First of all do not do anything until you figure out the visa issue. You do not want to get married and have problems with her being legal to work in the US and live here. Then once she gets a valid visa so there will not be any problems with her being asked to leave or not being able to work.
The next issue is that once she gets a valid visa then she needs to find a job. This will tell you what she can contribute to paying back her loans. You may even need to wait to get married until she does find a job so you know she will pay back her loans. Whether you decide to support her while she pays back her debt it up to you. You should not however help pay back her debt, this is hers and hers alone. You should not be held responsible for a debt that was not yours to begin with. Any debt you accumulate while being married is shared between you two but this is before your marriage.
The last point i would make is that you should, and i know this is totally unromantic, but you should have a prenuptial agreement stating that this is her debt and in case of divorce or death it will not fall to you to take care of it. I know this seems extreme but you have to put yourself first in this situation because you are debt free and she has over 100k in debt. This makes it that you are wealthier than her so you need to act like you are. If she loves you then she will understand and will agree that she would never want to burden you will this mound of debt anyways.