I dont know what to do with my debts.

[LuxLiving]

I applaud your efforts at getting a new plan together.

However, in your working on clearing this old debt, do consider taking some serious time & noodling to understand how and why you ended up in such a tight spot. My thoughts are you'll find yourself right back in the same place again if you don't understand and correct the root problems.

And to clear up any possible misunderstanding, I did not mean to imply that your boyfriend give you money to help you with your problems, but to give you some tips and advice on budgeting and how he's able to stay debt-free and how he got to that understanding of the financial world.

I think it might actually draw you two closer together. He may have some long-term financial goals and dreams that are really big-time fun for him that he's saving towards. I'd say it might be a case of you two opening up to each other would let you find out for sure if you might be long-term mates or not. Perhaps you can bring some 'fun-as-we-go-along' to the table that he hasn't considered before now. This might be the case of 2 + 2 = 10 in the romance department. Each of us has strengths and weaknesses that when put together w/anothers can make a super whole!

Why not give him the benefit of the doubt and try to be a bit more transparent and tell him how you're feeling? You may be pleasantly surprised.

Keep us posted.

[msnln]

I would consolidate your cc balances with high rates into HELOC if you have open lines since this will bring your interest expense down substantially. With 0% or teaser rate cards, I would just pay minimums and on the day promo rates end, transfer the balance to the HELOC. With all the money you have set aside to pay credit card, pay HELOC.

HELOCs have variable rates which are mostly tied to prime rate and prime rate is at historic low of 3.25%. However, when the rates start going up, which can happen over the next year or two, rates on your HELOC will move up very quickly and your monthly payments can quickly double or more. Also, HELOC payments will be interest only for initial period (usually 10 years) and after that, payments will become similar to mortgage payment and you will need to pay principal as well. From quick calculation, you are paying 4% interest on your equity line or prime + 0.75%. Prime can easily move up to 8-9% range and if prime moves to 8%, your monthly payment will shoot up to $1,808. I would try to see where you can trim and cut expenses pay down HELOC ASAP.

[CCFREEDOM]

Lovcom...I am still way behind from having my finances in order. I think our money situation and his plans for his money in the future will eventually break our relationship.

I sometimes wonder how much money is enough money for him. In spite of the fact that he gets a very nice retirement $10,000, and has closed to a million saved..he is is extremely careful with his money to the point that his home has not been updated, his clothing and there doesnt seem to be any extra money to do fun things except things that would not cost you any money or very cheap hotels or motels that you drive to....so there is no thought of a nice vacation. I do want to be financially secure and want to get to a point that I could plan something nice for myself and enjoy life while I am still in this planet. I am working on that. I do believe that there is a point where you can say... I've worked very hard and I deserve to enjoy the fruit of my labor..not my children when I die.

Anyway...I am really working very hard on myself and maybe meeting this person has helped me in some ways about my money situation.

[wincrasher]

There is a point where you enjoy your "fruits". Most people want them before they are ripe to be picked.

Old habits are extremely hard to break. It's the same problem a spendthrift has, just in reverse. You can't expect a guy who has been frugal his whole life to just start spending money. Plus, to alot of people, a remodeled house or a nice hotel is just not important to them.

But he may just be cheap. Don't think you are going to change him. Lots of women think they can change their man and most end up very unhappy.

[CCFREEDOM]

Thank you wincrasher. Yes he is cheap. Having a real hard time deciding to end this based on that...In the meantime, I have to deal with my own debt repayments and it would probably be better if I am alone while trying to do this. No one to judge me which is what I am afraid he would do.

[lovcom]

Originally Posted by CCFREEDOM

Thank you wincrasher. Yes he is cheap. Having a real hard time deciding to end this based on that...In the meantime, I have to deal with my own debt repayments and it would probably be better if I am alone while trying to do this. No one to judge me which is what I am afraid he would do.

CCFreedom, here is another angle I present here: Why do you see marraige as a goal? Why not keep things as is? You've got your place, he's got his. No cominled funds, no shared assets, liabilities, etc.

Leave marriage for those young people that want to start a family. I doubt you want that, am I right? You don't have to get married to have a companion, and you can give each other power of attorney if life-ending circumstances arise.

And never hold his cheapness against him....this is often a good thing, and frankly, if you were more "cheap" yourself, you'd not be in the predicament you find yourself today.

The good news is that you can be happy and fullfilled being with your BF without marriage....marriage is not going to make him or yourself stay loyal....marriage after the child baring years is just a way for one person to get half of the other's appriciated value on their assets....of course there are religious reason that would compel someone to marry later in life as opposed to having pre-marital fun in the sack...but that reason aside, I suggest you and most of us would be a lot happier staying single, even if we're attached to a significant other.

Look at Goldy Hawn and what's his name (Kurt Russel)...they never married yet had children together, and they never lived together...they chose to keep separate residences (side by side in Malibu), and their relationship has lated decades....the problem with marriage IMHO is the living together part...the cominling of funds, etc...and perhaps during the child raring years this is fine but after that phase in life, I find no reason to get married, and I find myself happier then most married couples....life is good detached ;-)

I suggest you stop looking at marriage as a personal goal...and replace that goal with this one: Personal Happiness...

[CCFREEDOM]

Lovcom. I think I am walking out of the so called relationship...It is too stressful to have this type of relationship and deal with my own money situation. I am going to wait a bit and find someone who can at least appreciate to have some fun with the fruit of his labor rather than keep saving it for when he dies. This is not about having fun once in awhile or having fun in the sack either..he had some major surgery and is unable to for the time being. We cant go to a movie, a play or a nice vacation...so when does the fun part begin?

