[b4freedom]

I think that it depends on the type of wedding. If they invite everyone, I doubt it's a “big” deal, so you can decline and not give a gift (although a congratulatory card in the mail is still appropriate). If it's a big giant wedding with the whole church, then a big giant gift probably isn't appropriate.

It's funny, I know a family from the Midwest. They never went to a Northeast wedding. They're really rich and were invited to a wedding recently. They were shocked when they realized that their $20 gift wasn't nearly nice enough and that everyone was in formal attire and that the meals probably cost $200 per person. The wife sent the husband home in a hurry to put on his suit and get the check book. They had never seen anything like it. Most weddings that they'd been to were semi-casual and without fancy five course meals.

Everyones concept of a wedding is different. If there is no RSVP, then it's probably nothing fancy and your expectations are too high. It never hurts to ask...

Also, nobody gets rich off of weddings (except maybe the vendors). I had a big, fancy wedding. My two S-I-L, who had never seen anything like it and were shocked, said to me after words, “We want new weddings. You must have gotten rich off of your wedding.” Um, no! Not even close.