[BCHGRL]

Perhaps I missed this, but if you live in close proximity, you can help without loaning money.

Firstly, if you feel that she needs the $10K that was given to you as a gift, you may want to reconsider paying it back (even if it was intended as a gift, now you know she wasn't in the position to pay for it.)

I agree that this is your MIL so your hubby won't let her go hungry. If you live close by, you can cook for her frequently or take food to her home. Offer to buy her groceries. Offer to pay for her own personal needs such as medications, etc. You'll have to work out some sort of arrangement (going to the pharmacy with her, etc.) to ensure that the funds are not blown. No, you won't make a big dent in the debt, but you'll sleep at night.

It sounds that his family needs counseling also. Have a "come to Jesus" meeting (as we say in the south) where you explain that the problem is bigger than the current debt and you her and her sons to get a fresh new perspective on life.

As for the BILs, explain to your MIL that you cannot help financially until they are responsible for their debts. The sad part of this situation is that there are 2 able-bodied people who have the power to completely change the situation by taking responsibility. If she won't make them responsible, well then, you might as well throw your money away before giving it to her to indulge her adult children.

Good luck! It doesn't sound easy. I often worry about having to bail my parents out too. Fortunately, neither myself or my brother are a financial drain, but when I see my parent's spending habits sometimes I literally have to bite my upper lip not to say something about it. God knows I love them, but I worry about how little they have saved over the years.