Last week he picked me up in one of his old beat up Ford Escort (small car to save on gas) and had the never to tell me how he saw his daughter and her boyfriend driving her brand new car that he bought her this summer. The boyfriend was driving it. So I guess I dont deserve much, not even for him to drive his newer model economy car. We dont go to the movies..but he can go and buy gift certificates for his daughter to go. He now insist on driving me around in this car....and we date on a budget..last night was my turn to pay for dinner.. I cant do that anymore with someone that has well over a million in the bank.

Anyway I was up all night and I was thinking that perhaps the best thing to do is file for BK...get rid of the credit cards and the equity lines of credit and get a brand new start. I need to plan for my retirement and I am not getting any younger and possible be alone the rest of my life. I cant even save any money now with the properties and the balances have not gone down at all in the last 4 years. I dont know if and when real estate will pick up again so that I can sell.

Anyway..having a bad day today.

[lovcom]

Sorry you're havinga bad day.

Sorry your BF has no ideas about romance. Your last post gave me more info that brings a bit more perspective. I think his problem is more about lacking romance then being cheap because a man can be romantic and keep a woman happy without blowing the bank on her.

As to his daugther, sorry say but his kids should mean more to him then you, and this must always be the case. A significant other can be replaced anda re commodities but children are never commodities. I have two daughters and I bought them brand new cars, but I would never do that for my GF, and frankly I want all my wealth to go to my children and never my sig other....significant others must never be placed on the same high level as one's children.

Don't get mad but I sense a bit of entitlement in your words....do correct me if I'm wrong, but at the end of the day the BF should never be expected to give you a bail out or even a little bit of help financially, even after a possible marriage. His wealth should go entirely to his offspring.

Often women in financial trouble (not talking about you) will seek out a rich man to bail them out and "in he name of love", and these women have profound entitlement.

If this BF of yours lacks romance, then can his sorry a$$, but if this biggest issue is that he does not want to chip in to help your financial cause, don't hold that against him.

If I were you I would not go the BK route, at least yet. Too often "fresh starts" are more like ball and chain going on 10 years....that is too much time to be marked....I would suggest you (1) get some roommates going, (2) sale all your valuables, even the ones you have bonded and fell in love with, and (3) determine if there is a certification program or something that you can earn at night school or community college that could help you increase your earnings, (4) brainstorm ideas that will cause your business to increase sales 50% or more...it's very possible that your salvation lays within your mind right this very moment...evoke those ideas and set yourself free...

Now you can dump the current BF, however what makes you think a future high quality guys is going to be any more giving and generous to you? I'm 49 and the last thing I will ever do is give my sig a dime and the micro second she even looks to have some sort of entitlement, she is gone in 60 seconds....

Be your own Awesome Guy in your Life...

[ktmarvels]

I understand having a bad day and wanting to throw in the towel, but lovcon is right, bankruptcy is not the quick fix most people think it is. Besides, you can become debt free! Your income is great, just make some cuts here and there, and throw every possible cent toward your debt, and you'll get there. In a previous post you mentioned having 2500 to put toward debt. THAT'S AMAZING! You will be able to become debt free.

If you need help brainstorming (or venting, or whatever), just know we are here to help.

[LuxLiving]

Besides the real estate you have basically 55,000.00 in debt. If you lived on half of your income and paid the other half down on debt? You'd be free of that debt in a years time.

I'm sorry, tell me again, why do you need to declare bankruptcy??

Yes, the houses might take a lot longer to pay off, but still, supposedly your income can cover the payments if they aren't rented out.

I'm confused.

What gives?

[CCFREEDOM]

Thank you guys. I didnt get to read your posts till now as I havent been able to see the latest posts (some technical problems).

Yes, I was having a bad day the other day and the more I think about the more I think BK is a bad idea.

Lovcom, I dont want my BF's money and one day real estate will go up and I will probably have as much as he does. I do lack romance in my life and feeling like he can spare a few dollars here and there to make me feel special..that is all I want. I am not a golddigger by any means..But lets supposed something happened to him while I was married, and I didnt have anything, I cant even count on his pension to survive. We dont go to any fancy restaurant, we rent $1 movies and we dont get away unless I pay my share which is impossible because I need to pay my bills. I always pay some of the meals or cook at home. I just have a very cheap man in my life that I need to get rid of.

So I am on a budget and careful now where I spend my money and it sure wont be paying some rich boyfriend's dinner.

Thanks....I will continue to post just to get your perspective since I am on plan to get rid of my debts and you guys are very knowledgable.

[LuxLiving]

That's good news on no bankruptcy -

Love yourself enough to get your financial life in order!!

Go YOU!

[lovcom]

Originally Posted by CCFREEDOM

Thank you guys. I didnt get to read your posts till now as I havent been able to see the latest posts (some technical problems).

Yes, I was having a bad day the other day and the more I think about the more I think BK is a bad idea.

Lovcom, I dont want my BF's money and one day real estate will go up and I will probably have as much as he does. I do lack romance in my life and feeling like he can spare a few dollars here and there to make me feel special..that is all I want. I am not a golddigger by any means..But lets supposed something happened to him while I was married, and I didnt have anything, I cant even count on his pension to survive. We dont go to any fancy restaurant, we rent $1 movies and we dont get away unless I pay my share which is impossible because I need to pay my bills. I always pay some of the meals or cook at home. I just have a very cheap man in my life that I need to get rid of.

So I am on a budget and careful now where I spend my money and it sure wont be paying some rich boyfriend's dinner.

Thanks....I will continue to post just to get your perspective since I am on plan to get rid of my debts and you guys are very knowledgable.

So then the real issue is that your BF does not provide romance, so get rid of him.

Perhaps he is using you for good times in the sack and it don't cost him much....he has taken you for granted and he has stopped wooing you.

Send him packing....find someone that has his financial house in order AND is romantic...they do exist....you're issues are a lot smaller then you think ;-)