Compulsive Debtor

[questions]

I am a spouse whose husband is a compulsive debtor, seeking help from others who are going though the same experience.

I will likely seek a divorce, but also need to come to terms with the damage my husband's behavior has caused.

Any ideas how I should do this?

[creditcardfree]

Contact debtors anonymous. I'm sure they have resources or suggestions for spouses. Counseling is also a good idea...alone and together, if he is willing.

[EEinNJ]

My advice is first to protect yourself financially and limit any further damage. Set up your own accounts if you haven't already, and close any joint ones (or take out your half). This will give you a feeling of control, when your spouse is out of control.

Someone who is a compulsive spender or debtor might have an addiction, or maybe they just don't have the skills and inclination to deal with money. The first you can't fix, they have to. The second, you can help with.

A therapist said to me once there are people who are careful with money, and then there are people who couldn't be bothered with balancing a checkbook, and think anyone who dies with more than 20 dollars is a damn fool.

Divorce doesn't have to be the answer, but it would be a good idea to talk to a GOOD lawyer (not just a quickie divorce lawyer) to find out what your situation is.

The perspective I would add is (without knowing how much damage has been done for how long) money is not the most important thing in life, and perhaps there are otherwise good things about your marriage.

Let us know how it goes- I could use some help with this topic, too.

[PetMom]

As a couple you can be held jointly liable for any debt incurred by one of you.

Does he even admit he has a problem with this.

Have you expressed your concern and maybe looked into credit counseling.

Some marriage therapists specialize in financial/marriage counseling.

If you having loving marriage and want to stay with him that would be a shame to have such a strain on it because of a mountain of debt he may not be able to control incurring.

[lizzy_09]

I would also like to know if your husband had acknowledge his flaw of being a compulsive debtor? Disagreements about expenses sometimes comes up in marriage. Don't let that be a reason to get a divorce.

PetMom is right, look for a therapist and discuss how, as a couple, you can deal with this circumstances.