[Dido]

Hmmm, interesting to see that *most* people here are saying that no, their friends are *not* frugal.

I would say that most of my friends--at least the ones I'm socializing with these days--are frugal. I do have several "work friends" from a former job who are much less frugal than I am, whom I still talk to occasionally and consider friends, but whom I don't actually go out with much these days.

The friends whom I socialize with these days are frugal in the "simple living" sense--they are people who are concerned in living in line with their values. Most of these people are either already at or nearing retirement and have had well-paying careers, and most of them have considerably more discretionary income than I do. What this means is that when we socialize, most often we do things that are fun and don't cost a lot--potluck dinners, blueberry picking in the mountains, going for walks or bike rides, having a knitting group. But because my friends have more income, they'll talk about their world travels--something I would love to do, but can't afford to at the moment--and occasionally events come along which I am invited to but can't afford. Once I was invited to go along when a friend of my friends was doing a show at a local restaurant. Nobody thought to mention to me that there was a $45/per person price fixe dinner that went along with the event! That's an amount of money which my friends can afford to spend for dinner that I cannot. I remember to ask about associated costs now before making a commitment! Because my friends' income is more than mine, I have to think about costs more than they do. But those kinds of events come along rarely.

On the opposite side, I have considerably more discretionary income than my boyfriend does, and I know that this generates the same kinds of tensions in the other direction. But it's been very helpful to me in downscaling. In particular, one of my passions is dining out at ethnic restaurants. I press DBF much less to go out to these than I used to. And while the first year we were together, we bought each other more spendy gifts (I spent about $160 and he spent about $40), now we pretty much just agree to set aside a bit more time to spend with each other and forgo the gift exchange altogether. The best thing he can do for me is to help me with (and teach me how to do!) minor home repair/maintenance that I would otherwise have to hire a handyman to do, and in return, I do his taxes every year and cook for him a lot more often than he cooks for me. (I'm glad we had that first year, though: the $160 was for a thick down comforter and duvet cover set which he'll be using for the 10th winter this coming year....definitely a big improvement in his comfort level and a large expense well worth the price!